No Requiem
by Mileycfan4eva
Summary: We call them the Shadows hidden behind the buildings. skin, bones trying to be unseen but wanting to be seen. We spit on them we shame them but do we ever ask. What do millions of American homeless teens face? Can love overcome all their pain? Can they be saved? One Tree Hill Crossover.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

 **Location: Chicago, Illinois**

 **Date: Friday April 28th 2017**

" _Hellomy name is…._ I paused to take a few deep breaths looking around the room filled with teens who all thought they were there for a support group. They had no idea that this was a front for a prostitution ring. Even with the air on I was still sweating shaking slightly from the chills running up and down my spine. My eyes scanned the room discreetly.

Fold out chairs in the middle of the room twenty-five to thirty-five faces all looking bored. Some sleeping some rolling their eyes a few were focused on me mildly paying attention. None of them here by choice instead ordered by Judge Devin QuarterMaine. He wasn't the leader of this ring no that was 29 year old Miguel Rodriquez who was pacing up and down the floor, checking out the kids he spotted out the weaker ones usually the girls. He befriended them got them to trust them and when he had them under his thumb he sold them to the highest bidder.

Every week he held three meetings Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays. Every Friday was the auction. Besides the kids in the room were the buyers posing as guest speakers, they were from all walks of life. Doctors, Lawyers, Priests, Judges, Actors, Construction workers, Accountants.

I've been undercover for over two weeks now I've gotten Miguel to trust me throwing compliments on me, he bought me presents showered me with affection. Tonight I was to be sold my throat felt tight my stomach had butterflies beating wildly trying to stretch their wings which were being confined to the lining of my stomach. These bitches really wanted out to because I had to swallow several times against the rising tide of vomit.

Why was I so nervous? I've done hundreds of undercover jobs since becoming a cop, sure some had gone wrong but each time I came out on top taking down the bad guys. Yet tonight I had a really bad feeling in my gut which had little to do with the nausea. I trust my gut it's gotten me through a lot of tough shit. I've lived enough of harshness in this life to know that when my body is picking up on a bad feeling I need to listen.

I couldn't just bail not when I looked out seeing these innocent eyes staring back at me. These kids have seen the worst some of them have done pretty horrible things, they wouldn't have been sent to Judge QuarterMaine if they were straight A honor students who listened to mommy and daddy. Yet they were still kids who had no idea they were about to be victims in a cruel game being driven by sick ass twisted minded adults,

Zoey Aideen she's 16 she had come to us begging for help four weeks ago. I had arrested her six weeks ago for solicitation and possession. She didn't want help at first not till she found out her family was looking for her missed her wanted her back no matter what she had done. That's when she told us about this meeting about how she was sent here.

Zoey had runaway from home three years ago after her parents forbid her to date a cute boy in her class, saying she was too young. She wanted to prove to them she was old enough to take care of herself so she ran away stole money from her moms purse got on a bus from Springfield to Chicago.

She lived on the streets for months before she was arrested for stealing from Macy's she had the misfortune of getting Judge QuarterMaine who sent her here where Miguel took to her like a moth to a flame. She was scared lonely hungry and tired so she bought his charm compliments. She was sold within two weeks to a doctor.

She's become one of Miguel's best girls. Now however she's scared she found out three weeks ago she was pregnant she wants a better life for her child, she doesn't know how to make it though.

Calm yourself Erin she's counting on you. My hand slide over my stomach I know her fear. Being pregnant it's wonderful if your ready terrifying if your not. My eyes found Detective Jay Halstead in the crowd posing as a buyer, his eyes stayed with mine for a moment we may be broken up my mind knew it, my heart however didn't care it still beat insanely when I saw his sexy eyes, heard his laugh. I was completely in love with Jay even if I would never be good enough for him. Relax Erin relax your not the kid you use to be your a grown up now with an amazing job one your excellent at. You've saved many kids before you can do this again. Deep breath ignore the bad feeling the flutter in your stomach the urge to pee.

My eyes landed on the rest of my team Officer Kevin Atwater who was posing a bouncer by the door with a pick in his mouth chewing on it. He nodded at me his eyes trying to reassure me. Detective Alvin Olinsky who's basically my uncle he was closer to me sitting in one of the chairs his posture relaxed left foot resting on the back of a chair right across his left knee.

He was pretending to look at his phone yet his eyes were scanning for every little detail. Officer Kim Burgess who was posing as a teen with a drug habit she was shaking as she sat in her seat getting Miguel's attention.

Her eyes reassuring me I could do this. Outside by the exits were Sargent Hank Voight my father figure. Antonio Dawson on lend from the state's attorney's office with his partner Laura Nagel posing as bouncers. If it wasn't for Hank I wouldn't be here today. I would be just another statistic a throwaway kid who got caught in the viscous world of the streets. The way many of these kids would be if we didn't do our jobs today.

Taking a deep breath I kept going one look from Olinsky I knew it was time. Glancing to Officer Adam Ruzek who was posing as a buyer. Show time Erin smile breath deep and look vulnerable.

Easy to do when I thought about my life before Hank. That was then though this was now, now I was.

" _My name is Catrina Jay I am fifteen and I am… "A Rat!_ " The cry came from a ten year old Chris Shelton shit I felt my stomach tighten _"She's a cop!"_ Chairs scattered my eyes locked with Chris. I had arrested his mom three months ago he was angry at the system that had him in yet another foster home.

I reached for my gun seconds too late as I felt Miguel grab my hair yanking me back his arm wrapped around my throat cutting off oxygen. I couldn't scream as I felt the gun press against my head. " _No one enjoys killing Rats I mean cops more than I do!" "Anybody moves this bitch dies"_

 **A/N So most of this story will focus on Erin's time as a street kid. Something we know very little about which means her character may seem a little AU. I'm trying to portray the life of a street kid as real as I can without ever knowing what it feels like to be in their shoes. Please pay close attention to the top of each chapter for the dates and character p o v/ Some chapters will told in Essay forms.**

 **Thank you for reading reviews are always welcome. So what is everyone feeling towards Sophia Bush possibly leaving Chicago PD?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Trudy Platt**

Thirty-five years that's how long I have been a cop. If I could use one word to describe the job, how I feel about it. That word would be.

Obsession

If you think about the word what it means it can be applied to many times many events or feelings in our lives. Obsessions it's the state of being obsessed with someone or something so deeply so all consuming it becomes a grip so tight it suffocates you.

As cops were obsessed with bringing justice to a world filled with so many wrongs. This job is a roller coaster of emotions, it's not for the weak in stomach or mind.

Each day starts like any day for anybody our alarm blares, we groan, curse we fumbled from our half awake state tangled in covers, body parts to shut the annoying intruder up. We wish for just a few more minutes of peace because we know once our day starts we won't find many moments like this. Finally we crawl out of bed still half asleep we make the coffee as we shower dress breathe in the aroma of the now ready coffee, we get our kids up if we have any we feed our pets argue with our spouse.

Eventually you kiss your spouse tell your kids to be good promise to see them later tonight, you get in your car or catch the train maybe walk to the office. That's when your day changes, as you strap on your ballistics vest, tie your boots up zip up your uniform your no longer just Trudy Platt, Erin Lindsay or Gabriella Dawson, Now your Sargent Trudy Platt, Detective Erin Lindsay Or Paramedic In charge Gabriella Dawson.

You've sworn to serve to protect it's your oath one you swear you'll hold up even if it means it's your last call you'll ever respond to. As officers, Paramedics, Firefighters we rush into dangerous situations where most people run from.

Most people couldn't do our jobs we don't do it for the glory the TV time or the fame. We do it because we want people to feel safe in their own homes, on their streets. It becomes an obsession. You can't pay people enough to go into a spray of bullets or a burning building yet this is what we do everyday.

Thirty-five years it's a long time some days I think I should retire after all I am 59. I've recently married to a wonderful man who's sitting besides me in this van holding my hand. Were all nervous every last single one of us it doesn't matter how long we've been doing this every call is filled with a new danger.

I can't retire though not yet at least every time I start to think about it I look into the eyes of some kid who's lost who needs saving, I'm reminded of why I can't because there's so many innocent kids who are out there every night and day on the cold mean streets of Chicago. I think about those pimps who will do anything to get their disgusting hands on these vulnerable girls, boys.

They won't stop till these kids are broken, raped, beaten shells of their former selves. They make these kids feel so dead inside they don't care if they die a physical death because that would be an award, it's not like anyone would miss them. No one cries for them when they bleed or holds them when their scared. If they die alone cold on the wet dirty streets no one will notice.

There's no way I can sit at home while this is happening on the Chicago streets my streets not when I can do something about it. I can't save everyone we can't stop all crime for the ones we can though it's a high one we can't get from any drug or adult beverage.

It's exuberance pumping through our bloodstreams riding high on oxygen cells, at least until the rollercoaster of emotions plunges down the tracks and twisty turns of depression anger sleepless nights pounding headaches hearts full of worry. When you watch a mother or father screaming in the streets torn apart by grief as they hold their son or daughter a victim caught in the middle of the city's cruel deadly gang war.

" _10-13 This is officer Kim Burgess officer taken hostage need assistance"_ My heart squeezed it's the call we never want to hear. 10-13 all of us grabbed hands starting to pray. Lt Kelly Serevide, Lt Matt Casey, Christopher Herman, Brain Otis Zvoneck, Randy Mouch Holland my husband, Paramedics Gabriella and her partner Sylvie Brett all from House 51 along with our driver Joe Cruz.

10-13 I pounded on the wall for Joe to speed up. I wasn't going to sit here waiting while my officers were in danger, my heart was pounding at a dizzying rate who was taken hostage? There will be no fallen hero's tonight I expected every one of my shades of blue comrades to come home safe.

" _10-13!"_ Burgess voice came back on louder more nervous as I heard the _Bang bang_ echoing in the back round. _"Officer down! Officer down! Shots fired at Police and by police!"_ I didn't wait till the van even stopped I was jumping out instantly hearing everyone shout at me " _Trudy No!"_

I love my husband he's an amazing man filled with compassion humor adventure but I love my shades of blue family just as much I wasn't going to let anything happen to any of them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: No Requiem**

 **Song: No Requiem/ From the Broadway Musical Dear Evan Hansen**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay's**

" _ **We tried to fight the king, We tried to change the world too fast, Here's the thing about equality everyone's equal when their dead"**_

Equality I fully believe in justice, protection. Right now with a gun pressed to my head I willed myself to trust in my team. It wasn't as easy as it should be trust was something I hadn't done my whole life. Now I had to though I had to trust my team to be level headed cool, collected to use their training their guts and sixth sense. It was us against them right now they out numbered us. I can't lie and say I wasn't shaking because I was inside I was a mess. How I manged to not to piss myself is beyond me. The looks I saw in my teams eyes was enough to make my knees go weak.

Miguel may only be 29 yet he had a rap sheet of a career criminal that was just what we knew of. Everything from drugs, solicitation, assault and battery to attempted murder of four police officers. We suspect him in the murder of several other officers.

My heart was racing I heard voices trying to reason with him everything was a blur. I was dizzy sick the click of a gun sent fear coursing through my blood stream. Keep calm Erin trust your team they know what their doing lifting my eyes as I heard Miguel's laughter echo in my ears.

He shoved me hard my legs almost gave out as he held me close to him walking down the aisle I caught the wonderful shades of blue eyes from Jay. He was scared for me yet his eyes stayed calm his jaw was a different story clenched tight fingers wrapped so close to the trigger I was shocked he hadn't pulled it by accident.

Jay's different than the guys I usually date he's sweet treats me with respect tells me I'm beautiful even when I am not. He whispers sweet words to me as he holds me close, he buys me roses and candy for no reason just to tell me he loves me. When he thinks I am asleep he kisses my checks. When I am stressed he massages my shoulders.

He's not perfect by any means he has issues with his patience with his temper, sometimes he has flashbacks to Afghanistan. He holds secrets he's stubborn. To me though his flaws make him beautiful my flaws well they make me what I am damaged. Too damaged to ever be good enough for someone as amazing as Jay. They give me prospective that I can never escape my past.

" _Let her go we can talk this through"_ Jay tried to reason with him. " _Do I look stupid man? Holding a cop hostage_ _y_ _ou'll shoot me the minute I let this bitch go, nah man she stays with me I control this shit not you, we talk when I say we talk"_ He wasn't listening.

Instead Miguel tightened his grip on me inching forward. The scream of a teenager caught our attention she couldn't be more than 13 or 14. " _Don't shoot her!"_ I willed her to shut up Burgess tried to get her to be quiet but she moved seconds too late. **"** _ **Bang"**_ The shoot rung out her body fell limp to the floor. Miguel pushed me forward past the slain child my eyes watered as I saw the blood pouring from her chest. Stay strong Erin stay strong.

How old was she? Where was she from? Had anyone reported her missing? Did anybody remember her care for her? Would anyone remember her? No one should die alone no one should vanish into the night as if their lives didn't matter. They matter they should matter their lights shouldn't be distinguished. That flame I would find out her name, I would find out who she was where she was from. She would never be forgotten by me. As long as I drew breath it would be my obsession.

She won't be an abounded memory whoever she was. Miguel stepped in front of Jay snickering " _She your bitch?"_ Jaw's jaw tightened even tighter, please keep your cool Jaw he has a gun to my head, don't egg him on. Jay answered through gritted teeth. " _She's no one's bitch but I promise you asshole you will be someone's bitch when I lock your ass up"_

Miguel laughed " _See that's where your wrong little boy blue, now DROP your weapon or I shoot her dead" "You won't shoot her because she's your ticket out of here you hurt one hair on her head every cop in this place will light your ass up with bullets we hate cop killers" "Funny and I hate cops who can't keep their pretty boy mouths shut"_

" _Looks like we have a standoff here"_ His eyes locked with Jay's as my vision blurred do it Lindsay. I willed my body to go limp he never saw it coming. Jay knew what I was doing so did every cop in this room. Someone yelled something causing Miguel to look up. I took the opportunity to let my body slide through his hands hitting the floor as Burgess shot him.

" _CPD!"_ The doors flew open as 50 or more so cops rushed into the building the air was filled with screams, confusion and panic. Teens scattered afraid they would be arrested or shot. " _This is officer Burgess shots fired at and by police need assistance"_

" _Burgess"_ I yelled to her " _Grab any kid not resisting get them to the van Trudy where's the location?" "Out Front Lindsay"_ Gunfire rung out we ducked and fired back. I grabbed two of the kids I didn't know their names. They clung to me though " _Don't trust them their cops they lie! They don't help kids like us they lock us up!"_ One girl yelled as she ran out causing even more panic as the buyers tried to grab kids who screamed kicking. Miguel's crew kept firing at us grabbing some of the kids shooting some of them. Zoey had rounded up a few kids who were clinging to her now as they hid behind a metal door. Kim and I looked for a way out.

" _On three…_ I hissed to her she nodded " _1...2...3"_ I jumped up shooting two of the men " _Burgess, Lindsay lets go now"_ Trudy threw open the back door we took off with the kids. Mother nature is such a bitch on a normal day today she was a bitch with P M S. Rain mixed with snow and sleet pelted us making it slippery to run. " _Stay with the kids Burgess head to the van I got you covered"_ I stopped turned and started firing along with Trudy.

One girl screamed as she fell flat on her face Burgess turned " _Go Burgess go!"_ I threw myself on top of the girl. Blinding pain shot through my lower left calf. " _Bang"_ My vision blurred as I gasped crying out. I couldn't stand my leg gave out the room spun hands grabbed me, I looked up through blurry vision to see Trudy holding me. Helping me to the safety of the metal dumpster where I collapsed vomiting. Burgess fired at the shooters as Platt held my hair back pounding my back.

Zoey was staring at me wide eyed tears streaming down her face as Platt helped me to sit back my breathing was labored but I brought Zoey to me holding her. " _Whatever happens to Myself, Platt or Burges Zoe keep running promise me, don't look back go to the van" "I promise"_ She stuttered scared out of her mind. Bullets hit the dumpster as Kim ducks to reload Platt jumps up firing away, I can feel the blood rushing out of me I am growing weaker _._

I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me I've spent so much of my life running I'm tired of running so damn tired. " _Lindsay stay awake"_ Burgess slaps my face as my eyes start to close. " _Clear run girls now!"_ They took off running as Burgess covers Trudy who lifts me up I'm weaker by the minute.

Another girl falls her leg twisted in a pipe we stop to help her but her leg is twisted badly Kim's firing away but the footsteps are closing in many of them were out numbered. In a split second decision I take off my vest wrapping it around the girl. " _Lindsay put the vest back on now that's a direct order form a superior"_ Trudy yells at me I yank the leg free as I hear Gabriella calling out to the kids my eyes lock with hers as she helps them on, there's fear in her eyes she sees the shooters as I hear them coming. We take off running the van is inches away from us, Gabriella helps Platt up even though she's yelling at Gabby to take me, I turn around to see Burgess becoming out numbered. I never gave Trudy the chance to help me I take off firing hitting three of the men giving Kim the chance to escape.

She grabs my hands dragging me to the van it's so close pain slices through me again " _10-13 Officer down I repeat officer has been hit need assistance 1515 East Longview Rd"_

I'm falling will someone catch me? The pain overwhelms me taking away my very breath tears blind my vision which is already hazy at best. I feel my stomach come up I taste the blood I vomit up. So this is the end huh? I always wondered how I would die. " _Lindsay"_ I feel my legs give out as I land in Platt's arms Burgess grabs me from behind. I'm shaking badly the van takes off. I hear Gabby and Brett yelling out orders it's all a blur though. It's fitting I die a painful death, considering my whole life had been one big ball of pain, where's Jay? Where's Hank it's selfish I know I don't want them to see me suffer. I don't want to hurt them, yet I need them with me I want them holding my hand in my final moments.

Will anyone remember me? Did I make a difference? Will my work now make up for the sins of my past?

" _ **Cause when the villains fall**_

 _ **The**_ _ **kingdom never weeps,**_

 _ **No one lights a candle to remember**_

 _ **No no one mourns at all**_

 _ **When they lay them down to sleep"**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

 **Date/ Location: Thursday December 23rd 1999 10 pm**

 **Chicago Illinois South Englewood**

 **Song/ Artist: Paradise/ Within Temptation**

" _ **Blood red skies, I feel so cold**_ _ **  
**_ _ **No innocence**_ _ **  
**_ _ **We play our roll**_ _ **  
**_ _ **The wheel embodies all**_ _ **  
**_ _ **Where are we going?"**_

" _What's you're pleasure sir?"_

Leaning against the car window I smiled seductively even though my whole body was tense. My stomach turned from the words coming out of my mouth. Words that should never be leaving the mouth of a fourteen year old girl. They felt wrong, They are wrong, which makes me nothing but a whore.

" _Her"_

I turned to see another girl with my same haircut same eye color stroll past me swinging her hips. She couldn't be more than a few years older than I was she could be my twin. Wearing a short micro mini neon pink skirt with a matching top that split down the middle of her chest revealing a matching rime stone bra. Her eyes were Smokey she winked at me as my anger boiled over. Why did he accept her not me?

 _"Hey sweetie"_ She smirked at the young man sitting behind the wheel. Who did she think she was coming to my territory? This was my town my streets! Letting out a scream I kicked the door as the car sped by with her in it.

My anger boiled over as heavy as the night sky which was boiling mad dark stormy clouds loomed overhead, snow was eminent.

" _ **All in all  
You expect the wise to be wiser  
Fallen from grace and  
All and all I guess we should have known  
Better 'cause"**_

My chest squeezed in anger I could feel the eyes burning through my back. I could hear my mom's words ringing in my ears " _You owe me little girl" "You better pay up or I'll make your worthless ass pay"_

Letting out a deep breath I kept walking despite the fact that I was freezing cold in only my sexy Santa outfit. Winds ripped through the dirty streets yet this didn't stop the nightlife down here in Southside Englewood Chicago, neon bars were in full swing. Music baring from them. I could hear the shouts of drunk patrons all parting hard on the night before Christmas Eve. Gas stations, Motels, nothing was closed over here. To my right I could see a drug deals going down in the gas station, Burger King lots.

Glancing back I felt my body shiver as I saw my Mom's bar glowing from a few blocks down Bunny's Hop Stop. Even five blocks down I still felt her, the sting of her hand against my face the blood pouring from my lips. The smell of whiskey on her breath as she whispered into my ear " _You wanna whore it up you little bitch blow my money, You're gonna earn it all back the same way you lost it"_

Fear consumed me as I looked up and down the strip nothing good happened down here not at this time of night. Girls dressed as scantly as I was roomed up and down, some smoking. Cars pulled up pretty routinely. In the dark shadows of the buildings stood men, watching carefully. Pimps, drugs dealers. I was no where near the 10.000 I owed her. Why was this happening to me? Another car pulled up letting out a shaky breath. I prayed he wouldn't be a U.C Cop. Smile Erin act seductively the way you saw that bitch earlier.

" _What's you're pleasure baby?"_ His eyes were as dark as the night sky yet there was a hint of anticipation excitement in them. _"Young, Wild and Horny"_

" _Than I am you're present are you ready to unwrap me?"_

" _ **What about us  
Isn't it enough  
No we're not in paradise  
This is who we are  
This is what we've got  
No it's not our paradise  
But it's all we want  
And it's all that we're fighting for  
Thought it's not paradise"  
**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

 **12/23/99 11:30 PM**

 **This Chapter is rated M for Maturity due to sexual content nothing too major just mentions of sexual acts.**

Sometimes I like to imagine I am on an airplane where I could fly anywhere. I close my eyes praying as I hear him moan. His hands are gripping me so tight my arms feel paralyzed. My mind however is soaring. I think of all the places I have never been to.

Places most kids get to go to like Disney World it's suppose to be the happiest place in this world. I hold back from screaming as his palms slap me hard over and over again he's increasing his speed in and out of me groaning as pain overtakes my whole lower area.

Relax Erin let him do what he needs to relax your mind. The beach yeah that sounds amazing. I've never seen the ocean I bet it would smell amazing, I would love to feel the sand between my toes. So warm so inviting. I choke back tears as his weight is fully pressed against my bare chest. His mouth travels all over I close my eyes again as I feel his lips take one of my nipples in between his lips.

I'd love to ride a roller coaster, I've never been to an amusement park, never ate cotton candy or watch shows filled with talented dancers or heard amazing singers. Visit Epcot see the world.

It would never happen though Disney World would never allow me inside their sparkling clean cut image gates. I'm not a sweet innocent little girl. I don't deserve happiness.

I didn't enjoy selling myself to these men I do it because I have to. There is never a moment even when I am with a man that treats me decently that I can allow myself to relax to enjoy the sex.

" _God this feels so good uh god baby you're so tight"_

What he calls tight I call tense scared repulsed ready to vomit. He's holding my hands above my head pushing my legs further apart as he increases his rhythm. LA that sounds awesome teenagers runaway to LA all the time to start chasing their dreams of stardom musical fame. I'd take the heat in Brilliant glowing La over the cold dark city streets of Chicago any day.

Was I hearing Sirens? I knew I should look I should be scared yet honestly I didn't care. Maybe some time in Juvie would be alright at least it's warm there.


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

 **12/24/99 12:20 am**

" _How was it honey?"_

The question came from 12 Year Old Chameleon who leaned against the bench in Burnham Park smoking a joint. Standing next to Teddy who rushed over to me. _"Sissy_ _I'm hungry when are we going to eat_ _?"_

" _How do you think it was?"_ I shouldn't be snapping at Chameleon this wasn't his fault yet I couldn't stop myself. Patting Teddy's back I pulled out a box of hamburgers I bought with some of the money I earned tonight. _"Thanks sissy"_ Teddy's always so sweet so appreciative.

His laughter made my stomach twist so hard I didn't even try to stop the vomit from rising. Rushing to the garbage I emptied my stomach repeatedly all the shame, anger, disgust purging itself up.

" _Nasty as they always are"_ He replied blowing out a ring of smoke.

I nodded wiping my mouth as he passed me his joint. _"Here darlin' I think you can use this more than I could"_ Coughing I spit up the last of the bile thankful Teddy had sat down to eat his burger and feed Matt so he wouldn't see. Accepting the joint I breathed in the smoke taking long drags, god my mouth tasted so nasty.

" _Was it at least short?"_

Closing my eyes I leaned against the bench my whole body just hurt so damn bad, I was freezing soaked from the snow that had started falling as I walked here twenty minutes ago.

" _Two and a half hours God I am so sore"_

I felt him squeeze my shoulders massaging them softly. Normally I would be angry if anyone showed me any kind of sympathy the way he was now, slowly kissing my neck. With Chameleon though I can't be angry. He doesn't judge me he knows the shame & the disgust, anger that I feel everyday waking up in this skin.

Anger deep dark all consuming anger it's the only real emotion I have ever let myself show it's shaped my whole childhood, I've stored it up for so long, I don't know any other emotion. Anger is how I survive.

" _Want some sweetie?"_

My eyes flickered open as another voice filled our atmosphere. Her street name is Taser she's Thirteen. Handing me a bottle of Tequila grinning at me I could see she was already a little tipsy.

" _Thanks baby"_

Taking the bottle I knocked it back at least five swallows before I came back up for air to see the rest of our crew come up behind Taser. " _Bitch pass the bottle you may be the Queen of this crew_ _but surely you can a drop or two for your lonely subjects Ma'dame Queen_ _"_ I was too tired too sore too pissed to even respond to Sierra who was teasing as she grabbed the bottle. Leaning back against the bench I felt like falling over. Still I flickered my eyes open to glance at every member as I took another swig before passing it to her.

Charlie Chameleon Barrett 12

Ken'Jane Taser Janey 13

Theodore "Teddy" "Boulevard" Lindsay 12

Sierra DJ Little Beats Ampersand she's sixteen

Kevin "Legend" Williams he's fourteen like I am.

Ryann JJ Ashford who's 15 & Matias "Mat" Ashford 2

Jean-Luc "J-Lu" Moreau 15

" _You okay_ _Queen_ _?"_

" _No Chameleon I am so damn pissed"_

Ryann ran her hand over my bruised sore legs _"Queen"_ I had laid my head back down trying to get past the burning feeling going through my body. I can feel Ryann braiding my hair running her fingers through it as I feel a body kneel down in front of me. The perfume tells me it's Beats.

" _Queen talk to us your scaring us how bad was this one?"_

Opening my eyes slowly I painfully undress I didn't care that were in the middle of the park, it's late anyway no families with little kids unless their like us. In that case they've seen it all anyway. Their gasps tell me it's as bad as it feels. Ryann runs her hand over my almost bare breasts. I can feel the bruises forming the blood from where he bit drying now coming to a slower trickle.

Beats hands travel my body every bruise painfully making their appearances known. Her fingers tighten telling me she's getting just as angry now as I am. Chameleon hands me the joint again so I take a few more hits.

" _If I ever find that bitch that took you're first customer I swear she's dead, this wouldn't have happened if you went with Max"_ I nod too tired to speak. _"_ _What happened Sissy?"_

" _Nothing Teddy just eat your burger baby I'm fine were just talking about working"_

" _I don't want you to work sissy it makes you sad"_

Teddy's innocence always shocked me his pure declaration of love towards me saddened me however. He had no idea that I did what I did so he could eat, so he could stay innocent at least a little longer than I was allowed.

" _Come here baby"_ He jumped up jumping into my arms hugging me Matt teetering behind him waving his arms in his childlike voice calling out " _burger_. _"_ _It's sweet that you worry about me bro' but here's the thing since mom is too busy taking care of herself, it's my job to take care of you and I, I'm too young to get real work so I have to do some illegal things just so we can eat but it's not for you to worry about, sometimes being grown sucks ass. That's why I take it on so you can be a kid"_

" _I'm not a kid Sis I can help"_

" _NO"_ Teddy jumped back scared as I shouted at him taking even myself by surprise jumping back Teddy ran into Ryann's arms almost in tears. Ryann held him stroking his back. Sighing I got up ashamed I snapped at him he's a kid he didn't deserve my anger.

" _Teddy you can't even stand still for ten minutes without growing board, you wouldn't want to do what I do it's a lot of standing around waiting, you have to pay attention or you'll lose your money"_

He giggled as I tickled him as Ryann grabbed his hand as well as Mat's " _Let's go swing does that sound fun?" "Yeah! Can you push me high? I wanna fly!"_

" _Than fly you shall!"_

Thank god for Ryann she always saves me. Laying back down I placed my head in Sierra's lap feeling her stroke my back. " _Rest for a few minutes Queen you deserve it after what you did tonight for all of us rest sweet child"_ I felt her lips gently kiss my forehead.

" _I'll always take care of my family you know that Beats"_

" _I know Queen my concern is who is taking care of you?"_


	7. Chapter 7

**Title: No Requeim**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

" _The sight of people sleeping on the streets hits us hardest around Christmas and New Year. We see them camped out alone on the freezing concrete, and we think, with a rush of guilt, about heading home to our families and our soft beds."_

Guilt can be a powerful force guilt can make you do so many things you would never dream yourself doing. Like selling your body so your little brother doesn't have to. Love can make you selfless.

What I wouldn't kill for a soft bed right now. My feet are killing me we walk all night so we don't freeze to death. The city sparkles in the midst of the snow storm now covering the city skyscrapers glitter neon lights lite it up making it look so beautiful.

We're in the commercial part right now. We call it the Loop even this late at night the streets were packed tourists taking pictures in front of land monuments. Kids running along the fountain throwing pennies. The train rattled above as we passed the almost empty bottle back and forth. The joint was long gone now. I missed it I needed another one.

Passing by stores we could never afford like Macy's, Nordstorm, Bloomingdales, Marshalls, TJ Maxx.

There aren't many places we can go to at night when it's freezing like this. Shelters for adolescents fill up fast. There's only five in the whole city they each have rules that make it hard for us to even trust them. Most want us to talk to a therapist there once they find out I have a parent at home they call CPS and have me shipped back the few who take the time to listen to my story are sympathetic but always end up calling my mom who puts on a grand stage show of how sick I am how I lie. How I am jealous of Teddy, how she works two jobs to support us. I end up looking like a fool.

With shelters out of options for us we end up in either diners or empty burnt out buildings. Most dinners won't let us in the door Christyna is one of the few who care enough to let us in. She's located right in the heart of the loop. Which is also a hot spot for teen prostitution. I could really use a hot cup of coffee right now. My eyes landed on the girl sitting at the counter of Christyna's diner.

" _Queen"_

I hear my name being called yet nothing stops me my feet are pounding against the pavement. My hands grab her hair yanking her before she can even scream which doesn't matter because Christyna has already started screaming. " _Get off of her you punk I'm calling the cops! Queen_ _I'm warning you_ _!"_

I'm stronger than people give me credit for in no time I had her head slammed against the wall. People scatter squeaking cursing as I slam her into a table sending glasses shattering. She can barely stand but I punch her square in her up turned nose so hard blood splatters out she tries to cover her nose. I slap her hard the anger en-fueling me. I think back to every bruise every slap every thrust that man made me endure tonight all because she had to be in my territory stealing my clients.

" _I won't warn you again Bitch find you're own turf or next time_

 _I'm gonna slice ya throat"_

I don't stop punching I never give her the chance to fight back. Besides she's one person against my whole crew Ryann has grabbed her holding her arms back as I punch her stomach her chest. " _Bitch you might as well go back from where ever you crawled from cause Chicago is my city"_

She squinted her eyes at me spitting blood back in my face which made me angrier I didn't hesitate to punch her right in her eye. " _Y_ _ou just made a deadly mistake you little whore cause I promise you, I will find out who your pimp is I will find out where your selling your slutty ass and I will put a fucking bullet through it"_

Ryann grinned evilly as she whispered into her ear trying to hold her which wasn't easy this girl was wild kicking cursing screaming.

" _Mess with our Queen again you'll have a whole army of Chicago's urchin's ready to beat your trifling ass so if I was you I'd take her advice and get the eff out fast"_

" _Freeze Bitch or I blow you're brains out"_ I felt the cold metal pressed against my head swallowing against the fear rising as I heard the voice of my mom's drug dealer Oliver Miles standing behind me. " _You're moms late with her pavement so either you pay up or I blow your brains out"_

" _CPD!" "Freeze!"_


	8. Chapter 8

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

My body was yanked back just as quick as the gun was torn from my head, I didn't have time to swallow never mind feel relief or fear. I kicked spinning around so fast the officer never saw my wrist flying out nor the blade; I had hidden between it. Not till it was sliced across his stomach. Gasps filled the room as I shoved him back hearing the female officer call into her radio " _10-13 Officer down need assistant"_ Taking off I screamed to my friends " _Run"_

Gunshots filled the air as my feet hit the pavement hard pushing people out of the way as I ran for my life. Breathing heavy as I tore down alley ways climbed fire escapes. I didn't stop for almost twenty minutes till I was sure I had lost them all. Finally falling back against a wall I closed my eyes fear filling me. Did I kill him? I didn't mean to stab him instinct just took over.

" _Stupid move Queen"_

The fist met my face before I could even spin around or rise to my feet. Pain exploded from my lips. Rough hands grabbed me slamming my back against the wall my vision was clouded as I tried to look up to see who had attacked me. I never got a chance strong fists pounded against my face.

" _Queen your smarter than this,_ _don't bother to run I will always find you_ _"_

" _What do you want Oliver?"_ I spat at him angry pushing him back hard.

" _Dumb bitch now I have to make you pay"_

I knew his voice anywhere, I know his smell Expensive vodka mixed with cigars. Always makes me nausea. Waves of pain hitting me over and over his fists felt like fireworks on my face. I couldn't stop him he was older taller stronger bigger.

I would never beg. He'd never get the satisfaction of hearing me plead. I took blow after blow till I felt my knees go weak. Not that he allowed me to fall nope his hands gripped my shirt ripping them open as he slammed me back against the wall. His body pressed against mine his laughter dark deep filling my ears making my waves of dizziness even worse.

" _You speak when I tell you to speak"_

His fingers gripped my chin lifting my head back and up so our eyes were locked, they say you can see a persons soul through their eyes. His showed a dark twisted emptiness which sent chills down my spine.

I've known Oliver Chavez all my life he's been dealing to my mom ever since I can remember, he preys on weakness on addiction my mom has both she's addicted to heroin & to cocaine.

My mom's addiction is so bad that growing up I often had to steal food just so Teddy and I could eat because she'd spend her whole paycheck on drugs. When she couldn't afford them she sold me or she'd trade sex for it. Oliver feeds on her weakness.

" _Two things Queen number one you know what happens when your mom's late"_

How did her debts become mine? I would never understand it. His hands wandered my body. " _Your more like your mom than you know Queen"_

Now he had to insult me to? Wasn't it bad enough that I had to take the debt my mom owed? That he forced me to sleep with older men, to sell his drugs? Now he had to tell me I was like that evil cow?

" _Don't act like it's such a bad thing Queen your mom's a smart lady she knows what she wants she goes after it, your feisty Queen I like it, it will keep you alive in this game"_

" _Oh so it's a game to you?"_

" _Life's a game Queen now listen up your mom owes me $500 your going to earn that tonight for her, it won't take long, you earn it her debt goes away at least for now"_

" _If I don't play along?"_

He grinned pressing a blade to my throat " _Than I slice your pretty throat like you sliced that officer open"_

He wasn't kidding I knew it which made me so afraid. " _Second thing that whore you beat up tonight was one of my girls"_

Shit! How did I not know that? I felt like an electric sledge hammer was being taken to my face on repeat blood spilled out of my nose, I'm pretty sure my nose was broken. My head was spinning.

" _I had a deal going down tomorrow night now thanks to your actions you little crazy ass bitch her face is all messed up, so you owe me"_

" _What do I have to do?"_

" _Be at the airport tomorrow around 10 pm Requiem that's the girl who's face your hands became so friendly with at the diner, thinks she's going to Ireland to marry her boyfriend you are going to stand by her side be her witness, your going to fix her up make her look beautiful"_

" _She'll never fall for it"_

" _Yes she will you'll make her all you be to do is be there to meet the buyer you will do whatever it takes to make sure the deal goes through, once it's done debt paid you can come home or stay on board whatever you decide"_

" _If I don't?"_

He came closer his breath hitting me at full force. " _T_ _han I kill you I kill your mom and I make cute little Teddy Bear my new bitch"_

My heart squeezed hearing Teddy's name he couldn't could he? He wouldn't would he? He would I knew it, I've seen it. I am it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

 **[Rated M for sexual mentions}**

" _Sunset fix this piece of trash_ _up_ _make her look desirable"_

Oliver threw me hard into the cheap hotel room which reeked of stale urine sex and booze. His seventeen year old daughter Sunset turned to us her eyes which were heavily made up filled with colors of the rainbow looked sad when she saw me. Oliver didn't let her speak just roughly grabbed her arm hissing at her " _No small talk this bitch is going to pay her dead beat moms debt she needs to look … less like a street rat and more like a precious china doll"_

Oliver flopped down in a chair which squeaked under his weight. Sunset swallowed shaking her head as she motioned for me to follow her into the bathroom. " _Door open don't take forever, no funny business"_ Her dad's voice seemed to shake her letting out a sigh I sat on the toilet seat so she could clean me up. Gripping the sink as she scrubbed the dried blood off, I closed my eyes trying to control my breathing picture myself somewhere else.

" _I'm sorry my dad did this to you Queen"_ Her voice was soft small so he wouldn't hear shrugging afraid my voice would break, I didn't reply my shrug however told her it was no big deal. " _It is"_ She whispered " _Y_ _ou deserve better get out while you can babe, you don't owe your mom anything she owes you"_ The squeak of the chair made her shut up working quickly on my makeup.

" _That's enough Sunset she needs to look innocent not like a whore even though that's what she is"_ Oliver grabbed me roughly another bruise I would have. Barking at Sunset he ordered her to get ready whatever that means.

Sitting me on the bed he knelled in front of me his hands stroking my leg my hair " _Listen closely Queen, Teddy's life depends on this you will do whatever these clients say, if they want to play pretend you put on a god damn Emmy award winning performance, if they want to cuff you get rough with you, than I except you to squeal with delight you please them no matter how much you hurt got it?"_

I was shaking unable to answer how many clients was he planning on bringing in? What kind of freaks were they? I was too slow to answer he grabbed my chin roughly shoving it up so I was eye to eye with him. His smirk was pure evil god his breath smelled awful. " _Remember Erin dear I know everything about your family"_ Chills went down my body the little hairs on my arms sat up at attention as he stroked them soft even as soft as he was being though I felt sick, scared. " _I know where Teddy goes to school_ _ **900 N Franklin St Chicago, IL 60610**_ _b/t Walton St & Locust St __Near the North loop"_

" _I even know his teacher Mrs. Walton Teddy is her favorite little student often staying to help her out"_

" _Now do you understand how serious I am Queen?" "Yes 'Sir I understand" "So what are we going to do now Queen?"_ Swallowing I let out last minute nerves " _Please the clients no matter how much it hurts me" "Correct see your not a dumb slut just a slut"_ Oliver roughly kissed me slapping my check.

He sent out a text within a few minutes there was a knock on the door " _Answer it Queen"_ Standing shakily I breathed out slow trying to stay calm. Walking sexy I opened the door smiling at the older man standing there he looked to be in his late fifties short fat hairy I wanted to vomit. Instead I smiled kissing his checks. _"Welcome darlin' I hope your ready for a load of fun?"_ His laughter told me I pleased him shutting the door he grabbed me his hands roaming my whole body. _"Load of fun oh your hysterical yes baby we will have a load"_ He wasted no time unzipping grabbing my hair shoving me down I held down my scream of pain as he grabbed my face shoving it between his legs.

The next guy came in five minutes after the first one left I was still sore shaking when I answered the door. _"_ _O_ _h you are just perfect nice job Oliver"_ He didn't even talk to me just directly to Oliver as he slammed me face first against the wall shoving up my skirt _"I always wondered what it would be like to screw one of my 9_ _th_ _grade students their always so uptight with their noses up in the air acting like their so innocent while they dress like little whores their just asking to have those sweet"_ He pushed himself inside of me from behind so hard I had to bite my tongue so I wouldn't scream he kept talking. _"Oh yes baby damn...Thank you Oliver"_ He held me tight ripping off my shirt squeezing my breasts as I fought back tears. Why was this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this? Why couldn't my mom see what an ass Oliver is?

Three more guys after him left me sore bleeding and dizzy one wanted me cuffed to the bed my arms spread out cuffed to each of the posts, my legs cuffed at the ankles. He was so big so rough weighing at least over 100 pounds more than I did, I wasn't sure how the bed was holding up.

The next guy wanted every sexual position known to man he made me do moves I've never heard of, moves that stretched me he kept yelling the names of the moves out as he thrusted himself inside of me over and over the hot spot, pole position, I imagined he thought I was a stripper in this fantasy he kept yelling at me to shake it. He hit me over and over grabbing my ass lifting it up slamming his palms against it as he forced himself inside my mouth, inside my vagina. Than he would turn me over still cuffed and do positions like the downward dog which he made me bark while he got his pleasure. If I didn't bark loud enough he would hit me pull my hair. Flip it and reverse corkscrew seemed to give him the most satisfaction. " _Pull her hair harder George make he_ _r_ _scream, we want the viewers to orgasm along with you"_ My vision was hazy at best but Oliver's comment made me look up for the first time I noticed Sunset was recording everything.

I wanted to pass out at that moment but I couldn't he grabbed me yanking me so hard the head board ripped off he threw me over it spreading my legs further apart entering me again.

Yanking my hair as Oliver suggested causing me to scream, both of them laughed. He got rougher with each move throwing me on the floor slapping me _"X baby oh god yes_ _I'm cummin oh my god yes"_ _"Please don't not inside of me please" "Oh baby I love when you beg louder bitch louder beg me not to fill you up"_ No matter how loud I begged it didn't work I felt the warmth inside of me as he fell on top of me laughing kissing my breasts taking each of my nipples inside of his mouth biting them.

Sunset grabbed me in between each guy cleaning my face washing out my mouth not that any of it helped I still felt sick & dirty. The last two clients were teenage boys twins I guessed along with Oliver's son Max who brought them to his dad.

The one brother seemed to have cold feet trying to leave Max grabbed him. " _Jason where are you going?" "_ _I_ _can't man I don't want my first time to be with some bitch that I had to pay for" "Aw that's sweet man what about you Jordan" "I'm more than ready I'm so hard"_ Play it cool Queen I took charge grabbing him by his private which delighted him rubbing him as he grabbed my shoulders taking off my shirt kissing my shoulders " _You ready to play baby cause I know how to handle my balls I'm the fastest pitcher on my softball team"_

" _Jason if you don't want to go all the way I'm sure I can find so many ways to please you why don't you undress or do you want momma to do it for you?" "Yes mama please undress me"_

With every guy my head went to the one reason I was putting myself through this Teddy I pictured him in school laughing with his friends, raising his hand when a teacher called out for a student to answer a question. I pictured him in the school play dressed a lion at nine years old. I saw him in the choir singing his heart out something he got from Ryann who was always singing. I pictured him growing up healthy strong imaging all the things he could be a doctor a lawyer a producer a musician a teacher. I pictured him at 15 going on his first date with a sweet innocent girl. I pictured myself teaching him how to treat her what to say where to take her. I pictured him at prom his graduation going off to college.

It made all this worth it. People amaze me all the time Teddy is so different than I am, at his age I had already started to harden lose trust in people, all I saw was pain and anger he still saw things as beautiful saw the laughter in everything. These two brothers reminded me of us. Jordan was pumping himself so hard inside of me laughing at my pain, slapping me while Jason had tears running down his eyes he looked like everything I did sexual to him was causing him pain I saw the shame written on his face.

" _You did amazing Queen I am so proud of you"_

Yeah just what I wanted Oliver's pride I didn't argue though I was too tired. Instead Max came over he's the same age as I am holding out a joint for me as he prepared a syringe for me. I hate drugs I swore I would ever do them.

He knows how I feel about them yet he also knew me well enough to know I needed something to get through the aftermath of emotions that were sure to hit me, " _Make sure she's feeling no pain son"_ I knew what was coming next Oliver/ Max wanted their way with me and he wanted me spaced out with no fight. I knew there was no way to escape it so I let Max put the band around my arm I let him slip in the needle as I smoked the joint.

Laying down as Max kissed my check " _It'll be over soon Queen your doing so damn good"_ Max laid on top of me kissing me I wished I could feel something beside disgust Max is cute handsome even with his blond hair wavy, his chiseled jawline he works out all the time so he's ripped, he's the star of his baseball and basketball teams. I know how good he is because we often train together. He's the sweetest kid when he's not around his dad. He's also the person who I deal drugs for.

Right now though he wanted one thing so I let myself black out feeling the effects of whatever he had in that needle.

I kept one thought in my head. Teddy growing up Teddy graduating making me proud. I could almost hear them calling his name as I closed my eyes.

" _Class of 2004 please welcome your valediction Theodore Lindsay"_


	10. Chapter 10

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

Walking to the spot where we meet down here felt like a thousands of pins were going through my body. Every step was painful I could barely keep my balance holding onto every object. Throwing up at every trash can I saw left me even weaker. I wish I knew what he had given me. I was so dizzy I could barely see straight even the freezing cold had no effect on me. I didn't dare to look at myself when I left the hotel but judging by everyone's reactions I knew it was bad.

" _Aw man Queen!"_ Beats called out racing towards me her arms shaking wrapped around me. It's an unspoken unwritten but known rule that if I vanish for awhile no questions are to be asked. They just know I am doing what needs to be done so we can eat so we can stay alive. " _Where's J-Lu?"_ My voice sounded as rough as my throat felt which is horrible since my voice is already deep as it is. Beats answered " _Little punk went home, got to cold for her prissy ass"_ She was kidding of course it was her way of getting through the jealously. Something we all felt a little of J-Lu was lucky to have a boyfriend who provided for her who loved her. " _Queen you sound like you need a drink"_ I smiled a little at Ryann who handed me a bottle of Vodka who knows where she got it from. My eyes found Teddy playing with little Mat throwing snowballs at each other laughing so child like so innocent my breathing eased a little, he was safe that's what counted.

" _Aw man did you see that bitch's face?"_ Chameleon changed the subject sensing what I was feeling. Going back to the girl I had beaten down earlier in the morning.

I raised the bottle taking the first swig, Ryann pulled out a bottle of Vodka knocking it against my bottle laughing crazy her eyes danced she came alive with this shit. She loved fighting and scaring newbies off. Damn she's beautiful when she smiles. Brushing some of curly light brown hair out of her face; I fell a little yeah I was starting to become drunk. Ryann's beautiful coco skin glowed in the moonlight as her hands slipped around my waist.

" _Hell yeah that bitch was almost pissing herself"_ Beats started to inmate her equally as drunk stumbling " _Oh my god my pretty plastic face please don't hit me!"_

" _Oh my god I need to pee badly!"_ I almost doubled over as the urge hit me suddenly still laughing at the expression of the girls face. " _Queen there's a partial cover there go will get you covered the rest of the way"_ I didn't waist time as Chameleon and Ryann positioned themselves in front of me while I ducked inside the Alley yanking my pants down to relieve myself. Pain tore through me I was pretty sure I was bleeding but didn't dare to look.

Of course that would be the moment some tourists took the wrong turn gasping as they saw me peeing in the alley. " _Gross go home you pig!"_ Chameleon of course couldn't resit egging them on.

" _If it's so gross than why can't you take your eyes off her or do you like them young?" "_ _H_ _oney you are looking uptight why don't we talk about prices and I will spread those tight milky white buns and fill it up with all the young meat you can handle"_

Thank god I was already reliving myself because I started laughing so hard I couldn't stop myself from peeing. Laughing felt amazing after the night I had so far.

They gasped rushing out in such a hurry they tripped over themselves. Ryann laughed so hard she had tears coming down her eyes as I fixed my panties getting up. The cold hit us as we walked under the tracks. Heading up to the station it was late so we needed to head back to Englewood.

Finally on the train I felt my eyes start to close as I cuddled close to Ryann and Chameleon. Beats laid her head down on my lap her body shaking, I ran my hands over her body wishing I could calm her, The words of those tourist ringing in my head. " _G_ _o home"_ Did they think we'd be out in the streets on the Morning of Christmas Eve if we had homes to go to? Some people are so ignorant and stupid I can't even get angry I just shake my head and wonder how they passed school?

I was woken by the first jolt of the train heart racing everyone else was in the same boat as me. When you've lived on the streets as long as we had sleep becomes a rare luxury. You stay awake because it's safer.

I saw the looks we were getting pity anger and disgust seriously did people ever stop and wonder what our stories were before they start to judge? We all have stories we all have pasts that were running from, futures we dream of.

What is our stories? Why don't you ask before you pass judgment we won't bite maybe will tell you maybe we won't but ask before jumping to conclusions. You may just be surprised what we have to say.

We're not criminals by choice we don't want to be scared alone sleeping in alleys, we don't want to sell ourselves or have to be afraid of being jumped by a bad drug deal. Were normal kids the same kids you pass in the grocery store as you shop with your kids. The same ones who you sat next to in church we're in every town every city big and small. We come in every size, shape color, gender were on every street every park every school. We walk besides you in front of you we're on your sons baseball team in your daughters girl scout troop or her softball team.

We're kids just like you're kids we like to laugh we like to have fun we have hopes we have dreams, what we don't have is protection, love and guidance. What we could do without is judgment. So what are our stories?


	11. Chapter 11

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

 **Safer an Essay by Erin Lindsay**

 **Mrs. Stefani Grade 10 1999**

We all have issues that's a common fact it's not an excuse or a joke it's just real. It's life some people have issues that are small in compassion to others. Some people over dramatize their issues. We've all known those types of people their in every country every city every school every office.

I have a friend we call her Beats because she has this philosophy that music is they key to life, she claims that's why we have hearts because hearts have beats which keep us moving feeling breathing living.

She believes it's safer to protect our hearts to hold our cords close she builds up walls that no one can possibly climb. She thinks that when she meets the right person she'll feel safe enough to let those walls crumble.

She doesn't take risks she lives her life sheltered maybe I have a role in that as well, I do anything and everything I can to protect her to me she's like a little sister. I take the hits so she can stay untouched.

I've learned that safer isn't always better. All I have to do is think about Beats story and know that just because your safe inside a home doesn't mean that your safer in the world.

Sierra Jessica Ampersand born to her parents Militia and John Ampersand March 15th 1983 in San Diego California she's the oldest of two kids her little brother Anthony is two years younger than her. Militia was head of the Children's Hospital in San Diego her husband head of finical services of the same hospital. Which meant long hours away from their young kids, leaving them in the care of their nanny.

Their parents loved them they showed in the every chance they got. Providing them with the best schools in the state, they showered them with material belongings. They sent them on vacation with their nanny every summer to the most expensive resorts money could provide.

They had allowances out of the hemisphere as they grew they learned money can buy a lot of things. Except love their parents weren't at their soccer or basketball games, they didn't cheer for them at states and nationals nope that was their Nanny Alexandra. They learned to depend on her.

It was Alex who helped Tony build his race car so he could beat the town bully at the annual San Diego Boy scout box car tournament.

Alex was the one who helped him learn to read who taught him how to swim, Alex who held Sierra's hand when she learned how to do a double back flip of the beam. Alex who held Sierra when she fell rollerskating who cleaned her knee kissed her check. Alex who sang to them who made their Pb & J without crust who added extra cheese to the mac and cheese.

Alex was the one who noticed Sierra started having trouble breathing when she was climbing steps or tumbling at gymnastics class. Alex took her to the doctor held her hand while she underwent test after test.

Who explained to Sierra what Cystic Fibrosis means who helped her to learn how to use her inhaler. Who pounded her back every morning ever night. Alex made them feel safe know what love is.

 **October 1990**

" _She said call me mommy"_

Sierra remembers the day clearly at only eight years old she remembers Alex taking her hand giving her ice cream a treat she wasn't allowed to have because it causes mucus which for a CF patient is bad.

" _Were going on a vacation baby just the three of us"_ Why should she question her? Alex has always provided Sierra and Tony with a safe up bringing. Fun after school activities awesome vacations. She was eight she had no knowledge of parental permission. She couldn't know that Alex did not have it that day when she packed some suitcases, snacks pumped up the music.

They sung along to Disney songs they pointed out weird and awesome landmarks she taught them about each state they went through. They slept safe at night she read them bedtime stories.

" _This is going to be our new house aren't you excited baby girl?"_ She remembers squealing giving her a hug as she ran to play on the new swing set. She doesn't remember the town or the city she was too young for such trivia details.

" _Were going to play a game babes, you are no longer Sierra you are Jazzebella because Jazz is the grooviest music around and you are the bell of the ball" "You my little man you are Mikey because Mikey Mantel was the best damn Yankee there was!"_

" _Yes I love it! Thank you Alex no wait what's your new name?"_

" _What shall I be called Sweeties?"_

" _Mommy!"_

" _We have a mommy silly"_

" _It's okay Jazz if he wants to call me mommy I won't argue in fact you can call me mommy to"_

" _Won't my real mommy get sad?"_

" _No baby because she wants you to be happy she knows I make you happy mommy is an affectionate term for someone who keeps you safe warm loved don't I do that for you?"_

" _Yes"_

" _So it's okay to call me mommy"_

" _Okay I guess that makes sense can we go shopping mommy I need some new clothes"_

She remembers the shopping spree they went on how she encouraged her to try new outfits how she let her cut her hair pick out the new color. She remembers eating new food going to the doctors saying her new name as her new mommy smiled laughed and kissed her checks till she squealed pushing her away laughing.

" _Remember your Jazz now and Jazz is fierce she's strong she moves to her own beats screw those pop tunes she's soft she's sweet she relaxes you, just remember that you'll be fine at your new school"_

It was the first of ten new schools each in a different city all within five years that they moved around to every time there was a different excuse. _"I got fired" "My company is transferring us" "This city is too expensive" "_ _I started to believe our parents didn't want us"_

" _Every city we had a different name"_ I remember her telling me this one day as we lay under the bridge staring up at the stars. Star that was the last name she picked out for herself " _Because she told me I was going to be a star, that's why we moved to LA she got me an audition for a preforming arts school out there_."

" _That school was dope Queen they had everything an aspiring artist could want, every morning we were greeted by a chorus of singers students would just join in every day was like a big jam!"_

" _I learned so much from being there" I_ _learned how to count out the beats to hold out a note how to harmonize we learned how to create our own rhythms how to incorporate it with others no matter how different they were from each other we learned how to edit produce. How to analyze, to look deeper beyond the surface. Interpret build my vocab."_

" _Mostly though I learned the truth"_

She remembers while out in La for an assignment she saw the poster on the record store with her face and her brothers. The words glaring across her eyes from the page screaming the truth out her.

" **Missing Children** **A** **lert! Please bring them home!**

 **Sierra and Anthony Ampersand**

 **Missing since: October 1997**

 **Missing From: San Diego California**

 **Age Now: Sierra 13 and Tony 11**

 **Sex: Female/ Male**

 **Race: White**

 **Eyes: Sierra has Green eyes/ Tony has brown**

 **Hair: Sierra had blond hair/ Tony has Brown**

 **Weight: Sierra was 89 lbs/ Tony 55**

 **Sierra will need medical care she has Cystic Fibrosis both kids were last seen with their Nanny who goes by the alias Alexandra Parke. Alex's real name is Quinta Jorgenson she is a fugitive from** **Puerto Rico** **wanted on kidnapping a seven year child named Rico Rodriquez who was last seen in the spring of 1993.** **She is considered armed and dangerous.**

 **I** **f Seen Don't hesitate call the center for missing and exploited children call 911 or 1-800-843-5678 [1-800-the-lost]** **619-531- 2000 or 858-484-3154. Emergency from outside of** **San Diego** **: 619-531-2065.** **The children's parents are offering an award of 12,0000 for any information that leads to the safe return of their kids.**

She remembers the shock the fear the sicking rush that sent her crashing to her knees right there in the middle of Hollywood as she threw up. She can still feel the adrenalin coursing through her as she went to her brothers school to pick him up. The blinding rush of her spinning head as she hailed a cab and got on a train with him out of LA. She had no clue where she was going all she knew was she had to get away from Alex.

She ended up in Chicago with no money no medication. They slept on the streets for the first night huddled together. With in three days she was approached by a women who offered her shelter for the night.

She didn't trust her but she was cold hungry and having trouble breathing so she accepted the offer.

For a week they were feed given new clothes got to see a doctor, watch movies exist like normal kids. All good things come to an end though right? By the next week the women who called herself China told them if they wanted to keep having it so good they had to work for their luxuries. She brought in her teenage son and forced Sierra to sleep with him. While she recored it her son brought over his friends who all paid China to sleep with her and Tony.

For three months she chained them up on the bed and forced them to sleep with hundreds of men, women, teenagers.

Anthony Marco Ampersand was 12 when he was killed by a client who strangled him while he raped him from behind. Sierra has never forgiven herself she sneaked out the window that night and never looked back.

" _You've given me hope Queen"_

Hope that not every single person is out to hurt her use her the way Max did when he found her huddled in a corner coughing shaking. He brought her food warm coffee before he took her into the bathroom and made her pay him back. I was there when she was brought in selling for Max. I could see how scared she was how she had been not only hurt but traumatized.

I didn't know her story I didn't need to just to know she needed saving. The way I wished someone would of done for me when I was seven.

I paid Max back with what he would of made her do I took on her debt so she could have some sort of normalcy back. Why? I owe her nothing.

Honestly I don't know. I just see greatness in Sierra. I see a child who had her childhood ripped away too soon. That angers me kids should be allowed to be kids. So I made a deal with Max for Sierra to get the medical care she needs.

Max could care less who he gets it from as long as he gets money and sex. Sierra and I get the money through the drugs we sell for him. I take on her clients through prostitution but I keep half of Max's cut of the money he gets my body.

I wish Sierra would go home but she's ashamed she's scared I know how that feels she's afraid she's too dirty to be loved now by her parents. She feels Safer on the streets which she's known for most of her life then she does inside a home with four walls parents who love her. It's sad but it's her reality. It's reality for over **20,500** missing children who sleep on the streets and in strangers houses every night. Hoping praying for survival doing whatever nasty tricks they have to just to see the dawn of another sunrise. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

 **10th Grade English Mrs. Stefani**

" **How Does your past define you?"**

If I could make a map of my childhood of Chicago it would be the shortest map in history. My childhood can be summed up by my neighborhood.

 **225 East Chicago Ave** : Ann and Robert Laurie Children's Hospital home of my birth also the first time I was taken away from my mother who was high on cocaine. I lived in an incubator for five months because I was addicted to crack underweight and underdeveloped.

 **1790 West 63** **rd** street our first apartment in a rundown buildings filled with drug dealers, addicts and gangs. I was two when I was reunited with her. Also my moms first drug dealer Big Baller.

 **1650 West 63** **rd** **Street** Clara's House it was my first foster home I was five. I spent a lot of time over the years there.

 **S. Paulina Street** Our second apartment that's the apartment where I watched my dad shoot at the police than lead them on a chase, throughout the west and southside. The cops never gave up either they chased him so I chased them, screaming and crying for them to leave my daddy alone. I was six it was my birthday. Happy Birthday to me.

 **513 W 72 Street Hamilton Park** Where the police tasered my dad before cuffing him and dragging him to prison. I cursed attacking the police earning me a courtesy visit with the Cook County Juvenile department my first of many since.

 **J** **uvenile Justice Division Cook County Juvenile Center 2245 West Ogden Avenue** that's the first time I saw that lovely place. I was taken in for assaulting a police officer. They didn't do anything just lectured me but it's the first time I got a deep hate for the damn police.

 **711 85** **th** **Western Ave** **I** t's the home of Southern Mamma's kitchen where most of us local kids who don't have home cooked meals to go home to every night gather and wait for Mamma G to throw out the leftovers where we pounce like cats in heat.

 **2810 W Marquette Rd** Sub shop where every Wednesday if were willing to wash dishes and get good grades every marking period we can eat for free.

 **W Garfield Blvd** a place so loitered with abounded, rundown burnt down buildings the police have named it Runaway Alley, it's where most of us find shelter at night.

 **6520 S Wood street** Home of Harper High School my safe haven Monday -Friday September- June. It's the only time I can get warm, have two meals a day and build my knowledge so I can get into a good college, and blow this damn town someday.

 **73** **rd** **Halstead Street** It's my third apartment I was seven it's also where my Mom's new drug dealer/ boyfriend Oliver raped me for the first time.

 **W 65** **th** **corner of S Seely Ave** it was our fourth apartment a refugee for the drunk drugged and hopeless, it smelled horrible there was always fighting gang activity. It's where Mom sold me to her boyfriend when I was nine so she could buy drugs, he called three of his friends that night. They each took their turns while I screamed begging them not to hurt me, mom got high and laughed she told me to take it stop bitching because life was one big bitch. Either I learn to take it in the ass now so I could take life by it's ass or life would take me by the ass.

It's also the place I set on fire by accident trying to escape one night after mom had a party and her friends tried to get me high. I hit the candle by mistake which fell on the curtains. I tried to drag my mom out of the apartment as it went up in flames. Except I was too small. I fell down the steps. The fireman who rescued me I think his name was German no Herman called CPS on me.

 **125 South Wacker Drive** Home of CPS a place I have been many of times. It's where I was taken after the fire till they could find another foster home for me.

 **South Wood Street** It's where Mom would send me to get her drugs it's also where Max recruited me to start selling for him. I was ten by than.

 **S Hayne Ave** I was beaten by a deal that went wrong last year almost shot. I owe my life to Legend who shot the buyer.

Our pasts help us shape us into our future selves when were born we are babies clean, our pasts unknown our futures unwritten.

Children absorb information from its environment fast at such a high rate that by age 6 children can read the environment which help shape how kids interact with the world. If were abused we learn to either fight or cower.

How ever the past can not define us we define us how we can chose to live our lives and who we chose to let into our lives,

Every person helps mold us guide us some are meant to heal you, some to teach you how to build yourself up, some are meant to show you how to trust your own intuition. Some are meant to show you the true meaning of friendship, some are meant to show you how love feels how it guides heals and leads you

Our potential — what we allow ourselves to do today, and what we do on behalf of a better tomorrow — is always unlimited. I try to live everyday as if I am that child that is talked about in the bible the child that shall lead.

I won't be a statistic I will survive what life has handed me I will mold it shape it I will beat my odds. One way or another.

I stared at my essay one of many I could never hand in slipped inside my folder of unpublished unseen works and took out my real essay of How My Past defines me.

As we approached W Garfield Blvd AKA Runaway Alley I saw it was already filled with tents, ripped blankets/ sheets of plastic being used as privacy walls over blown out windows from the buildings, bodies piled upon bodies, there was no where empty. Trash cans overturned so fires could burn all night. Some slept while others stayed up watching their stuff, shopping carts were used to store personal items or hold babies who slept. Cigarettes, needles littered the snow covered street. Mattresses which are old stinky and stained line the walls of the buildings most filled with bugs. I searched for a place we could lay down as people eyed us growling cursing at us to keep moving, Sierra was breathing harder with each step she needed to get warm. Ryann held Matt close as she moved Sierra to walk between us, Teddy held her free hand as Kevin stood behind him.

" _Don't touch my shit or I'll kill ya"_

Some elderly women who looked half dead hair so long so Grey I swore she was a witch shock a metal pipe at me hissing her breath reeked of decay, garbage. I didn't want her shit but she was paranoid swinging the pipe wild. We hurried past as someone else shouted for her to shut the hell up.

" _Yo Queen over here"_

I breathed a sigh of relief as Marvin street name 'bui doi' which is Vietnamese for (the dust of life) called to us he had a little spot towards the end of the alley way under a laundromat vent. I knew he was exhausted having staying up all night everyone wanted this spot it was the warmest in the alley. He was holding his baby girl Mosquitoe who was sound asleep sucking on her thumb. His brother Anton who's only six was asleep next to him. I settled Sierra and Teddy down with a blanket that Kevin carried in his bag, Ryann laid Sierra's head on her lap as she took her coat wrapping it around Matt's body shivering herself. Kevin sat on Bui doi other side while I paced back and forth.

"" _I'll stay up get some sleep Bui thanks for this spot" "We watch out for each other Queen, I got you I know you'll get me"_

His eyes were closed within seconds just as his daughter started to fuss so I took her from him rocking her till she gurgled falling back to sleep. Cooing at her I smiled wondering what my baby would look like when I had her or him someday. Teddy's sudden squeak made me turn around as one of the other guys tried to grab his bag which had our food supply it wasn't much but it was ours. With quickness I attacked kicking him hard in his stomach he was older slower. She didn't stir as I kicked him over, over screaming at him to get out. Sierra jumped up within seconds of my first scream taking the baby now I was in full rage grabbing him by his chest bringing my knee up to his stomach hard, he grunted as I punched his face dragging him down the alley. People wither hooted cheered or turned away as I threw him down to the ground.

" _Stay out of my shit or I'll slice you"_ To prove I was serious I brought my blade to his neck. He held up his hands fear in his eyes. Stepping back I motioned for him to leave he scurried off cursing me out.

Breathing heavy as I went back to my crew I felt my body aching I needed a shower I needed sleep, my stomach growled I needed food, warmth. A harsh wind blew across the alley making scary noises as it plowed through the garbage cans, plastic sheets. Someone pissed a few feet down from where we laid.

My eyes fought to stay open as I yawned a few times jumping up and down I had to stay awake. I couldn't chance being killed just so I could stay alive. A few tents from me an elderly women we nicknamed diamond started to softly sing.

" _ **Let my silence grow with noise  
as pregnant mothers grow with life.  
Let my silence permeate these walls  
as sunlight permeates a home.**_

 _ **Let the silence rise from unwatered graves  
and craters left by bombs.  
Let the silence rise from empty bellies  
and surge from broken hearts.**_

Looking around I saw her smiling at me she's always been decent to me, even as a kid I remember her being kind to me sharing her meat, her blankets. She's grown older now, I feel bad for her now she's been kicked around by the same kids she use to help, they, mock her because she forgets things, they steal from her, I've seen kids hit her. They never take the time to hear her story, if they did maybe they would be a little more compassionate she's a remarkable women.

 _ **The silence of the hidden and forgotten.  
The silence of the abused and tortured.  
The silence of the persecuted and imprisoned.  
The silence of the hanged and massacred.**_

 _ **Loud as all the sounds can be,  
let my silence be loud  
so the hungry may eat my words  
and the poor may wear my words.**_

Silence of the hidden yes that's what we are. We are the Shadows hidden in cloaks of darkness, forgotten thrown away by the very people who were suppose to love us protect us. The silence of the abused and tortured no one heard me when I screamed tonight when Oliver was raping me using me selling me, torturing my body.

 _ **Loud as all the sounds can be,  
let my silence be loud  
so I may resurrect the dead  
and give voice to the oppressed.**_

 _ **My Silence speaks**_

Does anybody hear what I speak though? No would they care if they did? If they took the time to hear my story would I be more than just a street kid? Would I maybe be just a normal kid?


	13. Chapter 13

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

 **Songs: Pray and American Gold**

 **Artists: Kesha And TLC**

"' _ **Cause you brought the flames and you put me through hell  
I had to learn how to fight for myself  
And we both know all the truth I could tell  
I'll just this is I wish you farewell.**_

 _ **I hope you're somewhere praying, praying  
I hope your soul is changing, changing  
I hope you find your peace  
Falling on your knees, praying."**_

Ryann's beautiful voice carried through the shower stall as she softly sung while we washed away the grim. The pain was so bad I was afraid to scrub too hard. Something I tried to hide yet she picked up on taking the bar of soap some classmate had left behind yesterday or the day before who really knew. Gently turning me around washing me off never breaking song. I never let anyone see me like this with her though I feel safe. Even as gentle as she tried to be I felt the pain of the dried blood being torn off me. I gagged at the thought of what else was on me inside of me. Hiding back tears which threatened to spill out. I didn't feel that safe that I could let my guard down. After all I was their leader I had to remain strong.

God we were so nasty the water was a thick black color which held a strong odor. We were always careful to never get caught when we sneaked inside the school to shower. I didn't want to take a chance even though coach Kesha loved us after all I was the star of the softball team Ryann the lead scorer for her basketball team, we could never be too careful. People changed when they found out our true stories. She trusted us right now to clean up after the teams had left for the day. To wash their uniforms to sweep and mop up. She gave us our own keys. If she found out what we used them for. We could lose her trust and our only place to shower.

The hour was early which I was thankful for it was the only time we got to relax a little. Sinking against the wall I let her wash my hair with the bottles of shampoo and conditioner some careless teen had left. Must be nice to not have to worry about leaving something behind because you know mom or dad will buy you another one.

" _ **Ohhh, sometimes, I pray for you at night  
Someday, maybe you'll see the light  
Oh, sometime, in life, you're gonna get what you give  
But some things, only God can forgive."**_

Prayer well maybe it worked for some people. It brought Ryann comfort she was always seeking shelter in churches. As for me I stopped believing in god or miracles a long time ago.

We didn't waste time in the shower even though most teams were done till after the holiday break, you just never knew when someone would come in early to get some practice in.

We quickly dried off going to the dyer where we pulled out our clothes along with some we found in the lost and found. We washed them, threw them in to the dryer before we showered.

Dressing quickly Ryann sent a thank you to god for giving us this small blessing as we went into the bathroom to wash up and pee. Our next stop was done carefully as we went to the kitchen which was pitch black. The staff was due soon so we hurried grabbing fruit, wrapped pop tarts and breakfast bars. Which we threw in our street bags.

Throwing those bags into our lockers we grabbed our school bags looking around to make sure no one was around we wordlessly slipped back out the first floor door to the gym using my key to lock it.

We still had time before school was to start so we met up with J-Lu at Mama G's cafe which is two blocks from our school. Even at 5 in the morning it was filling up with kids from all five schools.

We didn't talk as we walked quickly through crip territories not wanting any trouble. I felt the eyes of several members watching us. I heard her mutter a silent thank you to god for allowing us to get to the cafe safety no one started trouble inside Mama's cafe she'd bash them with her bat if they tried.

Neither of us had any money to buy anything yet Mama G didn't even hesitate to give us coffee and some warm muffins as we sat down. Leaning my head back I yawned waiting for Jean who walked in a few moments later. To damn Cheerful for this early morning.

" _Morning bitches what a fabulous day it is to"_

Groaning I flipped her the bird as she kissed our checks Ryann squealed jumping up as someone came in carrying a boombox which blasted TLC. Her favorite group I didn't even open my eyes to know they were our girls Keynesian AKa Baby K Chinchilla who's 15 and her older sister Tonnie T-Mix Chinchilla.

" _Bitch look alive no matter how hard a night it was girl you lived through it your breathing it's more then some of our bitches out there."_

I felt Jean flop beside me grabbing my muffin which I was too sick to my stomach to touch. I felt her breath against my skin as she pulled me to her. I knew she was right but I just for a few minutes wished someone gave a damn about my pain.

Baby K slapped my shoulder dancing as TLC's beats filled the room most of the girls were now up dancing with Ryann, Baby K and T-mix singing along. Sounding just as amazing and looking just as tight as T-Boz, Chilli and Lisa always did in their videos.

I had no left over energy to join them I just wanted to sleep, drink my coffee and hope to make it through today without falling asleep in class, I didn't need CPS on my ass now. No luck of course Ryann grabbed me pulling me up. Whenever there's a beat or a song to be sung she's there.

" _ **I think none of us are safe  
We been in and out the race  
Cries they echo into space  
Tragedies we have to face**_

 _ **I lost some friends…some friends that I didn't want to  
I lost some stars…my heart bleeds red, white and blue  
I've been in and out of the fire battling for you  
Bleeding on American soil"**_

This song spoke to me on so many levels even though it was soft it got me moving thinking of the soldiers who were out there fighting for our freedom. If they could march into a battlefield lined with snippers, bombs, knowing they might never make it home. Most of them no more than a few years older then I am now. Maybe I could take my pain, my suffering shove it away use it as strength to get through another day with just enough grace to know I was lucky to have another chance to make something with my life.

" _ **I bleed American gold  
On this American soil  
We pay for the price it costs  
I bleed this American gold  
I cry for the one's I lost  
I pray for the ones that don't  
I'm bleedin' on American Soil  
I'm needin' this American gold"**_

I was alive I had a chance to go to school study work hard and maybe make my pain mean something. If I fought every battle I might just win this war, I don't know what my future holds where I will end up. Maybe though I can change the world someday.

" _ **Feelin' undefeated  
From the ones who try to have power over you  
Don't let 'em control you  
Can't let 'em get through  
Get through**_

I had to try right for my friends who didn't get to make it. I had to live for them, so their names could live on. They can't be forgotten. These streets are like a war zone everyday every night is a new battle. Not every kid makes it out alive.

 _ **Won't you let 'em know right now  
You won't let 'em drag you  
Yeah, you always gon' pull through…pull through  
You're coming out strong strong strong"**_

It wouldn't be easy not with so many people, things against me but if I held back my tears, if I sung louder danced a little crazy stuck by my friends maybe we could make it, Ryann grabbed me bumping our hips as Mama cheered thumping her fists on the bar counter tapping her feet. She's a pretty cool lady to let us come in here and let loose like this.

Maybe if there were more people like her maybe America would be a stronger kinder better place. Maybe kids like me would get to be kids a little longer.


	14. Chapter 14

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

 **12/24/99**

Here's the thing about not having a home to sleep in you have to watch your back at all times. So when the rest of the world is sleeping I am up protecting what little belongings I have left. Even other homeless people will try to steal from you they don't care if I'm a girl or if I'm young. To them the better they think they can beat me rape me steal from me, it brings joy to their night.

I will not be another statistic I plan to survive the streets staying awake. Daytime is when most homeless people sleep, I can't however since I have school. The lack of sleep well it catches up to you at some point all day. I kept yawing trying to not draw attention to myself.

" _Miss Lindsay I am so sorry are we keeping you up?" I'm so sorry my class has interrupted your beauty sleep"_

The rest of the class laughed as Mr. Johnson came up to me while I was stiffing another yawn. I looked up to him as I heard Rustic Bowman the football captain yell out " _S_ _hame on you Mr. J ugly needs all the beauty rest she can get U-G-L-Y"_

" _It's okay Mr. Johnson apology accepted"_ I flashed him a killer smile.

" _That was Sarcasm Miss. Lindsay"_

" _Oh well you need to work on your timing "_

This got the class laughing with me now instead of at me not that I cared if they laughed at me. I was use to it. Laughing along with them I tried to keep my eyes open I knew Mr. Johnson was fuming at me. " _Since you think this is funny Miss Lindsay march your ass up front and spell Abstemious"_

Most of the boys whistled as I walked up front which made me feel uncomfortable was that all guys would ever see me as? It didn't make me feel beautiful it made me feel used dirty cheap.

" _ABSTEMIOUS- Not self indulgent when eating or drinking "Well we only had a bottle" "How very abstemious of you"_ I don't think he excepted me to get it because he gritted his teeth firing another word at me. The class watched at full attention now.

" _Calamity Miss Lindsay"_

" _Calamity -Sir' Calamity An event with disastrous consequences"_

" _This could have been a calamity Sir if I didn't study"_

More laughter from the class as they clapped for me I bowed Mr. Johnson however didn't stop firing more words at me.

" _Ignominious Miss Lindsay"_

" _Ignominious Sir' Humiliation disgrace" "Being called out in front of your class is Ignominious"_

" _Maelstrom-_

" _Maelstrom Destructive whirlpool which rapidly sucks in objects" ""My Brain is a Maelstrom sucking in these vocab words"_

He finally gave up as I collapsed in my seat so exhausted physically and mentally J-Lu slapped my back hugging me kissing my head. " _Great job babe"_

" _Not bad Miss Lindsay however now I want you to write an essay with 50,000 words on why staying awake in class is essential to an education"_

I groaned as he laughed damn it would I ever get a break?


	15. Chapter 15

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: J_Lu**

" _Poverty depression, disease, death hope their all apart of what makes Rent such a social phenomenal"_

Mrs. Stefania was bouncing up and down in the front of her room so excited it made me smile. I watched Erin struggling to pay attention my heart broke for her. No one knows what it's like to have no shelter no food. How long has it been since Erin's eaten? When was the last time she slept? She was staring at the apple on Mrs. Stefania's desk that Carol Stevenson had brought she's the class suck up.

Was Erin's stomach hurting? She looked uncomfortable yet she's never one to say when she's hurt or tired or sick. Most people would never know how hard her life is. How her mom treats her like crap, uses her abuses her throws her out. I know because I am just like her.

I was born fifteen years ago to my parents Noell and Jadin Moreau in Paris, France. I was assigned male gender at birth which made my parents ecstatic they already had two perfect little girls my sisters Agale, Astrid.

From the time I was a little kid though I knew being male was wrong. I never felt like I was in the right body. I was always playing with Barbie dolls, playing dress up with my sisters experimenting with makeup, when other boys were playing baseball, riding bikes, I was in ballet class, doing vocal exercises, sewing my own outfits always lined with loads of sequins, glitter, rime stones.

My parents and I fought all the time over this. They were embarrassed angry at what they called my rebellion. They didn't believe me when I would tell them no I am not acting out I am a girl! I am not suppose to be a boy, god made a mistake. I refused to wear boy clothes, I would rip their outfits off which angered them, my dad would hit me, he called me a freak, a disgrace. He said he was horrified to have me as an off spring. My mom told me to my face to stop this behavior it was sinful I was going to hell or I could get out.

I left when I was eleven I slept in the bus terminal the first night scared I would be killed or raped. Angry that my parents didn't understand my pain my confusion. Confused because I didn't understand why god hated me why he gave me a boys body when in my heart in my brain I knew I was a girl.

I tried to panhandle but I was so young scrawny inexperienced the few dollars I made I was lost when I got jumped. Which left me shaken I knew that leaving was a mistake, I knew I was in over my head however I also knew I could never go home. So I did something that changed the course of my life.

I remember the day well it was shortly after 2 am on a Thursday morning. I was cold soaked from the down pour, hungry I hadn't eaten in three days. I was so tired of living like that of being lost confused forsaken that I considered throwing myself in front of a car.

I started to I was in a daze yet I remember walking towards the street exhausted in pain dizzy. When I felt a strong pair of hands grab me shoving me behind him. This stranger took my arm gently yet firmly lead me into a coffee shop brought me coffee and a sandwich. He stroked my forehead he brushed back my hair. He told me I was beautiful that he loved my dress.

He made me feel special, worthy he promised me he would help me out get me out of France, he told me I could live with him in his Flat in London, all I had to do was help him. His wife had left him three months ago he was too heartbroken to date but being a guy he still had sexual needs. If I was willing to help him he'd help me.

I was eleven scared homeless and angry at my parents so I would of done anything to get out. I did do anything, anything he wanted on the bus I let him touch me, kiss me. I let him take me into the bathroom, I gave him my virginities.

I didn't know it was wrong at the time. Someone else on the plane however did, they figured out what was going on inside the bathroom reported it to the stewards who called the cops. They met us at the airport in London.

While I was there awaiting to see a social worker I was talking to another kid Damian who had been in the system for years, he scared me telling I would be sent back. So I ran again this time I was alone on the streets of London.

A Few weeks on the streets which were horrible I met a young man who was a college student he promised me a better life in America. When we got to the airport on Chicago though I knew something wasn't right when I saw money exchanged and the kid pointing to me so I took off.

After a few weeks on the streets I found a place in Boystown Called Quilted Unity which is a cafe that almost all the LGBTQ homeless youth go to after hours.

The cafe is where I met Erin she was standing on top of a table holding up a liquor bottle toasting to Life, she was beyond drunk but she looked beautiful smiling from her eyes as well as her mouth. She had her arms around two boys one I learned was called Gavin, thee other his boyfriend Marvin.

She was giving some speech about how that even though life may seem hopeless and painful there's beauty in the world starting with friendships like they had.

I was shy to approach her when I first came in but the owner of the Cafe Mimi called me over Erin saw me standing there nervous and came over throwing her arms around me. " _Welcome to the Rainbow baby"_ She kissed my check laughing as she pulled me into the circle of friends. She called me J-Lu because she was too damn drunk to get out Jean- Luc. It's kind of stuck now.

After a year of being on the streets I met my now boyfriend Blake Stacks he started as a customer, he became my regular Monday and Friday appointments. He paid generously and treated me like a queen, even though he's older Thirty-Two it never seemed to matter we both liked the same movies, music, clubs.

I moved in with Blake six months ago he's amazing in many ways but he has his issues, he has a temper he's controlling and when he forgets to take his HIV medication he gets depressed which leads him to drink and that fuels his rage.

Blake has never gotten physically violent with me yet I know it worries Erin. She's very protective. As I am of her, I want to snatch the apple from Mrs. Stefani's hands she throwing it up in the air like she's teasing Erin.

I could read Erin's mind from across the room even though she's not into Fruit as a first choice she would take anything right now. Have you ever had an ache so deep ache inside it tears you up so bad it tears at your muscles settles in your bones. Never leaves you no matter how much you feed it.

You feel weak like you can't stand anymore like you're going to vomit. All you can focus on is food, Mexican, Chicken fried grilled sautéed, Soup, salad Potatoes mashed, baked, sweet. Gravy no sour cream fries loaded with cheese and bacon. Lobster, Coconut shrimp, Baby back ribs, Apple Crumb pie. I could see it in her eyes she was starving.

I was shocked she controlled herself enough to not attack Mrs. Stefania. When it's not food it's sleep that she's thinking about. I know because that's exactly what I use to do. When I would get it where would it be safe? Would there be bugs? Would the bed be clean? Hell would there be a bed? A blanket? A roof? What would I have to do just to get that bed?

" _Lindsay"_ Erin's head snapped up as did mine Mrs. Stefania came closer juggling that damn apple. Why was she looking at Erin? Did she miss a question? I must of missed it as well. I looked around no one was snickering was that good or bad?

" _Yes Mrs. Stefania?"_

She sat the apple down on Erin's desk I knew Erin wanted to snatch it up and eat it right than and there. Except there's no eating in class, besides I knew she'd save it for Teddy her little brother. Pay attention Lindsay I willed her to focus it's not easy.

" _Can you tell me what musical we were discussing?"_

The look on her face told me she had no clue, Rent I wanted to whisper Rent I couldn't though so I did the only thing I could think of, I jumped up onto the top of my desk and started singing.

" _ **Five hundred twenty-five thousand  
Six hundred minutes  
Five hundred twenty-five thousand  
Moments so dear  
Five hundred twenty-five thousand  
Six hundred minutes  
How do you measure - measure a year?  
In daylights - in sunsets  
In midnights - in cups of coffee  
In inches - in miles  
In laughter - in strife"**_

" _Rent!"_ Lindsay shouted out as the whole class started throwing things at me while I danced from desk to desk as the bell rung. Mrs. Stefania squeaked flapping her arms " _Get down!" "J- Lu! Principle now!"_ _"Lindsay up front now!  
_


	16. Chapter 16

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Requiem**

 **12/23/99 6 pm**

" _Thanks baby it was alright"_

Alright? Was he serious? I was amazing anger coursed through me as he zippered up throwing money at me like I was a common whore. Control yourself I told myself I couldn't afford to lose any money.

When I heard the door slam I screamed. Tears of frustration poured through me my breathing was fast I knew that. Leaning against the wall gripping it so tightly I felt the blood rushing to my fingers. I told myself it would just be a little longer.

Taking a few steps towards the mirror I let out a few shaky breaths sitting down in front of it. I stared back at the image reflected. Swallowing the against the lump in my throat who was this girl staring back at me?

I didn't even recognize her anymore. Touching my face which was still swelling thanks to the beat down that girl and her crew gave me tonight. I felt the tears slowly start to fall. How did I end up here?

I use to be somebody important I use to be pretty confident I was loved/ I loved back. At least I thought I was loved by a few people. Maybe it was just a lie after all if they loved me would I truly be here now?

My hands slide to my bulging stomach eyes closing as I could almost smell his scent. Feel his tiny facial hairs of his chin tickling me as he wrapped his arms around my waist we were in the gym laughing. I don't remember over what now. It doesn't matter though all that matters was how he made me feel back then loved protected, valued. Like I could do anything be anybody.

He always called me his Cheery he said I would change the world. I can still hear his voice." ** _Do not let your fire go out, sparked by irreplaceable spark. And the hopeless swamps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish._** _And lonely frustration for the life you deserved but never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists. It is real._ ** _It is possible. And it is yours_** _."_

He was wrong though my fire was dull now the spark had been drowned out by too many damn lies. The Hopeless swamps were not quite they were screaming at me. I was no hero to anyone. Life was not meant for me to be happy to be amazing. Life was just something to get by.

My stomach hurt bad closing my eyes I felt a few tears slip out. " _I'm sorry little bean I know mommies not being very good to you right now, I'm trying though Scout keep hanging on, I promise you it will get easier"_

" _She's right bean"_ I spun startled seeing my boyfriend Nick come in his smile makes me feel desired sexy. He wrapped his arms around me kissing my neck. Taking my hand he lifted me up leading me to the bed.

" _Your doing so well little Mama with all these clients we should have enough to blow Chicago and start our new life"_ Nick kissed my neck taking off my shirt roughly feeling my breasts as he pushed me down. Climbing on top of me. I close my eyes wishing I was back home.

Home I longed for it with such a passion. Even if I wasn't welcome there it had to be better then where I was now. Of course I thought the opposite when I was there. That's why I left with Nick to start with.

" _Brooke baby oh Brooke yes damn baby you know how much I love you"_

There was no stopping a gasp from escaping my mouth as he pushed himself inside of me roughly. I knew he wasn't trying to hurt me Nick loves me he's always protected me. He was doing all this so I could start a new life so I could have our baby in a new town where no one knew us judged us or tried to tear us apart.

Brooke he used my real name I hadn't heard him or anyone call me Brooke in such a long time. Maybe it was better if he didn't Brooke was gone. I wasn't that little innocent girl now.

" _Please don't call me Brooke"_

" _Why not baby it's just us now Brooke is your name it's beautiful to"_

" _When we_ _'_ _re in public your Requiem,_ _I'm Spencer_ _baby but here when it's just the two of us, You will always be my little Beautiful Raven my Brooke Davis, Innocent cheerleader who believed in fairy-tales and prince charming"_

I never believed in Fairy- Tales he was delusional. I let him have his fantasies though after all I had mine. It's why I am here where I am now because I let my mind lie to me trick me into thinking that this dumb idea of us running away together would somehow lead us both to a better life.

" _Brooke's dead Nick I'm not that little girl from Tree Hill anymore, I don't even know who I am anymore"_

People would be surprised to know so many things about me, most would not be surprised to see me selling myself on the streets to survive. Back home I was always known as the brainless slut, the party girl, the one voted most likely to screw her life up, get pregnant screw up that poor kids life.

They were wrong dead wrong well about most of it anyway. Yes I partied way too much back home, yeah I slept around a lot before Luke it was my only way to deal with the overwhelming loneliness the ugliness I felt from life, I just wanted to matter to someone. My parents were more than happy to throw money at me scream at me tell me I was worthless, stupid ugly a slut. Someone who had no talent no ambition no real shot at succeeding at anything expect being a washed up drug addicted loser.

Life was dark to me darker than it ever was to Peyton but unlike her where she swelled in it got inspired by it loved it used it to make it her style, her charm. I shoved it inside, I buried it with booze, sex drugs. I plastered on smiles fake cheer phony quotes of happiness. I use to wonder of this darkness had a name. I know some would call it depression. Clinically I guess that's what it was. In my heart though I call it Requiem, a chant for the dead. That's how I always felt dead. To the world who only saw me as what they wanted to the vision they were told through the small town gossiping lying rumor mill.

To my so called friends who fueled the damn mill with their jealously petty hate they never just let me be me. They raised me to this impossible pedal stool as if I was a goddess who could do no wrong, only to sabotage me trying to bring me down just so they could talk, laugh, whisper and point. Teenage years maybe we should call them the years of cruelty lies and hatred. How does it always find us? I was honestly just trying to live my life. Be happy yet I could never find it. I don't know when Requiem found me did I actively seek her out? Did she sneak into my room late one night and rape my innocence?

Lucas, Peyton thinking of them brought a fresh new pain to my heart a new wave of tears to my eyes. Did they miss me? Did they notice I was gone or did they not give a damn? I doubted they gave a damn. If they did why weren't they looking for me?

After a shower Nick held my hand as we went downstairs to the dinner table. Nick's brother Oliver Chavez was setting the table along with his wife Chloe, their daughter Sunset and their son Max who grinned at me coming over to kiss my check.

Their house is gorgeous I know I should feel lucky. I got to stay here instead of the streets. Yet I didn't feel grateful I felt used dirty sick. I was so damn tired of keeping this a secret but I knew I had to if anybody ever found out the truth I was dead.

" _Everything looks great thank you Chloe"_

Oliver's wife smiled at me as we sat down. " _Your very welcome Requiem please have a seat enjoy"_ Sunset kept looking at me I don't know what it is about her yet she makes me very uneasy. So I focused instead on Chloe who asked.

" _So Requiem how are you feeling? I know it can be tough how far along are you now?"_

Swallowing against the rising lump again I let out a shaky breath play the role Brooke play the role. " _I'm about four months now"_

Not a lie she smiled " _I remember being Four months the exhaustion was overwhelming at times, I ate like a damn horse thanks to you two"_ She lovingly threw a napkin at both her kids who shrugged laughing. _"Aw mom don't blame us for your expanding waist line that was just old age and the fact dad's a world class cook"_ Max kidded with his mom who gasped hitting his arm playfully " _Did you just call me fat son?" "No mom no I said your beautiful for your old age" "So you called me old?" "Well how would you feel with no dessert tonight son since apparently I need to diet"_

Sunset gasped _"Apologize you heathen some of us have been dieting all week just to get dad's amazing pecan pie"_ Max shrugged " _Some us us don't need pie we just need to keep dieting after all you want to make regionals don't you sis? Than maybe you should lose about twenty more pounds"_ Sunset stared at him open mouthed that was rude. I wanted to say something I was always a firm believer in size was just a number it shouldn't define a person. However I felt out of place here. I knew he was teasing in a way still I knew it hurt her.

I use to be her pretty popular with goals. Sunset threw her napkin down racing up the steps. Oliver's voice rang out " _Don't be such a drama queen_ _S_ _unset get back down here eat our dinner your mom worked hard on this for all of us"_ The slamming of the door echoed in the house. Oliver shock his head letting out a deep breath. " _Sorry about that Nick, Requiem uh teenage girls you know right?"_ He nudged Nick's arm playfully " _You better hope for a boy man their a lot less work" "Well I'm sure whatever we have will be amazing I would love a daughter if she was as beautiful as her mama"_ Nick kissed my check. _"So tell us Requiem were you that hormonal as a teenager? Do you remember? I know it was a long time ago"_

How old did Nick tell them I was? I looked to him for any clues feeling sick to my stomach again. Nick just laughed _'They all go through their phrases Oliver it will pass but my Requiem has always been mature for her age that's why I love her so much"_

 _ **Dear Chase**_

 _ **Yeah I like that name maybe I will name my baby that, what a story that will be to tell my son someday, or my daughter it could be a unisex name I guess, anyway for now Chase you are my only true friend I know when I write in your pages what I have to say will stay just between us.**_

 _ **Some days are harder than others I feel like I am chasing waterfalls. I try to catch their brilliant colorful waves but instantly they change becoming faster more powerful streams leading me further away from my dreams.**_

 _ **I'm scared I don't even recognize who I use to be anymore. How did I end up here?**_

 _ **I should of listened to Peyton. She told me Nick was bad news yet I didn't. I never thought he was prince charming but he was there for me when Lucas and Peyton betrayed me.**_

 _ **It's all moving too fast. Tonight Nick asked me to marry him. I said yes I am so scared but Nick is an amazing man, I love him he will make an amazing daddy to you little bean.**_

 _ **Chase**_

 _ **Maybe it will be better we leave Tomorrow for Ireland will start a new life there he has a friend there. Christmas in Ireland sounds fantastic.**_

 _ **Dreams Aspirations he keeps telling me to chase them. I'm trying but they just seem so far away. Will I ever find my rainbow?**_

I felt sleep closing my eyes as I put my journal down. I heard the door opened figuring it was Nick. So I shoved it under my pillow as I let the exhaustion win over.


	17. Chapter 17

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Hank Voight**

 **12/24/99 11 am**

Christmas Eve Day started out cold and snowy the temperature couldn't be higher than 33. My hands were so cold they were almost frozen even the super sized boiling cup of coffee wasn't helping to warm them up.

" _You sure this girl is going to show Hank?"_ Alvin Olinsky my partner for over ten years asked in doubt as he jumped up and down to keep warm. His eyes watching each person that stepped foot in the park. For a holiday the park was packed even at Eleven am. Kids too young to be in school ice skated happily clutching cups of hot chocolate or each others hands. Parents either stood in the bleachers watching cheering or yelling instructions.

Business men, women hurrying along trying to keep warm sipping coffee or tea chatting on cell phones. No one paid any attention to myself or Alvin as we stood against the tree waiting watching.

" _If she knows what is good for her she will I got enough on her to throw her sorry butt into Juvie till she's 18"_

" _She's not stupid though Hank she knows we need her to make a case against her dad, We lock her up she knows we know she'll shut down"_

" _Have faith Alvin have a little faith"_

" _Faith Hank all I want is a warm blanket a cold beer and a relaxing couch"  
_

" _All in time my friend"_

" _You wouldn't want to be out here watching Lexi skate?"_

" _My girl isn't stupid she may only be two but she knows when the temp is below 70 she stays her butt where its warm"_

" _One day Hank you'll have a daughter than you to shall see"_

Someday if I had a daughter he had no idea just how much I wanted a daughter. Although I doubt that it would ever happen. Camille and I are both dedicated to our careers. We have a son Justin that seems to be enough for her. She doesn't want a lot of kids. She works with some of the most messed up kids in Chicago everyday she seems to think being an only child is better for Justin and she swears girls are so much worse than boys to raise.

It's easier with boys somehow boys are naturally born tougher, they play sports right out of the womb or at least Justin did. He's a very typical child.

He whines, he pouts, he doesn't always do as he's told. But 9 out of 10 times, he's really good. He is always thanking me for doing things for him, taking him places, feeding him. He's the most grateful child I know. He's a goody two-shoes like his mom. Totally keeps track of any swearing or yelling by any family member. He really hates yelling. He likes things quiet. He loves to snuggle. And he loves Baseball and Power Rangers!

I often wonder what it would be like to have a girl. Someone to take to Ballet lessons, cheer practices, braid her hair after combing it to the point of almost making her bald while she screamed someone to play dress up with not that I want to but I would for any little girl, I was lucky enough to father.

Someone who I can help guide and mold to deal with all life has to throw at her girls have to deal with a lot of challenging things today pressure to be liked by others, pressure to have sex, body image, mean girls, teen pregnancy, rape.

Sunset came hurrying up as Alvin and I rose to meet her. She was paranoid I could see it in her eyes which darted all over the place. " _You came see Alvin I told you she would show"_

" _Thought I wouldn't?"_ Sunset laughed nervously slipping me a card with information written down and a wire tap. " _Dad's making a trade tonight, he has this girl Requiem I don't know much about her"_

" _Any information is helpful Sunset"_

" _Her real name is Brooke Davis, she's maybe 16 or 17 oldest, she's from someplace called Tree Hill. She goes by Requiem now as I said, she's four months pregnant. She believes she's going to Ireland to marry her "Boyfriend" My uncle Nick"_

" _She's not though I assume"_ Alvin muttered trying to stay warm Sunset shock her head. " _My uncle has been working with my dad by requiting girls from his high school he teaches at, he's sold three to him so far each from a different state. He uses a different name each school, Dad helps create fake Social Security numbers, profiles for him"_

" _Where's this deal going down?"_

" _Tonight at Ten in the Marriott Suit at the Chicago_ _O'Hare International_ _Airpor_ _t"_

" _Good job Sunset if this proves to be true and we get arrests made will keep our word and drop all charges"_

She breathed out a sigh of relief as she looked around again. No doubt her dad had her on 24 hour surveillances. _"I want you to know I am not just doing this to get my charges dropped, I've been to Jail before I can handle it"_

" _Sweetie these charges wouldn't go away like your previous charges your almost 18 you were caught with 12,000 worth of cocaine you'd be facing federal drug trafficking charges and looking at at least two years in federal prison Daddy's lawyers couldn't get you out this time"_

" _I know that officer Olinsky. I also know what my dad and uncle are doing is wrong, these girls they deserve better"_

" _So prove it give us more information on these girls"_ She hesitated for a second Alvin shock his head I knew he was fed up with her. " _Sunset I will offer you protection if you tell us anything useful"_ She looked at me unsure if she should trust me. " _I protect my CI"_ Letting out a shaky breath she nodded handing us what appeared to be a diary before talking her voice shaking. _"Queen Renegade that's his main girl she works exclusively for my brother Max, but her mom Barbara Fletcher is my dad's side piece she sells for him buys for him and sells her body for him" "Queen is barely 14 yet she's been selling for my dad and Max since she was like seven or eight, she makes the most money for them, Max and her have some kind of sick arrangement. If any girl needs help it's her"_

" _What's her real name?"_

I held my breath I knew that name I hadn't heard it in forever. Barbara Fletcher I often wondered what had happened to her. It had to be at least fifteen years since I saw her or fourteen.

" _Erin Lindsay"_

" _Where does she go to school?"_

" _Harper something it's in Englewood"_

" _You did good Sunset thanks_ _slowly look to your left see the unmarked car it's a black_ _Escalade._ _That officer will tail you. If you ever feel like your endangered go to him, his name is Officer Antonio Dawson"_

Sunset nodded as she hurried off I knew Alvin was fuming. " _Her dad's a sick piece of work Hank, we need to stop him and that uncle" "I know Alvin first we need to find out who Brooke Davis is where Tree hill is and if she has any family looking for her"_

" _Back to the bat cave Robin"_

" _Never say that again Hank"_


	18. Chapter 18

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

" _Erin please come up front"_

Great now what did I do? Students are rarely called up front unless they did something wrong. Did she see through my facade? I've been trying so hard to not let anyone see how exhausted I have been. Not easy since I haven't slept in months.

Swallowing against the fear I slowly made my way up towards her desk as most of the students filed out laughing shoving each other whispering. I saw a few glaring at me a few smiling.

J-Lu of course had long since vanished. Leaving me on my own standing in front of Mrs. Stefani. Who was now looking less hyper as she was a few minutes ago when the last student filed out she turned to me motioning for me to come closer.

" _Erin I don't know what's going on with you sweetie but I hope you have someone to talk to you seem very tired lately spacey which isn't like you"_

" _I'm fine"_

" _I excepted you to say nothing else, I hope it's true because your a bright kid Erin, I can see it in every essay every test, you have a bright future Erin if you don't do anything stupid and blow it"_

" _I'm trying Mrs. Stefani I am, I study every night I do my research I pay attention"_

" _I know you do Erin that's why I Nominated you for the Young Inspiration Awards"_

" _What's that Ma'am?"_

" _You've never heard of them Erin?"_

Would I be asking if I had really? Shaking my head I saw the shock in her eyes as she motioned for me to go behind her desk. I followed slowly unsure I didn't trust grownups easily. She waited patently eying me probably wondering why I moved so slow. Pulling out a sheet of paper she handed it to me.

 _ **The 2000 Inspirational Awards are for Students in grades 9-12**_

 _ **Students who show a promising future in**_ _ **L**_ _ **iterature**_ _ **.**_

 _ **Juniors in the current academic school year are eligible to be nominated by their school's English department. Nominations should be based on whether the writer exhibits power to inform and move an audience through control of a wide range of the English language. Entries are only accepted from teachers.**_

 _ ** **Best Writing** \- one sample which the student considers her or his best work. The best writing may be in any genre or combination of genres (poetry, narrative, argument, expository). An excerpt from a larger piece of writing by the student is acceptable with a paragraph explaining the piece from which the excerpt was taken. Maximum length for the best writing is six (6) pages. The student's name and "Best" must appear in the upper left-hand corner of each page.**_

 ** _ **Themed Writing**_** _ **\- must be written based on the topic developed by the Achievement Awards Advisory Committee. Maximum length for the theme writing is four (4) pages. The student's name and "Themed" must appear in the upper left-hand corner of each page.**_ _ **2000 Achievement Awards"**_

"" _I want you to write about a theme"_

" _What's that ma'am?"_

" _Innocence"_

" _You really think I have a shot Ms. Stefani?"_

" _Yes I do babe I wouldn't suggest this if I didn't but only if your serious, Mrs. Liberty will be the final judge for all students who enter through this school, she agrees you'd be amazing so what do you say babe?"_

" _First place is a full scholarship to any college of your choice and $2,000"_

" _I don't know ma'am I've never won, anything in my life"_

" _Have you ever tried?"_

" _Never really had any chances"_

" _Then how do you know you won't win?"_

My shrugging seem too amuse her because she smiled shaking her head as she squeezed my shoulder, _"I just need you to take this home and have it signed by a parent or guardian bring me a rough draft next week so we can go over it"_

I needed a permission slip? Great how was I suppose to do that? My throat felt dry even thinking about having to go home and ask that women for anything. There was no way she would sign anything not when I still owed her almost a thousand dollars. She must of saw me hesitant because she touched my arm lightly.

" _Erin is there a reason why your parents won't sign for you?"_

" _I'm sure your parents will be proud you have a real talent Erin any parent would be happy that their kid is doing so well in school"_

She didn't understand my mom wasn't like other moms, I considered forging her signature again but I got caught last time. Expelled from my last school which pressed charges, I didn't need the cops breathing down my back again.

" _Erin what do you say are you in?"_

" _Sure of course thank you Ma'am"_

Innocence though really what did I know about that? I had to try though didn't I? My dream was to get out of this town to make something out of myself. I had to be better than my mom. My kids deserved better.


	19. Chapter 19

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: J-Lu**

I saw it in Erin's eyes the look of disgust I couldn't blame her. I knew she was reliving every hit every swear word every insult that was every hurled her way by that vile women. We hadn't seen her yet but it was early we had only arrived at her mom's bar a few minutes ago. As usual it was packed I held Erin's hand as we wound our way through the crowd.

My eyes found her first of course Erin would never find her not when her eyes were casted towards the floor. I knew she didn't want to find her she didn't want to look her mom in the eyes and tell her no when she would ask.

" _Do you have my money bitch?"_

Erin stood frozen in front of her thanks to the patron who had given us away. Already drunk it was barely past three pm. Bunny had looked up when she heard him yell out " _Erin how could you leave us in the middle of a dance?"_

Now we stood in front of her mom who threw her towel down glaring at her daughter. My throat contracted thinking back to last night. As I heard Erin reply softly " _No Mom I don't"_

In a flash her mom had grabbed her arm yanking her in the back I should go after her I should stop what was about to happen, yet I didn't to focused on the glass of beer sitting there on the counter. " _Come on and sit down honey you look like you could use a drink" "What's your name pretty thing?"_

Instead of answering I took a seat without even thinking I drowned the beer which burned as it washed down my throat. I wished it could drown out the pain of Erin's screams that were coming from the back. I wish it could drown out the shame in knowing I had the power to stop her mom from doing what she was doing to her right now. Yet I chose to stay out of it, I chose my own safety. I wish the beer could take away the blame the reasoning for the blame. Erin would tell me to stay out of it she wouldn't want me to get hurt, so I'm doing what she wants, no shame right?

" _Mom I'm sorry please don't! Mom I promise I'll get the money! Please stop!_

" _Mom your hurting me!"_

 **Crash….**

The sound of shattering glass filled the air as the bartender Kerry turned up the music to drown out what everyone knew was going on in the back. Everyone included the three young college ladies taking selfies giggling as they drank their cocktails dancing, the four men in their mid forties who came here every weeknight after they got off their fire shift at the local firehouse station 51, Christopher Herman, Benny Severide, Wallace Boden, Henry Mills. Who all looked towards the doors where Erin's screams came from, who all grimaced when the glass shattered, I saw Mr. Herman's hands clench tightly into fists. I saw Mr. Boden put his hand on his shoulder they knew yet they did nothing.

Why?

They were grownups they were men surely they could take Bunny they could save Erin. They weren't a scared kid like I was. They had power real power they were firefighters they knew cops they knew laws, they could have her arrested, they knew it was wrong.

Another glass shattered as I heard her mom yelling " _You worthless whore what the hell good are you? You can't even get a guy to pay you for sex? Your a goddamn kid for heavens sake! Guys love little virgins like you! So what if your not a virgin act like one lie you little useless bitch!"_

The slam of her backhand echoed against the walls as she struck Erin again, I saw the reflection in the mirror that shook on the wall. Erin's eyes were already turning black, blue one was bleeding, blood was pouring from her nose. She was swaying. I should do something, I needed to do something. Ryann would if she was here. Ryann would charge in, where was she now? Erin needed her.

Looking around I felt the panic rise her mom had dragged her further back. There had to be something I could use. My eyes fell on the pipe laying under the bar counter, could I really do it? I grabbed the beer glass that Kerry shoved my way her eyes full of sympathy. This glass would have to do.

Her eyes anger me. They say so much can be seen through the eyes, the eyes reflect the emotions that our souls try to bury, she knew just like all these other people all these grownups who were suppose to protect us kids who are suppose to help us grow, make sure we get a fair chance to live out our dreams. Some of them who swore to serve to protect. They all fucking knew yet they all sat there motionless not even looking towards the doors. They drank their alcohol hoping that it would wash away their guilt. Their shame.

It won't.

I know it won't because I've tried to do the same. They wash it away for a little while the numbness however eventually fades. Leaving the marks of the memories from the night before. I drown my third beer as I try to gather the courage. The daylight is fading now, leaving me cold.

Someone once asked me if I believed in god. I couldn't answer back then. If someone asked me now though. I would say no. If god existed why would I want to bow to a god who let a child like Erin get beaten? Why would I believe in someone who made me a boy when I was suppose to be a girl? Why would I be thankful to a god who let me get thrown out who let grownups take advantage of me. Who let thousands of kids homeless left on their own to survive.

He is not a god I want to know worship or look up to. Maybe some kids can believe I admire them, I wish I could I wish I could say I believed things would get better that life would get easier that it was all part of his divine plan. I wish he'd share that marvelous plan with me.

" _You want me to sign your stupid permission slip Erin? Why I have no idea do you really think school will help you? It won't studying is a waste of time your stupid Erin you'll never make anything out of yourself"_

" _My teacher says I have talent I know I can go far I know I am smart"_

" _Smart ass yes Erin but smart up here"_ she openly slammed her palm against Erin's head as she threw her out of the doors to the front. The off duty cop sitting there moved taking his beer eyes cast down. Coward I cursed his name as I gripped the beer glass rising my throat felt stuck I couldn't breathe right.

" _No Erin you don't have brains you have an ass Erin use that it's what god made us women for, now start_ _working that ass go to the park meet up with Oliver or Max they have my new supply"_

" _What do I pay them with I have no money"_

" _That sounds like a problem for you to solve you little whore, I'm sure you'll think of something, get me my supply anyway anyhow I don't care, than I'll sign your stupid permission slip"_

" _Don't come back here Erin unless you have my supply_ _you already cost me 1,000 last night_ _"_

I was inches away from slamming the glass across her head, I could do it. I needed to do it. Her hands whipped around so fast I never saw them coming till they were over mine grabbing the glass ripping it from my hands. Shoving me back against the bar counter so hard my heal broke the glass slammed across Erin's face.

" _Both of take this as a warning, get out get me my money or I will make sure you both wish your dead"_

I didn't waste time stumbling up which was not easy with a broken heal and possibly sprained ankle. Grabbing Erin who had fallen against a table half conscious.

I didn't look back.

" _ **Don't you**_ _ **remember**_ _ **I'm your baby girl?**_

 _ **How**_ _ **could**_ _ **you**_ _ **throw**_ _ **me**_ _ **right**_ _ **out of your world?**_

 _ **So**_ _ **young**_ _ **when the pain had**_ _ **begun**_ __

 _ **Now**_ _ **forever**_ _ **afraid of**_ _ **being**_ _ **loved"**_


	20. Chapter 20

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: J-Lu**

 **12/23/99 8:35 pm**

" _ **The shoes on my feet  
I've bought it  
The clothes I'm wearing  
I've bought it  
The rock I'm rocking  
I bought it  
Cause I depend on me  
If I want it  
The watch I'm wearing  
I bought it  
The house I live in  
I've bought it  
The car I'm driving  
I've bought it  
I depend on me  
I depend on me" **_

Queen moved through the packed bar which was pumping full of patrons all wanting to have a drink to get out the last minute stresses of the week of Christmas. Some game was playing on the giant screen TV's that lined the bar not that you could hear what was happening with the music blasting the people shouting the drinks being toasted.

Her right arm held above her head high carrying a tray full of heavy drinks. Her eyes locked with mine as I stood on the bottom floor taking orders from horny college kids too drunk to notice I was transgender a fact I normally would be grateful for. Not so much tonight when their hands wandered a little too freely along my waist line.

Queen was on the top level delivering orders of food and drinks she was in the heart of the crowd one table filled with older guys all cheering and screaming over the game. One table filled with college kids way too young to be that damn drunk one kid slapped her ass. Queen spun around eyes glaring yet her lips remained closed.

" _Dance for us Queen!"_ One of Bunny's regulars who's known Queen since she was a little kid called out almost falling over at how much he had to drink. She gave a little smile helping him to sit down. " _I can't John I'm working Mom's packed tonight three waitress called off so I have to help out"_ She patted his shoulder giving him a water " _What's this shit darlin'?" "Water John you've had enough" "Who said?"_ He got angry pounding the table as she turned to another table taking their orders.

The guys at that table were just as rowdy one grabbed her pulling her into his lap feeling in between her legs. She squirmed getting away playfully slapping his shoulder. " _Y_ _ou can't handle this jelly baby" "Oh I can baby peanut butter can handle any jelly"_ The guys wife slapped him across his face " _Knock it off asshole she's barely legal" "I know Sarah that's why I like her" "Got news fella I ain't legal so stay your lane"_

This shut him up fast as she finished taking the orders. As she passed by me I felt her exhale she was trying to stay calm tonight. She hates working here she hates doing anything for her mom. Yet she is her mom she wants Teddy to have a roof over his head when he comes to visit. If her mom loses business they lose their home which is above the bar. Besides she wanted to buy Teddy a special present and needed more money so she agreed to help out. Christmas week is always jamming.

" _Six '_ _Yuengling_ _s_ _t_ _wo Corr lights an order of extra hot wings blue cheese, Motz sticks and two diet soda's"_

She called out to the cook as she took a drink of water behind the bar helping Starlight who was swamped with orders. " _Dance bitches dance!"_ The patrons started banging on the counter. Both girls laughed keeping the beer flowing but the pounding got worse. Queen's mom Bunny came out from behind the doors leading to the back. " _You want to see them shake their asses?"_ The roar of the crowd was her answer she took her towel and slapped their asses. _"The paying costumers have spoke get up there and dance now"_

Neither girls were happy but they did get up trying not to slip Bunny grabbed a Mic _"Paging all my girls get on up here now they want a show we will give em what they want!"_ Great did this mean me to? Groaning inside I followed Angelia and Gina who were behind Denna and Destiny, Ryann.

Bunny turned up the music even louder as we started to clap our feet pounding against the bar counter. My hand slipped into Ryann's who was going crazy shaking her hips her hair flying she lives for dance for music.

" _ **Time, sometimes the time just slips away  
And you're left with yesterday, left with the memories  
I, I'll always think of you and smile  
And be happy for the time I had you with me**_

 _ **Though we go our separate ways, I won't forget  
So don't forget the memories we've made" **_

Closing my eyes I tried to get the same feelings she did for this. Anything to get through it. I hated how guys stared at me like I wasn't a real women. I felt sick how girls looked at me like they were afraid of me.

 _ **Please remember, please remember  
I was there for you and you were there for me  
Please remember, our time together  
The time was yours and mine and we were wild and free  
Please remember, please remember me **_

When I closed my eyes I could picture myself in the future after I had enough money to afford my gender reassignment surgery. I saw myself standing tall I was already 5'8, someday I would tower over 6' feet I would have long blond hair which I would be unafraid to highlight every rainbow. My chest would be a cute c-cup I didn't want anything to crazy but I sure as hell didn't want to be flat.

What was the point in Transitioning if I was going to be flat? There was none. Spinning I arched my back as my curly blond hair flew behind me. The audience was clapping cheering stomping their feet as Ryann leaped across the bar over Denna and Destiny, now standing next to Queen who was shaking her hips spinning squatting as she gave each of the people in the front a lap dance.

 _ **Goodbye, there's just no sadder word to say  
And it's sad to walk away with just the memories  
Who's to know what might have been?  
We'll leave behind a life and time we'll never know again **_

My approach was different than theirs they got lost in the beat in the rhythm of the song. I went for the music, they tried to forget to get through. No I lived in the moment while dreaming of the future something most of my friends aren't sure they will have. Maybe it's why they tried to forget.

These lyrics were bumming me out a little this was suppose to be a fast paced dance. How can I dance fast sexy when I was now thinking of saying goodbye? It is a sad word to think that someday I may never see these guys again. To know that one day all these moments will just be memories.

To think about what might have been? Were 15 what might have been no it's what will be. We will be great we will be amazing. Yes will leave behind this life, will start a new life free of all this pain doubt fear and anger.

" _ **Please remember, please remember  
I was there for you and you were there for me  
And remember, please remember me  
Please remember, please remember  
I was there for you and you were there for me**_

 _ **Please remember, our time together  
The time was yours and mine and we were wild and free  
Then remember, please remember me" **_

I will always remember my friends because their family they accept me they love me as me. Not Jean- Luc the boy but as J-Lu the girl I was always meant to be. They get my struggles, they support me in my dreams.

 _ **And how we laughed and how we smiled  
And how this world was yours and mine  
And how no dream was out of reach  
I stood by you, you stood by me **_

These lyrics were so right on now. I support them they support me. Denna, Destiny were growing tired now. I watched as Queen wrapped her arms around their waist supporting them. Her smile is brilliant. Pain will always be behind those gorgeous eyes yet she smiles so beautiful she laughs so deep. I know she is seeing the bigger picture all the pain will one day lead to pleasure.

 _ **We took each day and made it shine  
We wrote our names across the sky  
We ran so fast, we ran so free  
I had you and you had me**_

 _ **Please remember, please remember**_

The little impromptu dance actually helped us all have a little more energy to get through the night, which was only getting crazier and busier. We rushed around taking and delivering orders as hands started grabbing at us. I pictured myself on stage putting on a show I treated each new grab as a way to practice my dance moves shaking shimmering. Each time escaping without them knowing what I was doing.

Every time a dance song came on the audience got pumped up demanding we dance so we started dancing in the alley's on tables. Shaking and bumping hips clapping singing out. Queen started sneaking drinks in between every order that she went up to the counter for anything to get through the hands grabbing her ass.

Most of us were slipping sips here and there not her she gulped a whole damn glass, yet it didn't phrase her. She looked amazing in her little short red skirt her halter top that matched and Santa hat.

Everyone saw it that's why she had such a crowd grabbing at her like the guys who couldn't be older than 18 maybe 19 now sandwiching her in between them. Their hands on her hips as she smiled shaking them eyes closed not wanting to see how one of the boys had now started kissing her chest.

 _ **Life goes on  
Life goes on  
Life goes on**_

 _ **You sucked me in  
And played my mind  
Just like a toy  
You would crank and wind**_

 _ **Baby, I would give till you wore it out  
You left me lyin' in a pool of doubt  
And you're still thinkin' you're the Daddy Mac  
You should've known better but you didn't and I can't go back **_

" _You can touch you can look but you can't kiss"_

" _Aw baby don't be a tease"_

" _I'm not your just being a pig"_

This was going to end badly I had a bad feeling this kid was too drunk to understand she wasn't being bitchy just protecting her privacy her body. " _Did you call me a pig you little whore?" "Do your ears work? Because I am not a parrot I don't repeat myself"_

The second guy grabbed her waist pulling her back causing her to lose her balance her tray spilled. Right on to a table with a family as well as the guy behind her trapping her. The family gasped jumping back cursing as the two guys laughed trapping her pressing her to them. " _Now you little bitch apologize or will report you to the police" "Report me for what self defense you dumb asses?" "Assault' "Oh assault in a bar your too young to be served in? Cool go ahead see how the police like having two underage whiny ass kids reporting themselves, have fun in prison over the holidays_ _geniuses_ _"_

 _ **Baby, I would give till you wore it out  
You left me lyin' in a pool of doubt  
And you're still thinkin' you're the Daddy Mac  
You should've known better but you didn't and I can't go back**_

 _ **Oh, life goes on and it's only gonna make me strong  
It's a fact, once you get on board  
Say good-bye 'cause you can't go back  
Oh, it's a fight, and I really wanna get it right  
Where I'm at, is my life before me  
And this feelin' that I can't go back  
**_

She slipped out of their grasps apologizing to the family cleaning them up giving them a free pass for tonight. Smiling I thought the storm had passed till I looked over and saw her mom standing there at the bar arms crossed fuming as soon as Erin came up her eyes changed grabbing her. Queen screamed as she was shoved into the back. Ryann came up beside me shaking. We both knew what was going to happen. That was at least $1,000 she owed her now. We heard Bunny scream out

" _You wanna be a whore than you will earn that money the same way you lost it you little whore now get out there and get me back my money!"_ Her hand flew across Queen's face so fast she lost her balance falling through the doors. Her eyes locked with ours for just a brief second before she took off running just trying to get away from her mom.


	21. Chapter 21

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

 **12/24/1999 Five pm**

"Qu _een"_ I stopped hearing my name being called as three kids came rushing up to me. Looking around to make sure the area was cleared, I hurried to meet them. They slipped me $300 each counting it quickly I nodded and slipped them each an 8 ball.

Catching up with our friends which now included Beats, Legend, Ryann. J-Lu and I didn't talk about what had just happened with my mom. Her hand on my arm told me she knew how much I was hurting though. We kept our eyes out as we walked through the busy streets of downtown each slipping hands into pockets of people passing by stopping to look into shop windows. We were quick and quite by the time we got to the middle school where Teddy, Chameleon, Taser all go we had managed to swipe two hundred dollars.

I had six kids all come up to me as school started to trickle out. "$ _60 ""That'll get you 3 gram"_ _"_ _Ecstasy_ _five taps please"_ _"_ _Aw a junkie that's polite kid toughen up or your gonna get smashed up" "100 mgs Molly"_ I kept dealing and collecting money as the front of the school started to fill up.Grownups were also coming out now so I hid behind the trees as the kids came up grabbed what they wanted paid for it and left rushing to their buses. I know what people would call me selling to kids no older than 12, the way I see it though their gonna get it somewhere I just wouldn't get the money.

" _Sissy!"_ Teddy ran up to me hugging me as I bent down another kid brought Acid from me. " _Erin can we go home now I'm so hungry" "Baby you gonna have to go back to your dad's again" "Why Sissy? I thought Mommy had me now" "She was suppose to Sweeties" "So what happened?" "Mommy_ _isn't feeling well we had a bad fight last night it's not safe there right now_ _" "Where are you going Sissy?" "_ _A_ _round baby you'll have to stay with your daddy for awhile" "How long?" "I don't know till I can scrape enough together to get a place for us" "Promise me Erin?" "Yea baby"_

Teddy was young innocent still believed in the promises that adults made. I didn't I long ago stopped believing in anyone's promises. The only shit I believed in was that promises were made to be broken.

" _Miss"_ I looked up to see a kid standing by me he was maybe about eight. " _Hey Teddy" "Hey Justin"_ As quick as lighting he switched from calling me Erin to Queen.

" _Queen this is my friend Justin he's in Miss. Chandler's class" "Oh your favorite teacher Teddy"_

" _Yeah she was awesome, Justin's my little brother here, I signed up to be a big brother to show the younger kids around"_

" _Nice to meet you Justin" "You to Erin Teddy says you have weed?" "Sure do how much do you want?"_ He looked at Teddy who grinned _"Give her $20 Justin"_ He held out the money as I slipped out the drugs. Justin looked at Teddy who motioned for him to come with us. He followed us to the train station where I found an empty bathroom stall. Lighting up the joint I showed him how to smoke it. He smiled at me starting to smoke it. I watched as his face changed. He relaxed why was this little kid so stressed out? He was what like eight?

What happened to society that we let our kids become shells of themselves? When did kids start turning to drugs to take away so much pain? When did kids start having so much damn pain they started becoming drug addicts?

I guess I shouldn't care I mean after all they give me business. Justin smoked the joint slow coughing. I slapped his back helping him to clear his lungs. His eyes started to become glassed over as the joint got smaller.

Ryann was out on the platform selling along with Taser while J- Lu smoked another joint. Slipping out a 20 Justin gave it to me I slipped him my name and number. Slipping the weed into his pocket. " _Got a name you wanna go by buddy?"_

He stared at me confused I didn't know if it was because he was too young/ naive to understand or just high as a kite now. " _In case I ever get caught the cops can't trace you back to me" "_ _U_ _h cops I hate them" "Yeah I feel ya kid so what's it gonna be?" "Call me Gold" "Cool okay when you page me make sure you say your codename" "Got it what was yours again?" "It's_ _Queen I've it_ _written down kid now get going I have other costumer_ _s_ _I need to serve"_

" _Whatever you do kid don't let your mom catch you or your dad"_

" _No worries there'll never home"_

So that was this kid's issue he felt abounded by his parents. Shaking my head I felt bad for this kid, I almost wanted to warn him that drugs weren't going to help him if anything it was going to lead him down a more dangerous path, give him even greater problems as he got older. Not my problem though I had other issues I needed to worry about mainly my mom.


	22. Chapter 22

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Trudy Platt**

 **12/ 24/ 99 3 pm**

" _Excuse me Officer I'm looking for an Alvin Olinsky?"_

We turned to see a women standing there with short black hair four teenagers standing nervously by her a boy around 5'9 with short black hair blue eyes which were filled with worry as he held the hand of a shorter girl with wavy brown hair, dark brown eyes that were filled with tears wearing light blue jeans a flowery top. Next to her was a taller girl with darker features skin tight black jeans a black tank top with a mesh black and purple top over it. The mesh one had a guitar etched into it. Her blond curls looked damp from sweat or tears? Her green eyes looked dull in pain helplessness fear was it guilt? She clutched the hand of the fourth teen a blond headed shorter boy who looked angry.

" _Officer Olinksy is with someone right now may we help you?"_

" _I'm Karen Roe I'm here because my son's best friend Haley James got a call from Alvin Olinksy regarding our girl Brooke Davis"_

My head snapped towards them now fully focused I called out to a fellow officer " _Get Olinsky out here now! Requiem's guardians are here"_ I motioned for them to follow me I saw their confusion in their faces when I called her Requiem going into one of the interrogation rooms I offered them drinks which they declined. _"Thank you for coming so quickly I'm Officer Platt, I'm sorry how did you say you were related?"_

" _I'm Karen Roe Brooke's parents left her in my care last summer when they moved to California, it's been a rough year so far, I can't believe this has happened, she seemed so happy what went wrong. I keep asking Lucas he doesn't even know"_

" _Lucas is?"_

Olinsky came in with Voight closing the door I introduced Karen to the two of them. " _Lucas is my son"_ She pointed to the blond headed kid who sat up straighter Alvin turned towards him. _"What was you're relation to her?"_ _"Friends" "Just friends?" "Sometimes more yeah" "Luke stop being so vague answer their questions!"_ I handed them a picture of Requiem from Sunset's phone " _Is this Brooke Davis?"_ Karen nodded covering her mouth tears falling out in rapid speed. Why was she so upset? I heard both girls gasp as they grabbed the photo.

" _That's Brooke now?"_

" _Yes well she's going by the street name Requiem right now, why do you sound so shocked?"_

The blond girl handed us a photo of Brooke from back home _"I'm Peyton Sawyer Brooke is my best friend she looks so different now"_ The girl in the photo looked completely different her checks were rosy filled her eyes a beautiful shade of hazel that seemed to have a mixture of green, she might of weighed around 120 her hair was shiny full of body a mousy light brown/ blond highlighted bundle of waves down to her shoulders. She had on some expensive designer clothes.

" _Tell me about the Brooke you knew how was she in school? What kind of person is she? What did she mean to you?"_

The blond girl looked to the girl with the wavy Burnett hair who spoke up. " _I'm Haley James"_ She swallowed nervous tears falling down her eyes. _"_ _Brooke is well she's incredible she's brave, fierce, loyal, stubborn uh she did well in school most subjects anyway she struggled in English a little and Math she sucked at but she loved Art, music history she generally earned A's B's"_

Peyton spoke up next sitting up straighter her eyes flowing with tears her body shaking. " _She's very athletic a cheerleader, dancer she sings beautifully no one knows it, she's flirtatious, she liked to party"_

" _She means the world to us, even if she doesn't think she does"_

She started crying harder now the blond boy wrapping his arms around her she buried her head on his shoulder. Haley rubbed her back as Voight started asking the questions now. " _Why wouldn't she think she means something special to you?"_ The teens all changed looks none of them seemed to want to speak first. " _I get that you all care for her I can see it, I can even feel the love so I won't sugar coat this she's in danger, every minute we waste she sinks further away"_

" _What kind of trouble Officer?"_ The other kid spoke up first his shoulders looked tense his hand squeezing Haley's who was trying to remain stronger than her friend. " _We believe she's about to be sold to sex traffickers"_ All of them gasped Nathan closed his eyes suddenly banging his fist against the table jumping up cursing. " _Damn it God Fucking damn it! I told you this shit would happen why didn't you listen to me? Huh why Luke?"_

None of us excepted him to grab the blond boy so fast slamming him against the wall causing Karen to scream out. " _Nathan stop he's still you're brother!"_ Voight and Olinsky pulled him off quickly restraining him. The other boy was motionless his body tense breathing heavy as Peyton ran to him hugging him. " _See that's what I'm talking about you two just can't keep you're damn hands off of each other even now, when Brooke's out there scared hurt!"_

" _You two make me sick!"_

" _Quite all of us if you can't remain calm will separate all of you"_

They stopped arguing sitting down in separate corners fuming Haley sat by Nathan Peyton by Lucas, Karen in the middle of them all. Voight pulled a chair closer to Lucas who became nervous. Why was the question running through my mind?

" _You said you_ _think she's about to be sold so she's here in Chicago you have eyes on her"_ Karen asked hopefully her eyes filled with panic, fear, anger confusion so many emotions. Her left hand was on her head like it hurt just hearing this information. Her checks were beat red like she had just been slapped.

" _I can't believe any of this she was living with us before this I tucked her in every night. I kissed her face, I sung to her, I prayed with her she trusted me why didn't she talk to me? How did I not see this? I keep staring at her empty room searching for some sign I keep her light on, I don't know why it's stupid I know, it's not going to bring her home, yet I can't shut it off"_

 _ **This house is filled with pictures of someone I love  
I still hear your voice.  
I think Of Your your smile/ I stare at your picture**_

 _ **I can't help but worry are you safe?  
Your clothes haven't smelled like your clothes in awhile.  
I keep your room the same waiting for you/  
We'll leave the light on until my baby comes home.  
We'll leave the light on for our little girl**_

" _Ma'am it's perfectly natural that's nothing to be ashamed of, you didn't do anything wrong. I know you're scared worried sick, you're blaming yourself, honestly I'm sure you did everything right, kids leave for all kinds of reasons, even when they are loved, sometimes they get lead astray or they let their emotions take control"_

She wasn't saying it but I knew she was reminded of her loss everyday when she saw Brooke's empty room. Like many moms who's kids are among the missing she probably went in their room sat on their bed held their favorite stuffed animal, read their journal searched desperately for any missing clues. She held out hope that Brooke would get lonely or scared and remember how much she was loved come home.

Now she was facing the harsh reality over **460,699** **American families faced this year that their son/ daughter is now just one of those missing/ exploited children, another baby faced kid all with someone somewhere out there who misses them who wants them home safe. Their families face what this family is now facing the agony of knowing they are so close to getting their dreams answered only to have them ripped away again.**

 **Endangered Runaway** the words glare at us from the laptop as I show them the website for missing/ Exploited kids now that we know for sure she is Brooke Davis we can really get somewhere.

I fire up the website thankfully that the police in her town did what so many don't when the teen is above 13. They took the right steps they took her case seriously. Karen is still shaking her head. _"Ma'am I know this is hard"_ Voight has taken her hand now, gently squeezing it. Her head snaps up her mouth forms a bitter twisted scowl as she snaps back at him. " _Do you? Really do you? Do you have kids Officer?" "Yes I do a son who's eight" "Has he ever been missing?" Once actually yes when he was five he let go of my hand in an instant he vanished in the mall it was father's day weekend, Justin was missing for six hours before we found him"_ She was stopped cold unable to snap now tears ran down her face she started shaking " _I'm so sorry I shouldn't have that .. it's horrible I..._ Luke let go of Peyton's hand wrapping his arms over his mom's shoulders now kneeling in front of her.

My heart breaks for her I don't have kids myself but I feel like I am a mother to all these kids out there. Years of working the beat seeing them all earing their trust.

 **Late at night, when she thinks she's all alone _  
_She prays to God _  
_"Lord, I don't know how much longer I can hold us together. _  
_Alone, it's becoming so hard."**

 **Send me a sign please lord just let me know my little girl is safe**

 **In my heart I believe I will see her again**

 **I'll leave the light on for my baby to come home**

 **Will you be her guide?**

" _Ms. Roe it's okay I know the fear you are feeling, I know it's overwhelming there are times you want to shake someone just to get some lead, there are times you want to break down blame everyone except yourself, sometimes all you can do is question every choice decision you made. Been there did that right now though I need you to be strong answer some questions we have."_

She nodded as one of our assistances handed them all some water asked them if they wanted any food. They shock their heads thanking her for the water. Peyton didn't touch it though her eyes remained flowing with tears her throat chocked.

" _Peyton do you know something that could help us?"_ I asked gently touching her hand she jerked.

Everyone turned to Peyton who was holding a necklace in her fingers so tightly I thought she'd rip it off by accident. " _Peyton? What do you know about this?"_ Karen asked shocked afraid on a whole new level now as she should be. Peyton pulled out a note handing it to me her eyes filling with tears which now were uncontrollably flowing out of her sockets.

 _ **Dear backstabbing bitch formerly known as my best friend Peyton**_

 _ **Since your reading this it means that once again you've betrayed me broken my trust, loyalty but most of all my heart.**_

 _ **Best friends are suppose to be there to lift each other up to make each other smile, protect each other against our greatest enemies even when the greatest enemy is ourselves. I use to think you were that bff to me, I guess I was wrong.**_

 _ **I know I put up walls, I always thought you knew me well enough to know it wasn't to keep you out, it was to see if you gave a damn enough to break them down.**_

 _ **Well you broke my walls Peyton along with my trust friendship and my heart in general. You knew I loved Lucas! You knew I had never been in love like I am with Lucas, you knew how scared I was. You knew what you were doing you knew when I found out it would destroy me, I warned you last time if you ever betrayed me like that again it would kill me. Somehow though that didn't stop you, sometimes I think you enjoyed hurting me.**_

 _ **I asked you if you had feelings for Lucas, you lied to me face who does that? I gave you every chance to be honest with me, I would of given him up for you that's how much I fucking love you Peyton. You swore you didn't like him anymore that he was mine, you would never do that again.**_

 _ **So why did I find you in bed with Lucas?**_

 _ **I guess I should of known life's not about who's real to your face, it's about who's real to you behind your back. So thanks Peyton it's been real, have fun with my backstabbing ex**_ - ** _boyfriend oh by the way pls do me a favor tell Lucas he's off the hook he doesn't have to worry about Lucas Jr I'll take care of my baby on my own_**

 _ **Just once though Peyton I wanted to be the one who mattered to someone why wasn't I enough? Can you ask yourself why Peyton maybe if we ever run into each other you'll have an answer for me"**_

 _ **I love you Peyton that's what makes this so hard.**_

 _ **Good-Bye Forever**_


	23. Chapter 23

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Trudy Platt**

" _Can you tell me what Mr. Chavez was like?"_

Peyton was the first to speak _"_ _C_ _reepy he was always hanging all over Brooke rubbing her shoulders, whispering to her, he gave her straight A's Brooke was miserable at English. I know I use to do her homework for her just so she would pass. I stole her phone a few times, she said it was harmless that she avoided his passes, she just let him close enough so he gave her the good grades, I kept telling her it wasn't harmless that he was too old for her, it was creepy she just laughed, said she couldn't help being young sexy and irresistible she loved the game of being chased, he would send her text messages like this"_

She showed me emails of text messages that she had sent to her email. **"** _ **Brooke it's hard to believe that your only 15 are you sure your not teasing me? You know I like being teased but damn baby that body, you have to be 18, you are amazing perfect are you sure your not an angel sent from heaven?"**_

" _ **I'm watching you across the room throwing back your hair laughing with that blond friend of yours"**_

" _ **I don't know what's wrong with you lately Brooke you seem so sad did Peyton hurt you or was it that blond boy? I'll rip him in two.. No wait that would be wrong I am an adult, maybe I should focus on you baby, why don't you meet me after school, we can talk. I hear my arms are great for hugs, my ears are always ready to listen, if you want to do more we can"**_

" _He wrote this to her?" "Yes and so many more I couldn't get all of them, but I found hair dye in her bag she said he bought it for her said it reminded him of his wife who passed away two years ago"_

" _What kind of dye?"_

" _Dark brown she hated it but she kept it so she didn't hurt his feelings"_

" _Was Brooke usually like that? Worrying about other people's feelings?"_

" _Yes"_

Haley answered disgusted hearing all of this everyone was looking at Peyton now which told me she had never bothered to tell anyone this information. _"Peyton did you ever mention this before?"_

" _No I know I should of I ..god I am so stupid!"_

" _I wanted to protect her privacy ..I screwed up I know dear god what did I do how much danger is she in now?_ "

" _We don't know but if I am being honest my guess is a lot"_

" _Mr. Chavez hasn't been in school since she left?"_

" _No he just vanished"_

" _Will put out an arrest warrant for him if you see him do not approach him call the local authorities give them this case number"_

I wrapped my arms around Peyton as she started crying harder rubbing her back. I tried to help ease her pain. The guilt she must be feeling was overwhelming, did she have a right to feel it? Maybe it wasn't my place to judge but my heart went out to Brooke as much as I wanted to feel for Peyton, I couldn't she had a home people who supported her.

Brooke meanwhile was out on the cold mean streets scared, alone pregnant. " _Did Brooke have any health issues?" "No she was healthy barely ever got sick"_ Voight came back looking grim shoving a picture down in front of them. " _Does this man look familiar to any of you?"_

" _No should he?"_ Karen answered confused worried. " _His name is Oliver Chavez Nick's older brother, we believe Nick groomed Brooke got her to leave tree Hill with him, engaged in sexual intercourse with him, he drove her to Chicago where he and his brother are planning to sell her overseas tonight"_

Everyone gasped " _What do you mean believe?"_ Karen asked slamming her hand down "S _omeone tell me the truth"_

" _We have a CI who is keeping us informed we're setting up a sting to take down the operation tonight"_ They couldn't contain their horror, rage or disbelief. Haley and Peyton hugged each other _"We know she's been groomed to this lifestyle over the last few months Oliver and Nick have been selling her to various men in Chicago according to our CI she's been raped, sodomized and made to engage in various sexual acts"_

" _Brooke was raped and sodomized your sure?"_

Karen broke down crying Lucas and Nathan held her tight Nathan's eyes filled with worry, anger. " _What are you doing to find her?" "What can we do to help?" "We have an APB out for her every officer in the city has her picture with her file, we have CI"s working to find her, what you can do is pray use any resource you may have to spread the word"_

" _Officer Platt what are her chances of getting out of this unharmed?"_

How was I suppose to tell this mother the truth? About 20 percent of the children reported to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children in non-family abductions are not found alive.

It's almost impossible to believe their laughter, their playfulness, their innocence. It's unthinkable, but that can all be stolen when children become victims of crimes like sexual exploitation or kidnapping. A child goes missing every 40 seconds in America. That comes to 765,000 children a year.

" _The biggest regret we can have in life is not for the things we did, but the things we didn't do Peyton, we failed Brooke when she was home, what we can do for her now is focus only on her on doing anything we can to find her, by staying away from each other, by being the friends we should have been to her when we had her"_

" _That's not a problem Luke because every-time I look at you I feel like throwing up! I can't believe I threw away 9 years of friendship with her for a few hours of sex, it wasn't worth it, you weren't worth it, I'll always care about you Luke but what we did makes me sick"_

Voight took Karen's hand " _Will do everything we can within our power to find Brooke and bring her home safety"_

I knew he meant every word we always did however the reality was that no matter how hard we tried sometimes our best just wasn't enough.

" _ **We'll leave the light on until our baby comes home.  
We'll leave the light on for our daughter  
With all our memories racing through our minds,  
Regrets keeping us up at night **_

_**Hope flying high on the wings of prayers**_

 _ **Can you hear us baby girl?**_

 _ **We'll leave the light on**_

 _ **We'll leave the light on**_

 _ **Please come home"**_


	24. Chapter 24

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: J-Lu**

Erin's soft moans filled the stalls echoing off the walls which were shaky at best. This bathroom was old as heck. Yet it was one of the few in the airport that was still open at 11:39 at night. Most people were long gone now the only ones out where the ones you never wanted to meet.

My stomach flipped thinking about what she was going through right now as Max collected his dad's dept from her mom. My eyes locked with Ryann's as she tried to keep Teddy distracted he was helping Chameleon with his makeup yet I knew he was thinking about what was going on inside that stall as quite as Erin was trying to be we could still hear the moans. The bodies banging against the walls Max's grunts.

A few kids some older filed in and out on occasions doing quick deals some drug related some sexual. No one really paid us any minds, some came in just to sleep off a withdraw. Ryann pulled Teddy away from the area yet his eyes never left the door of the stall which was shaking.

" _Why don't you sing that song you learned in school today Teddy"_

" _I'm not really in the mood Ryann"_

" _Who's not in the mood to sing? Oh my god singing always puts everyone in a good mood come on I'll start"_

Beats took my eyeshadow having me close my eyes which had been staring at the door so long I'm shocked it didn't burn through the door. I knew she was trying to get me to focus on anything else. For once though makeup was the last thing on my mind.

Max is a sick twisted bastard just like his dad Oliver. Oliver has been Bunny's drug dealer/ Pimp for at least ten years. He's married to a beautiful women who does everything for him she's smart successful. She travels all the time however so she has no idea what a scum bag he is. If she knew the things Oliver did she'd be disgusted, I know because she's my youth consular at the Youth center. She is always talking about how proud she is of her husband the Real estate attorney. She has no clue Oliver isn't just selling real estate he's selling drugs from one of his properties, and girls. He has a studio set up there where he films.

He's trained his son Max to be just like him. I know Max is only 15 and most of this isn't his fault it's how he was raised. Still he's old enough to know the difference between right and wrong as far as I am concerned.

Oliver and Max have some kind of sick deal going on Max recruits girls through his high school. His dad lets him test the girls so to speak, the ones Max thinks would be good for filming or pimping out he gives to his dad, the rest he keeps as his own personal slaves, some he has sell drugs for some he uses just for sex.

Queen is his number one runner she sells for him, he treats her better than the rest of his bitches. I know she can handle herself yet I still worry when it comes to her mom she is Vulnerable. The only reason Oliver hasn't dealt with Bunny is because Queen takes care of her messes through Max.

I heard Queen's voice grow stronger as Ryann tried to get Teddy to sing for her.

" _Max go slower your hurting me"_

The swoosh sound as his hand made contact with her face filled me with rage. I felt Beats squeeze my arm, her eyes told me to leave it alone Queen could handle this. I wasn't so sure she hadn't been there when Queen's mom beat her today I was. I saw how broken she was by her mom's actions by her demands. I know how much she hates this. Her whimpering alone told me how much pain she was in right now.

" _I'll start Teddy come on we need to stay awake we have a long night ahead"_

 _ **I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined  
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand  
Ending unplanned**_

Ryann wouldn't let this go she took his hand pulling him further away from the stall something I knew queen would want. Mat was too little to know any better he was clapping dancing happy like two year olds should taking Teddy's hand. It's the only reason I didn't scream at her who cares about a song when Queen is sacrificing herself for her useless worthless mom again.

When I looked up when I saw Ryann's eyes through the mirror I knew at that moment this wasn't just about Queen or Teddy it was about Ryann about trying to forget her awful memories.

Memories no one would want to remember memories no one should have at any age never mind at 15 or 16. Behind the memories I saw anger burning so bright it was like a flash of fire. Almost burning my eyes. Beneath the anger was hate mind numbing selfhate.

Anger is a powerful force it drives us all to do this shit that we have to do just to make it through each day. We rely on the anger to keep us going because we don't want to let it go if we do than all were left with is this pain. This deep self blame that were the reason our parents don't love us don't protect us, were the reason our lives are so screwed up. Those questions we have burning through our minds that we never let past our lips. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Why am I someone else Sacrifice? Might be answers we know we can't handle.

No one knows how it feels to suffer at the hands of someone else for their pleasure. No one understands why we stay silent. To be a homeless child or a teenager is a powerless helpless feeling, were used as pawns in a game being played by people older more powerful than us.

" _God Max please don't cum' inside of me please don't"_

Ryann's voice filled the air powerful filled with conviction. I wondered if she was recalling the time when she was seven and her dad brought her into the bathroom told her he was going to wash her up so they could go get ice cream. Instead he met Oliver in here he was broke out of work addicted to Heroine, Oliver made him a deal sell him Ryann he could get the drugs. Her dad never thought twice Ryann lost her virginity to Oliver in this dirty broken down dimly lite bathroom. While her dad shot up listening to her scream.

" _ **Staring at the blank page before you  
Open up the dirty window  
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find"**_

" _ **Reaching for something in the distance**_ _ **  
**_ _ **So close you can almost taste it**_ _ **  
**_ _ **Release your inhibitions**_ _ **  
**_ _ **Feel the rain on your skin**_ _ **  
**_ _ **No one else can feel it for you**_ _ **  
**_

Ryann's voice held love, hope beauty giving the lyrics new meaning. Her Spanish accent only added a rhythmical beauty. It was enough to get teddy fired up taking her hand dancing to their own music. Singing along with her. For a brief moment I saw something special something rare. I saw two kids being silly fun happy not letting life worry them. I saw a glimpse of childhood long ago stolen from them returning for just a brief moment.

 _ **Only you can let it in**_ _ **  
**_ _ **No one else, no one else**_ _ **  
**_ _ **Can speak the words on your lips**_ _ **  
**_ _ **Drench yourself in words unspoken**_ _ **  
**_ _ **Live your life with arms wide open**_ _ **  
**_ _ **Today is where your book begins**_ _ **  
**_ _ **The rest is still unwritten"  
**_

 _ ****_ _"_ _Max what the hell I told you not to cum inside of me!"_

Than it was gone as Queen's screams filled the bathroom. Still Ryann tried to hang on to the music.

Music is her key to living to see 18 music is what gets her on to that stage every night. Ryann and I both work for a lady named Rebeka who owns a strip club for gentlemen and ladies down in the loop. It's an exclusive membership serving only the elite. Rebeka is pretty chill to work for she use to be one of us till five years ago when the owner of the club was arrested for illegal activity. She left it to Rebeka who turned the place around made it legit.

" _God Max I better not get Pregnant or I swear I'll kill you"_

" _Shut up bitch or I'll make sure you don't live long enough to worry about pregnancy"_

Beats held me back yet again but my mind was racing with two questions. Was Queen really safe? Could she really handle herself?


	25. Chapter 25

**Title: No Requiem**

 **How People Shape our Lives**

 **Essay By Erin Lindsay**

 **{Sorry I do not speak Spanish everything that is written in Spanish I got from Google. I apologize if it's wrong}**

¿Música es la clave para la revelación si no podemos usar nuestro talento para hacer un cambio para el positivista hacia la juventud, lo que es el punto de talento, libertad de expresión? ¿Cuál es el punto en la vida?

I remember those words clearly even though the first time I heard them was six years ago. They mean music is the key to Revelation if we can't use our talent to make a change for positivist towards the youth, what's the point in talent, freedom, expression? What's the point in life?

I was nine, sitting on the steps of my school. Mom was late picking me up of course probably hung over. The young girl that plopped down beside me was beautiful I had seen her from a far a few times. She was in my music class I knew she had an amazing voice.

I was feeling sorry for myself that day, as I watched all the other kids getting picked up or walking home in groups. Laughing joking, being a part of something special. I sat there wondering why I was so alone. Why no one noticed me. Would they care if I stepped in front of that bus? Let's see.

" _Tu bebé no solo mi mamá me olvidaron a chupa ¿EH? Lo que dices ¿pegan? Justo cuando crees tu solo, alguien ver su dolor, a veces simplemente toma una mano, un solo corazón para dar a conocer, no estás solo"_

["Your not alone baby girl my mom forgot me to, sucks huh? What do you say shall we stick together? Just when you think your alone, someone else sees your pain, sometimes it just takes one hand, one heart to make it known, You are not alone"]

She had no way of knowing I spoke Spanish did she? Yet she was having a full blown conversation with me. Looking around I had to make sure she was talking to me. I mean there could be someone else around right? Why else would one of the prettiest funniest girls in our school be talking to a loser like me?

" _Levantar la cabeza a la niña no se ven tan triste, te encontré ahora que vamos a ser amigos, te prometo ser mi amiga, nunca serás la misma chica. Voy a cambiar tu vida"_

[Lift your head up baby girl don't look so sad, I found you now we are going to be friends, I promise you being my friend, girl you'll never be the same. I will change your life"]

Ryann believed in never slamming on the brakes but pressing the gas on full steam.

She's lived her whole life on plowing ahead when others tend to look back. She's had to her life reads like a horror story ripped from the newspapers headlines.

 **May 1992**

 **Marisa Esposito**

 **32 Found Dead in her apartment apparent cause Aids**

 **She leaves behind a daughter Ryann and a son Evan, her husband Hector Esposito passed away two years ago from a Drug Overdose.**

 **Ryann Esposito and Evan Esposito**

 **Endangered Runaways Police believe their in the custody of a known drug lord who goes by the name Big Dick. If spotted use caution and call the police.**

 **Evan Esposito 15 years old March 1995**

 **Found dead single gsw to his chest police suspect a rival gang retaliated against a drug deal gone south. Police are asking anyone with information to come forward.**

Ryann will never know how she saved me from suicide back then. We never speak of that day it's also the day her mom was found dead in her apartment. It's also the day Ryann found out she had HIV.

Through documents she found in her moms dresser, when she was gathering things to leave home. She refused to let CPS take her. Evan had a friend who said he would help them.

His friend was Oliver they never guessed just how his help would cost them.

HIV soon became the last of Ryann's worries, our struggles however brought us closer. Her friendship has saved me, made me laugh made me cry made me hope, dream. We may lose in the lottery of family or luck but we will win in the lottery of life.

As long as you have friends by your side you can never be far from the sun. because friends are the rays of beacon when clouds threaten your existence. They shape you and how you see yourself. Friends are important – they give us a feeling of belonging, they bring fun and laughter, lend an extra hand, offer emotional support, and give guidance when we need it.

Whether you realize it or not, their influence goes well beyond the moment. My close friendships helped to shape the course of my life. Researchers have recently discovered a new theory called the Michelangelo effect. Basically they find that when you surround yourself with people who see you inside who see how great you can be even at your lowest moments. They encourage you to be what they see inside, their influence their guidance can allow you to see for yourself what they see inside.

Ryann makes me see that even though times are hard nothing can last forever even pain. Sometimes all you need is an extra pair of hands, a bit of music to make you get up dance out the stress. Another pair of ears to listen when you cry or scream. Another pair of hands to help take out your anger. Arms to hold you when your legs fail,

She's shaped my life in ways I haven't even seen yet. Things that when I am older I will look back on, smile and remember my angel named Ryann. Ryann's voice is what got me through having Max's hands on my body having my legs wrapped around his hips as my back was slammed against the wall of this dirty broken bathroom stall.

She was singing of hope of future I was just trying to get through this night.


	26. Chapter 26

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Hank Voight**

" _Everybody in Positions?"_

Our Sargent's voice called out through our earpieces as we all stood in our positions. I was in the Marriott suit posing as security thanks in a huge part to Sunset who had convinced her dad I was trustworthy of course he had no idea I was a cop.

My fellow officers were all scattered Alvin was guarding the entrance to the plane airport security was in on this bust along with us. Two of their guards backed up Alvin. Inside the terminal was officer Jake Scott, Officer Julia Debauch both who were guarding outside the Marriott suit dressed as airport security.

" _10-4 Sarge"_ We all echoed back I held my breath as I heard the next sentence. " _10-14_ _10-45"_ Suspect had Requiem held hostage even if she didn't know it. Suspect was en-route to the suit. Pacing around I chewed my gum harder no matter how many times we do a bust I always find myself nervous and slightly sick.

" _Hank stay calm_ _you_ _got this"_ Nothing was ever certain any time any of us go out in the field there's always a chance one of us wouldn't be coming home. No matter what I told myself.

" _No body move until the deal goes down Sunset is in charge here she will give us the signal"_

Leaving a seventeen year old in charge of a major bust was not my choice but our Sargent was in charge. Lauren McDaniel has been my Sargent since I started twenty years ago. She commands with respect she holds her dignity even when others try to undermine her. She has a way of reading through people and she saw something in Sunset that lead her to trust her.

Right now she was in the command center of the airport watching waiting. I heard her deep breaths telling me she was just as nervous as us. While some would find this worrisome I found it comforting after all she's human. She has every life riding on her shoulders.

Within minutes bodies filled the room I swallowed seeing how young they all were. _Just Breathe Hank we got this"_ Sargent McDaniel echoed in my ears allowing me the excuse I needed to trust in her in my fellow officers in myself.

Sunset was the first inside clutching the arm of a scared shaking young girl who I knew instantly to be Requiem. Her arms were wrapped around her stomach her eyes darting around. Her other side was being held by another girl with short pink and blond hair.

Next was a teenage boy who I assumed to be Sunset's brother Max.

The sight of him made me sick. I know in my heart he is a victim in many ways thanks to his dad, yet part of me didn't see him that way. How many girls had he sold how many had he forced himself on? How many didn't make it out alive?

Right now he was looking carefree wearing black Guess jeans that clung to him. A baggy black and red Phat Farm shirt which read Livin' the American dream. A gold chain hung from his neck the patron saint Jerome Emiliani Saint of abounded children. Was this kids trying to piss me off? Or was he trying to send a message did he feel abounded?

He had his arm around the waist of two girls both looked high their eyes glazed over as they sat next to him. Followed by a younger boy dressed in a pair of black jeans, with a cropped top on advertising a local burger joint. Behind them came the grownups Oliver, Nick and some guy I didn't know.

" _Preston O'Donnell from Dublin Ireland he's 45 father of three married twice owns his own travel agency"_ Sargent McDaniel's voice called through our ear pieces. _"Buyer"_ Max leaned forward kissing the girl on his left who tried to push him away but was unsuccessful. Don't blow his brains out Hank control yourself he's a horny teenager.

The girl stood up minutes later standing next to Oliver who wrapped his arm over her waist. Sunset held her up from the other side. They went over to Preston who smiled.

" _We need to make this exchange before we get in the air something has come up Nick and I can't go across country lines"_ Oliver shock his hands _"Your more than welcome to take the kids, Queen here will do anything to service you isn't that right Queen?"_ He squeezed her ass behind Preston's back. I saw her trying not to wince as she bit her lip nodding. " _Speak up child the man needs to hear how excited you are to please him" "Yes 'Sir I am very pleased to be at your service Requiem is an amazing girl she will make you very happy, I taught her everything I know"_

" _What is it that you know young lady?"_

" _Would you like me to show you 'Sir?"_

" _Yes I would darlin'"_ His voice was thick with pleasure as his excitement came in waves gross this pig wouldn't make it out of here if I got my hands on him. He took Queen's hand leading her into the bathroom. I took my eyes off the bathroom if I kept staring at it I was likely to rip the door off the hinge.

Instead I focused on Requiem who looked confused by everything she kept looking around even as Max came over wrapping his arm over her shoulders. Whispering into her ears Sunset gave me a tight smile trying to remain cool. " _Where's Nick Oliver?"_ Max kissed her shoulders his hand sliding up her legs as he pushed her down. " _Uncle Nick is going to meet us in Ireland babe first we wanted to throw you a surprise party every girl deserves to have her engagement celebrated"_ Max helped her up she still looked scared unsure " _Were going to celebrate in private baby"_

I wanted to stop him I knew what was going to happen but I couldn't. This helpless feeling was overpowering making my throat close. I could hear Queen's moans Preston's grunts. Feel the walls shakingwhen they came out he was grinning.

" _Requiems all ready if you want a taste of what your getting"_ Sunset delivered the bargain. " _If she's as good as this Queen than I don't need a taste test she did the job lets get down to business so I can fly home how much?"_

" _You liked her?" "Liked?" "No I loved this girl how much for the both of them?":_

I saw Queen's face filled with shock horror and confusion. Everyone on the plane seemed shocked all the teenagers looking to Queen. " _That wasn't part of the plan!"_ The girl who came in on Max's other arm shouted, Max grabbed her shoving her down. " _Shut-up_ _Beats_ _"_

This guy however seemed to be someone who always got what he wanted. He wasn't someone who was use to taking no as an answer. I was going to love bringing him down.

" _Queen is not for sale"_

" _How much I will pay anything"_

" _You don't have enough to take her sir she's one of our best we won't let her go"_

" _12,000"_

Sunset looked to her dad who nodded she played dumb though knowing we needed verbal conformation allowing her dad to say. _"We have a deal Mr. Preston 12,000 for Requiem and Queen"_

" _What that wasn't part of the plan I am not for…_ Oliver's hand slapped Queen so hard she never got to finish the sentence.

" _Move now"_ My Sargent commanded I wasted no time in puling out my badge calling out _"CPD freeze!"_

Sudden shots filled the air as I heard Requiem scream Oliver had grabbed her around her throat holding a gun to her head. My heart froze for a full minute as my eyes locked with hers she was beyond terrified. There was no way for me to make a safe shot either as we backed away towards the entrance. Officer Scott behind me.

" _Hold you're fire 10-14 in progress"_

Julia was behind me within seconds after they exited she descended on the teenagers except they weren't going to go down without a fight. Gunshots rung out as they tried to flee. My heart skipped a beat who got shoot? Was it a teenager who had barely gotten a chance to live? Or one of my peers who wouldn't hesitate to lay down their life to protect these babies.

My feet didn't even hesitate to go after Oliver and Requiem remembering the promise I made to her family, friends. _"I'll bring her home alive"_ Would I though? I wasn't so sure now seeing her fear hearing his evil laugh. He knew he had the upper hand. I was at his mercy.

Something Hank Voight didn't like.


	27. Chapter 27

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Requiem**

 **Lyrics: Christy Mark/ Jem**

" _ **You never dreamed how far this would go**_

 _ **You never thought to look ahead**_

 _ **Oh No You let it get out of hand babe**_

 _ **So look where it's lead**_

 _ **So look where it's lead**_

 _ **So look where it's lead**_

 _ **Now Your running**_

 _ **Running like the wind**_

 _ **Oh your running**_

 _ **Fear is in your eyes and your running**_

 _ **When will you get wise?**_

 _ **Running like the wind**_

 _ **Running like the wind**_

 _ **It didn't have to end like this**_

 _ **We would've found another way somehow**_

 _ **If only you had come to me**_

 _ **Now I'm afraid it's too late now**_

 _ **I'm afraid it's too late now**_

 _ **Now Your running**_

 _ **Running like the wind**_

 _ **Oh your running**_

 _ **There's no turning back**_

 _ **Everything looks black"**_

They say when your about to die that your life flashes before your eyes. I can honestly say that's not true. At least it wasn't for me when Oliver slammed the barrel of the gun against my temple. I didn't see my life come back to me I didn't see the future I wasn't sure I would have flash either. I froze I couldn't form any thoughts I couldn't remember how to breathe or walk. Guess I was lucky Oliver was doing a good job of pulling me along because otherwise I would of fallen.

He hadn't thought this through when he acted on his instincts course I don't think the police ever thought he'd be crazy enough to take a hostage either because they seemed ill prepared for this.

They didn't have the man power to stop him as he barreled through the door shouting out threats to kill me if anyone moved. Giving the late hour and the fact it was a holiday the terminal was pretty dead. The few passengers there were asleep on the couches and chairs or listening to portable CD Players. A few did run screaming as he started to run.

I've never been a huge fan of cops before never gave them a thought either way right at that moment though I prayed they would shoot him dead. Instead he threw us both into the doors leading to the shuttle. I knew I couldn't go on that train with him, he'd never let me live.

I had to live. My baby deserved a chance at life. The train platform was deserted and darker. _"There's a day when you realize that you're not just a survivor, you're a warrior. You're tougher than anything life throws your way."_ Follow your own advice Brooke you might of said those words to Peyton to give her hope but right now you need to believe them. You need to be that warrior you need to survive.

My eyes scanned the area filled with trash littering the platform, really people can't aim a little further to the trash can? Think Brooke remember back to when Peyton took that karate class you were ten sure but surely you retained something she talked about it non- stop.

" _ **Teach me to fight**_

 _ **I'll show you how to win"**_

Anybody could fight it didn't take brains to hit to punch but to win took thought planning strategy. I didn't have much time the train was roaring closer. Now Brooke do it. He could kill me dead instantly but I had to try with quick timing and speed I threw my leg out my foot catching on one of the benches. The jerk caused him to stumble which gave me the chance to get my balance and spin around kicking him in the groin. He grunted as I did a roundhouse to his stomach knocking him down his gun fell I dove for it just as he tried to grab it. My hand slammed down on his connecting on the barrel of the gun my foot connected with his groin.

Jumping up I held the gun steady my eyes locked with his as I fired a shot right into his leg taking off jumping on to the train as it rolled up running from car to car just in case he got up. When the train started moving I was sure he hadn't followed I fell onto a seat exhausted breathing heavy.

Closing my eyes I held my gun close so no one could see it. Act cool Brooke play it cool it doesn't matter how much your freaking out inside. Don't let anyone see it. Swallowing against the rising lump I looked around for some map as to where this train went. Forest Park was the last stop.

Thirty – Three stops that should be far enough away to get away from this madness. I had no idea what lay in that town or where it even was. All I knew it was away from Oliver from Nick.

Nick the man who I thought loved me wanted to spend his life with me. How could he do this to me? I trusted him he lied to me he used me he betrayed me! Now I was alone scared and truly homeless. Nick had all my money, what I earned selling my body. " _Excuse me miss may I have this seat?"_ I was startled out of my trance as someone asked me something. Looking up I shock my head feeling embarrassed as the elderly women attached to oxygen asked. Jumping up I helped her to sit down. " _Sorry ma'am of course you may" "Oh thank you dear sweet child god bless Merry Christmas"_

Christmas. Oh right today was Christmas eve, I had been locked up in Oliver's house for months, I barely knew what day it was. Not wanting to let on anything was wrong I simply smiled repelling to her. " _Thank you Ma'am you as well"_

I was amazed at how packed the train had gotten this late at night. Maybe Chicago should be called the city that never sleeps. Moving along searching for a seat afraid my legs wouldn't hold me much longer. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going till I felt myself falling hands gripping me.

" _Don't hurt me!"_


	28. Chapter 28

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Requiem/ Brooke**

" _Don't hurt me!"_

The fearful voice of a child startled me as I barely caught myself in time before I fell over him. Squinting I knew I had seen this kid before. Where though? He was curled up on the dirty floor holding a young kid in his lap the boy was wailing his pudgy face covered in snot tears beat red fists pounding against the floor. The older boy looked very stressed. Trying to calm the kid down rubbing his back talking to him softly " _Please calm down I'm sorry Mat I know you're hungry I want to help you I'm trying, Mommy and sissy are in trouble so we have to find food ourselves"_

Now it hit me this kid was Teddy Queen's younger brother. The baby was her friend's son Matt. I should walk away let them deal with their own shit, I sure as hell had my own to worry about. Part of me wanted to after the hell Queen put me through it would serve her right. That part died the second the little one reached out wailing his fist pounding his face. " _Shh baby boy it's okay, may I take him?"_ He eyed me cautiously knowing full well what his sister did to me last night. I wondered how much he knew about what just went down? " _I promise I won't hurt him, I use to babysit all the time I'm pretty good at calming kids down"_

" _Have fun he ain't listening to me that's for sure" "It takes an art to calm down an upset child"_ Holding him on my waist I kissed his forehead which felt cold, instantly I wrapped him up in my spare shirt rubbing his back. Talking to him _I'm right here_ _babe,_ _I see how upset you are, I'm sorry this is hard, Love I'll be with you while you are upset, I'm not going anywhere, You are safe"_

" _You're Teddy right?" "Yeah you're the girl my sister beat up last night" "Yup that's me my name is Requiem, listen we need each other right now, you're sister's been arrested I need to get out of this area or that bad man will find me"_

" _You mean Oliver?"_

" _Yes you know him?"_

" _He's my mom's boyfriend he makes sissy do bad things, I'll help you get away I know this city like the back of my hand, you promise me you'll help us?"_

" _I Promise Teddy"_

" _Okay than we need to get off at_ _Belmont we have to see J-Lu's boyfriend Blake he'll help us"_

Searching the monitor on the wall I saw Belmont was our next stop. He got up seeing my eyes scanning the wall, slipping his hand into mine. He was such a sweet kid. Hurrying into the cold he cuddled closer to me. My heart was beating wildly mouth dry head pounding was Oliver or his guards following us? I tried not to look too suspicious as I scanned my surroundings. Christmas decorations made the dark dirty station shine in brilliant color it was suppose to cheer travelers up. Instead it made me tear up I remembered Christmas of last year. Haley, Peyton and I had volunteered to decorate the school dance, or was it I volunteered us? Either way we had so much fun making popcorn balls, stringing lights making hot coca having snow ball fights. Shake it off the past is the past. They don't give a damn about me now.

Boystown was beautifully decorated people lined the streets drinking singing Christmas music blasted from every bar, club, store not a single place was closed. The streets were lite up with so many amazing colors. Teddy hurried us along Matt was now clinging to me his sobs quieter, I came to the conclusion he needed a diaper change. Where would I get it from?


	29. Chapter 29

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Trudy Platt**

" _Officer Dawson this is our intake area where we processes all our new students"_

" _You mean inmates?"_ Snickers went all around along with a few gasps as we came into the intake area of Cook County Juvenile Detention Center. Everybody knows I HATE being corrected. I've been doing this job since I was twenty-five years old. That's over twenty years.

" _No Officer Dawson I meant what I said, we do not call them inmates here, inmates are what adults are called when they've used up all their chances of being rehabilitated. When they get thrown in jail."_

" _These are kids, many who have had crappy lives, who had to do what they had to just to get through each day. Here they are held while awaiting their arraignments, or sentences. Some are only here for a few days go home and never come back others you will see in and out like a revolving door. Some stay for months when their cases are being dragged out or they have no place to go home to"_

" _Were not here to punish these kids"_

" _Why not their criminals"_

" _True they've committed delinquent acts, however they are kids, kids don't have the mental developments the way grownups do we can still get inside their heads we can rearrange the mold the way they think feel, most have been told over and over again their useless their worthless, their no good. So they think they don't deserve love, if their no good than why follow the law? We can change that we can show them how to love themselves to show them their worthy of love. We can show them respect which in turn can show them how to respect themselves and maybe others. We can give them an education something many of them never get a chance to have. Consuls them you'll be amazed how much some of the most hardened kids can change"_

His face showed how he was taking it all in. I saw the exchange between C. O's Randy Dixon, Jordon Cameron. Randy sat behind the desk while Jordon stood next to it, looking across the room to Gordon Walsh who stood by the restraint room. " _You owe me &20 Randy I told ya she'd be tearing him out before they got here" "Aw shove it Cameron, you still owe me from lunch last week"_

 _'You owe me $30 Walsh this kid doesn't even seem phrased"_ That much was true Dawson while confused by the lingo he wasn't looking repulsed or scared like most.

" _It seems pretty qu…._

" _Shhh!"_ We all covered our mouths before he could get out that forbidden word quite out of his mouth all eyes pinned at him, he shrank back confused.

" _10=5 attention CCJD this is Officer Julia Debauch I have two 10-15 in my vehicle requesting permission to enter"_

The radio sprung alive with calls. _"1_ _0=5 attention CCJD this is Officer Hank Voight I have t_ _hree_ _10-15 in my vehicle_ _requesting permission to enter"_

Randy gave me an annoyed look grunting as he picked up the radio letting out a sigh I knew I would owe each of them $150 because my trainee uttered the forbidden word.

" _10-4 Officer Debauch, officer Voight all clear to enter"_

What were we going to get? Everyday brings new challenges we have to always pay attention these kids are angry many of them feel alone or feel powerless against the grownups who have used them abused them or left them to fend for themselves. Some of them are gang leaders who feel powerful when they make others feel powerless, any little thing can set them off. Putting not just their safety on the line but ours as well.

The loud beeping of the incoming cars was only broken by the screams coming as the officers lead in the four Juvenile's. Myself, Jordon and Gordon hurried to meet the three officers leading the juveniles in. Four of them were corrupting walking without giving the officers any issues unshackled minus the cuffs on their wrists, the fifth however a scrappy young girl was kicking, screaming spitting at the officer holding her arm with more force than what I thought necessary.

" _Let go of me! Get out of my personal space you f***ing c*nt I'll kill you I swear!"_

The girl was wild I don't know what the officer was saying to her but his mouth was pressed against her ear. Whatever it was that he was saying to her was just making her more wild. For a little kid she was strong fighting against him even shackled at her ankles, her hands cuffed behind her both cuffs attached to her waist. Even with all that metal she was buckling which was enough to make it a struggle to hold her never mind make her walk.

As I reached her grabbing her hair pulling it back which caused her to jerk I watched Dawson's reaction he showed no comfort. Just a few nerves like he didn't know what to do. It takes someone special to work in this type of environment. These kids can go from cute little pigtailed babies into mini Lizzie Borden's and Freddie Kruger's within seconds. Some are wide eyed innocent first timers when they come in here crying out of fear. Most people would break seeing this. Not me though I want them to cry I want them to feel the pain the fear of how messed up this place is.

The ones who get me or the ones like this girl who's eyes are so dead inside void of emotion, empathy or compassion. They truly remind me of that saying the devil's child. These are the kids who if someone doesn't get to them soon it will be too late.

These aren't the kids who were at home planning homecoming dresses, or sleepovers they weren't stars of their basketball teams. No they were at home planning robberies, murders running with gang members raping young girls. They were disrespecting parents, teachers.

Just because we lock them up take away their weapons doesn't make it safe inside of here. Maybe Society has a reprieve. For the C.O's though they now face the wrath of these kids who already had anger issues before getting their freedom taken away. Many are faced with some hard choices change now get a second or third or fourth chance. Make the change they need to just to become protective members of society. Or keep going down the path they are and face what happens when you go from a Juvenile to an Adult criminal. Where the courts show no mercy no rehabilitation methods. Just time, lots of time 6-20 years some life time sentences.

" _Where's my brother you piece of shit I need to see my brother!"_

As a C.O theres a code between us what happens between us stays with us, we don't rat on each other. It's us against them. That's why I made a crappy C.O I can't live by that if I see or hear something wrong, like a C.O mistreating a student I can't stand by and let it happen.

" _He's dead little girl get over it, I told you he got in the line of fire between your boss and the cops, now he's a dead gutter rat just like you will be if you don't shut your mouth"_

" _Liar your lying you fifthly pig get off of me!"_

Now I knew why this kid was freaking out so bad it's cops like him that make me sick. It's why I became a cop to stop the abuse of power to help kids who come from horrible back-rounds. Exchanging a look with Dawson I motioned for him to get on her left side. " _We got her from here let go Officer Scott" "No offense this isn't a job for a women it takes a man to control a dog like this" "Well lucky for me I have a real man by me Officer Dawson let go Officer Scott this is our center not yours"_

Her sudden scream startled Officer Scott who let go as she smashed his head against his " _For my brother you pig"_ She stumbled back if she hadn't given herself a concussion it would be a miracle. Between the impact of her head smashing against another humans skull plus the shackles. Sent her knees buckling Dawson and I grabbed her throwing her to the ground placing my knee on her back.

" _We need the spit mask the restraint chair and some Valium stat!"_

She fights us even as we lift her into the chair her face covered with a spit mask, still fighting us as we shackle her ankles, her wrists to the metal on the heavy chair. She tries to fight the nurse Tally as she injects the drug that we use to calm these kids down.

It only takes a few minutes once the drug is in her system before it starts to work, her posture relaxing head falling back against the chair. Allowing Tally to draw blood, hook up a catheter allowing us to safely test for STD, pregnancy, drugs. After Tally made quick work checking her vitals.

" _Pupils are fixed dilated, breathing is labored, blood pressure too high_ _138/89_ _, I see lactations along her wrists up her arms, along her back, deep bruises, bite marks"_

My hearts broke hearing Tally start to list off some of the signs we all look for when teenage girls are brought in. Self mutilation or mutilation by others. Most are victims of sex traffickers, pimps, drug lords. This young girl had already had a difficult life before she came in here. What would being locked up do to her?

It made sense she was here. She's probably been abused, sold abounded by her family. It wouldn't shock me of her parents were already in the system or dead. It's been done to her so she's going to do it to others she doesn't see it as wrong, she sees it as a way to get to grow up. To make it to be an adult except what she doesn't see is that she'll never escape this life. Not unless she learns to accept love for herself for others.

Going to Tally I helped her finish her exam. My throat clogged when I saw the extent of her injuries, how malnourished this kid was. Gripping her arm lightly she jerked, even out cold her body reacted the only way it knew how to defend to become offensive. I felt tears prick my eyes. Softly I started singing to her she had to learn to trust it was the only way she'd get out of teenage years alive.


	30. Chapter 30

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Trudy Platt**

Quite there's a reason you never utter that damn word in a police station or an ER it's because it brings out all the demons of hell. Less than ten minutes after these five were brought in came seven more cruisers all carrying multiple teens and younger kids.

It took at least an hour till we gotten most of them processed leaving only ten left. I headed back into the restraint room where our girl was just starting to awaken now. Removing the spit mask I could see her eyes were settled she was calm now.

Helping her up leading her slowly to where her friends were sitting on benches in a holding cell. I could see their relief when she was brought in none of them can stand or even open their arms for hugs yet their faces show how worried they were. She's silent motionless as she's shoved down into the bench next to the girl with the curly brown hair. Who struggles to sit up instantly speaking to her friend in Spanish.

" _Nena, ¿qué demonios? ¿Estás bien qué te hicieron esas zorras? ¡ juro que los voy a joder!_

 _[Babe what the hell? Are you okay what did those bitches do to you? I swear I will fuck them up!]_

" _Ese cerdo no dejaba de decirme que Teddy estaba muerto, no es que yo sepa que mi hermano está bien, no sé aunque sólo lo oigo decir esas palabras que me envió. Si alguna vez le pasa algo, no sé qué haré."_

 _[That pig kept telling me Teddy was dead, he ain't though I know my bro he's fine, I don't know though just hearing him say those words it sent me off. If anything ever happens to him I don't know what I'll do.]_

" _Nada va a pasar Erin es un chico inteligente que sabe esquivar, eres tú a quien estoy preocupado por Babe, esta mierda te va a meter en problemas"_

 _¿Qué más pueden hacer Ry? "ya estamos encerrados"_ Queen laughed which made Ryann laugh. I'm not sure what they thought was funny but I didn't scold them, laughter wasn't a bad thing some kids use it as a defense. It beat how she was earlier.

 _[Nothing will happen Erin he's a smart kid he knows how to dodge, it's you I'm worried about babe, this shits going to get your ass in trouble]_

 _[What more can they do Ry? We're already in lock up]_

Gordon however had a different approach than I did he was suddenly in their faces screaming. Startling them their bodies jumping even before he grabbed them slamming them against the wall.

" _You think your tough? Your nothing you little punks, you have something to say speak English your in America you little bitches, not so tough now huh? How does it feel having your hands behind your back? How does it feel to be powerless to stop me?"_

" _Get off of her she ain't done nothing to you, Your just abusing your power!"_ The girl with the pink hair stood up. " _Abuse you ain't seen abuse yet you little..._ He switched to the girl who had stood up his eyes looking her over his face filled with confusion disgust. " _What the hell are you? A he/she? You don't even belong on this unit, why the hell is this thing here?"_

Officer Walsh grabbed the girl shoving her towards Officer Dixon. " _Take this freak to the boys unit"_

The kids face filled with fear her knees locking as she tried to make herself fall screaming. " _I'm a girl! I don't belong in the boys unit! I am a girl my name is J-Lu I am female!"_

" _No your a mistake a freak a Tranny not a biological girl you have a penis not a vagina"_

" _This isn't right! I am a girl!"_

" _Stop lying you want me to prove to everyone here your not a girl? Fine I'll show everyone what you have under that dress. Hold him Dixon"_

" _Get off of her!"_ Before anyone could react Queen threw herself at Officer Walsh not easy to do while shackled. Dawson and I quickly lunged at her grabbing her before she could do any damage.

" _Officer Walsh that's enough your out of control get out now, both girls stay here until we get orders from the warden stating otherwise, if you have a problem with someone who is Transgender than I suggest you get out. I am your superior"_

Both girls were shaking as I lead them following Officer Cameron who was leading Ryann to the shower stalls. Unshackling them Jordon gave them instructions. " _Undress throw your clothes into a pile on your left when your naked turn around get on your knees hands on the wall above your head. We except you to behave properly any thing less we will mace you understand?"_

" _Yes Ma'am"_

We kept our guards up as we patted the girls down, I felt Queen shiver her whole body tighten as my hands traveled her body. Was she scared? Did she feel violated?

One look at her body covered in bruises, bite marks would lead anyone even someone untrained to see this kid had been abused raped for most of her life. It made me angry. Intake isn't meant to be pretty it's meant to break them make them understand how serious their crimes are. However sometimes I feel like it breaks us more than them.

" _Spread your legs cough three times"_

She did what I asked of her as I shined a flashlight up her butt putting on gloves using my fingers to spread her butt checks it amazes me what these kids will do for grown men who don't give a shit about them. My light caught the glare of the plastic baggie she had shoved up her anal canal. Pulling it out I heard her moan her body tightened, another one fell out.

" _Turn around Queen get to a kneeling position squat cough three times"_

Her face was redder now eyes narrower as she let out an inpatient annoyed grunt/sigh. She knew I had her already but I had a feeling she was hiding more. Jordon bagged the baggies documenting them.

" _Why would you do this? This man doesn't care about you for god sakes he tried to sell you Queen, he used you"_

" _No offense lady this ain't none of your business you don't know me or my life, it ain't about love it's about survival"_

She winced as I slide my fingers up her Vagina pulling out two more baggies, I didn't let on the damage I saw that was done to her private area but I had to blink back the tears.

Changing my gloves I searched her mouth, nose than behind her ears inside her hair. Jordon was doing the same to Ryann, taking J-Lu behind a private curtain to search her. Than I turned on the shower the water is always a shock to their system cold squirting soap on her body I scrub her, seeing her shiver a little " _I'm not here to hurt you I have no interest in having sex with you, I just want to get you clean Queen make sure you don't have any ticks, bugs or infections okay?"_

She nods unsure still but lets me scrub her the grim dirt and semen wash off her I try not to shed my tears or gag. She smells horrible. When was the last time this kid had a proper bath?

Where were the adults in her life? The people who were suppose to love protect her? Feed her bathe her? After we get them cleaned we give them used panties clean but not new, than a pair of gray sweatpants, red polo shirts and gray hoodie. All with the CCJD logo on them.

Next their seen by medical this girl is far worse than any of them she weighs in at only 88 lbs at 5'4. she hasn't been cared for in well maybe forever. Dr. Tara Reid exams them throughly externally and internally takes more blood. Tests their vision hearing reflexes.

By the time we get to Level one D unit it's well after 12 am now officially Christmas Morning. D unit is where all teens go when first detained. There's four in each cell we lead them to an empty cell, 103 A, leading them inside. " _Take my advice kids follow the rules, keep your heads up use our programs work with us, we want to help you we want you to change make a difference in your lives. No one in adult court will care about you, here we do"_

" _There ain't no one who's ever cared about us why should you?"_

Queen's question was simple it was more of a statement. They weren't said in anger either just simple facts. She has no reason to trust us to her cops were the bad men and women who took away her dad, who locked away her mom and her both. She's never had anyone to show her a different life.

" _I'm different Erin I want you to make it, I will help you I don't except you to trust me just because I said it, I except you to trust me over time because I will show you how much I care"_

Jordon watched them settle in as I went to the supply closet keeping an eye out so no one caught me. Coming back I handed them each an extra blanket. It gets bone chilling cold in these cells in the winter and unbearable hot as hell in summer.

" _Merry Christmas guys I'm sorry you have to spend it in here"_

" _Why?"_ Ryann shrugged laying down on the bottom bunk under their new cell mate Sam Puckett's bed. " _At least in here we get clean beds, free food and blankets"_

Queen didn't say anything the more I looked at her I noticed she seemed paler shakier. She just laid down pulled up the blanket yawing.

Better to be in jail than to be free? Shaking my head I locked the cell door how messed up was it that to this kid this was better than freedom?


	31. Chapter 31

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Ryann**

" _Mommy"_ My son's laughter filled my ear as he gripped the chain of the swing which I was pushing him on. " _He said my name Queen omg he said my name!"_ Her smile lite my world up as she turned around from the tree where she was selling to a kid.

Matt's squeals of delight gave me the strength I needed to keep pushing. I was dead ass tired all night he had been fussy with a tooth growing in unable to sleep crying all night. No matter what I had done he wouldn't stop crying or fussing. I held him rocked him sung to him spread cream cheese on his gums the only soft thing I could get living on the streets.

We walked for hours around Englewood I let him suck on my fingers or my breasts nothing calmed him. I sneaked into bathrooms grabbed towels which I wet so he would be cool.

By morning time he had worn both himself and I out yet while he slept I had to keep going. Queen & I sneaked into a bathroom in the park to wash up before I gave Mimi Matt to look after while we headed to school. She was always willing to help us out as long as we stayed in school.

Mommy I never thought one simple word would fill me with so many emotions maybe cause at 13, I never thought I would be a mom. Yet I was with an adorable even if he is fussy son.

" _Mommy Mommy where are you? I need you mommy!"_ Where was he? I could hear him calling to me. His voice filled with panic fear. Where was the only person who he counted on. She wouldn't leave him would she? _"Mommy! I hungry Mommy I need you mommy please I sorry"_

" _MATT!"_ Bolting up I felt the pain knock me straight me back to my cot as I smashed my head on the top bunk. My chest tightened gasping for air " _Ryann shh it's okay it was all a dream"_ the bed weight shifted as Queen crawled into mine. Taking me into her arms my whole body quivered fighting back tears. Matt he had to be so confused so scared he was only two I hadn't been locked up since he was born. I know Teddy can care for him for a few hours it had already been like six hours. Teddy was only 13 if he couldn't find Beats he would be on his own with a baby. He would have no idea what to do.

" _Matt is going to be fine Teddy knows what to do when something like this happens I've trained him well"_ Queen brushed back my hair which was soaked in sweat. Her arms hugging me tight. She could always make me feel better I don't know how she does it.

" _Teddy knows to go to Blake's he'll take care of us it may take some time since it's a Holiday but will be out in like two weeks, Teddy and Matt will be fine"_

J-Lu's words should of comforted me in a way they did give me hope. She's right I know she is as much as Blake hates most of us he's completely in love with J he knows she won't go anywhere without us so Blake has no choice but to free all of us. It didn't take away the sadness I felt knowing I was missing my son's second Christmas. I had saved up what I earned stripping most of it went to my locker in the train station, Queen and I were saving up to get a place one day as soon as were old enough. What I had left went to food for Matt, diapers new outfits. So it wasn't easy to save enough to buy a present but I had. 

Now it would be two weeks before I could give it to him I understand he's too young to remember. I am not though what kind of mother would this make me? Was I better than mine?

" _Your a great mom Ry don't doubt yourself you've been giving some hard shit to deal with no one knows why yet your doing it"_

Queen's fingers stroked my hair as I felt my chest stop contracting so tightly. Trust no bitch that was my mom's motto. Ma she was a little crazy at times but she was mom so I never questioned it. I worshiped her even when she scared me. To me she was beautiful strong brave and kick ass.

She didn't have many friends because she said bitches can't be trusted. She always taught me to keep everyone circling around me get them to trust me love me respect me, just don't give them your heart. I lived by her motto till I was nine. Than Queen stole my heart. I use to watch her in Elementary school she had no friends, I didn't know her name we weren't in the same class she stayed to herself, usually on a bench with the guitar that our music teacher would bring out to entertain us. She taught herself to play which I found awesome.

Music has always been my shelter, I never went to her because I knew if I did I would break my moms rule. For years I watched her grow more internal as most kids were branching out finding what they liked who they connected with. She grew more sullen usually sitting by herself at lunch, at recess she would lay under a tree with a CD player headphones attached to her ears eyes closed. Hands always on her player protecting what was hers.

There was something about her though that day something that made me go over and talk to her after school. A look in her eyes that told me she had enough it was the look my uncle Eno had in his eyes the night he took a gun and shot himself in his head the year before at Christmas.

We never talk about it but I watched her that day watching the buses. It wouldn't have worked she was too young to understand that the buss drivers were trained to break quickly. Still if she hadn't succeeded than if I let her go who knows what would have happened. If someone really wants to die they will find a way to do it.

It would of broken my moms heart to know that I let Queen in but I guess it's a good thing my mom will never know. I don't regret it either, she needed to know somebody gave a damn about her. We all do.

" _ **The child without a name grew up to be the hand  
To watch you, to shield you or kill on demand"**_

I went to her because I felt like she needed a hand to hold to know she had support. I didn't know her story yet I sensed she had a bad home life. Mine wasn't pretty either so I knew what it was like to keep secrets to be in pain. She ended up being my support when we walked in when I found my mom dead on the floor.

I had no where to go. My brother had a friend but I hated him he use to make me do things. Nasty things that he thought were funny. He played sick games like lick the lollipop or pop the cherry. He made me carry his drugs for him he used me.

Queen was the only one who showed me true compassion she was the one who found a doctor to treat me for free. I never asked how sometimes with Queen no questions are way better. She opened her bedroom to me as an escape. Her mom was usually to drunk to notice or care. Her house was always a party music blasting, grownups smoking or shooting up. So we stayed in her room I think it did her good to have someone there for her every night. Teddy wasn't there much he stayed with his dad a lot. So having me there provided Queen with some arms to hold her when the shouting became too much.

When the men her mom had over would make her do nasty things I held her hair when she threw up I held her when her body shock. I calmed her. She had no idea though how much she's helped me.

I wouldn't be on HIV medication if she hadn't sold drugs for Oliver and Max to pay for my dosage. I didn't know it than of course but she went to them she knew that when her mom needed pills that's where she went. She was too young to understand the price she would pay.

All I knew was one day she showed up when I lay sick cold and near death. She nursed me back to heath researched as much as she could in what little was known about HIV found the best treatments foods to keep my body healthy. Queen's always been there for me. When I figured out I was pregnant she took on my clients so she could pay for what I needed. She made sure I rested got the food I needed, the medication. She became my mom in many ways. Watching her struggle gave me strength.

I have no idea what I will do to pay her back but one day I know I will not because she excepts it or wants it but because it's what you do when you love someone. Her soft moans filled the cold cell. J-Lu and our new cell mate Puckett were sound asleep. Rubbing her back I squinted my eyes it was pitch black making it hard to see.

Yet I felt her body tremble was she sweating? How could she be? It was like below zero in this bitch. Pulling her close I kissed her forehead. " _What's wrong?"_ I whispered _"Stomach hurts bad"_ I wished there was something I could do to help her.

" _Ry hair!"_ Queen's call was frantic as she bolted out of bed stumbling to the toilet where she puked violently for almost an hour. Before collapsing against me breathing heavy. Light suddenly filled the cell. We froze was it count time again? We split quickly both going to our own cots pretending to sleep as we heard the footsteps and the voices calling out numbers.

" _Oh...Puckett's_ moans filled the room _"I hate when they use the ultra rays my eye sockets burn for hours"_ Moving quietly to Queen I helped her sit up she was dizzy breathing heavy was she sick? I felt her face she didn't feel like she had a fever.

Lifting up her shirt I grabbed some paper towels wiping her down " _Ow watch my breasts their beyond tender some jackass bit me so hard_ _I haven't been able to touch them in days" "Sorry Queen"_ She shrugged getting up muttering about having to pee again. _"God I am starving I would kill for some fried chicken, or ham yeah lots of honey coated pineapple glazed ham!" "Hey Puckett shut- up my friend here hasn't eaten in weeks now your going on about food"_

" _Food isn't your friends problem dip shit"_

" _What are you talking about?"_

" _Frequent peeing, vomiting, tender breasts, dizziness your friend's pregnant"_

Pregnant? No Queen couldn't be pregnant. I heard her moan and vomit again. I knew what she was thinking, I thought the same thing when I figured out what was happening to me.

" _I can't be no I can't be pregnant!"_

Queen started to hyperventilate J-Lu and I both jumped up going to her I saw her eyes start to roll back. J-Lu grabbed her lifted her up getting her back into bed. " _Breathe out slow queen 1..2….3 in..out..in...out"_

" _I'm going to be a horrible mother"_

" _I can't be pregnant!" "Can I?"_


	32. Chapter 32

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

" _Your a horrible person Erin"_

" _You'll never be somebody's mother"_

" _You have no self control"_

" _You have no discipline you smell, your a dumb-ass Erin you really think you can be somebody's mother?"_

" _That kid would be more messed up than you are"_

" _ **Stop it!"**_ I didn't even know I was slamming my own hand against my head until I felt hands grabbing me pulling me off myself. Their hands lifted me up hard it didn't stop the voices inside my head though in fact now they were laughing hard at me. I hate when people laugh at me.

" _She's so stupid,'_

" _No one likes her''_

" _She should kill herself."_

" _Spare the kid"_

" _You can't escape us Erin were here we know you! We're watching you!"_

Their watching me? Who are they? Where are they? I couldn't find them were they in camera hidden? Were they inside this center? Hands pushed me down to the floor, voices that weren't inside my head filled my ears.

" _Mental breakdown psych"_

" _Don't listen to them silly"_ Who was this kid? Why was I hearing her voice? Was that me as a kid? I knew that voice she was so childlike so cute so carefree so innocent. _"Erin do you know how two oceans say hello to each other?"_ No one has called me Erin in a long time. _"They wave to each other silly" "Your not crazy Erin their crazy"_

" _Don't listen to this kid Erin she's just a dumb little girl_ _I_ _know you Erin I know what you are! They know what you are! Their not locking you up cause your crazy they see the truth your the devil Erin! They see it in your eyes!"_

" _This kid your carrying he's Satan's spawn!"_

" _No! Get it out! Get it out!"_

I couldn't let them take me they would make me have this creature this evil spawn. I had to get rid of it. This world didn't need any more messed up kids. I have no idea how I found the strength to fight them off. I just started kicking hitting swinging blindly popping one guard in her face over and over kicking one in his groin. I heard them call for backup I didn't stop, I heard the chanting the howling from the other kids.

I started running I had to find something what could I use? " _Their after you Erin hurry up slow poke! Don't chicken out I'm watching you! Don't eff this up or I will kill you mommy has nothing on me!"_

" _5150 send backup" "A-36"_

They never stood a chance against me they could yell all their fancy codes into their radio's but I found the bed sheet I locked the cell door.

" _Do it bitch it's the best thing you could do for this spawn off yourself do what your mother didn't have the guts to do"_

" _You don't want to be like Bunny do you?"_

Everything started to go black I couldn't breathe the voices started to fade. I could hear them banging on the cell door. I saw that face of the guard what was her name Officer Platt. She almost had tears in her eyes.

" _Get this door open now!"_

Who was she yelling at why? It was too late what was done was done. This world would be better off without me.


	33. Chapter 33

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Dr. Camile Voight**

 **January Third 2000**

" _Morning Dr. Voight"_

" _Good Morning Kat, Cyndia, Zoe how is everyone today?"_

" _We're doing well how was your vacation?"_

" _Restful as much as any mom's can ever be"_

Once I knew the doors were secured behind me I let out a deep breath entering the glass enclosed nurses station. Where three of my awesome nurse staff were relaxing as the gave report to each other.

" _How is the little man?"_

The mention of my son brought a smile to my face thinking about Justin he is a special kid bright funny talented. Of course I think every mom thinks that way about their kid.

" _He is active man Hank has him training for baseball season already I never knew the arm that kid had on him, he was pitching like 70 and he's only 8"_

" _Dang did you ever think about getting him enrolled in that camp that the cubs have every summer?"_

" _Never heard of it Zoe how much is it?"_

" _Around $200 but it's so worth it Jarrod did three years in a row when he was around Justin's age now he's the star of the Cubs kid traveling team"_

" _Nice I'll have to look into it"_

" _So what do we have ladies?"_

" _Were full ten new admits in the last two days I have their files on your desk Camile would you like anything?"_

" _Maybe some more coffee please"_

" _Sure thing boss"_ Siting behind my desk letting out a sigh I glanced over at a picture of my son and husband. They really are my world.

 **Harriot Yang 13 Admitted 1/2/2000 brought in by her parents Chen Yang and Ju Yang out bursts of anger, skipping school, smoking pot."**

" **Landon Preston 14 Suicide attempt by** **OxyContin** **depression for two years, came out to his parents as gay last year, breakup with boyfriend last month. P** **ost-traumatic stress disorder, panic attacks"**

" **Erin Lindsay age 14 Arrested on 12/24 allegations of drug & sex trafficking, possession of illegal substances, History of aggression, impulsive, or severe anger. Panic attacks, Suicide attempt by hanging, history of physical & sexual abuse. Lacerations on wrists, arms legs, tearing of both vagina and anal canal. Bite marks along her breasts hips thighs. ****A** **nxiety, mental disturbance, difficulty sleeping, hallucinations, paranoia.** __

I felt my stomach twist reading the last file this kid had been through hell how was she even standing still? Some days it takes everything inside of me not to punch the wall. Deep breath Camille deep breath keep reading this is your job. She's a kid she needs your help. This is what you've always wanted to do.

 **Tested positive for Cocaine, Marijuana, Pregnancy, Bacterial Vaginosis (BV).**

Erin was my first stop without a doubt while all the kids had serious issues she had taken my heart instantly. I reread her files again no mention of any parents where were her guardians? " _What room is Miss. Lindsay in?"_ Zoe smiled at me as I came back up to the desk " _Told ya bitches her first stop now ya'll owe me each $20 bucks and lunch every day this week"_ All the women groaned as I shock my head following Zoe.

The Adolescent Unit at County Cook Behavioral Health & Wellness Center is nearly twenty years old but recently had a much needed update and renovation. Two years ago we could only house twenty inpatients now we are up to fifty divided between three units.

ADBH West 1 houses Children 12 and under ADBH 2 East houses 13-18 year olds, ADBH 3 houses those who have graduated from phrase 3.

Most kids are in for at least six weeks many longer they go through three phrases first phrase is considered assessment were we elevate the child. This is where we get a feel for what is going on with them do they have alcohol and chemical dependency issues? Do they have a mental illness? Is is just stress? Ph1 usually last two weeks we don't want to rush our diagnosis.

Phrase two is where we introduce treatment this is where most kids have issues they don't want to admit their sick or have trouble. So they act out they refuse to corporate, this is why some take longer than others to get to PH3,

Ph3 is where the child is now in corporation knows they have issues and wants to work on them, we get them ready for discharge sometimes to home care with parents if they come from a safe loving home where we feel they will be safe. Some kids need further treatment and are moved to a long term in patient BH unit. Some however like Erin will be taken to Juvie if they've committed a crime. These kids are sometimes the worst to handle some are faking it just to avoid their sentencing. Their smart little masterminds cunning at faking the system, Some however are really sick many abused at home by the people who were suppose to protect them so they have trust issues.

I suspected Erin would be a difficult case just by reading her file I didn't think she would be one of those masterminds faking it to avoid being sentenced. Zoe stopped at room 1303 E which is a double room. She entered with me heading to the second bed which took my breath away. The girl laying in it looked so young so small she was restrained to the bed her eyes unfocused. Grabbing her chart I scanned for the information I needed.

" **19 weeks pregnant"**

This girl looked like she could barely weigh in at 70 lbs how was she pregnant? _"Has she been eating?"_ ** _"_** _No we've ordered TPN we're waiting for the Nutritional services to deliver the Jevity 2.5 with fiber_ _goal rate 40_ _" "How long has she been on it?" "Since admission she had her last dose last night"_

" _Increase the goal rate_ _ordered_ _I want it moved to 95_ _we need to get her healthy physically before we can even start to treat her mentally"_

 **January 7th 2000**

" _So Erin can you tell me a little about yourself?"_

She sat stone cold across from me attached to her IV which was still providing her with fluids and TPN. She had refused to eat since she came in over a week ago. We've been meeting for three times since she started to come around three days ago. It's done little good she answers with no actual words just scowls. We haven't been able to get a hold of any parents or legal guardians.

" _What about where you live?"_

Her eyes meet mine their filled with rage she's angry that's all I seem to sense from her. She has every reason to be angry. Just reading her chart makes me angry I hadn't lived her life.

" _Do you live with your mom? Or your dad?"_

I didn't except her to move never mind pick up the water bottle and hurl it in my direction. Okay so father is a touchy subject.

Getting up I grab the bottle handing it back to her. This time sitting next to her I don't say anything just unscrew the cap force the bottle between her lips. She reacts jumping back a little. Pushing me I see the panic in her eyes. I push her head back holding her chin gently prying open her mouth. She needs fluids she's weak. Her breathing labored just from throwing a weightless plastic bottle.

" _Get off me!"_

She's stronger than what she seems sending me flying back only slightly but enough to shock us both. Her eyes are now wide with panic fear. What is she remembering? She's far away now her eyes on me but not with me. This might be a break through.

" _Talk to me Erin what is it that your seeing?"_

" _You promised Mom you swore if I got your candy you'd make him stop"_

I had to play along whatever it was that she was remembering was taking over her. I never met her mom but somehow I had a feeling she was the heart of all of this. Gently I stroked her hair.

" _Make him stop what baby?"_

" _Don't pretend you don't know"_

" _Know what baby?"_

" _I told you I told you he's sick!"_

" _No baby you've never said anything"_

" _Liar! You saw what he did to me! You encouraged him!"_

" _I have no idea what your talking about"_

" _Stop protecting him!"_

" _I'm not sweetie your just acting out this isn't real"_

" _I'm not acting out mom!"_

" _Yes you are it wasn't that bad"_

Her breathing grew tighter she sank back her arms across her chest eyes wild. I reached out taking her hand whatever it was she was trying not to say.

" _No"_

" _Erin it's okay talk to me"_

" _No I can't"_

" _Yes you can babe stop struggling let go trust me"_

She sank back eyes staring up tears falling down as she tried to fight whoever it was telling her not to trust me. Gently taking her hand I moved closer not letting her distance herself.

" _Your hurting Erin I can help you tell me who hurt you"_

I ran my hand over her arms down her legs. She was quite for a few minutes what was she seeing? I can see she was feeling scared absolute terror was in her eyes. I scanned her whole body she had crossed her legs in protective mode, her arms over her chest.

" _Mom you promised he's still hurting me"_

" _Who baby?"_

" _Don't pretend mom you know"_

" _Know who?"_

" _You know it's Oliver you told him to why mom why?"_

" _Oliver never hurt you stop lying Erin"_

" _I'M NOT LYING YOU WALKED IN ON IT MOM! YOU LAUGHED YOU TOLD HIM TO SHUT ME UP! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME MOM! HOW COULD YOU STAND BY AND WATCH YOUR BOYFRIEND HAVE SEX WITH ME? I WAS EIGHT!"_

"Erin calm down!" I grabbed her as her body collapsed in my arms shaking she was so little how could anyone ever put their hands on her? Running my hands over her back I held her rocking her. 

She stopped fighting me now her body seemingly giving up any resistance exhausted from months years of being on edge. I didn't push her after that just held her while her head fell back into my arms my fingers ran through her hair.

" _Erin"_

" _Dizzy so dizzy"_ Her eyes rolled into the back of her head as she went limp.


	34. Chapter 34

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Camille Voight**

" _You alright honey?"_

My husband's voice startled me as I cooked dinner that evening I never even heard him or Justin walk inside our kitchen. Shaking my head I cleared it leaning down to give my son a hug kissing his check. " _How was school Justin?" "Ah school's school mom can I go watch TV?" "Did you do your homework?" "Do I have to?" "Is that a serious question?" "Yes you have to Justin go upstairs and start it if you need help dad or I will be up" "Not dad he sucks at math" "Hey I do not" "Uh_ _H_ _ank you kind of do" "Fine by me more sports time"_

" _Camille seriously are you alright?"_

" _Sorry Hank was I staring off into space again?"_

" _Yes you were hard case?"_

As ethics go sharing patient information is strictly against the law but since I had seen her police file with his name on it I knew he was already aware of her case. " _Erin Lindsay" "Oh yeah I arrested her almost two weeks ago she's in your care now?" "Yea" "She didn't seem crazy to me just high as a kite" "We don't use crazy Hank how many times do I have to say that?" "Sorry you know what I meant"_

" _Hank what's going on with that case?"_

" _It's been a tough one this Oliver dude has money he's hired a lawyer that's screwing us with every legal tacit he can, our star witness Requiem has vanished and Sunset has calmed up"_

" _What about Erin?"_

" _Haven't gotten to talk to her yet"_

" _She has information Hank I can't say what but this Oliver dude he's bad news you need to lock his child molestation ass up"_

" _Can you get me access to talk to her?"_

" _Not yet she's fragile but soon, taste this sauce how is it?"_

" _Oh I always love your sauce Camille"_

Hank swept me in his arms laughing as he leaned down to kiss me. _"Perv"_

Hitting his butt I shooed him out of the kitchen, all week all I seemed to be focused on was Erin. She was slow in making progress she wouldn't eat even after her break through today. She didn't participate in group she fought the nurses when they tried to give her medication take her to the bathroom. They moved her to a room closer to the station. No doors locked on that unit while the patients were in the room, every room had camera's which they monitored at the station. The kids weren't allowed to do anything alone not even use the bathroom. So now she had a Cather hooked to her.

" _Mommy!"_ Justin's voice cut through my head " _Yes son?' "I need help with my math and English homework" "Hank finish dinner while I help our son" "Sure babe"_ I headed upstairs to his room. Which smelled awful he needed to work on his hygiene he's getting older now. Mental note to talk to him about that as I knocked he jumped shoving something inside his bag. For the next few minutes I helped him organizing his homework. _"Mom Kevin's having a party this weekend can I go?" "Sure babe" "Yes" "Just remember all your homework needs to be done before you hang with your friends" "Uh your such a mom"_ Ruffling his hair I laughed he was getting so big now when did that happen? It seemed like yesterday he was holding my hand walking across the park with me. Now he was always with his friends no time for his mom or dad. Friends wait that's it that's how I connect with Erin.

" _Have to go buddy tell daddy I'll be back soon"_

He jumped reaching into his bag I didn't stop to see what he was hiding racing down the steps.

It took almost forty minutes till I pulled into the Cook County Juvenile Detention center it was after eight so I wasn't sure they'd allow anyone in. Buzzing in I prayed silently till a voice interpreted me. " _Dr. Voight it's late how may I help you?"_ Officer Trudy Platt called out smiling I answered her as well as asked a question. " _I'm here to see Ryann Ashford is she still in? Or J-Lu?_ I couldn't remember her last name " _How are you Trudy and why are you in here not on the streets?" "Busted my ankle last month besides they have a new recruit they want all new recruits to work Juvenile for a year so I intend to show him all ends"_

" _Good call Trudy they should know what happens to the kids after their arrested"_

" _Follow me Dr. Voight"_

She lead me down a long hall leading me to the visitation room which had a few families still visiting inside. I only waited a few minutes before she came in with two girls neither looked like they were fairing to well. The girl with the curly hair had a black eye the pink haired one had a swollen face busted lip.

Was this stupid? Why would they talk to me? What should I even ask? They sat down across from me suspicious I couldn't blame them.

" _I asked you both here because I have a friend of yours I am very conferenced about"_

" _Queen she's alive?"_

Both sat up alert eyes wide my god these poor kids didn't even know she had lived. I reached over squeezing their hands. _"Yes she's alive but she's sick she needs help, that's why I need to ask you information, please don't think you're betraying her by talking to me either"_

" _What kind of information?"_

" _Where does she live? Who does she live with? Does she have any siblings?"_

" _Englewood, Her mom and her rotating boyfriends, she has a half brother Teddy who she primarily takes care of"_

" _Does she get along with them?"_

" _Her brother yeah she loves and adores him, her mom well it's complicated"_

" _I have time"_

" _She'd be so mad if she knew"_

" _She'll never know it was you Ry"_

" _Is this really the only way?"_

" _Yes she's sick she's pregnant she needs to start eating I need to know how to help her"_

" _She's not eating?"_

" _No and I don't know why she doesn't seem like she views herself as fat"_

" _She doesn't she's trying to abort her baby she feels like she'll be an awful mom because of her mom" "_ J-Lu interrupted Ry _That's why she tried to kill herself"_

" _Why does she feel like her mom is a bad mom? How does she discipline her?" "How consisting is she in discipling her?"_

" _Ryann any information can help"_

" _Erin broke some dishes by accident two weeks ago when she was working at the bar, so her mom made her sell her body on the street"_

I held my breath in as I tried not to show my shock horror. I asked a slew of more questions all which gave me equally distributing answers.

By late the next morning I found myself at her school asking to see her teachers most of who barely knew who she was. Which told me she was a loner someone who stayed in back, her English teacher however expressed genuine concern for her missing student. She showed me some of Erin's work. Begged me to help Erin I saw real tears in her eyes.

Next I drove by her neighborhood just as I suspected she came from a drug ridden part of town. I held my steering wheel tight as I watched some blond headed women score in broad daylight. I saw enough speeding off towards the hospital.

I had an idea in how to get her to open up stopping only to pee wash up a little bit I went straight to the unit. Checking the boards to see how each patient was doing. The Rn's keep track of a kid's progress by tracking how they do each day from how they interact how much they eat, if they talk follow directions.

0% was behind her name sighing I went to her room seeing her laying so still made me want to cry. Most of the kids and teens were in group right now laughing as they played a game which got them to open up.

" _Hey babe I see your not feeling well again"_

" _Don't act like you care"_

" _Why do you think I don't?"_

" _Cause no one ever has before"_

" _So you expect that no one ever will?"_

" _Yeah why should they?"_

" _Why shouldn't they?"_

" _I'm not worth it"_

" _Yes you are Erin your smart your beautiful your loyal your kind you're innocent"_

She rolled over I had to hold in my gasp her eyes were bloodshot nose running eyes red and sunken with dark circles in she was paler than a ghost. We were losing her fast I needed to hurry if I was going to save this kid.

" _Innocent lady I haven't been innocent since.._

" _Since when Erin since Oliver raped you when you were eight?'_

" _Yea and every other time"_

" _That's not your fault Erin, it doesn't change who you are inside what he did was criminal he needs to pay but you do not, neither does this baby, you are not your mother"_

I squeezed her hands sitting on her bed _"Babies are the pure definition of innocent"_

" _Exactly that's why I won't screw this up I will not bring a child into this world that isn't going to be giving the best life possible and I can't give that to her or him"_

" _I can Erin I have a loving home I have a solid marriage an adorable son if you promise to start eating to take care of yourself I will give this baby a good life"_

She looked at me her eyes narrowing into mine judging me. Swallowing I wasn't sure why I had just offered that Hank and I had talked about having another child but the years have gone by we were both so focused on our careers. It just never seemed like the right time.

I didn't regret it though I wanted a daughter so bad I could already see myself holding this baby even if it ended up being a boy which I didn't think it would. I have always had this sick sense of intuition and I felt like I was destined to have a daughter.

She didn't know what to say so I leaned over kissing her check laying down beside her. Why I had fallen for this girl was beyond me I treat thousand of kids every year and I've gotten attached to a few but never like this. She stiffened curling into a tight ball.

" _Innocence the state of being free from sin from being free of moral wrong"_

Her voice was small when she answered me _"One can not be innocent when they have experience, the whole definition is that someone who is innocent has a lack of knowledge understanding or experience"_

" _You think you have too much knowledge?"_

" _Yeah I know I do"_

" _Can we have too much knowledge?"_

" _If it's the wrong type yes"_

" _So there's no hope than Erin?"_

" _What do you mean?"_

" _I mean do you stop learning stop trying or do you maybe study something more, get different knowledge?"_

" _You can't restore innocence once it's gone your changed"_

" _True but it doesn't mean change is always bad sometimes change makes us stronger why don't we start by looking through what has made us who we are right now and what can make us who we want to be in the future"_

She sat up slow painfully I helped her up she nodded " _You don't think I am hopeless?"_

" _No sweetie I don't"_

" _That's because you don't know this bitch like I do she's nothing but a useless slut"_

I turned hearing the voice of an older women who stood in the doorway arms crossed. _"Get out!"_ Erin started freaking out screaming her face red body shaking.

" _Or what you little drama Queen?"_ Her mom advanced as I sprung up separating them focused so much on her mom I didn't react in time to stop Erin from yanking out her IV and taking the needle to stab herself in her chest with it.

" _Code Red!"_

I shouted as Erin's body fell into my arms.


	35. Chapter 35

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Camille Voight**

 **March 2000**

" _Why do you keep doing this to me?"_

" _What is it mom? Why do you keep showing up only to get my hopes up? You don't give a damn about me you never did"_

" _Your such a drama Queen Erin this isn't always about you!"_

" _No mom it never is it's always about you! I never factor into the equation why mom why is that? I am your child I should matter!"_

" _Erin calm down your heart rate is going crazy"_ I was trying not to interrupt them they needed to get this out but right now Erin's vitals were going crazy she was getting paler.

Her mom brought out the worst in her there was no question about it.

" _Erin do you think maybe your being too hard on her?"_

" _Too hard? Are you kidding me?"_

" _No I am not your mom's making an effort she shows up here twice a week she takes part in this groups"_

" _You want to know why she shows up?"_

" _I assume it's because she loves you"_

" _You know what they say about assumptions Dr. Voight?"_

" _Never assume Dr. Voight she shows up here because she's broke and she expects me to sell drugs here"_

I chocked on the water I had just taken a big sip of. Erin sat up struggling against her weakened state. Since January when she had tried to kill herself again she's been in and out of the critical care unit. The needle was little so it didn't do any major damage but her blood loss had made her weak even with transfusions she was struggling against infections, still refusing to eat.

" _Do you see what I am up against Dr. Voight she's a pathetic little liar, a bad one at that do you really think I'd be stupid enough to show up with drugs on me Erin?"_

" _Search My bag Dr. Voight you did a throughly search last night and this morning it came up empty right?"_

I pressed the call button on her wall which brought two nurses in and security. " _Room search and search Erin's mom as well"_

" _Seriously your taking her word? She's a nut case she lies, she steals for all I know she stole someone else drugs and she's framing me"_

" _With all due respect Ma'am your daughter barely weighs 70 pounds right now she hasn't eaten in months, she can't even hold her head up, she can't move around the unit, she's restrained there's no way for her to steal so if we find anything here, I can promise you that we will trace it back to you and I will make sure you lose custody of her"_

" _Camille"_

" _Yes Zoe?"_

" _Call Hank"_

I turned to see Zoe holding up at least seven baggies of Weed/ Cocaine all about one/eight of ounce. Security stopped her as she tried to take off. My heart went out to her as Erin laid back exhausted coughing instantly I went over to her picking her up so she could breathe easier rubbing her back as she gagged grabbing the basin I held it so she could throw up easier.

Once she was done I held the water so she could rinse as I grabbed the phone calling my husbands number. Laying next to her she placed her head in my lap so I could stroke her hair.

It only took Hank and Alvin ten minutes to get here cuff her and lead her out. Alvin and Hank exchanged a few words before Alvin lead her off. Hank came in smiling.

" _Sweetheart"_ He leaned down kissing me softly _"Erin how are you?"_ She moaned rolling over so she was buried in my lap now. _"Camille mind if I have a talk with Erin?"_

" _No but I will be staying she's my patient Hank and she's sick I won't leave her"_

I got up giving them some privacy while I checked her vitals again. Blood pressure was still too low, " _Erin I know you've had it rough, I am so very sorry for that" "Why should you be sorry you had nothing to do with it"_

Yeah why was he sorry? That was a good question he seemed to be taking this personally I guess maybe that was my fault she's all I talked about for months.

" _We've been after Oliver for months if I had acted sooner maybe none of this"_ He jested to her current state _Would've happened"_ This time she shrugged _"Oliver's a hard guy to catch" "Yeah that's the truth that's why we need your help" "Me?" "Yes you kid your a key witness he used you to try to sell another teenager for sex, he's a monster he needs to be locked up, he tried to sell you as well, I'm sure you want him to pay"_

" _I could care less, I'm use to it and that girl well she'll get use to it"_

" _No Erin no one ever gets use to being treated like property no one should ever get use to it"_

" _Well we do"_

" _Okay so your use to being treated like someone else property what about getting used to having someone caring about you?"_

" _Never had it"_

" _Well you do now my wife cares about you I care about you so why don't we cut the crap and start taking"_

" _I have nothing to say"_

" _Well I do Erin there's help out there we can offer you a different life not just you but this baby your carrying, she or he deserves the world"_

" _I promise that I will keep you safe Erin but there's a girl out there not much older than you she has a family who loves her who wants her home, she's out there pregnant scared alone, if we don't find her soon who knows what will happen to her, Oliver is free he can get to her, if we stop him though we can save her"_

" _Not my problem"_

She turned away from him tears prickled her eyes I reached down taking her hand squeezing it. She was worn out unable to keep her eyes open so I slipped on the oxygen mask signaling Hank his time was over.

He grunted in anger impatience but followed me out of her room. " _You said she was making progress Camille" "She is Hank slowly it takes time" "Requiem may not have time" "I understand that Hank" "So let me talk to her" "No I can't she's my patient she's sick you're going to push her too hard you may kill her or the baby"_

" _She needs to trust you. Want her to talk to you get her to trust you"_

" _How do I do that?"_

" _That's for you to figure out"_

I had no doubt in my mind as I kissed him goodbye that he would find a way either. Part of me a big part of me hoped he would. Even though I hated when he got too close to a case I saw what it did to him. I couldn't stop him this time I didn't want to because I was already way too close to this case.


	36. Chapter 36

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Hank Voight**

" _Oh my god dad how cute is that tiger?"_

" _Pretty cute"_ I leaned over checking out the article in the magazine Justin was holding up as I picked him up from school. Leaning over ruffling his head I laughed at how his face lite up. That tiger was cute though a baby it looked like. " _So what's the story about?" "It's a true story daddy it's about this baby tiger who wandered too far from his cage in the zoo when a zoo keeper left the gate open and he got lost so he ended up laying down in a field and these kids started feeding him playing with him"_

" _That's pretty dangerous wouldn't you say son?"_

" _Yeah I guess I don't know he's a baby he can't really hurt them can he?"_

" _He's a wild animal son he has claws and sharp teeth"_

" _Well anyway when the zookeepers found him they returned him to his cage but his mom rejected him because he had human touches on him."_

" _That's sad Justin"_

" _Yeah it just shows how dumb animals are though I mean real moms never abounded their kids"_

" _Human moms wouldn't would they?"_

He was so young he was innocent " _I mean I don't know what I would do if you or mom ever gave up on me left me on my own, it's cold out here how would I eat where would I sleep? I would be so scared, you always tell me not to trust strangers so how would I make it?"_

His words touched me was this how Erin felt? Was this why she was so scared to put her trust in me? In anyone? " _How would you like to visit mom at work?" "We can?" Yes!"_ He pumped his fist. " _"Yes we can Justin pick a fast food restaurant will grab dinner, when we get there though I want you to meet someone" "Who daddy?" "A friend I think she needs some love and support her mom she's not around right now"_

" _That's sad daddy so she's like the tiger cub?"_

" _Yeah kind of think you can handle that?"_

" _I'm a big boy daddy I can handle it"_

" _I knew you would that's my boy"_ Punching his arm lightly he giggled as he pointed to McDonald's. I groaned personally I hate fast food but when you have kids sometimes you suck it up.

Justin's been around police station and hospitals his whole life so it didn't phrase him being in a hospital. He followed me to Erin's room she laid in the same state as when I left three hours ago. Turning only slightly to see who entered. Her eyes went from mine to Justin's I was shocked to see my son jump back a little.

" _You okay J?"_

" _Uh yeah daddy sorry who's uh your friend?"_

" _Justin this is Erin, Erin my son Justin"_

" _Hey kid"_ she said unenthusiastically _"We brought dinner" "I'm not hungry" "You need to eat, for you and…_ I eyed her stomach. _"Daddy can I sit on the bed? I'll get her to eat" "Sure son"_

I didn't give her a chance to protest lifting him onto her bed sitting on her other side sitting the bed up. I needed her to give me information I wasn't going to stop till I brought Requiem home safe to her family. If that meant forcing this kid to eat or talk than I would.

She was shocked as I placed my hands under her arm pits lifting her into a sitting position. Justin handed me a burger and fries. _"Mom use to do this to me as a kid" "Your still a kid dude"_ She replied dryly he rolled his eyes _"Nah I'm a big boy now I can eat on my own I don't need someone to feed me. Open up make room for the landing"_ He flew a fry through the air she looked at me like an arrow aiming for it's target I shrugged.

Thankfully though she wasn't rude to him she took the fry and the next six while Justin told jokes making her guess the answers. Knock Knock: _"Who's there? L_ _ettuce._ _  
_

" _Lettuce who?"_ _  
_

" _Lettuce in, it's freezing out here!"_

 **"** _What do you call cheese that's not yours?"_ _  
_

" _N_ _acho cheese!"_

" _What do elves learn in school?"  
_

 **"** _The elf-abet."_

They were lame jokes yet Erin laughed at every one her checks filled with a slight variations of color.

" _Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?"  
_

" _To go with the traffic jam!"_

" _That was berry good Justin"_

" _Ha Berry like Strawberry or raspberry jam! Awesome Erin!"_ He high-fived her laughing I could see the simple act left her pretty weakened. Maybe Camille was right she didn't seem strong enough to stand questions right now.

" _Erin why don't you eat a little more"_

" _Not hungry"_

" _Your so thin though"_ Justin exclaimed wide eyed _"Doesn't your mommy make you eat your vegetables?" "No my mom doesn't care either way" "You can borrow mine she always makes me eat everything on my plate, where is mommy daddy?"_

" _I don't know son I will go find her you keep Erin company okay?"_

" _Sure daddy Erina and I are old friends"_ I stopped to look at him funny she coughed his face froze. " _Yeah old it's been what an hour or so but those jokes man their some old school ones I can teach you some new ones that will get all your third grad classmates pissing themselves"_

" _I'm in fourth thank you very much!"_

" _Oh sorry one year difference"_

" _Yes that's a whole year older than I was last year!"_

Shaking my head I went out to find Camille. Maybe Justin was the key to getting Erin to open up.

Camille was at the station when I came up surprised she smiled coming over to me kissing me. " _What brings you to this place again?' "Justin missed his mommy and we brought dinner"_

" _So where's Justin?"_

" _Getting Erin to eat"_

" _What?" "Yeah our little boy is amazing"_

" _Well duh so where's my dinner?"_

" _In the room I thought it might do Erin some good to see us eating as a family"_

" _Excellent idea so lets go I am famished"_

When we got back to the room Erin was sitting on the side of the bed damn this kid looked horrible she was skin and bones.

Justin had now somehow shoved the milkshake straw inside her mouth making her sip it. Camille smiled as she sat by her brushing back her hair. _"Justin why don't you go grab dessert in the employee lounge eat it there though it's messy" "Okay should I bring some back for Erin?" "Yes after you eat yours"_

He scampered off happily as I sat on her other side. " _We can provide your baby with a stable home Erin, I can I will protect you you just have to give us information to take Oliver down"_

" _So you want me to become a Rat you want to make me a target?"_

" _No I won't al_ _l_ _ow anything to happen Erin I am with you till the wheels come off and than I will be your ride just trust in us"_

" _Can you do that?"_


	37. Chapter 37

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Ryann**

" _Fight! Fight!"_

The screams filled the rec room of CCJD but the chants weren't accurate this wasn't a fight this was Sam Puckett just attacking some random chick for no reason the other girl never stood a chance.

It was over in seconds to Sam was back in her seats before the guards raced in. my chest tightened as I felt J-Lu squeeze my hand this place was insane worse than I remembered.

Sam came over glaring at us knowing we had seen it all more than any other girl sitting here. " _Listen up you two you saw her attack me, you saw me defend myself that's all you saw"_

" _Why should we lie?"_ She grinned evilly at me " _Because you want your friend out of BH don't you?" "Yeah but you can't help with that?"_

" _Oh I can't?"_

" _Really because see I get out in two days I am 18 now, I have a friend Spencer who's my legal guardian he's picking me up he can pose as a cousin of Erin, I can make all the Fake papers, Ids we need to bust her out, she can do what she wants than Spencer has agreed to take her in if she wants or she can go where ever she please"_

" _Why would you do that?"_

" _If you stay silent or lie for me I owe you I pay back what I owe"_

 _'If we get caught?"_

" _Don't get caught"_

" _Listen I would never compromise my freedom I've been locked down since I was 15"_

" _What did you do?"_

" _Killed my rapist when he tried to rape my best friend, he kidnapped us his name was Navel, he was obsessed with us he locked us in a basement for weeks raping me making Carly watch when he tried to rape her I lost it, I grabbed him he wasn't prepared for me I started kicking him I didn't stop. Not till he was dead, they gave me five years for manslaughter"_

" _I know what your friend is going through I got pregnant from the rape, I gave birth while locked up my son is five he has no idea who I am. Spencer and Carly are raising him but we thought it best if he didn't know who I was not while I was locked down I grew up seeing my parents in prison it sucks. I don't want him to have those memories"_

" _So what do you say will you do it? Do you want Erin free?"_

I did but I also wanted to be there for my son if they caught me lying I could get more time.

Was she worth it? Was my son worth more?


	38. Chapter 38

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Requiem/ Brooke**

 **Song: Photograph**

 **Artist: Nickleback**

 **March 2000**

" _ **What inspires you? There are a lot of things that can provide inspiration – seeing other people accomplish great things, seeing other people overcome adversity, hearing inspirational quotes from great people, even the sheer beauty of nature can remind us just how lucky we are to be alive. Having a positive outlook on life is a crucial part of finding inspiration. In the paragraph above, did you feel inspired reading about the vastness of our universe and our unique place within it, or did you feel overwhelmed and depressed at the insignificance of it all?**_

Having a positive outlook on life can help one's frame of mind yeah sure right, cause I had so many great things to be positive about in my life right now. I was a whore simple as that. I sold myself for money, my hands slide over my stomach which was hurting so bad right now. When did I eat last? What did I eat last? I closed my eyes leaning against the tree, feeling exhausted defeated and disgusted with myself.

Not only was I a fifthly whore I was a homeless pregnant fifteen year old with no propose no directions. No plans no guidance. I was every bit the loser the disappointment that my parents were ashamed of.

No wonder they were so quick to dismiss me write me off and leave me. Rumbling woke me up. Thank god how stupid was I to almost nod off that's how girls get raped, robbed murdered out here alone in the middle of the park in the early evening. I guess I can't blame them anymore.

Shaking off my sleepiness I tried to focus on the book Lucas would of liked this one. It made me think so did the vastness inspire me? I guess in a way it was cool to think beyond limitations to know that if I pushed myself farther harder I could accomplish anything. That the world was so much bigger than my issues my world my problems.

Yet it was depressing because I was so small so insignificant no matter what I did or said my life would never matter. Why should it start to matter now? It hasn't in the last 15 years. Why should the next make a difference hell I was probably not going to live to see 16 anyway so why dream too far ahead?

I was freezing so freezing I needed to keep moving judging by the slowly fading light it was probably around six at night. My whole body was so sore I felt like I had a million hot irons all over my body turned up to full heat. Dizziness stopped me from moving to fast, my stomach felt like it would all come up if I moved again.

Slowly I took a few deep breaths letting out the shakiness holding onto the tree as I waited for my legs to come back to life. After a few minutes I started moving again. Everything just hurt so bad, I couldn't understand what I did to deserve this. I thought escaping from Mr. Chavez's brother would gain me freedom. Instead it just traded one hell for another.

I felt my legs give out as sharp pain shot through my stomach. Gripping the bench that I had fallen against I felt my body go weak as my stomach became overwhelmingly queasy god please don't let me throw-up. Deep breaths Brooke… No Requiem just take slow deep breaths let them calm you. Exhale slow focus on breathing.

" _Please be okay little peanut please don't leave me. I know I am not being the best mother to you yet, I'm so sorry I'm trying life's just being a big old mean ugly faced bitch to me,_ _I'll do better I swear baby please don't give up on me"_

Tears fell down from my eyes why was I being faced with this? I wasn't anything extraordinary. How was I different than the 65 percent of 12th graders who were having sexual intercourse, or the 39 percent of 9th graders. Why did I end up pregnant? I was always so careful. Was god laughing at me punishing me? It's not like I ever had parents there to talk to me about these things. No one ever told me the risks, how to use protection or what the hell it even was. I found out through MTV how was this my fault? Sure I didn't pay attention in health class like maybe I should of. Did that make what was happening my fault? Like I deserved it.

Where were my family my friends my emotional support? Gently my hand rubbed my belly the pain wasn't as sharp now. Still I was worried was it from hunger? Was something wrong? I knew I should be seeing a doctor but how? I had no money to spend on doctors not the amount that I would need anyway.

I still had to find an apartment figure out how I would support myself? Who would let a kid with a kid on the way live in their apartment? Would I have to wait till I was 18 and grown to get my own place? How would I make it out here with a baby? Laying on the bench I took deep breaths again.

Feeling like I would throw up again. I needed Lucas here I wanted him here so damn bad why wasn't he here? Why didn't he even try to look for me? I know we fought like cats and dogs but didn't I mean anything to him? Didn't his child mean anything to him?

Why wasn't Peyton here? No matter how bad we fought she never straight up abounded me. Was Lucas really worth losing me over? Was I that forgettable that unimportant that one kiss one sweet whispered word form a cute boy brushed away nine years worth of memories friendships?

" _Omg Brooke this top looks so gorgeous on you"_

" _Uh Peyton it barely fits I must be getting fat!"_

" _Brooke you're not fat! Stop talking about yourself that way"_

Peyton had come around me spinning me around so fast I lost my balance, she shock me by my slender eleven year old shoulders her eyes tearing through mine. " _Brooke Penelope Davis. I never wanna hear you say such a stupid untrue thing about yourself again you are not fat you are beautiful talented wise funny you are amazing I love you"_

Loved me she loved me past tense if she loved me she wouldn't of slept with Luke. My boyfriend the father of my baby she knew I was pregnant she knew how scared I was she held me while I cried, she told me I would be a great mom. She's the one who convinced me to tell him. Than I walk in and found them in bed together.

If I knew now what I knew than maybe I wouldn't of trusted either one of them so freely. Maybe my heart wouldn't of been broken so many times. I know I should forget about them, I'm trying so hard but how do you just forget your heart, your soul the very reason you were able to get up every damn miserable morning and plaster that fake smile on your face. Act like your life was perfect when in reality they were the only ones keeping you from killing yourself.

" _I'm the guy for you. I know we're just part-time, that's cool. You know, do whatever, have your fun. But one of these nights you're gonna realize it; I'm the guy for you Brooke Davis…. You'll see"_

His hand felt so big so rough inside of my petite delicate one, his eyes connected with mine even as I tried to avoid looking into his, if I did I would melt, I didn't think I could recover. Why didn't he know that I was already aware of the fact that he was the one for me. I knew since the minute we started dating that he was always going to be the one.

" _That is really great Brooke. I'm proud of you. Okay, see you in a bit"  
_

" _Okay, see you later boyfriend"_ I Paused " _What?"  
_

" _Nothing, it just feels good to hear you call me boyfriend"  
_

" _Feels good to say it"_

Tears fell from my eyes as I got up trying to start walking again the cold had settled into my bones. Making every step painful and almost unbearable. Rounding the corner I tried to figure out where to go. Dizziness had me still weak but I managed slow at first. The park was still filled with families, kids roller-blading or skate boarding. Bouncing basketballs in the court music played from boom boxes, Teddy was playing on the equipment with Matt.

 _ **And what the hell is on Joey's head?**_

 _ **This is**_ _ **where**_ _ **I grew up**_

 _ **I**_ _ **think**_ _ **the**_ _ **present**_ __ _ **owner**_ __ _ **fixed**_ _ **it up**_

 _ **I**_ _ **never**_ _ **knew we ever went**_ _ **without**_

 _ **The**_ _ **second**_ __ _ **floor**_ _ **is hard for**_ _ **sneakin**_ _ **' out**_

I watched the teens for a bit rubbing my belly still rumbling remembering the times I used to cheer for Lucas and Nathan at the river-court. I could almost picture them playing with Skillz, Jake, Tim.

" _ **And this is**_ _ **where**_ _ **I went to**_ _ **school**_

 _ **Most of the time I had**_ _ **better**_ __ _ **things**_ _ **to do**_

 _ **Criminal**_ __ _ **record**_ _ **says I**_ _ **broke**_ _ **in**_ _ **twice**_

 _ **I must of done it half a**_ _ **dozen**_ __times _ **"**_

" _Your daddy is an amazing ballplayer little one maybe you'll be a baller just like him, or a cheerleader like your momma, either way I hope you get involved in sports somehow it's amazing, the feeling of being a team_ _of having each others back, it's well there's nothing like it"_

 _ **I**_ _ **wonder**_ _ **if it's too late**_

 _ **Should**_ _ **I go back and try to**_ _ **graduate**_ _ **?**_

 _ **Lot's**_ _ **better**_ _ **now than it was back then**_

 _ **If I was them, I**_ _ **wouldn**_ _ **'t let me in**_

 _ **Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, God, I**_

" _Brooke"_

I have to be dreaming there's no way, I can not be hearing Lucas's voice. Turning slowly I feel the midst in my eyes cloud me over, whipping away my tears. I blink to clear my view. There he was as real as if he was really standing in the park only six feet away from me. I clutch the chain link fence as I feel my breathing ghastly increase. Looking around I try to find the hidden camera am I on one of those damn shows where they surprise you?

" _Cherry Girl baby it's me I'm real Brooke that is you isn't it?"_

He's staring at me deeply like he doesn't recognize me. My eyes tare away from his to look at myself. Why would he? I'm not Brooke anymore, I haven't been Brooke Davis in months. I'm Requiem now the girl who sells her own body just to get by. I'm skinner a lot skinner paler even pregnant, my hair is longer. I've dyed it blond with purple streaks. No this girl Luke wouldn't want anything to do with. Brooke was cheerful sassy sweet sure she was slutty but she had a good heart, she was pure in many ways.

Requiem she's nothing but a whore a useless mistake she's used, she's wrong she's sinful shameful, she's a bitch a screwup she's...well she's me now. I took one last look at Luke tears clouding me again.

I love him so damn much I always will he's perfect for me even if he'll never love me back, I 'll miss him everyday of my life even if he never even thinks about me. I will always think of him wish for him wish to be with him. I will always love him. I just would have to do it from a far. I've been away for far too long there's no way they would ever accept me back. I'll dream of him but dreams are not meant to be reality.

" _Brooke oh my god it is you!"_ So this wasn't a dream he was here coming closer. I heard her squeal as she ran up beside him taking his hand. I feel sick again they just couldn't stay away from each other. Swallowing I shock my head so much for those two missing me. He looked at her taking his eyes off me. I ran into the park yelling for Teddy who sensed something was wrong, he scooped up Matt.

" _Brooke wait!"_

I hear Cheatcas and Bitchton calling to me my chest burns with tears and anger here I was living in total hell, being abused, used, raped sold while living on the streets just trying to get by and all they cared about was hooking up.

I didn't stop even when the pain hit me the feeling of needing to vomit the pain of unreleased urine that I had been holding in for hours. Finally collapsing on the seats in the train. Teddy besides me eyes wide confused as who they were, I was too damn tired to ask I let the tears fall. So much pain so many memories I could never look back now. Now I was convinced Tree Hill would never be home to me again.

 _ **"Every**_ _ **memory of look**_ _ **i**_ _ **ng**_ _ **out the back door**_

 _ **I have the**_ _ **photo**_ __ _ **album**_ __ _ **spread**_ _ **out on my**_ _ **bedroom**_ __ _ **floor**_ _**It's hard to say it**_ _**Time to say it**_ _**Good bye, good bye**_ _**Every**_ __ _ **memory**_ _ **of**_ _ **walkin**_ _ **' out the**_ _ **front**_ _ **door**_ _**I**_ _ **found**_ _ **the**_ _ **photo**_ _ **of the**_ _ **friend**_ _ **that I was**_ _ **lookin**_ _ **' for**_ _**It's hard to say it**_ _**Time to say it**_ _**Good bye, good bye, good bye"**_


	39. Chapter 39

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Requiem/ Brooke**

 **March 2000**

" _B. Davis I love you I always will"_

Lair! If she loved me so damn much she wouldn't of jumped into his bed the second I left. Leaning against a wall in another part of Chicago I tried to remember how to breathe, damn I had to pee so bad. Looking around I couldn't see any spots that I could safety relieve myself. I was still feeling dizzy and weak. Holding onto Teddy's hand in my left hand balancing Matt on my hip I dragged myself on wards.

Teddy went to relieve himself against a building. I couldn't walk anymore I didn't care if I died in the street at that moment death would be a welcome relief. Falling to my knees I let the exhaustion take me over, clinging to Matt his face against my chest. I had no clue where I was just that it was a rundown neighborhood with fires burning in the Alley's people gathered around trying to warm their frozen hands. They gave me dirty looks but no one bothered me.

" _Hey you can't sleep here that's my spot bitch"_

I didn't even bother to moan or protest if this bitch wanted the spot that bad she could get rid of me herself. Closing my eyes I prayed God would just let me die. Anything had to be better than this.

" _Sierra_ _be nice she looks like she's had a rough night"_

That earned a huff from me rough night yeah that's an understatement. Pain hit me again this time so hard I sat up screaming tears falling out. I felt liquid rush down my leg. Did I just pee myself? Really could this night get any worse?

" _Darling your bleeding what happened to you? Who did this?"_

Looking up I saw a young woman? With blond short curly hair amazing green eyes, dressed in tight black jeans and a bright pink glittery top under a black and bright pink corset. I couldn't speak.

" _We have to help her_ _Sierra_ _"_

" _We ain't gotta do nothing this bitch stole Queen's ride if she hadn't stepped on her turf Queen might not be locked up"_

" _She didn't know girl we all start out as fresh meat Queen took you in, maybe she just needs a friend. You do you girl I'm gonna do me and me is helping her"_

Strong arms lifted me up my head fell against the chest now. _"_ _Sierra!"_ Teddy called out as he raced up the young women glaring at me in the younger boys arms. " _Teddy we've been looking for you for months!" "I tried to find you Sierra but we couldn't go to the normal spots I can't take the chance of getting locked up not while my sister, Ry and J are locked up" "Requiem has been helping me she's kept me safe, feed"_

" _See_ _S_ _ierra I told you we needed to help her b_ _esides isn't_ _Mimi_ _always telling us l_ _ife is all about the people you meet you never know when you may need someone. So pay kindness forward and maybe you can change the world or at least your world"_

" _F_ _i_ _ne_ _Chameleon_ _we owe her now help me. I can't carry her by myself"_

The clinic was packed even at this hour " _Get her over to the seat I'll go get Commotion"_ Just walking those few blocks had worn me out I could feel Sierra pulling my feet up onto the seat stretching me out much to the annoyance of the old fat lady sitting a few seats down. _"Gross why don't you take a shower you scuzzy trash?" "Why don't you stop talking you fat geezer? Or give us your next ten meals you could stand to lose a few pounds"_ I let out a snort which was suppose to be a laugh except laughing hurt too much. I could get use to this chick.

" _I think your bleeding has slowed down"_ Thank god all I could think about was did I lose the baby?" The boy came back with a woman in her mid thirties with sandy brown curly hair she bent down in front of me I assumed she was the doctor.

Placing a stethoscope against my chest. She listened than turned to someone behind her " _Get a stretcher we need to get her back right away"_

Hands lifted me up laying me on a clean bed which they wheeled right back. Lifting me onto another bed where they removed my outfit quickly " _Can you tell me your name sweetie? I'm Dr. Angela Collins you can call me Comm_ o _tion" "Requiem I'm pregnant" "I figured when I saw the bleeding do you know how far along you are sweetheart?" "No"_ Tears filled my eyes she must think I'm such a stupid whore how do you not know how far along you are? I barely knew the day never mind the month.

" _No worries sweetie will figure it out lay back try to relax for me. Sierra hold her hand remember how scared you were last year how Queen helped you"_ She didn't answer but I felt her hand slide into mine. So she was pregnant last year. How old was her kid did she have a boy a girl? She must have been so scared she barely looked older than I am.

Dr. Collins asked me a bunch of questions as she took blood and urine samples which was embarrassing having to be held by Sierra and her so I could pee but I was so weak and in so much pain I couldn't do it myself, between that and the coughing which wouldn't let up. I'm not sure how I stayed awake though my eyes felt so heavy.

" _Do you want to know the sex of your baby?"_

Did I? Would it make a difference? Deep breath Brooke take a deep breath " _Yes"_ The gel felt cold which made me giggle and gasp at the same time. Sierra squeezed my hand as I watched the screen how could they tell anything at all? It all looked like a giant squirmy bloop. _"Looks like your having a boy"_ Chameleon clapped cheering as Sierra rolled her eyes " _Just what we need another male testosterone charged dude oh wait make that our first cause your more of a pussy than I have"_ Chameleon gasped voicing his disagreement against her even though he knew she was kidding.

After an exam which was almost as painful as sex lately she had me go to the bathroom and clean up. Sierra helped me undress I should feel uncomfortable yet even having a stranger helping me wash my most private areas was nothing anymore.

I have been stripped of dignity, pride and self respect a long time ago now it was just about dong what I needed to so I could have a healthy baby. Strong hands held me up my eyes rested on the young man as she turned on the water drenching me. My body shivered so badly the water soothed me. I didn't need to look down to see the water turning a deep shade of red. I felt the blood coming off me in waves dried painful caked blood from all over.

The soap stung as they washed me trying to hold me up thanks to my powerful coughing spasms ripping through my chest. I felt like I was burning up and freezing at the same time. I tried to hold myself up but I was simply too weak.

She scrubbed me for ten minutes till there was nothing else she could do, than she rinsed me helping me to dry off. Laying back down I felt Dr. Collins attach an IV to me smoothing a hand over my forehead. " _You have Pneumonia sweetie we need to act fast I'm starting you on an IV of p_ _redisone_ _than I want you back here twice a day for antibiotics and regular checkups, money is not my worry so I don't want to hear that as an excuse. As long as you come by every day I won't report you or get in your business understand Requiem?"_ I nodded as she started the IV. Sierra stroked my arm as I felt myself drift off.

 **Six hours later**

" _ **It's in your eyes**_

 _ **The truth you try to deny**_

 _ **Lips can spin a thousand lies**_

 _ **Those eyes baby those are what tell the world your tightly covered secrets**_

 _ **Those Eyes damn those eyes"**_

" _That's awesome Sierra"_

" _Thanks Requiem, it's my pride and joy Queen always tells me I have a beautiful voice"_

" _She doesn't lie you do"_

Color creped up her checks as I wrapped my arms around Chameleon my body laid sprawled out in Teddy's lap as Sierra strummed Ryann's guitar. Singing softly a few people came by some gave us looks of shame or fear some threw money at us.

We had been walking for hours stopping just to rest a little. Soon it would be time to start up again. My legs were hurting so bad. We couldn't stay like this though I knew that. " _We need to find shelter soon_ _Beats_ _it's late getting colder it looks like snow soon" "_ _I_ _know_ _Teddy have you seen Taser_ _? "_ _L_ _ast I saw Taser was with a date"_

" _ **Why do they say age makes you wise?**_

" _I can't think of what to write next"_

" _Writers block uh I had a friend back home she hated when she got that"_

" _She a song writer?"_

" _Yeah I miss Haley she is so talented"_

" _ **They say distances makes the heart grow"**_

" _ **Why does it feel like mine has shivered and died?"**_

" _That's uh depression"_ I laughed as she rolled her eyes _"Uh look around Requiem our whole lives are depressing"_


	40. Chapter 40

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Requiem/ Brooke**

 **March 10th 2000**

" _Rebeka needs help at the club since Ryann and J-Lu are locked up do you want to dance Brooke?"_

It seemed like a safer option than standing on the corner every night so I agreed when Chameleon asked me. It wasn't my dream by any stretch but I was getting bigger now, I needed to find a place to stay which meant money.

I was getting tired of dumpster diving for food but without real money it was all we could do to stay alive. So each night from ten pm till 2 or 3 am I shoved my growing bottom into a three sizes too small skirt and halter top, I choose upbeat songs and danced till I thought I would fall.

Rebeka seemed to be decent she took good care of us didn't allow harm to come to us, she paid us weekly. The club was always packed so money never stopped coming in. Lap dances were extra and for some reason these grown men seemed to have sick fantasies of pregnant chicks so I made a bucket of money.

I knew that if I wanted to take it further with some top paying clients who wanted "dates" I could really bank it in for months I had been avoiding that. Than Sierra got sick she needed special medication for her CF. Something Queen usually took care of. I was almost seven months pregnant it was getting harder to move. I was scared I needed more money we needed a place I didn't want my baby growing up on the streets.

So when Rebeka called me aside and told me there was a client that had asked for me in private. I sucked it up sometimes you have to sacrifice yourself for others. Following her into the private room which was dimly lit I let out a deep breath music was playing. I didn't let it phrase me that I was now right in someone's arms dancing so close it almost wasn't possible to get any closer.

Using the pole I pushed myself up shaking my hips sliding on the floor smiling dancing sexy blowing kisses as I shock myself into his lap his hands slapped my butt grabbing on tightly. His mouth slide over my nipples as I gravitated against him. For over two hours we played a cat and mouse game.

I was shocked to walk away with $1,000 without even having to have sex. All I had to do was agree to a date the next night. He gave me his name, number kissed my check and thanked me for being such an amazing night.

Walking home that night I shivered running my hands over my growing belly. I always kept my eyes alert. Stopping at the drug store first I waited till Sierra's prescription was ready than I went to the train station keeping my senses alert as I dropped off my money doing a quick count. 13,000 not bad. I just had to make it to 18 so I could get a place.

The alley way was warmer than the streets thank god fires were all spread out tent city was alive now that the weather was a little warmer. Sierra was playing guitar softly she was weaker thanks to this lung infection. Dropping down my Teddy who was playing with Matt I exhaled my arms hurt from working the pole.

Chameleon started rubbing my shoulders which felt amazing. Sierra laid her head in my lap after I had her take her medication. I took Matt who needed to be changed. Laying him down on the cement he giggled babies are just so happy. How can someone look at their adorable faces and not feel their troubles melt away.

" _You never did say how you ended up together"_ Sierra coughed looking to Teddy. He looked to me shrugging I let him chose to tell or not. " _Ryann told me to wait with Matt while they went_ _into the suit_ _she said they may not make it home that night so if they didn't return within three hours I should take Matt and run" "Queen always told me to go to Blake's if there was ever trouble, so when I heard the gunfire I grabbed Matt and ran like they said to"_

Taking over the story as Chameleon braided my hair into little cornrows I closed my eyes laying Matt down on a dirty blanket.

" _I stumbled over him on the train literately he took me to Blake's"_

" _Wasn't Blake home?"_

Looking at Sierra I could see how protected she was even though she lived on the streets, Queen had somehow Sierra innocence attached. Chameleon shock his head as Sierra closed her eyes signaling me to lie if it was bad.

" _No he wasn't must if been at a party or something"_

" _J-Lu will be mad"_ The antibodies must of taken effect I heard her breathing ease as her eyes closed. Truth was Blake took us in that night the party was at his apartment. When Teddy explained what happened Blake looked me up and down slapped me shoving me down on the bed attacking me because he blamed me for getting J-Lu arrested. He beat me right in front of Teddy who tried to stop him but was thrown back.

After he had his way he advanced to Teddy telling him he was going to earn his keep he was going to start by pleasing his guests in the next room. I wouldn't let that happen so I grabbed Teddy and Matt taking off. Blake didn't try to stop us.

 **March 11th**

" _Your beautiful Requiem"_

Blushing I told him thanks as he took my hand leading me on a walk by the river. So far on this "Date" I had learned his name was Robbie Reynolds he was seventeen a senior at St. Margaret's School for Boys. He was cute that's for sure so far he was sweet buying me dinner. Never trying to pressure me for anything more. I started to become suspicious why was he going to strip clubs for dates if he was 17? Shouldn't he be dating girls from a neighboring school?

" _I know it seems strange that I uhh am going to clubs for dates the thing is I am kind of a nerd, going to an all boys school it's made me well social awkward, I never know how to talk to girls my age"_

" _I just find them so materialistic, immature I guess but you girls that dance well there's a maturity about you, I like that"_

We stopped over looking the river which glowed against the back drop of the moonlight with the splash of rain. This whole scene reminded me of my dates back home with Lucas. God I missed him so bad. _"_ _If you need me to tell you again why I love you I have a million reasons I can go on all night Brooke"_

My heart ached thinking of him, I bet he didn't miss me he had Peyton now.

" _ **This world may have failed you,  
It doesn't give you reason why.  
You could have chosen a different path in life.**_

 _ **The smile when you tore me apart."**_

" _Kiss me Robbie"_ I pulled him close he stumbled in shock as I wrapped my arms around him. It took him a moment but he responded with passion pulling my waist closer as much as he could with my stomach sticking out.

" _I am not pushing you away Luke I am holding on for dear life, I need you to want me back"_

Lucas couldn't respond I didn't understand why he just stood there silent tears built up anger on his face, fists clenched. What had I done to make him shut me out? Robbie's kisses trailed my body.

They were wet warm delicious not like most of the pigs I slept with, god I had missed being close with someone. Normally I shut my senses off when I sleep with someone this time though I wanted to feel everything. I let is hands travel my body pushing my skirt up as I got off his belt without any issues. Pulling his pants down, his kisses traveled down my neck to my stomach to my core which was now wet with pleasure anticipation, I couldn't escape the throaty groan that escaped me.

" _I want you Robbie please me please"_

His hands pushed me " _No I can't I am sorry I have to go"_

Just like that he took off pulling up his pants leaving me breathless horny and confused as hell. Why did the decent guys always reject me? What was wrong with me?


	41. Chapter 41

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Ryann**

 **Artist: Within Temptation**

 **Song: Somewhere**

" _I can't believe we pulled it off!"_

I must of let out a thousand sighs of disbelief excitement and fear as I stood in the rain with Queen at a gas station. I wasn't sure where we were somewhere maybe South Dakota. J-Lu had run into the bathroom to pee. Sam was in the gas station getting food and Spencer was filling up the tank. Which left us to stand by the car looking out into the distance I couldn't believe we had done it. Sam had gotten out and kept true to her word she convinced Spencer to take guardianship of Queen, Myself and J-Lu. It hurt leaving my son but as hard as I searched for two days I couldn't find him. Where ever Teddy had taken him they were hidden deep into the shadows.

Spencer convinced me to get settled in Seattle for awhile than he would hire someone to track down Matt and Teddy, I agreed because we had to leave Queen was growing weaker she needed to get out of Chicago to have a decent home. I wanted that for her, for J-Lu who Spencer assured would have an easier time in Seattle he said it was a lot more liberal there that Transgender people were more openly accepted. He had friends who had made the transition already who were happy.

Queen laid her body against mine as we danced slowly to the music playing on the loud speaker. She needed me to put her first now for so long she had sacrificed for everyone else. When was someone going to do that for her?

" _ **Lost in the darkness, hoping for a sign  
Instead there is only silence  
Can't you hear my screams?  
Never stop hoping  
Need to know where you are  
But one thing is for sure  
You're always in my heart" **_

" _Think things will really be better for us Ryann?'_

" _Yeah I do Queen it has to be or else what is all this for? I believe God has a plan for us, I don't believe he has forsaken us"_

Leaning down I pulled her closer up right tipping her chin up to me leaning down looking into her eyes, kissing her deep in her mouth tasting her sweetness.

I felt her body relax for the first time in well ever.

" _Aw you two make a cute couple almost as cute as Sam and Carly"_

" _I didn't know they were a couple"_ Spencer chuckled " _Oh their not, yet but my sister is hot for Sam, and well I know Sam is crazy for her, but you know they were 15, I thought she was too young to be in love, than the whole kidnapping thing happened and Sam being sent away, so I made Carly wait I promised her if she still felt the same in five years when Sam got out than she could do what she wanted, I would support her, them. She's planning on telling Sam how she feels after she's settled in"_

" _Just don't tell Sam"_

" _Tell me what?"_

We froze as Queen kissed me back her hands in my hair, clever she stopped us from having to come up with a lie. I knew she was tired of lying tired of talking, just plain tired. Which left Spencer to fumble.

" _Th_ _at_ _pigs_ _are_ _an endangered species!"_

How the hell did he come up with that lie? Damn maybe we should of done the talking were experts at lying, both of us tried so hard not to laugh but I felt Queen's mouth twist which felt so funny that my lips trembled. Sam's face was even more hysterical. She dropped her chips mouth hanging open.

" _What the! What does this mean?"_

" _Uh it means Ham will no longer be sold because they can't kill an endangered animal"_

" _NOOOOOOO!"_

Taking Queen's hand I lead her away from Sam's meltdown I guess the kid really liked Ham. We walked to the edge of the road it was pretty deserted, J-Lu came out standing next to us as I rubbed Queen's back, J-Lu rubbed her shoulders. We were determined that she knew she had friends to help her through this. Miles and Miles of dessert stretchered before us. I had never seen anything so beautiful cactus's tall and lush green. _"Is that a baby lion?"_

J-Lu pointed to a small furry orange animal standing only a few feet away staring at us licking it's paw. " _Uh maybe we should go to the car, I uh don't want to find out"_ Grabbing Queens's hand I pulled her before she could say anything. Of course J-Lu had something to say about that. _"Aw look city girls afraid of the big bad cookie monster"_ Just thanthe animal started to howl. J-Lu took off diving into the car " _Who's afraid now sissy?"_ Spencer dropped the pump head diving into the car

" _I am lets go!"_ As we drove off I watched Queen her eyes stayed focused on the baby animal which cried in pain.

" _I bet he's lost from his mommy"_ Rubbing her neck I kissed her check.

" _I'm sure he'll find her_ _what made you think of that anyway?"_

" _Something someone said to me once about cubs being pushed from their moms"_

" _Well no negative thoughts babe it's a wild animals, their scrappy they always find their way in this world, even alone"_

" _I suppose they do"_

" _ **Lost in the darkness, try to find your way home  
I want to embrace you and never let you go  
Almost hope you're in heaven  
so no one can hurt your soul  
Living in agony cause I just do not know  
Where you are"**_

" _Will always be there for each other Queen so don't worry you'll never be alone"_

" _Were blood maybe not in biological type but our bond it's that serious"_

Slowly the steady lure of the car lead us into sleep curled up against each other. I felt at peace for the first time in a long time. Queen was blood to me. _"It's that serious huh cuz?" "Yes cuz it is"_

I wished I could give Queen that peace. I didn't understand why she was still so on edge. She couldn't even close her eyes for more than a few minutes without jumping awake. As my eyes closed I saw the beautiful clouds floating above us. Softly I heard a voice whisper to me.

" _ **I am the resurrection, and the life, whoever believes in me, though he shall die, yet he shall live, and everyone who lives and believes in me, shall never die"**_

" _What did you say Queen?"_ I shot up she looked up half asleep _"I didn't say anything"_

" _Spencer watch out!"_

Sam's panic filled voice filled the car as we heard the tires squeal. I saw it all in a flash the Suv heading towards us Spencer trying to steer the car away from the oncoming car that had swerved into our lane.

" _Queen get down!"_

I didn't stop to think about what I was doing I just leaped across her body throwing myself on top of as the sicking sound of metal twisted against metal.

" _Ryann I love you always remember that"_

" _I love you to Erin always and forev…_

" _ **I'll find you somewhere  
I'll keep on trying until my dying day  
I just need to know whatever has happened  
The truth will free my soul**_

 _ **Wherever you are, I won't stop searching  
Whatever it takes, I need to know**_

 _ **I'll find you somewhere  
I'll keep on trying until my dying day  
I just need to know whatever has happened  
The truth will free my soul"  
**_


	42. Chapter 42

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Chameleon**

 **March 2000**

" _ **Don't count me out**_

 _ **Victory is in my future**_

 _ **You will hear it in the history tales**_

 _ **I will still rise I will survive against all these odds"**_

Air straight air that's all I felt as I came down from my Tour en l'air. The gasps from the tourists made me smile inside. Outside however I kept my straight face as I continued with my routine. Only slightly after eight am already I had built up an amazing crowd a mixture of grownups hurrying to work, kids on their way to school and tourists most likely lost.

My boombox lay on the sidewalk tucked securely inside the cover of the building in case it started to rain or snow or some fool tried to get the brilliant idea to steal it. As the music changed to a faster pace I picked up my speed changing styles going from Ballet to B-Boy. The energy changed the air became more electric.

The younger kids started clapping stomping their feet as I spun doing some side twists with a few side steps before throwing myself onto the floor and starting my floor show.

My routines usually lasts at least ten minutes each set and I like to do five sets before I break. Only eight o'clock I had already done fifteen sets. Panting slightly I bowed passing my hat around so I could collect money.

On a good day I make at least $100 by 12, on a bad day well I could make nothing or be robbed, sometimes the police bust me up usually shooing me away. Today so far it hadn't rained or snowed no one had spit at me or robbed me. Thanking everyone who gave I smiled counting silently.

$120 Not bad not bad at all. I wanted to raise as much as I could I knew Requiem was struggling to dance every night being pregnant now Sierra was sick. Requiem never said how much her medication cost but I knew it was a lot.

Anytime I could earn money without pimping myself out was an amazing day in my books. I never stayed in one spot for more than an hour though, I kept it moving. Grabbing my skateboard which was old and fallen apart I skated down the sidewalks holding my boombox on my shoulder.

Chicago is so many things it's been my home for three years now. Looking around at this city which was now starting to sparkle as it emerged form the months of snow covered grim. Charismatic, with a unique charm filled with the smooth sounds of Jazz pouring through many stores, the people tended to move in a slower pace than in other cities. I use to visit NYC as a kid my mom had relatives there everything was so fast paced sparkling neon billboards and marquees. My home state of Washington was so business orientated no matter what time of day it was men and women in suits so tight I swear they should of been chocked by lunch time would fill the streets on cells. Even on lunch they were barking orders into their phones. Did they ever stop and enjoy the beautiful cherry blossoms? Give thanks to the soldiers who lay in Arlington cemetery?

Unpredictable like any city while it had it's own Jazzy beat a city normally pretty laid back. It was still a city filled with so many diversity of people. The more Diversity meant the more room for disagreements, fights and violence. Even a peaceful day could suddenly become a day of horror. So I always watched my back.

The smells of delicious food filled my nose as I settled on my next spot. All State Arena a place many people went to each day. Changing my CD I shock my nerves out let out a deep breath as I thought about what style I wanted to do. The area was already filled with people wanting to see J-Lo who was here tonight.

" _Hello all my lovely people thank you for coming to see little ol' me in honor of our beautiful Latina J-Lo I shall be doing some Latin dances any requests to start off with?"_

Most people ignored me some glared at me one spit at me, however one elderly lady smiled at me coming closer. " _Aw you look just like my little grandson Marco, how old are you?"_

Dodging her question I reversed it to her " _How old is Marcus?" "Oh my dear he just turned thirteen this month" "He loves Selena Quintanilla Prez can you do some of her songs?"_

" _Sí señora voy a" [ Yes Ma'am I will]_

Turning on my boombox I take out a CD from my carrying case placing the CD in the box. Cracking my neck shoulders I let out a deep breath before I started going into a series of fancy dance moves. I didn't have a routine planned out I just let the music move me free-styling everything which seemed to get the crowd going.

 _ **"Is it the beat or the beat of your heart?  
Is it the music, is it body talk?  
How did you move me and when did it start  
Is it the beat or the beat of your heart? **_"

After three more hours I was feeling the effects of the Chicago weather. My body was sore my hands numb from cold. The crowds had thinned out most inside having cups of hot coffee or warm sandwiches for lunch.

I didn't have the luxuries of going into just any place to warm up or grab some food so I took the train to Boystown where I headed to Unity Cafe. I hadn't even realized just how bad I had to pee till I was inside. The warmth hitting me as I walked inside.

" _Chameleon hello dear"_

" _Hey Mama"_

The owner of Unity Cafe Mimi smiled waving me inside as soon as I was close to her she hugged me. " _How are you?" "Cold Mimi" "Well go wash your hands child I will get you warm, any word on Queen?" "Still locked down"_ She shock her head sadly everyone here loves Queen. Heading to the bathroom I hurried into the nearest empty stall she keeps the bathrooms clean which I love. Most city restaurants are nasty as hell with their cleanliness. Not Mimi she takes pride in her cafe every part of it.

Every part of me was frozen even Jr was slow to release when I finally was done I sighed in exhaustion. " _Oh dear your way too young to be that tired it's only 12:35 sweet thing I have so many plans for you, you better start waking up"_

I was startled by the deep voice coming from behind me I didn't even have time to zip up before I was pushed back by a young man who was maybe in his late twenties. Hard to tell with some of these guys they've been on the streets for so long they look a lot older than they really are. I know I feel it everyday I swear I age at least five months.

He didn't scare me even though I didn't know him maybe it should I mean you never know who someone is when they approach you. If this was any place else I would've been slightly alarmed but Mimi runs a tight ship. If she don't trust them they don't come inside. So whoever this dude is he must've passed her test.

" _Name's Logan"_ His hands gripped Jr tightly pushing me against the wall " _I'll give you $50 if you're bad $100 if you excite me so make me feel something"_ Normally I set the prices but this kid had me intrigued he was cute, I'm not gay at all I know for a fact I love girls. Yet I can appreciate a cute boy when I see one so I let him take the lead.

Unlike most of my friends who feel ashamed or confused when they have sex with strangers for money. I own who I am I use to feel that way but I've learned to accept this is who I am now. I may not love it but I have no choice anymore so I won't walk around depressed, scared, ashamed. Besides I can't deny what my body tells me and when I get a good B.J I feel Jr react.

Today he was awake this dude what was his name oh yeah Logan for sure knew what he was doing. Most guys tend to come on strong, they want it fast almost rough without meaning it to be, they forget I'm a kid or don't care.

Not Logan rather than the hard-lipped, hollow-mouthed, bobbing motion that most tended to use, his approach was exceedingly gentle, and — there's no other word for it, really — _loving._ His mouth became this soft, warm, delicately textured thing — precisely what I'd always imagined oral sex should be.

So why be ashamed I mean yeah I would love to meet a girl who pleased me without paying for it. However I also want to be alive to meet that future girl and I can't see that happing if I'm broke and starving on the streets. So far now I need to use what God gave me, I won't be ashamed of enjoying it either.

Don't get me wrong there are times when I am scared and don't enjoy it, sometimes Jr freezes he knows when somethings not right, when it is right however he has no issues in cumming with his excitement.

Today was a day when he knew he was safe Logan had me climaxing in less than five minutes. It's days like this when I can walk out smiling when I have no issues returning the favor. It's also days like this when I walk away with happier pockets. It's different for girls though, I've never heard Queen or Ryann or Requiem say they enjoyed this, maybe because girls are treated as whore's their abused a lot more. Ive never had a paying costumer take things too far not since I escaped my kidnappers.

It's why I have to get as many clients as I can today and the next few weeks I want to make Requiem's life easier. She shouldn't have to do this not while she's pregnant her doctor keeps saying she needs rest. She's not resting. She's working twice as hard.

That's not fair she doesn't owe us anything so when I can do something to help her I will. Queen maybe locked down for awhile but Teddy's here so if taking care of him helps her I'll do it. He's innocent in many ways he's never had to do any of these things to make it cause he's always had his sister who makes sure he still maintains his childhood.

He's lucky to have her as a sister I wish someone had been there for me looking after me like that when I was younger.

Mimi smiles handing me a plate of pasta loaded in her special sauce god she's an amazing cook. Handing me a glass of hot milk she ruffles my growing hair which is now past my ears. " _"Drink up my strapping young man you are growing up so fast"_ There's a sadness in her eyes as she smiles at me looking at me. As I shovel her pasta into my mouth I glance up she's not looking at his picture but I know she's thinking of her son.

My eyes fell on the patch of Quilt along the main wall right in the center was a pink, black patch with the words " **Gavin Scott 1983-1999 this world was never made for one as beautiful as you, remember me as a unicorn"**

Gavin was an amazing young man he was a dreamer a poet a thinker an activates for the LGBTQ Community he was a dancer, a singer. A boy Scout, a straight A student who wanted to go to Yale or NYCU anywhere that he could have an adventure for his young adult life. Anywhere that he could be accepted as the proud homosexual man he knew he was.

" _That quilt is all I have left of my boy my beautiful kind boy he had a future and Aids stole it from him. I will not let these streets steal you_ _kids_ _,_ _find your passion Chameleon go to school, use what god gave you your brains, if you need help I will help you, don't let the streets claim you"_

I look down wishing I could listen to her she doesn't get it though I know she doesn't judge but she just can't understand. Gavin was lucky he had acceptance from his family he had friends, he had a boyfriend he had a home.

My family would never want me not after everything I have done. Why should they? Kissing her check I thanked her for the food and warmth before going over to the quilt it's almost the date of his death every year she holds a memorial for all the kids stolen by Aids, Street life. Placing my hand on his quilt I remembered his words to me days before his death, he knew he wasn't going to live to see 17 yet he was still so cheerful so hopeful for all of us.

" _How do you measure a year Chameleon? Easy in smiles in laughter in dreams in hope as long as you hope you will always have life and where there is life there is love, laughter and dreams, measure your life not in the fears of the unknown or in the strifes, do not measure in loss of life, measure in the memories we give each other, memories are built on love, laughter hope and dreams. Don't ever lose hope Chameleon even when it seems hopeless. You'll make it out alive Chameleon you will be one of the lucky ones, if you lose hope I swear I will come down from heaven and kick your pretty boy ass"_

Would we though? I wanted to believe his dying words, I wanted to have hope for all of us for Requiems sweet unborn baby but life has taught me a lot over the past three years mainly that hope died before it ever got to float.

Gavin Scott he had hope he had dreams visions ideas feelings he was real he was loved he loved, now he's gone at only 16.

Standing up I hurried outside I had to keep going which way? Looking west for any signs of buses I spotted the poster on the pole. Squinting I let out a curse word staring right back at me was one of those missing kids posters.

This time it wasn't my face though those posters were long gone covered over by band posters, lost dogs, advertisements for pizza places or local talent shows. Nope this one was new.

 **Endangered Child**

 **Have you Seen Me?**

 **Name: Brooke Penelope Davis**

 **Date of Birth: March 4th 1984**

 **Missing Since: September 5th 1999**

 **Age Now: 16**

 **Sex: Female**

 **Hair: Dyed blond with Purple streaks/ Naturally a light brown**

 **Eyes: Hazel/ maybe using blue contacts**

 **Height: 5'4**

 **Weight: Was 110/ Now maybe 89**

 **Brooke was last seen leaving school with her English teacher Mr. Nick Chavez who is a noncustodial adult wanted for child endangerment kidnapping. Brooke maybe going by the name Requiem, she is believed to be six months pregnant.**

March her birthday had just passed she never mentioned it. Did she not know what month it was? It's so easy to lose track of time. Or did she not want to know? Biting my lip I headed towards a local store that carries something for everyone. She deserved to be acknowledged on her birthday even if it was only something small.

I remember when it was my picture on those poles. I wondered now if anyone even remembered my name or was I just another statics another faceless nameless number in the united states data bank for the missing and exploited children?


	43. Chapter 43

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Chameleon**

" _We're going Clubbing tonight Requiem"_

" _Clubbing Chameleon?"_ Requiem asked confused Taser smiled at her as she played with her hair trying to style it, girl hasn't washed it in months it's stringy hard and nasty yet she thinks she's going to do something with it. Shaking my head I grabbed her hand.

" _Yeah I has a date tonight Queen never lets me go alone, since she's not here it's up to you two to keep an eye out"_

" _I'm not dressed for any club I look like a common whore"_

" _Just take the common out you're dressed perfectly"_ I deadpanned her which took a lot not to grin, she saw through me however laughing as she tackled me softly. " _Thanks dude"_

" _No worries I'll get Commotion to make you two up"_

" _The lady doctor who helped me out?"_

" _Yes she does slamming makeup"_

" _Good thing I have off tonight I guess"_

Walking along the busy streets Matt was between Teddy and myself holding hands. " _Where we going to leave Matt?" "Mimi will watch him she loves kids"_ Requiem nodded I could see she was having trouble walking lately. Her back was hurting she was cramping in her stomach. Teddy had been rubbing her back every night yet it seemed to get worse each day.

Quilted Unity was filled that night with young people of all ages ready to club or work. Most stopped here to grab a warm cup of liquid courage to face what we had to face many helped each other get ready. There were feathers flying, outfits being thrown, exchanged. Music blasting leather stretching. Mirrors being hoisted so everyone could see what they looked like.

Mimi came over carrying a huge tray smiling. " _Clubbing tonight?" "Yes Ma'am" "place the little fella behind the counter, I have a baby seat there, the kids all love his smiling little face"_

" _Thanks Mimi" "Sure thing Sweet heart be careful now my babies, it's dangerous out there, everyone must know that Queen is locked up which means your a target now"_

" _Will be careful Mimi we got Requiem on our side"_ Commotion was helping some of the youngest babies do their makeup like ten year old Starlite she's somewhat newer to the scene. Small innocent looking with a cute pixie voice to match her baby face toothless grin.

" _Hey commotion"_

" _Hey babies you clubbing?" "Yes Ma'am" "Take a seat on the table I shall be with you darlings in any moment."_

Twenty minutes later we were on our way to Loco Feista one of the hottest clubs in Chicago for anyone looking for trouble. Taser went to the bar area like she had been instructed. I had to admit commotion did excellent work she had taken Taser in the back scrubbed her body, hair till it looked shiny and well washed. Than she had dried it crimped it and pulled half of it up into a ponytail. With the makeup and short skit Taser now looked to be about 16 instead of 12.

Loco was well Loco wall to wall people dancing drinking screaming on both tables and the dance floor. Moving through the crowd I kept my eyes on Taser. She sipped her drink which she held tight. Requiem was only a few feet from her right sipping her diet soda.

Teddy was somehow in the middle of the dance floor dancing with another girl who looked to be about his age. I saw him slip her something as he wrapped one arm around her shoulders her eyes were closed as she took whatever was in the baggie before slipping something into his pants.

Queen would be pissed that he was dealing I knew it he knew it. I should stop him, I should, I didn't times were hard she wasn't here, so he had to do what he thought was best.

" _Got some E?"_

Te voice behind me said seductively I didn't turn to know who it was, " _I got some E, I got some D baby I got whatever you need or want"_

" _How bout if I want both?"_

" _I'd say $250"_

" _Meet me in the back Chameleon, I got that and more, I also got all night"_

Thirty-five minutes laster $250 dollars richer I walked out smoking a cigarette looking for Requiem. Taser.

" _Chameleon shit chameleon we have a problem!"_

" _What kind of problem Teddy?"_

" _Requiem's missing! The man who was suppose to be dating Taser spotted Requiem they started arguing and he grabbed her by her hair he dragged her in the back I tried to follow them, he locked the door. Now their gone their not in that room!"_

" _What do we do call 911?"_

Yeah 911 wasn't about to help underage runaways who were illegal dealing and prostituting themselves in an over 21 age club. We were so screwed now. Who was the man and why did he want her? Was he a client who felt wronged? My mind started racing " _What did he look like Teddy?" "I don't know tallish I guess dark hair, she called him Nick"_

My heart stopped for a full minute I felt dizzy and sick Nick wasn't that the name on the poster I saw earlier?

The teacher who had kidnapped her in the first place? Why wasn't he in jail? How did he find her? Was she going to make it out alive this time?


	44. Chapter 44

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: J-Lu**

" _Ryann wake up! Ryann please wake up!"_

Queen's screams could be heard for miles against the backdrop of the South Dakota mountains, the winds carrying it in every direction. Except there was no one around to hear. None that I could see anyway.

Someone heard the crash I know it because I heard the sirens but I saw no signs of life, not from the roads the mountains or the cars that lay twisted around each other. Queen and I seemed to be the only ones who made it out unscratched.

Right now she was pulling at Ryann who laid sprawled out in a bloody mass heap on the backseat where only moments before Queen, I had also laid. I was the first to awake quickly understanding I wasn't hurt just sore as hell. Ryann was gone I knew it the minute I saw her face, before I touched her neck to feel her pulse less.

Queen didn't want to believe it she was shaking her crying holding her body. We had to move I knew it if the cops came they'd question us, they find out who we are what we are. We'd be back in Jail or the psych unit.

" _Sam, Spencer"_ I shock their shoulders he didn't move, she moaned. " _Sam can you hear me if you can moan once"_

Her moan was slow painful. " _You have to go"_ She grabbed my hand " _Get her out of here, I'll be fine"_

I didn't want to leave her not after she helped us out. The sirens were getting closer though, we had far to run to get out of sight. So I did what I had to grabbing Queen throwing her over my shoulder. She screamed kicking, her 80 something pounds did little against my 120 lb frame. I dashed across the road jumping over the fence crashing into tresses, bushes. The sirens were getting closer so I picked up speed thankful for the years of track for all the times a police officer had chased me. It's giving me strength most kids my age wouldn't posses.

Which didn't mean my legs stopped aching or my lungs didn't feel like a fire was coursing through them. I didn't stop though till we were in the Forrest deep. " _Put me down! I have to get to Ryann!" "I can't leave her!" "Queen you have to her she's gone"_

Placing her as gently as I could on the ground I held her shoulders firm, her eyes filled with tears her body was shaking fists clenched I know she wanted to hit me. I was as gentle as I could be. Looking her in her eyes I hated seeing pain in them.

" _Ryann's gone babe it's horrible you have every right to be angry to be devastated to feel betrayed. I am I want to kill whoever did this but we can't go back, Ryann arranged all this for you Queen she went against her beliefs to make a deal so you could get away from the police, start a new life for yourself and this little one"_

I placed my hand over her stomach feeling it flutter. She swallowed placing her hand on top of mine. " _So your saying I owe her I can't throw it away by getting caught?"_

" _Basically yes"_

She bit her lip nervously letting out a deep breath her eyes focused on the path behind us slowly twisting to the path ahead of us. Shaking but confidently she took my hand we headed towards the path ahead of us neither sure which direction any of this would take us.

Darkness was growing fast as we crunched our way through the woods huddled together. Night time was the best time to travel for runaways like us. Hand in hand we carefully make our way down steep rocky hills listening for sounds that could help us figure out where we were. Running water to indicate lakes or streams, cars to identify highways.

Birds squeaked above us freaking her out which made me laugh as street tough as she is Queen is a total wuss in the woods. So I had to have fun " _Uh don't look up babe but there's a giant spider crawling towards you" "WHAT WHERE? GET IT OFF!"_ She spun around almost making me dizzy looking in every direction which made it easy to take my fingers and slowly run them up her back.

She screamed hitting me over and over again fighting off my hands. I laughed shoving her gently back running to get away from her. I had no idea where I was going had no vision so this wasn't the smartest idea but than again were fourteen year old runaways lost in the South Dakota woods so I guess smart had left us a long time ago.

Was it a surprise when I tripped and fell nope. " _J-Lu"_ I heard her scream as I felt every bump scratch and soon to be bruise forming their own marks on my body which was rolling down the hill.

Splash! " _Found the water Queen"_ she groaned jumping down next to me I couldn't see her face, however I heard her rapid breathing which let me know she was exhausted scared and angry at me. " _Don't scare me like that!" "I'm sorry Babe I didn't except to fall"_

" _Why would you take off in the middle of unfamiliar woods in the pitch black?"_

" _I know I know it was stupid"_

" _Yes it was don't do that again! I already lost Ryann, Teddy is out there alone scared thinking I just left him, I can't take losing anyone else"_

Brushing myself off I pulled her towards me her heart was racing and it wasn't all from the chase. _"I promise Queen no more risks will take it slow from now on"_

Slow we did following the river hand in hand for what seemed like hours, we were sweating. Collecting sharp rocks which we could make knives out of, branches which we could roast with. Stopping at the dawn of daylight checking out the water to drink and bathe.

Gathering berries my days as a boy scout came in handy I was able to tell the difference between salmon-berries and wild huckleberries and pine nuts from the bad berries. Daylight was when we slept deep in the woods we found a fallen tree which was hallowed out so we curled up in each others bodies.

My hand laid on Queen's stomach as she closed her eyes her breathing heavy I still couldn't believe that inside her belly was a tiny seed that over the next few months would form into a human being. Gently I rubbed her belly it really is a miracle how we can create life. I know she's scared I know she thinks she will be a bad mom, I know differently she's amazing how strong she is how compassionate how loving always watching out for everyone else. Any child would be lucky to have her as their mom. She's nothing like her mom who never thinks of anyone but herself. Queen would never endanger her child by using drugs or drinking. She'd never leave her child alone she'd hold them when they were scared she'd kiss away their cuts and bruises.

" _Ryann wanted you to have this baby she sees what I do Erin"_

She turned sharply at the use of her real name something most kids never get to know. It's a defense thing for her she can separate herself if she never uses her real name. It doesn't work though I know 'I've tried it for three years. " _She was just as scared as you were when she found out she was pregnant with Matt even younger than you" "I remember J-Lu" "Than you also remember the little sparrow_ _that tweteed this advice to her you are not your mother, your past does not define you only you define you"_

She rolled her eyes yawing stretching out. " _Sleep Queen I'll stay up tonight, you and this little one need it"_ I leaned down kissing her stomach " _Why are you so passionate about us having these babies? Their not going to have what they deserve, look at Matt he has no idea who his dad is, his mom is dead, he's homeless, he's not going to get the education he deserves hell he will be lucky to reach school age without infection, illness or being killed by the temperature" "This baby here"_ She grabbed my hand which rested on her stomach " _He or she won't be any better off, I can't even contact the Voights now not when I escaped so what choices do I have? Abortion or raising it on the streets? I'm 14 I can't get a real job, I can't buy it clothes or diapers_ _how can I keep it safe?"_

" _First off babe it is either a she or he not an it, second you have the most important thing any child needs love, your heart is pure."_

" _I won't say it will be easy Queen, it's not we both know it but you have friends, you have support, we will help you when you need to work I will watch this beautiful creation"_

" _Why though J you owe me nothing you owe this child nothing you have yourself to worry about"_

" _We're friends Queen"_

" _There's more to it, friends don't go to this extreme not street friends anyway"_

" _I like to think were more than street friends Queen, you helped me at a time when I felt alone, scared helpless_ _confused, besides Queen you have the_ _ability_ _to do something I always wanted"_

" _What's that J-Lu?"_

" _Have kids"_

" _You can have kids J"_

" _Not as a women even if I have the surgery I'll never be able to carry a child as a women assigned female at birth, it makes me feel less than a women, you have no idea how horrible that feels Queen"_

She stared at me for a full minute her fingers resting gently on my face I saw her wipe away a tear from my face. I hadn't even felt it there or come out of me. " _I'm sorry J-Lu I know how badly you want that"_

" _I do Queen, I don't mean to pressure you I get how difficult this is, I understand your fears their justified but this isn't impossible we can do this"_

" _Okay I'll have this baby J for you for Ryann but if I mess this kid up your paying for it's therapy sessions"_

We both laughed as she settled into my arms for the night. She was exhausted always watching out for anyone else. She never takes the time to care for herself. I made a vow to myself that night as I watched her sleep restlessly. I was going to do whatever I had to do so she was protected felt loved and supported.

 **March 10th 2000**

" _This town looks small as hell Queen maybe we can find a car to steal looks like one of those towns where everyone trusts everyone"_

" _Yeah, do you know how to drive?"_ I looked at her she laughed shrugging " _Can't be that hard can it? They let you drive at 16 we're only two years away"_

" _Sounds like a plan lets case out one of the bars"_

I don't know the time or the day just that it was night dark the stars were shining. We were careful as we walked through this small town. It must be close to the weekend people were partying like it was.

Stopping behind a dumpster we watched we waited as young people drove up getting out of their cars squealing as they hooked up with friends and dates, many leaving their cars running. Country music was blasting Queen was on guard as she motioned for me to watch. One young girl left the keys in the ignition while she ran to meet her boyfriend. " _Now"_

Queen hissed taking off to the car I was right behind her going to the passenger side. They never saw us coming we jumped into the car she shoved the handle in reverse as people screamed rushing to get out of our way as we slammed the doors and she slammed on the gas plowing through people. Our hearts were pounding as we raced to the highway.

Her eyes were focused on the road not on the action behind us mine were however focused on both. So far there were no cops chasing us. Traffic was light as she turned onto the highway I held on for dear life as she watched before merging into the lane stepping on the gas.

She was shaking badly but remaining calm I have no idea how so I turned on the radio " _Check out the CD'S"_ something I could do to take my mind off the fact that we had just stolen an expensive looking car and taken off on an unknown highway neither of really knowing how to drive. Grabbing the cd collection I read off the names of the bands most of which she rejected,

I have no idea how she knew how to drive but she was doing well. Finally I found a band she liked, which seemed to help her relax.

The scenery was beautiful lush green fields cows grazing in some of them horses, " _What's the speed limit J?"_ I looked over trying to find signs which I couldn't find. She slowed down slightly now that we were out of the danger point.

For over seven hours we drove till the car ran out of gas we had no money to get refilled so we ditched it taking off by foot. Another whole day passed before we found a small town right off the highway. " _I have to pee so bad we need to find a bathroom"_ I pointed to a small gas station which was being used as truck stop. Walking up no one seemed to notice us or pay us any attention. For a small station it was busy truckers having a hot meal or sleeping girls dressed in skimpy clothes were approaching. We waited till we saw the bathroom empty taking off towards it I watched out for her while she relived herself and washed up.

Reversing she did the same for me once we were both good we started our nightly hunt for food, dumpster driving she pulled out a half eaten burger which was pretty nasty but kept us from starving.

" _We need to get a ride or money from somewhere"_

" _Well we can always do what truck stops are famous for"_

She groaned " _Your pregnant though Queen let me take this one"_

" _No it's too dangerous babe if they find out your Transgender this could end badly"_

" _I can handle myself Queen I want you to rest"_

I didn't let her protest leading her over to a booth inside the building while I went to check out the trucks. Brushing out my hair I let out a breath heading to the first one. " _Go away I don't want no part"_ I didn't argue or even try to convince him he rolled the window up. The second one looked to young so I went down the line till I got a few whistles from one truck which had two guys in it. They looked older but not too old. The driver came out checking me out.

" _How old are you?"_

" _18"_

" _Sure you are and I am the pope how much?"_

" _What will you require?"_

" _Full service"_

" _& 100 or a ride for my friend and I"_

" _Where to?"_

" _Where you going?"_

" _Chicago"_

" _That's perfect"_

" _Lets get to it than"_ He shoved me to the bathroom my nerves are always at an all time high you never know how someone will react, I started my usually with a hand job that got him excited before lowering myself to him taking him in my mouth.

I never saw his hand till it was below my skirt " _What the hell you freak?"_ He hit me so hard I started to black out his fist punched me in my stomach repeatedly. I tasted the blood as I felt myself getting dizzy. " _I didn't sign up for a tranny what the hell is wrong with you freak? Your a pervert" "Me your the one buying sex at a truck stop" "Shut up"_

He slammed me against the wall so hard I felt my skull vibrate his hand slapped me " _I'm going to kill you bitch"_ I kicked trying to scream my foot landed right in his groin ending him in a rage as something fell from his pocket he tightened his grip on my neck.

I was afraid this dude had a real hate for Transgender people he landed punch after punch in my stomach making it hard to breathe even before his grip around my neck the air becoming harder to get. It's all our biggest fears to die alone strangled. Queen who would protect her if I died?

Please god forgive me for everything please let Ryann guide me. Everything became darker as I gasped for air. My eyes rolled back as I saw the light for a quick second was it Ryann?


	45. Chapter 45

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: J-Lu**

" _Bang"_ The sound of the gun filled the air as his hands fell from mine suddenly going limp I kicked him as I fell to my knees. Air was still hard to come by but through my haze I saw he fell Queen stood frozen. Air I needed air grasping the sink I pulled myself up. Hearing the gun clatter to the floor I saw her crumble curling her knees to her chest. Once I was standing I started coughing uncontrollably air forcing itself back into my lungs.

Going to him I felt for a pulse there was none he was dead. My legs were shaky as I walked to Queen sliding down by her. " _Queen babe, listen to me you did what you had to he was going to kill me, you saved me"_

" _I killed him"_

" _He wasn't a nice man"_

" _He was human I took a life"_

" _He saved a life"_

She was up in a flash grabbing the gun before I could even think she slammed a stall door. " _Queen don't!"_ The shine of his phone caught my eye grabbing it I dialed the only number I knew.

" _Queen please don't do this you did what needed to be done"_

" _I'll do what needs to be done again goodbye J-Lu"_


	46. Chapter 46

**Tile: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Camille Voight**

 **March 10th 2000**

" _Justin get down here now!"_

" _I can't believe she escaped Camille she's 14 she has no family around here who the hell signed her out?"_

" _I don't know Hank believe me heads are going to roll"_

My heart was racing with fear coursing through it where was Erin? Who did she leave with? Did she go willingly? Was she safe? Scared? Hurt? How did no one think to inform me till three whole days after the fact that my patient had left? She was fourteen pregnant and a risk for self harm. " _Justin now or will be late!"_

What was with this kid? He was always on time. Groaning I shoved my wallet into my purse why was Hank so damn invested in this kid anyway? Who was she to him? Nothing he had one child our son.

" _Go get your son Hank while I pee"_

I heard my cell phone start to ring as I ran to the bathroom " _I'll get it you get your son Camille"_ Laughing I went into the bathroom it's so rare I even get time to pee throughout the day I am always on the move. So I took an extra five minutes just to think and breathe. Where could she have gone? With who? Her mom was still locked up, no dad around, no family that I knew of.

Heading into Justin's room I held my nose god boys are so gross it's times like these I wish for a daughter, picking up dirty clothes I shoved them into his hamper. Throwing his glove onto the top of his closet. He was only eight how much shit could he have? His school bag laid scattered on the floor so I grabbed it as it spilled. Books, papers was this a note? From a girl? Did my boy have a girlfriend? Who was she? I started to shove it back in when I became frozen in shock a joint stared back at me. Keep your calm Camille maybe he's holding it for a friend, maybe somebody slipped it in his bag maybe he doesn't even know it.

My hands shock as I opened the note I shouldn't be this nervous I deal with hundreds of kids everyday who are addicted to drugs. The first thing I tell parents is to remain calm to not judge or freak out. So why wasn't I taking my own advice? I felt the tears pricking at my eyes. Who would sell to my son? He's only eight years old! He likes baseball he likes video games cuddling he's a baby. He's my baby. My hands shock so bad I dropped the note twice before I could finally get it open. When I found out who sold to my kid I would kill them. Id make sure they spend the rest of their miserable life behind bars.

 _ **Queen**_

The name made me gasp falling back in shock as it stared back at me. No it couldn't be. How? Where did she even meet him? Justin goes to school far away from Englewood we live in a cul de sac in Elmhurst he goes to one of the best private schools in the area. How could he meet her? She's 14 he's 8. the only place they met is… damn it the hospital.

When she was being treated he came with Hank how could she? I was doing everything to help her I was even willing to take her baby. Did she do this out of spite did she feel like I was pushing her to have this baby so she was going to sell to mine?

Calm yourself Camille talk to Justin maybe this was a mistake. Maybe he found it maybe he was going to return it. Justin's smart he's been lectured countless times of the dangers of drugs or trusting strangers.

Deep breath find Justin calm yourself _"Justin"_ Where was this kid? Opening doors I searched each room, _"Hank!" "Justin" Come on where are my two favorite guys?" "Justin!"_

Panic seized my chest as I flew open the last door on the second floor his game room. There he was laying on the floor face down blood coming from his mouth. Rushing to his side I felt my chest squeeze tight. My baby my little man his eyes rolled back as I turned him over, his face was pure white.

I can't lose him with shaking hands I grabbed the house phone dialing 911 as I felt for a pulse. Please Justin please be breathing. _"HANK!_ I screamed out as I heard the dispatcher answer.

" _911 what's your emergency?"_

" _Please help me my son isn't breathing he's eight years old, I think he oded"_


	47. Chapter 47

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Hank Voight**

" _Erin it's Officer Voight I need you to please put the gun down talk to me, what's going on?"_

" _Why are you here?"_

" _Your friend called me she's scared"_

" _She shouldn't have called I'm fine"_

" _Erin please talk to me"_ I was face against the stall door close enough to hear her breathing as rapid as it was, close enough to hear the tears cracking in her voice. Close enough to feel her trembling which elevated my fear if she slipped if she dropped that gun. She'd shoot herself, my eyes scanned the room once more Alvin was with J-Lu who was crutching on the floor by the body. What had happened here? Why was there a body on the floor? Had he hurt them? Tried to rape them? Who killed him?

" _Go away this isn't your problem, I am not your problem"_

" _Your not a problem Erin your a beautiful kind girl who needs someone to be there for her?"_

" _It doesn't have to be you"_

" _No it doesn't but I'm here so why don't we put the gun down, I promise I won't arrest you, will just talk"_

" _Do you think I am stupid I know what will happen, you know I killed that dude, you'll slap the cuffs on me and hull me off, you don't give a damn about me"_

" _I do Erin I care"_

" _You don't know me so you can't care stop lying"_

" _I'm not lying Erin I care and I would like to get to know you"_

" _Why? No one ever cared enough to get to know me, your better off not knowing me I am not a good person, I've done things bad things, I hurt people, I'm dirty"_

" _We've all done bad things Erin we've all made mistakes hurt people, it doesn't make you a bad person"_

The whole time I was talking to her I was checking to see if there was any way to get inside this stall without scaring her. Alvin made eye contact with me I nodded letting him take the stall by her. Watching as he climbed on top of the seat kneeling so he could see over the edge.

 _"I'm not everyone Erin you have to learn to trust someone at some time"_

" _Why? Trusting hasn't gotten me anywhere Officer Voight"_

" _Call me Hank Erin, it's only fair I call you Erin"_

" _Erin tell me why you feel that holding this gun is your only option"_

" _Because I have the power with it"_

" _Power so you like feeling powerful?"_

" _Who doesn't? Power is control"_

" _Do you not have control over anything else in life?"_

" _No"_

" _Why not?"_

" _You have no idea"_

" _So tell me"_

" _Why?"_

" _Maybe it will help Erin"_

" _No it won't"_

" _How do you know?"_

" _It never helps"_

" _I know what will help"_ I heard her cock the gun saw Alvin's eyes go wide as he pointed to his head. Swallowing against the fear. I motioned for him to move as I threw my body against the door.

" _Stop!"_ She screamed out as I heard the gun cock again I didn't stop to think I just barreled through as the gun went off.

 **Bang**


	48. Chapter 48

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Hank Voight**

" _Erin"_

I held her lifeless body in my hands as she fell into my arms " _We need to move Alvin now she's not responding" "What about the body?"_ Scooping her up in my arms I turned to J-Lu. " _Is there anything connecting you two to this?"_ She looked at me scared Alvin helping her up. " _My DNA is all over him" "Take Erin officer I'll take care of this mess it's my fault, please help her"_

" _Listen I can't leave you"_

" _Erin is bleeding badly she needs help I'll be fine"_

" _Yes you will because your coming with me Alvin"_

" _I got this Hank take care of Erin"_

I didn't need to be told twice I hurried out of the bathroom checking to make sure no one was around before hurrying her over to the cruiser. J-Lu got in the back I handed her Erin's body which was still. She had a pulse but was barely there.

" _Will she be okay Officer?"_

" _Will make sure she is J-Lu"_

Turning on the sirens and lights I sped through the streets there was no way to make it to Chicago not with the state she was in. " _Keep pressure on the wound J it doesn't look like it hit anything major however it's deep she's bleeding profusely"_

" _How far away are we?"_

" _I have no idea"_

Typing while driving was not easy but my GPS was updated regularly so within minutes I had a local hospital up on the screen. I saw how pale she was through the rear view mirror. Please hang on Erin please hang on.

Speeding up to the entrance I jumped out as two of the nurses came out with a stretcher. _"14 y. o female GSW to the stomach self inflicted please help her"_

They scooped her up laying her on the stretcher I saw the blood pooling out of her as they whisked her off. J-Lu was covered in her blood shaking as I lead her inside she moved slowly wrapping my arm over her shoulders I pointed to the bathroom.

" _Why don't you go wash up_ _I'll grab us some coffee and something to eat"_

" _I can't eat"_

" _Maybe not now but you'll get hungry go on"_

Leaning my head against the coffee machine I prayed she would be okay but I knew the truth that bullet had gone deep into her stomach. She had already lost a great deal of blood.

Hours passed J-Lu fell asleep on one of the plastic chairs I paced cursing myself for running out without my cell phone. I had Camille's but that did me no good. I tried the house but she wasn't answering. She would not be happy with me but I had to do this. Erin is a good kid she needed someone to be by her side.

" _Mr. Voight"_

My head snapped up as a doctor came inside the waiting room I didn't have to wake J she shot up. " _That's me Sir'" "I'm Dr. Sophia Lancaster are you related to Miss. Lindsay?" "Yes I'm her father"_

The lie slipped out of my mouth before I even knew it was there. Why did I say it? I barely knew this kid. " _In that case lets discuss her condition I am so sorry this happened, I understand how scared you must be how angry, you got her quickly though, unfortunately we were not able to save her baby we rushed her to surgery and managed to get out the bullet, she's a very lucky girl it didn't hit any major vessels"_

Lucky is not a word I would ever use to describe her life. In this case though I guess it fit. " _We except her to make a full recovery" "May I see her?" "You may she's out cold though will be till morning, she's stable for now when she's stronger we need to talk about getting her help" "Yes of course" "Mr. Voight I am sorry about your grandchild"_

Grandchild my heart ached I would of loved to be a granddad someday but not today she is so young. She's not yours Hank don't get attached to her. The doctor lead me down a long hallway which was filled with beeping and squeals from monitors. I hated hospitals I don't know how my wife works in them all day they remind me of illness death.

Erin lay on the bed god she looked so small pale her hair lay scattered across the pillow, eyes closed. Her breathing eased moving closer to her I gently took her hand. How did it get this bad that suicide was her only answer? Her hand was so cold she shouldn't be this cold. When was the last time she had a real home a real bed? Blankets to curl up with?

Sitting down by her I held her hand to my lips " _Erin I promise you darling that that if you keep fighting I will fight beside you, you'll get through this"_

I stayed by her side all night till she woke up late the next morning the minute I saw her gorgeous eyes open I sighed in relief. Moving closer I brushed her hair back as she moaned, I wish I could take away her pain all of it.

" _What happened?"_

" _Do you remember anything about yesterday?"_

" _Yesterday?"_

" _Yeah sweetheart you've been out for awhile"_

" _Am I?"_

" _Your alive Erin you'll be fine"_ She turned away I swear I saw a few tears in her eyes her fingers curled up into a tight ball. She was angry her breathing now growing heavier. "I'm _such a screwup, I can't even off myself right" "Your not a screwup Erin someone is watching out for you, it's not your time to leave this world" "Why the hell not this world sure as hell doesn't give a damn about me" "Maybe you just don't see it Erin maybe the world hasn't been kind to you, not everything in life comes easy, maybe us meeting is the worlds way of saying it has your back"_

" _Your dreaming no one has my back except me"_

" _Your wrong Erin I have your back so does my wife she cares about you"_

" _She cares about this baby it's innocent, no one cares about me I'm damaged property"_

Baby my heart squeezed she didn't know yet I hated hearing her talk about herself like she was land that could be sold and brought. She was so use to being used so accustomed to having a price on her head she had never known what it was like to be free to belong to no one except herself.

" _Erin"_

" _It's Queen my name is Queen not Erin"_

" _Erin it's about your baby"_

She didn't look at me her left arm across her chest protectively her right hand still in mine. " _What about the demon seed?"_ Sighing I laid my hand down on her stomach gently she whimpered. Looking down it seemed to come back to her now. " _I shot myself didn't I?"_

" _Yes darling you did" "My baby didn't make it did it?"_ I shock my head slowly she turned her head away. " _I really am a murder"_

" _No Erin your a scared teenager who made a horrible choice but you'll make it through"_

" _What if I don't want to make it through? Don't I have that right?"_

" _No Erin you don't your 14, your not old enough to decide anything regarding yourself not yet, someday when your 18 you can make that choice but I hope that you'll let me take care of you over the next three years, by than I will show you that there's so much beauty in this world, you won't even consider taking your precious life, you'll let me show you how amazing you are"_

" _I'm not believe me in three years you'll be taking the damn gun to my head yourself"_

" _Not going to happen Erin"_

" _Will see"_

" _So does that mean you'll let me help you?"_

" _It means I'll give you the chance but I know how this will end"_


	49. Chapter 49

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Camille Voight**

 **March 15th 2000**

" _Justin sweetie you have to open those gorgeous eyes Mommy is so sorry, I know I haven't been there for you"_

Stroking my son's forehead I kissed his check he lay in the bed not moving it's been days since he was brought in with a seizor. He hasn't regained consciouses yet he wasn't in a coma.

My anger was boiling over big time where was Hank? This wasn't unusual when he was on a case, but he wasn't was he? I had no idea where he was, maybe he had called the house I hadn't checked. I didn't care not when my son was lying in a hospital bed clinging to life.

" _Dr._ _Voight"_ Dr. Layton came inside his room I rose to meet her as she came closer. " _Got the latest results of Justin's MRI scans"_

" _What's going on why hasn't my son woken up?"_

" _There's no medical reason his scans are clean, it's up to Justin now, it would be helpful to us to know how long Justin had been using before this OD, did you notice anything about his behavior lately? Any changes?"_

I felt my face burn up how could I tell a fellow colleague that no I hadn't noticed if my eight year old son had been acting differently, how I had barely paid attention to him assuming he was fine because I was so focused on my work. What kind of mother did that make me? A horrible one, someone who didn't deserve a son as sweet as innocent as Justin.

Although maybe innocence wasn't the best way to think about him now, shaking my head I felt the tears fall as she squeezed my shoulder, " _Don't blame yourself Camille, kids are always doing things behind our backs no matter how attentive a parent is kids are sneaky they will find a way to do what they want, we can't protect them 24/7"_

Her words did little to comfort me when my child was laying hooked to heart monitors, IG tubes, Oxygen masks. Where was my husband? Nodding to her to let her know I appreciated her words even if they did nothing to help me, I smiled squeezing her hand back before heading back inside to sit with my son.

" _ **The Ant and the Chrysalis**_

 _ **One day Ant was walking in a forest and came across a Chrysalis.  
"Oh Chrysalis, I feel so bad for you. I can run, jump, and climb while you just sit there. **_

_**Hanging on that branch," said Ant boastfully. But inside the Chrysalis was someone special, Someone that Ant couldn't imagine.  
Then the Chrysalis started to crack and out came a butterfly. The butterfly looked at the Ant, Ant looked at the butterfly. Then the butterfly flew away.  
Ant looked at his toes than he looked up and saw the butterfly fluttering in the air, and realized his mistake.  
From that day on Ant never ever spoke a word again."**_

" _Justin the moral is you can't judge someone by the first impression, I know you trusted whoever gave you this, maybe you didn't understand that what they were selling you was dangerous or that it was wrong, but sweetie it was, I need you to wake up for me baby boy, I need to see those gorgeous eyes, hear that sweet laughter, I know you can do this for me"_

Stroking his hair after reading a bedtime story I kissed his forehead praying he would be alright, I was so focused on Justin I didn't hear the heavy footsteps or the deep breathing till the gruff voice belonging to my husband startled me. " _What happened_ _to our son?"_ I should be mad he left me here without any contact to watch pray and worry over Justin, yet all I felt was relief he was back he was here now. Without even thinking about it I wrapped my arms around his shoulders letting my tears fall as he wrapped his strong arms around my smaller frame. " _Oh god Hank I can't believe this is happening our baby our sweet little boy, how did this happen?"_

" _Camille I need you to calm down and first tell me what happened?"_

" _Justin ...He..Someone..._ It all started to crash down on me the days of worry fear, panic uncertainty pent up emotions in one furry of tears. I couldn't breathe I felt myself starting to faint. I heard his voice filled with panic as he grabbed me leading me to a chair ordering someone to grab water. Who was with him? I hadn't even noticed anyone else in the room. He was giving me instructions basic ones that as a Doctor I had given to my clients, patients hundreds of times.

Yet now when I needed them they seemed to have fled my mind, I felt him lift my feet, rub my back hold me as he placed his hand over my chest. " _Breathe darling breathe it's okay I am right here now, I'm sorry I wasn't here for you for Justin_ "

It might have been five minutes or three hours before I was calm enough to clearly talk feeling his kisses on my face his arms wrapped around my shoulders my head resting on his chest. Which gave me comfort listening to him breathe steady, strong just like the man I fell in love with ten years ago. Slowly I filled him in on everything as he held a cup of water for me to sip. I watched his face turn from confusion to disbelieving to horror to rage only to crumble to fear, panic and pain.

" _He's a fighter our boy Camille I have no doubts he'll pull through"_

I wished I could be so sure. I wasn't though not when I was the one who had been the one to find him blue, with foam coming out of his mouth. Doctors said he had a seizure of the motor cortext which controls movement. He's not in a coma yet he hasn't woken up even though the drugs are out of his system.

" _Where were you Hank? Why weren't you here? I tried your cell_ _p_ _hone why didn't you call me back?"_

" _I didn't have it Camille, I left it by mistake at home, I'm sorry Camille I really am, I would of never left you if it wasn't important."_

" _What was so important that you left without a word Hank?"_

" _You got a text Camille right after you went up to pee"_

" _A text from who?"_ Where was my phone? Looking around it dawned on me I hadn't seen it in days, hadn't even missed it really. Hank got up going over to the door, " _I know how worried you were, how you blamed yourself, I knew that if you saw this text you would've jumped in your car and raced to help this person"_

" _Who Hank?"_

He turned the knob to let someone inside, my mouth flew agape as I stared at the very person who had put our son into a coma. Erin Queen Lindsay who entered slowly unsure if she was welcome. I was speechless verbally rendered uncommunicative. My fists however were not I wasn't even aware of what I was doing till I was up out of the chair punching her square in her face.

" _Camille!"_ Hank bellowed out grabbing at me as Erin's body fell back crashing into the crash cart before slamming onto the cold titled floor. Her hands holding her stomach and face as she moaned low painfully good for her. She deserved it the commotion however brought in security and doctors, RN's. For which I was slightly embarrassed by knowing how precious time was as a Doctor.

" _What happened Camille are you alright?"_ Alright was he kidding me? My son was in ICU, my husband had left our side to bring home the conniving little huslter who did this to Justin.

" _No Trudy I am not I want her arrested she's the one who sold Justin the drugs!"_ Trudy is one of the cops who patrols the hospital on the weeks she's not on C.O duty stared between myself and Hank. " _Camille there has to be a mistake"_ Hank pleaded with me Trudy hesitated as two of the Rn's helped her up she moaned loudly clutching her stomach. " _No there's no mistake here Hank I have the proof now arrest her Trudy"_

She still looked unsure as Jasmine and Destiny two of the newest Rn's helped her sit up checking her out. Blood poured from her nose, her eye was swelling already and I noticed how pale she was. Did I really hit her that hard? " _Hold up Officer Platt we may have an issue"_ Jasmine turned to my husband _"Was she in the hospital recently? "Yes she was just released today she shot herself"_

My legs started trembling as I looked down at her she looked small scared alone had I really just punched a suicidal teen? " _We need to have a doctor examine her before you take her anywhere Officer Platt your welcome to accompany us, if you so wish"_

Trudy nodded as they got her carefully into a bed, she placed the cuffs on her. Reading her the rights which I'm sure she knew by heart. Hank stood by me fists clenched " _Why did you do that Camille? I was just getting her to trust me! Now she'll never trust me again!_ "

" _Who cares about her Hank our son is in the ICU he may never wake up! She's a criminal a self destructive child abusing whore she'll fit in perfectly in jail and that's where she's going so get any grand elisions out of your head of saving her, she's beyond saving!"_

" _Mom?"_

" _Not now Justin I'm arguing with your... **Justin!"**_


	50. Chapter 50

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: J-Lu**

" _Now"_ Chameleon whispered as myself, him half carried half walked Erin out of the hospital carefully with the help of our friend Robbie who works as a transporter here at Chicago Med. Erin was moaning softly each step more painful than the last. I wished I could take away her pain.

Robbie kept an eye out as he lead us through the back halls which were for Employees only. We were close to the exit but footsteps caused us to freeze, he opened a door ushering us inside. The room turned out to be a boiler room and it was sweltering in there. Erin's head fell back on my shoulder my heart was pounding so hard it wasn't easy carrying another human even one as underweight as Erin. More than stress though my heart pounded with fear, was she hurting? Bleeding?

" _Good afternoon Dr. Holden how are you?"_

" _Oh hello Robbie nice to see you, I'm well thank you how are you?"_

" _I'm okay Sir' just waiting for Summer vacation, can't wait to log some more hours here sir'"_

" _Well we certainly will be glad to have you son keep studying hard you'll make a fine doctor someday"_

" _Thank you Dr. Holden thank you very much"_

He waited for a few more minutes before he opened the door waving for us to come out, Erin was sweating shaking as we kept going. Finally we saw the sunlight rushing out it took a minute till we found Kevin sitting behind the wheels of a Saturn that I know he stole. At that moment however if it took us away I didn't care carefully we helped Erin into the back just as we heard the alarm sound. " _Gun it they know she's missing"_ Kevin hit the gas as I slammed the door.

Erin trembled laying in the seat I couldn't believe that women had punched her. She's a doctor she took a sworn oath to heal to protect children and now she just took all her anger out on Erin she doesn't know her. How did she go from wanting to adopt her baby to punching her?

Erin was still in shock running my hand through her hair I talked to her softly nothing seemed to Fraze her though. " _Fuck Po-po!"_ Kevin hit the gas how he even knew how to drive still baffled me. I found myself grasping Chameleon's hand and holding Erin tightly as he flew up sidewalks drove across lines, into oncoming traffic over signs through fences, down alleyways. Sirens chased us I prayed silently please don't catch us. Maybe fifteen minutes passed before Kevin slowed down into a darkened alleyway. " _Stay low"_ We listened my heart pounded I wanted to look back I didn't have the guts however. So I waited I prayed wile I was sweating. " _Stay here I'll check it out"_ Kevin cocked the gun as he got out creeping around. He was gone for a few minutes before he came back opening the door. Chameleon and I once again helped Erin out as Robbie lead the way Kevin watching out.

" _Sissy!"_ Teddy came rushing over as we got her into the old smelly abounded warehouse. Which was damp with mold meadow rats scurried across the rotting floor. " _Bring her over here I have supplies"_ Robbie had called Commotion to help us, she laid down blankets on the floor we carefully laid Erin down, while commotion shone a flashlight down on Erin's body. Finally free I stretched my arms out " _I need to take a leak I'll be right back"_ truthfully I didn't want to watch while she poked Erin. I couldn't get that sound out of my head of the gun going off in the bathroom. I was so sure I had lost her and Ryann both.

Night was just starting to fall as I stepped outside to relieve myself I hate living in the city sometimes, you can never see the stars not with the bright lights of the city. I miss seeing the stars.

By the time I came back Erin was sitting up sipping water she still looked pale shaken but not as bad as she had earlier. Commotion bent down sitting by her taking her temp, vitals. " _Erin I won't ask how this happened, all I ask is that you let me see you everyday for the next few weeks till this heals"_

" _Deal am I okay?"_

" _Your fine the stitches came out slightly, broken nose, black eye, over all though your okay rest for a few days, no questions, no arguments I will be checking on you throughout the day if you are not resting, I will hospitalize your ass got it?_ "

" _Yes Commotion I got it thanks by the way"_

" _Your welcome you really want to thank me kid get off these streets before they kill you"_

She left us with a handful of pain killers for Erin and some extra bandages. Teddy curled up next to her his hand slipping into hers. " _Sissy Commotion said you need to drink so drink up"_ He pried open her mouth shoving in the water bottle, she didn't protest as she gagged it down. Robbie sat down by her as Kevin kept watch as it was getting later the building was filling up.

" _I owe you Robbie thank you for getting me out of there, I can't take Juvie again"_

" _We watch out for each other right Queen?"_ She nodded laying her head back breathing deeply. " _I need a favor than" "Already dude something tels me this was planned out hit me with it" "Haven_ _'t_ _you been hit enough?" "Ha ha J-Lu your a real riot you know that?"_

" _That's what I've been told"_

" _So for real what's the favor these pills are starting to take effect"_

" _Your the Queen of these streets, you know every street kid out there even the new ones"_

" _Yeah what's going on who you looking for?"_

" _Her name's Requiem I think she's in trouble. Chameleon, Teddy saw her last but they ain't talking, I know you know how to find her"_

" _Sounds dangerous what's in it for me?_

" _I saved your life"_

" _To put me right in the line of fire again I need more"_

" _Fine I'll hook you up with a friend who can get you some merchandise to sell you won't be able to hook for awhile, this may help you stay on your feet for a bit"_

" _Deal come back in two days when I am stronger I'll have your info for you, you better have the Merchandise"_

" _I keep my word Erin"_

" _It's Queen and so do I pleasure doing business with you, now scramble so I can hurl in private"_

For the next hour so vomited over and over again sweating her body shaking I cleaned her up, covering her with a blanket and my body. Teddy laid on her other side. Chameleon shock my shoulder lightly " _Kevin's going to stay here cover you guys while Taser, I try to score some dates"_

" _You know Queen wo_ _uldn't_ _like that she doesn't want you youngin's out there  
_

" _Yeah and we don't want our Queen hurt either we all know life doesn't always work out the way we want, if it did would we be here?"_

I couldn't argue with him he knew it to which is why he grinned motioning for Teddy who nodded jumping up. Thank god Erin was out cold by then. Stroking her hair I closed my eyes feeling safe knowing Kevin was watching out for us. As I drifted off though I wondered where Beats was.


	51. Chapter 51

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Sierra "Beats"**

" **What are you doing with your life**

 **{ your life} is you doin' it right [right]**

 **Step into the room like I am the boss**

 **Owning it showing it flaunting it I know your jealous"**

" _Great flow Beats this club is popping, keep turning those jams up and you'll be rewarded nicely"_

My boss Rebeka tapped my back as she came up behind me I was sitting in the DJ booth spinning the tracks. The club was packed tonight neon lights lite up the dance floor which was filled with sweaty drunk bodies all grinding on each other laughing singing out loud.

It was well past 1 am already I had been at the DJ stand since 9pm but I was in no hurry to get out of here. For the last few months I've been putting in extra hours Rebeka was short all the time since Ryann, J-Lu and Requiem had went away.

" _Hey gurl"_ taking off my headphones I turned to face Rebeka who stood against the turntable looking fierce. In knee high neon purple boots a short micro mini black with purple edged split dress. " _What's up Boss lady?" "So you know how short we are, I know that you can't dance because of your breathing issues, what would you say to a little bar-tending?"_ I shrugged I had never done any before I wasn't sure I would be okay it seemed to be very demanding. I got tired so easily even when I was on my medication which I hadn't been on for awhile now that Queen was gone. We could use the money though and if I made enough I could get my own prescription filled.

This is how I found myself refilling drinks taking orders and flirting with the older gentlemen that seemed to hang around the bar area. " _Where they've been keeping you darling?"_ One of the guys came closer his hand touching my arm lightly which creped me out.

" _Oh I've been here all along sweetie you just never noticed me"_

" _I highly doubt that my love"_

" _Oh well that's funny because I know it"_

" _Oh you do now do you dear?"_

" _Yes Sir' I do just like I know you want another logger"_

" _Well do you know what I really want beside that logger?"_

His eyes scanned me making me nervous swallowing I shock my head. _"What's your name sweet-checks?" "Well that's not it for sure"_ He laughed " _Shall I guess?"_

" _Sure dear I know you won't"_

" _If I do what do I get out of it?"_

" _My deepest shock"_ He laughed stroking my arm _"For every right answer I get a kiss and maybe a little peek?"_

" _Oh you drive a hard bargain but since I know you won't get it I'll agree"_

" _Do I get any hints?" "Where's the fun in that sir?"_

He checked me out intently as I kept serving " _Your unique that's for sure with the blue streaks in your blond hair, your clothes are sweet not slutty like most of these kids now a days. I bet your one of the smart kids in school"_

" _Callie?"_

" _Nope not even close"_

" _Was I close about what clique your in?"_

" _Nope"_ I didn't add that it was because I wasn't in school and hadn't been in years when I was last I was still in Elementary school before cliques really started, So I had no idea what clique I would be in if I did attend school.

" _Isla"_

" _No I like it though what does it mean?"_

" _It's Scottish dear it means Island cause I can see you being your own Island setting your own trends"_

" _Thanks I guess but no okay I'll give you one hint since your sinking faster than the Titanic, My name is a_ _Synonyms_ _rhymes with_ _streets"_

" _Saskia?"_ I giggled as he stood up taking my hand motioning to go out of the room he got a nod from Rebeka who I hadn't even seen come in. My heart pounded a little extra hard. He lead us out to one of the VIP rooms which was slightly filled but nowhere near as noisy.

" _Nope wrong again Sir"_

I sat a few inches away from him unsure of what I was suppose to do or say. He patted the seat next to him, looking around I saw no one cared about us the few people in here were either talking to people being entertained by dancers, or making out, some were smoking relaxed. I tried to fight of this wave of nausea by listening to the music which normally helped me.

" _Beats"_ I sat up shocked how did he get it? His smile told me he knew I was shocked I felt him guide my hand to his lap. " _"The music it soothes your soul, your tapping your foot, I can see how it echoes in everything you do"_

" _So where's my kiss?"_ I was so stunned by all of it I couldn't even fight him as he pulled me close his hands running up down my arms as his mouth covered mine. He tasted nasty like old cigars and cheap booze. I was scared I had never kissed anybody on the lips before, I've never fallen in love or dated.

He pushed me down on the couch panic filled me what was going on? I started feeling my chest tighten. He was getting on top of me now what did he think was going to happen? I couldn't breathe. I needed out of this now.

Pushing him with all my might I struggled to get out of his grip. He held firm though laughing. " _What's the matter little girl never felt a real man before? No worries_ _I'll_ _make you into a women tonight"_

" _No please stop I can't.. I never..please don't hurt me"_

" _Hurt you baby no I will make you feel alive I'll make you feel like a women you'll be writing beats about how sweet my penis feels pounding against your soft wet tight womanly parts"_

" _Please stop please your hurting me" "NOOO!"_

Nothing stopped him from getting what he wanted form me it seemed like hours that he was using me. When he was done he kissed me whispering thank you before he got up zippering himself laughing. I didn't move when he threw the money down leaving.

$365 that's what my virginity and dignity were worth it wasn't enough it never would be why did no one help me? Walking was painful slow I gripped the wall tightly my legs couldn't stand I felt sick dizzy.

The on slaughter of fresh air only increased my dizziness as I fumbled my way from the back of the alley to the front. Everything was so blurry it was hard to see the street signs

" _Sierra"_ I heard Chameleon's voice but everything blurred as I turned to see him coming towards me his voice raised a few octaves as he yelped out my name again when blackness took over me.


	52. Chapter 52

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

Pain hit me as I rolled over how could I be shivering and sweating at the same time? Why was I so dizzy? Trying to sit up I felt my eyes slaughtered by the bright sunlight which only made my head pound harder. I felt the mattress shift as someone beside me rolled over. Sitting up was slower than what I would of liked. The second I did make the motion my stomach protested. I kept pushing myself though, even though it took forever I didn't stop till I was fully sitting up the room spinning around me.

When things settled down a bit I saw Taser was passed out by me Teddy laying across the bottom of the mattress, carefully I lifted my shirt off which was a big ball of sweat, I couldn't find another one right now though the urgent pain in my stomach letting me know mt bladder needed to be relived was more of a pressing matter.

Squinting I saw there was a bucket by the window which is what was probably making the room smell so horrible. My bare feet were shocked by the cold of the concrete floor. Taking deep breaths I slowly made my way across the room once I got to the bucket however. I en-counted my next issue I couldn't bend to squat pain prevented me, even getting my underwear down was a painful tiresome chore.

Tears burned my eyelids why was everything awful happening to me? I needed Ryann so bad, she always knew how to help me, she knew what I needed when I needed it. Right now I could use someone to hold me up my legs were so weak from the level of pain I couldn't stand. Kicking the bucket slightly towards the wall I held onto it not that it was much support it was falling apart, still it was something. My hands fumbled as I yanked my panties down which were old falling apart the smell hit me god I was a mess. Pain radiated from my lower region as I finally relieved myself in a half squatting position. Of course there was no toilet paper so I pulled my sweaty soaked panties back up praying I didn't get a yeast infection on top of everything else.

The pain the smell dizziness all took its toll as my stomach emptied itself into another bucket by my bed which I fell back into after throwing up for what seemed like hours itching my burning sweaty body. Why was I so itchy? Taser didn't seem to be uncomfortable neither did Teddy maybe it was just me.

Sleep over came me for I have no idea how long but when I awoke again the itching had turned into a full blown pain attack my skin was completely red scratching only made it worse.

What the hell was causing it? Looking down I saw I was bleeding my skin a mixture of blistered pimples some that had been torn open. I'd seen this before a few times scrambling off the bed I freaked out Bedbugs! Shaking Taser and Teddy I quickly woke them " _Bedbugs we need to get rid of this mattress help me I can't lift it by myself"_

Both grunted as they struggled to lift it up with me till we got it to the window that wasn't there throwing it over the edge _"_ _Great that was our only semi-soft spot to sleep"_

" _I'd rather sleep on the floor than get bitten alive by bugs Teddy" "Shut-up Taser"_

" _Don't tell me to shut up loser" "Don't call me a loser crater face"_ Taser leaped at Teddy shoving him to the ground. _"At least I earn my keep freeloader, I don't need my mommy to get my ass food I earn my money"_ I couldn't stop them from hitting each other or pulling each others hair that took bending so I did the only thing I could, I screamed taking the bucket I was puking in all night slamming it on the floor. Both jumped back separating quickly.

" _Enough both of you Taser you ain't no better than Teddy I earn enough to keep both your asses from freezing or starving to death, haven't I always protected you? I never once sent you out what you chose to do while I was away that's on you, but since you want to act all tough and better than Teddy your ungrateful ass can empty both buckets"_

" _Man that's bullshit Queen"_

" _You don't like it fine have fun freezing out there"_

" _I'm sorry Queen I appreciate everything you do, Teddy I'm sorry you know I love you you big baby"_ Taser ruffled his hair _"Your tripping cause she called your ass out we both know your too wimpy to make it out there Taser" "Teddy that's enough you can help her empty the buckets now since you want to be a brat about everything she apologized accept it say thank you"_

Slowly I walked them out to the back alley I didn't trust them right now everything burned badly as I made it to the door watching every which way to make sure there were no surprises. Leaning against the wall I took in the fresh air as much as I could get the alley way wasn't exactly a breath of freshness but it beat the inside.

The pain was over taking me again between the bullet I took to my stomach the bugs bitting me all over. I was over this day. Curling up on the floor I cuddled myself wishing with all my heart Ryann was here to cuddle with. I missed her so damn much how was I suppose to do this on my own?

Why should I? Teddy seemed capable now of going out, he wanted to make his own way Taser was pissed I was babying her. Maybe they'd be better off, maybe I should just jump off the roof no one needed me anymore they sure as hell weren't worried.

Where did J-Lu go anyway? I hadn't seen her since last night did she leave me to? Did I scare her off? Maybe I should just do it at least I could be with Ryann than. Slowly I got up going to the window. How many floors up were we? Seven eight? That's enough right?

" _Do it loser god do it right this time, your such a screw up Erin"_

" _No one will miss you"_ My mom's voice rung in my head along with another one a little girl I didn't know who the girl was but she was mad at me.

" _Queen don't please help me!"_

I spun around seeing Sierra and Chameleon come inmy eyes squinted as I checked her out she didn't look good her face was smeared with makeup, her dress was ripped. She was shaking were they tears falling down? Was that blood? Jumping down from the window I hurried over as best as I could ignoring the pain.

" _What happened Beats?" Who did this to you?"_

" _I Swear I will kill them"_

She started shaking crying as I embraced her tightly " _I'm so stupid Queen I should of never gone into that room"_

It broke my heart hearing her cry blame herself I rocked her till she fell asleep kissing her head, Stroking her hair. My heart ached knowing exactly what she had gone through. When I found this pig I would kill him.

Chameleon took me to the club every step was painful but I was filled with purpose my eyes took in every guy that came in or out of every club it could be anyone of them. Most of them had probably raped some young girl. They couldn't be trusted none of them.

" _There Queen that's him that's the dude who raped Beats"_

My steps stopped before I could round the corner the man he pointed at was smiling flirting as he touched the shoulder of another young women who was only a few years older than Beats.

His eyes looked up staring right through me. I mouthed three words to him to let him know I knew. " _Your Dead Nick"_


	53. Chapter 53

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Camille Voight**

" _Who was the moron that let a fourteen year old girl escape? Please someone tell me so I can fire their ass!"_

No one wanted to speak against me I was furious slamming my files down at the nurse station eying every single one of the RN"s and Tech's who were standing in the station none of them wanted to take responsibility. " _Who was her case worker who signed off?"_

" _Don't just stand there get me a name damn it!"_

They jumped each scurrying their own way some to start rounds some to give report to the shift change some to actually do what I asked some just to escape. I didn't care as long as they were all out of my face,

" _Camille a word please in my office now"_ My boss Dr. Adella Mierra was not messing around. I knew I was about to get my ass chewed out but frankly I didn't care. She didn't have kids she couldn't understand.

We stepped inside her office she motioned for me to take a seat I didn't want to but I knew better than to argue closing the door she went behind her desk. Staring at me for a few moments before putting her pen down speaking to me sternly but not angrily. " _I heard your little rant out there Camille, I get it your pissed as you should be someone was negotiant and didn't follow producer. Heads will roll with this one I'm sure I understand she's your patient your scared for her safety"_

" _Screw her safety Adella I could care less about Erin Lindsay all I want is for her punk ass to be off the streets and rotten behind bars like low life as her deserve"_

Her expression turned to confusion which followed closely by sadness she shock her head.

" _That shocks me Camille you are by far one of our most compassionate understanding doctors on staff it's why our ratio is so high, kids respond to you they trust you, they know you won't judge or condemn them, so they open up sometimes for the first time in their whole lives, you make a difference to them"_

" _Why are you so harsh on this girl? She's had a rough life I fear way worse than we even know"_

" _My son almost died because of her!"_

" _He didn't though I know it was scary"_

" _No you don't you can't you don't have kids unless you've had a child in your stomach for nine months breast feed them changed their diapers._

" _Taught them to read ride a bike kissed their boo-boo's held them when they are scared, sat by their hospital bed praying that they'd live through the night you can't ever know what I feel right now"_

" _Okay I will give you that Camille as a mom you have every right to be afraid to feel enraged to want justice served, as a doctor on staff at Chicago Med however you have no rights to ever be angry at a patient to wish them harm to scream at the staff who work their asses off everyday on the front lines with these patients, when there is an issue you take it up with their supervisors, you act like a professional damn it you let me find out what happened who went wrong and I will take the corrective action I feel is_ _necessary"_

" _Now you can either calm your ass down and return to work or take a personal day your choice but think about your actions and your words before you see even one patient"_

" _I'm sorry about Justin Camille I am but he's safe I'm sure you and Hank will make sure he's protected from now on that he learns his lesson and knows he's loved, I ask you to think about Erin though while he's safe inside your home feed loved and held where is she? Who's holding her? Is anybody comforting her making sure she's feed bathed clothed or protected?"_

" _Cause we both know the answer what happens to young girls on those streets"_

I wish I could say I listened to her or that I felt anything but rage against Erin but I just couldn't. All I could feel was my heart breaking as I saw my son lying in the ICU. I knew I couldn't go back to work today.


	54. Chapter 54

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

Meth that's what I needed to make if I did this right I could get the client base built up quickly. I knew these streets I knew what these people wanted,

The first step in making Meth was going to several drug stores Chameleon and Taser stood outside panhandling and preforming with little Matt trying to draw the crowds to them, including the employees who went to shoo them away. Teddy kept an eye out back, While they did that Beats myself and Kevin went inside collecting the ingredients we needed to make Meth. 70% Alcohol we grabbed six each shoving them in our book-bags, ten scope outlast, cleaner, sea salt, shaving cream, lens cleaner, benadril and dental floss. Argetonic anttioxdant pills.

Once we got the stuff we sneaked out back. The whole thing took about five minutes before we were back to the warehouse to dump our stuff and hit up our next location where we would meet up with Chameleon and Taser.

While Kevin and I stayed and started making the meth I sent Chameleon Taser and Teddy to get more supplies. Beats kept a watch out for anything or anyone suspicious. All day we worked hard to create the demand of what we would need to start selling.

I barely had time to pee never mind sleep or eat not that I had money to eat. This went on for weeks I was strung out running on empty but I wasn't going to quit. Even as the third week came to a close, we had enough to start selling Friday tomorrow night I could stop I should sleep I needed to be alert tomorrow night.

" _Mommy"_

Night was the hardest though when it was too dark to see what I was doing everyone else was sleeping but I couldn't if it was the physical pain keeping me up it was the nightmares I would have when I closed my eyes. I would see her laughing smiling planning how she would celebrate Matt's first day of school she was sure by the time he was old enough to go we would have our lives together. We'd be in college or working we'd have our own place, her laughter woke me up every time. I would wake up sweating expecting to see her playing with Matt except she wouldn't be there he'd be all alone crying. Worse were the dreams where she was screaming for help trapped in a burning car, I kept trying to get to her but I couldn't. Every-time something stopped me from saving her I'd wake up screaming scaring everyone. Matt would start to cry no matter how much I held him or rocked him nothing calmed him down.

It broke my heart to hear him crying for his mom, having to lie to him. He would look around confused crying out. I tried everything walking with him talking to him changing him feeding him he just seemed to sense the truth. Honestly I didn't think kids this age understood much.

" _I hate being lied to Erin even as a kid I understood when you would lie to me, I know it's for my "protection" it doesn't make it easier though, I picked up on the signs you know"_ Teddy's voice shocked me I thought everyone was asleep. " _I'm not stupid you know I get what mom does is wrong, I know she sucks as a mom, I also know what you do just so I can eat, I told Blake as much that's why we got kicked out, he wanted me to have sex with some guys at his place so Requiem stood up to him he beat her, she protected me Erin she said he didn't hurt her but I knew the truth, I know he beat her, just like I know what's happened to you, stop lying to kids it only hurts more when we get the truth for ourselves"_

Teddy's admission sent me for a loop sitting with Matt on the floor I held him in my lap. He was wiggling like crazy crying looking around calling for his mommy. Letting out a deep breath I willed the dizziness away. When I wasn't moving it all hit me the exhaustion the pain.

" _Matt sweetheart I need you to listen to me"_

" _Mommy"_

" _No baby I am not your mommy"_

" _Where's mommy?"_

His little eyes were so innocent so filled with confusion hope and love I didn't want to shatter them. Looking at Teddy however I felt my heart torn how did he get so grown up? So wise? Where did my sweet little brother go to? I couldn't believe Blake would do that to him. If I ever saw him there would be issues. I wondered if J knew what kind of sick pervert she was sleeping with? What was I thinking she's 15 he's in his thirties of course she did.

" _Mommy she's not here buddy"_

" _Where did mommy go?_ "

" _Mommy had to go away"_

" _Was mommy bad again?"_

He played with my necklace that Ryann had gotten me years ago I've been wearing it since usually keeping it hidden so no one would steal it.

" _No sweet boy mommy wasn't bad in fact mommy was so good this time that God felt she deserved early acceptance into his kingdom"_

" _Who's God"_

" _God is the man we have you pray to at night he protects us he loves us unconditionally"_

" _Where's god?" When can I see mommy again"_

I had to bit my lip when I talked to him or the tears would never stop he was so young too young to understand that his mommy was gone.

" _God is at home he lives in heaven way up in the sky beyond the clouds,_ _okay?"_

" _W_ _e can't see mommy again till we get to heaven ourselves"_

" _When do we get to heaven?''_

" _When god feels its our time"_

" _How do we get there?"_

" _By being a good boy Matt by listening to me to your other aunts and uncles will take care of you now"_

" _Okay Auntie Erin"_

" _Good boy remember I love you now it's time to lay down Matt close your eyes dream sweet dreams"_

He crawled off my lap laying down besides me I was soaked in my own sweat my clothes were dirty torn, bloody. I smelled so bad I couldn't even stand myself but I had no time to shower, there was noting around here no running water, I couldn't leave the warehouse to shower anywhere not till we had enough product to start selling. We were close though.

" _Happy Birthday Queen"_

Was it April already? How could it be? I was so tired almost too tired be here in this club which was packed full of young hot bodies all ready to dance get high and have sex. I saw J-Lu on stage part of me filled with rage I know she isn't like me I know she has a home to go to she has that right to come and go as she pleases. Maybe I am just a little jealous but it just seemed like she was only with me till it got too hard than she ran to her safety net. I had half a mind to go over and tell her what a pig Blake was.

" _Queen you know the rules fly under the radar, don't attract any unwanted attention we're cool than, I get 10% of the profits, come see me closing each night"_

I shock hands with Rebeka as I started to stroll through the club bodies pressed against sweaty body, arms flying wild as men in tight spandex speedos spinning laughing. My hands felt their abs damn they were strong.

A simple touch was all it took for most to turn see me motion to my coat which was filled with baggies of Meth. Their eyes lite up quickly _1/4 of gram is $20_ _  
_

 _1/2 of gram is $40_ _  
_

 _1 gra_ _m_ _is $80_ __

 _16th_ _is_ _120.00_ __

 _8 ball is $200.00_

" _I'll take an 8 ball baby I love my balls"_ His laughter filled my ears as I ran my hands over his chest. " _I'm sure you do baby I'm sure all the guys love yours to" "Oh you know it darlin' I swing both ways would you like to find out why my balls are so popular?"_

" _I'm good thanks though enjoy baby remember my name is Queen, you need me contact Rebeka or J-Lu"_

" _Oh I will baby"_

The next two hours passed quickly as I danced through the club thankful Rebeka had given me a black skirt to wear and a halter top with a yellow jacket. I felt cooler which was needed pressed against all these sweaty bodies. The lights were so bright so hot my eyes burned my body was pouring off sweat. I couldn't move well not just because of how packed the room is my stomach is sore. My bandages haven't been changed in weeks I can only hope it's not infected. I have no medicine to take to numb the pain either I refuse to use the drugs I sell. The drinks that Rebeka has the bartenders provide me or the only way I can numb myself but I have to be careful so I don't get drunk.

Meeting up with Chameleon, Sierra, Taser, Kevin after seven hours were all sweaty ready to drop and the nights not over yet. Pooling our money together we came up with $613. That's it seriously? Burying my head in my hands I felt my chest tighten Sierra rubbed my back " _Queen I made a special drink for you Happy birthday baby"_ Smiling tightly I hugged her " _Dance with me Queen?"_ I guess I could take a break Chameleon nodded at me nodding his head at Teddy to follow him.They went to the front of the stage as Sierra took my hand leading me to the dance floor. The pain was starting to fade with the countless drinks I had drowned. Feeling her in my arms I tried to relax my mind enough to just enjoy being here. I couldn't though I saw Ryann everywhere her dancing on stage her flirting by the bar with the patrons and the help. I saw her serving drinks. I saw her on top of the bar dancing. I felt her slip something into my mouth " _It'll help with the pain it won't hurt"_ I didn't argue I let it happen right now I just wanted to not to care to not feel.

" _She's always going to be with us Queen you can't escape her memory but you can make her proud don't let her haunt you"_

Easier said than done. How could I make her proud when I can't even make myself proud?


	55. Chapter 55

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Requiem**

" _So 120.00 times 75 is what now?"_

Nicole the young girl I was tutoring thought carefully as I stroked her hair than her arm she smiled at me, I handed her a cup of apple juice she had no idea it was laced with GHB.

"750.00?"

" _No sweetie try again it's okay I get math is hard"_

" _I hate Math it's Icky"_

" _Yes it is baby but your so smart so pretty I know you can do this just think hard concentrate on how you get the answer"_

I showed her again how to get the answer watching as she carefully wrote out the equation. I always hated math in school I felt so stupid Peyton was always helping me. I hoped my little girl or boy had a best friend that was gentle with them who stood by them who helped them. I hoped they protected my child better than my friends protected me. Not that I was going to let them alone long enough to get into trouble. No I was going to be better than my parents ever were.

" _9,000!"_

" _Yes! Way to go baby see I told you that you could do this!"_ Shaking her shoulders I watched as she started to laugh smile and cheer. It's amazing to see kids believing in themselves. " _Do I get my reward now?"_

" _Sure do baby I hope you like brownies"_

" _I love them! Who wouldn't?"_

" _Chocolate is heaven baby"_

We worked for another few hours till she started to feel sleepy the GHB kicking in I waited till she was asleep. Picked her up gently grabbing my bags gathering my books. " _Excuse me"_

" _Yes Ma'am?"_

I turned to the librarian as I excited _"Do you know that girl?" "Yes she's my cousin too much reading today wore her out"_

She eyed me questionably smiling I kissed Nicole's head before she could speak I spoke " _I need to get going Ma'am thank you for your concern but if I don't get my cousin home my aunt Peyton will surely skin my butt-side that will be a real cause for concern"_ I laughed she didn't seem convinced but she didn't stop me from leaving either.

Taking the train I got off at California hurrying against the fall of night which was fast approaching. A gentle wind was blowing making my eyes squint as rain pelted down. The numbers of the builds blurred together till I finally made out the one I needed.

Buzzed in I hurried up the old creaky stairs Nick opened the door taking the young girl from my arms. Leaning down to kiss my lips gently " _You did well Requiem very well she'll make us a lot of money"_ Swallowing against the hard lump in my throat I couldn't tell if it was my guilt or my disgust blocking me from breathing normally.

I waited in the small kitchen while he took the girl into the bedroom where he stripped her tied her to the bed. Before joining me in the kitchen " _The gentlemen will be here soon babe, would you like me to make you some dinner babe or do you want to wait till after the sell, than I can slip you my hot beef, I promise you it's thick juicy and hot so worth the wait"_

The idea of food or sex with him both made me want to vomit but I had a better chance of holding my stomach in if I waited. I needed a shower so I excused myself not that it worked Nick followed me I couldn't even piss without him on me all the time. My body shivered involuntary knowing he was watching taking pleasure in this. " _You have a beautiful body baby please don't be ashamed"_

" _I'm not I'm just chilly it's cold out there, I had to hurry to I mean she's little but she's not light"_

" _I'm sorry baby but it'll all be worth it"_ I felt him come closer moving my hair behind my ears to massage my shoulders. His touch use to excite me now it makes me sick the things he's done to me, the things he's making me do make me sick.

His lips kissed my neck my stomach pulling me close his mouth taking my breasts in roughly biting down on my nipples as his fingers rub between my legs, I hate how he thinks he owns my body it makes me ill. What I hate more though is that my body still responds to his touch the way I felt myself tighten as his mouth covered my private area between my legs, how I moaned even though my stomach turned.

" _I guess we have time baby I could use a warm up a real women before I have to train these bitches"_

These bitches? Really Nicole was barely eleven she wasn't a bitch she wasn't a women she wasn't even a teenager yet she was an innocent kid.

I wanted to stop him I tried to turn away but he grabbed me slamming me hard against the wall as he grabbed between my legs " _Remember Requiem I know you you were before you became this version of yourself, I know where your friends live where they go to school who their teachers are, I can I will go after them, I bet Peyton would love my lessons. I can just imagine spreading her milky white legs. I know I could make her scream, how about Haley she's never had a real man Nathan's a boy she's wilder than she lets on"_

" _Stop I get it okay I'm here aren't I?"_

" _You just better remember that Requiem or this little bean right here"_

He slapped my stomach hard as he pushed himself inside of me not gentle at all getting faster harder hitting my stomach. " _I'll cut this little whore right out of your stomach if she makes it I will sell her on the black market"_

" _Moan for me show me how much you love my meat"_

Be the actress Requiem you always were dramatic in school nows the time to play the role as if your life depends on it because it does, throwing my head back I tried to picture Luke here. I tried to remember a time I felt safe loved.

I found one the first time Luke and I made love we were 14 on the beach in the ocean he was chasing me picking me up throwing me in the water picking me up laughing as I screamed fought back.

I challenged him to do something he never thought he would do because throwing a girl in the ocean was so clique. He pulled me close he kissed me hard deep he made me feel alive.

He whispered in my ear which made me giggle _"_ _What would an ocean be without a monster lurking in the dark? It would be like sleep without dreams." "_ _What monster lurks beneath this ocean Luke?_ _" "I'll show you if you are brave enough to be challenged Miss challenger" "Oh I'm brave enough are you man enough?" "I'm committed"_

" _I really don't know why it is that all of us are so committed to the sea, except I think it's because in addition to the fact that the sea changes, and the light changes, and ships change, it's because we all came from the sea. And it is an interesting biological fact that all of us have in our veins the exact same percentage of salt in our blood that exists in the ocean, and, therefore, we have salt in our blood, in our sweat, in our tears. We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea whether it is to sail or to watch it - we are going back from whence we came."_

" _Oh god Luke please don't stop oh god Luke I love you Luke oh baby your so big ohhh ohh my…_

I shot up in bed how long had I been out? Rolling over I saw the clock numbers blinked 11:45 pm. Pulling the covers tighter around me I tried to shake the sleep out of me. That's when I heard her screams, I heard the music getting turned up louder.

Burying my head inside the covers I let out a deep breath I was a horrible person how could I do this to a little girl? I know how bad it hurts, I'm old enough to know what's being done to me. So how could I do this to another little human? Maybe I didn't deserve to have this baby.

Just hang on Requiem a few more weeks you'll have enough to get out. Nick had no idea that I was getting paid to tutor these kids, he had no idea I was pick pocketing on the side, I had money saved up. He also had no idea I was seeing one of his guards on the side, so far I had saved up 1,600. I just had to wait to make my move.

Soon I could escape soon I would be free. I didn't know where I would go but it would happen soon.


	56. Chapter 56

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Hank Voight**

" _Four kids! Four kids gone vanished without a trace!"_

Our Sarge slammed her fist down on the desk pacing around she was pissed her whole body tense shaking. My heart squeezed in anger kids who targets kids? What kind of sick twisted bastard takes kids?

" _No sleep no food nothing guys we are on this 24/7 till we solve it they maybe throwaway kids, street kids but they are still human beings kids for god sakes! They deserve a shot at life just as much as any kid!"_

" _Start with the last kid guys I want these bastards found!"_

" _We have all hands on deck for this one I called up Officers Platt, Dawson from Cook County Juvenile Detention, Hank I want you with Platt on this one, Olinsky with Dawson he's still in training so show him how to do this right got it?"_

We nodded at the two officers as they came in I've worked with Trudy before she's good people so I wasn't worried. Going to the board I put up the pictures of our four victims so far going over the facts.

" _Christine O'Liven 12 years old she ran away from her home in Geneva last year, arrested twice in the last year here for solicitation, for the last six months she's been hanging out at the Harold Square Library, two weeks ago she was spotted leaving with this young women"_

I pointed to the blurry video cam shot of a young women ducking her head as she held the hand of a little girl we know knew to be Christine. Her body was found last night floating in the river.

" _So we should start at the Library than"_

My Sarge nodded motioning for Trudy and I to take that lead " _Dawson, Olinksy hit the streets see if you can find out why there's a surge of homeless kids staying at the Library, see of anyone knew her, find anyone who goes there regularly see if they've seen a women hanging around younger kids"_

" _Everyone got their assignments?"_

" _Yes Sarge"_

" _Okay let's meet for lunch at like 1:45 I'll text you Alvin"_

" _Good plan I can always use food"_

Trudy and I drove the twenty minute drive in silence when it's a case with kids everyone handles it differently. I know she draws in on herself. She's not a mom but you don't have to be to understand how sick it is to pray on the innocence of kids.

 **400 Slate Street**

By the time we got there it was after 12 pm the lunch crowd was filling up the library which is always packed on a bad day. This wasn't going to be easy not with ten floors to search. Even though our targets were kids there was no saying for sure they were lurking in the kids sections. Not when kids are prone to wondering away to exploring,

" _Start from the bottom ask anyone working the lobby if they've seen anyone, show them her picture"_

I must of asked twenty people no one would stop to answer questions, which just made me angry. We gave up down there heading upstairs to the second floor which houses the Thomas Hughes Children's library. We stopped the first person we saw an elderly lady maybe in her seventies. She smiled sweetly shaking her head as she looked at the picture.

The next person was a young man maybe in his twenties he seemed to know her just couldn't place her. Frustration built inside of me as I searched the floors for any signs of a struggle any left items that may of belonged to her.

" _Excuse me Sir' Ma'dame"_

We turned to see an elderly women approaching us at an alarming rate. " _Yes Ma'am?" "I'm sorry to bother you but my name is_ _Hannah_ _Davis I am one of the mangers here, I was told you were asking questions about a little girl"_

" _Yes my name is officer Hank Voight this is Officer Trudy Platt we're investigating the disappearance of a little girl who was found dead this morning maybe you've seen her"_

Showing her the photo we saw her gasp covering her mouth " _Oh my god yes I saw her last night she was being carried out by a young women she said she was her cousin"_

Exchanging a look with Trudy I swallowed this wasn't going to be pretty. _"Could you describe this young women?"_ We lead her over to a table she was shaking badly now tears falling down her face,

" _Yes of course anything I can do to help Officers"_

" _What color hair did she have?"_

" _Light blond, She was wearing a hoodie it was raining and cold so she was in a hurry, she seemed agitated that I stopped her"_

" _Why did you stop her?"_

" _Because I just had a feeling something wasn't right, she said she was her cousin but she was stroking the girl's arm, playing with her hair, she was almost flirting with her, I don't know about you but I ain't never flirted with any of my cousins"_

" _No that does seem odd Ma'am"_

" _How long were they here for?"_

" _A few hours, I've seen the older one here before, she's come in a lot over the last few weeks, usually helps the stray teens and younger kids"_

" _Stray?"_

" _Sorry I call the homeless kids strays cause they just remind me of lost broken puppies and kittens"_

" _What does she help them with?"_

" _Homework usually, reading school projects she always seems so nice"_

" _Last night though it just seemed odd, when she was carrying her I just got this sense that something wasn't right"_

" _How did you stop her?"_

" _I called to her asked her if she needed anything, I wanted to see if she would stumble lose her focus but she remained calm her story stayed the same, the girl never seemed afraid the whole night, so I assumed she was telling the truth she was just afraid of getting into trouble for being out too late"_

" _If I had known oh my god that poor kid"_

Trudy took her hands rubbing them gently. " _You couldn't have known this wasn't your fault you were very brave for even trying to stop her, do you think you could work with a sketch artist?"_

" _Yes of course"_

" _Have you noticed her with any other girls or boys lately?_

" _Other than Nicole? I mean yeah for sure tons"_

" _Wait did you say Nicole?"_

" _Yeah that's the name the little girl she was with the one in the photo"_

" _Did she ever give a last name?"_

" _No sorry just Nicole she was a regular for a few months quite little girl liked to read never said too much she did however hang with a boy I believe he goes by the name of Skater he's a punk who hangs out in the skate park, blue hair piercings in his right ears all over, his eyebrow is pierced his nipples, I think he's about 15 or so"_

" _How did you know his nipples were pierced?"_

" _In summer the kids like to use the hose out back we let them I mean it's no hard most of them are so dirty it's better if they do before they come in, course we don't let them unsupervised, long story short a few weeks ago they were out back spraying themselves off and some of the kids dared the girls to suck on his nipples"_

" _Did any of them?"_

" _Yeah this one girl they called her Requiem I think she's pregnant, she had brownish hair"_

My heart jumped out of my chest " _She was all over him in fact, I didn't get a good look at her, I was too busy breaking up the crowd but they left together"_

" _Thank you Ma'am you've been very helpful please take our cards if you remember anything or see anything don't think twice call us"_

" _I will I hope you find these sick creatures soon these poor kids"_

We hurried to the local skating park which was only twenty minutes away I drove like a madman. Maybe I was a madman my thoughts were filled with one thought Requiem. If this was true that meant she was still alive. It meant hope that maybe I could bring her home after all.

 **31st Street and Lake Shore Drive**

Maybe her family her friends could all go on with their lives instead of waiting hoping praying being stuck in that moment. As excepted the park was bursting with life moms reading to their little kids as they curled up together under the shades of trees joggers building up their strength and times.

Kids crowded around the numerous ramps " _I see around three dozen truancies shall I start writing them up Hank?"_

" _Not yet let's see if we can find some information before we start threaten kids trust easier when they see rewards"_

" _Sure if you think so"_

" _I know so I have an eight year old son"_

" _Oh Hank I am so sorry I heard about Justin how is he?_

" _Thanks Trudy he's doing well he's been let out he's mending at home, Camille is the one I worry about"_

" _She's strong_ _Hank she's just had a real bad scare she'll pull through though be patient with her"_

" _I'm trying she's so sure that Erin is the one who sold him the drugs"_

" _Your not?"_

" _No I know she's a dealer but I just can't see her dealing to little kids she has a brother younger I know she'd die to protect him"_

" _Justin's not her brother though he's just a kid willing to score, she's a dealer she needs money their ruthless Hank"_

My eyes landed on the boy we were searching for all the girls were cheering for him whistling screaming as he did miller flip into a 360. Okay so I paid attention a little when Justin talked. Music blasted from boom-boxes spread all over, smoke filled the air one girl was standing on the edge on her board one foot on the ground her long blue hair was braided into two sections her wild makeup made her look older her clothes made her look like a street walker, yet she had a baby face her eyes scanned us as we came up popping a bubble of her gum she snickered.

" _See baby you draw everyone with your fierceness even these old farts want a piece of you"_

Old farts did she just call us old? Calm down Hank she's petty not worth it. Trudy motioned towards skater. " _That your boyfriend?" "Why what's it to you? You into young brats?"_ Trudy tried to hide back her shock or disgusts as she exhaled. " _I have a grandson who skates he's always trying to learn the newest hardest moves I worry though it's dangerous"_

" _A little fall of pain won't kill any kid lady let him man up pain makes real man toughen up"_

" _I just think it would be better if he had an older brother type to teach him"_

" _I guess that couldn't hurt Skater taught me when I was eight, he's the reason I am so good now"_

" _That's his name?"_

" _Maybe why you ain't no cop are you?"_

" _Do I look like a cop?"_

" _Nah you too old they'd probably put your old asses on desk duty by now"_

This chick had some balls I would give her that the look of furry on Trudy's face was hysterical. I couldn't let myself get distracted though,

" _So I take it your with skater a lot?"_

" _Yeah you can say so why the questions?"_

" _Cause that grandson she was talking about is mine as well"_

" _Oh you two are married that's kinky"_ Trudy's face as I threw my arms around her shoulders almost made me laugh. It was as priceless as the girls face. _"I think he'd really love a girl' teaching him, he's young but he's a lady's man just like his old granddad"_

" _You got the old part right buster"_ Trudy muttered hitting me in my stomach. " _If Skater is as awesome as you say though I'd be willing to pay for both of you to teach him"_

" _Any interests in making money?"_

" _Always if the price is right"_

" _What's fair to you?"_

" _How old is the kid?"_

" _Eight"_

" _Young but potty trained okay I'll talk it over with Skater, is this kid serious though cause were busy training we ain't got time to waste if he's just being a silly stupid kid"_

" _No he's serious he wants to go pro"_

" _Are you serious though or does your boy control you?"_ She glared at Trudy who made that remark flipping the board up she caught it with her hand getting up in Trudy's face.

" _Listen lady I don't need no damn man to control me got this I am a bad bitch I make my rules."_

" _I say who I talk to who I teach who I see, no one else controls me so get outta my face, I will teach the brat but he better be fro real, oh I ain't cheap either $200 for two hours twice a week here 4pm we start tomorrow"_

She took off pissed I looked at Trudy did we really get what we wanted? How was I suppose to get a kid? There was no way Justin would be out of Camille's sight. He wasn't strong enough anyway.

Just as we started to doubt our choices and how we would explain this to our Sargent we felt a breeze blow by us. Looking to my left I spotted skater coming at us fast in a 360 shuvit. The crowd of mostly teens exploded in cheers whistles and a few expletives.

" _Your Officer Voight?"_

He whispered how did he know me? I stood my ground nodding as he stopped in front of me, looking around he slipped me a note, his eyes landed on my hand " _Read it follow the instructions if you want to know more"_

What was this kid's end game? How did we become the palms in his chest board?


	57. Chapter 57

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Hank Voight**

 **3646 South Halstead Street**

 **3:13 pm**

He sat in the back of the Cafe on top of a table laughing with his friends sipping his soda pop chewing on his pizza slice. Punk music blasted as his friends clapped cheering him on, the cafe was home to mostly youth who identified as LGBTQ but plenty of Skaters also liked to party here because of the cool hip atmosphere. There was no judgment here just lots of awesome food, music and chill vibes.

Quilted Unity was often the target for hate attacks so the police had taken a special interests in patrolling the area. We didn't start most of our heavy rounds till later in the evening when the night life picked up in boystown.

Cops didn't scare most of the kids hanging out in daytime at night was a different story so we went U.C than. Now in full uniform we drew some attention but no one really moved.

Mimi the owner waved at us " _Fresh cup of Joe coming up for you fine people" "Thanks Mimi"_ Trudy called back as we took a seat a few tables to the left side of Skater. As his friends finished their meals, I watched him looking towards us, he was still chatting with his friends.

" _Hank how are you?"_

" _I'm well thanks Mimi you?"_

" _Day by day Hank Day by day it's never easy I see him everywhere, when I get up I still call for him to go to school, stupid I know he's been gone for six months I should be use to it, I just…_

Trudy and I squeezed her hands as she teared up. I thought about her son he was a good boy a straight A student who always tried to help others to inspire to delight he had a smile that would light up the whole block.

I can only imagine what this kid would've been able to do if he had gotten the chance to show his love his light his brain to the world. It wasn't fair it wasn't right, but there was nothing I could do for him now. He was gone four letters took him, I wasn't going to let five letters take anymore kids if I could prevent it though.

" _He knows you love him, rest assured Mimi he feels it, just like you can feel his love."_

" _The way all these kids who are abounded who are left to fend for themselves feel your love, they feel Gavin 's strength his spirit it's all around us, I know you care Mimi so I need your help"_

" _Always Hank what can I do for you?"_

I showed her the pictures of Christine/ Nicole, of Brooke/ Requiem as well as the other three kids who were found dead in the last three weeks. She studied them carefully pointing to Requiem, Nicole.

" _She's been around a lot over the last year comes and goes as she pleases same as most of these kids, she's pregnant pretty far along I would say to"_

" _Can you tel_ _l_ _me who she hangs with?"_

" _Different crews at different times, she use to hang alone, than she started to hang with queen's crew but never with Queen herself, now she hangs with Skater,_ _she was here a few days ago with this girl"_

" _We got a runner Hank!"_

Trudy and I took off chasing Skater who had taken off on his board damn this kid was fast. Trudy grabbed a bike from a kid who yelped I took off on foot. The streets, sidewalks were all packed. Making it difficult to get anywhere if it wasn't people walking I was dodging it was street performers, bikes, skaters, cars, he went over rails down under bridges.

My legs were starting to burn how a 43 year old man was suppose to keep up with a 15 year old on wheels was beyond me, it was my job though. He was running for his life why I don't know, he had called us to meet.

I was running for the lives of these innocent kids. One of us had to give at some point, I called into my radio. _"This is Officer Voight 10-12 requesting backup in chase on foot chasing a juvenile along Halstead heading towards Bridgeview"_

Think Hank be smarter you may be older but he's a punk teenager running scared, You're a trained police officer used to these scenarios. He was aiming for tunnel his board started to spark from the pressure.

They show these scenes in movies and TV shows were the cop jumps on the car and goes from roof to roof, in reality that's not legal it would get me fired, the department would flip a gasket from all the lawsuits of damages.

Screw rules chasing down this kid was all I cared for so I pushed my body to it's limits leaping onto the hood of one car to the roof of another. He became startled that's when I threw myself on him.

Knocking him off his board slamming him into the building scaring a few people who screamed scrambling. _"Why are you running?"_

" _Your a cop"_

" _No kidding you sought me out"_

" _It was a mistake I shouldn't have if he finds out he'll kill me"_

Cuffing him I shoved him up so he was standing weakly but standing as one of the backup cars pulled up. " _Who?"_

" _No one I ain't talking I want a lawyer"_

Shoving him into the squad car I grunted " _You can call the blood sucking leach at the station your under arrest for I don't know I'll think up charges later, take him down to_ _gang division"_

Trudy caught up with me breathing hard as I slammed my foot into the garbage can sending it flying as some older Chinese guy cursed me out in his native language. Raising his fist. Dawson, Olinksy followed closely behind.

" _Hank will get them, will find Requiem calm down"_

" _Calm down this kid let me believe he was going to help us"_

" _Maybe he will he's scared someone got to him before us we need to find out who"_

Dawson looked further down the street what was he watching? Turning to us he spoke,

" _We won't find them"_

" _Dawson!"_ Trudy screamed slamming her fist against the side of his head he yelped grabbing it " _Damn grandma' chill out what I wanted to say before you got all jumpy was that we're too old no one will talk to us, we need a CI someone who's a part of this crowd, someone who can blend in"_

" _OW what was that for? It's a good idea!"_

" _That's for calling me grandma I am only 43!"_

" _That is a good idea though kid"_ Alvin spoke softly chewing on hos toothpick where he got it from I have no clue.

" _Thanks!"_

" _Don't go getting a big head kid it's one idea let's see if it even works"_

Walking back to Quilted unity we sat down exhausted brainstorming. Looking around I tried to pick out a kid we could use. It had to be someone with something to lose or gain. Looking around every single kid could be ours but how did we get them?

" _We need to go back to the station I have an idea"_


	58. Chapter 58

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin**

" _That cop has been asking questions again Queen"_

Staring at Gigi as I stirred my coffee I sighed she was behind the counter as Mimi was in back helping some vender's. " _What kind of questions?" 'I don't know for sure but he was in here with a lady earlier they seemed pretty beat to get someone"_

" _They ask about me?" "I don't think so but I heard Mimi mention your name so I would be careful girl"_

" _Thanks Gigi"_

" _Sure girl I got ya"_

Mimi came back flashing a smile I always thought I could trust her but now I was starting to doubt my own instincts. Did she stick the cops right on my tail? My anger burned inside why couldn't grownups mind their own damn business?

" _Queen you okay?"_

" _Fine thanks" "you sure?"_

" _Perfectly you?"_

" _I'm doing babe want another cup of coffee?"_

" _Yes please"_

I felt the wind blow past me as someone sat down next to me at the counter Mimi came over to the person. " _What can I get you little miss?"_

" _A job"_ Came a weary voice looking over I saw a young girl slightly older looking than I was with long auburn hair with black and purple streaks in it, her eyes were tired but had a beautiful green vibe. She smiled sweetly " _What's your name babe?"_

" _Penelope or penny"_

" _Are you new here?"_ Why was Mimi all up in her business? What was her deal lately? She never use to be like this. Did losing her son mess her up that much? I mean it was sad sure but death was apart of life. Losing Ryann didn't change me, it pissed me off it devastated me but I moved on.

" _Yeah just moved here a few weeks ago, been looking everywhere for someone who would hire a musician"_

" _Your a musician?"_

" _Sure am Ma'am I play guitar, piano I sing, I can wash dishes wait tables do them all at the same time"_

" _Your hired under one condition"_

" _What's that"_

" _Don't ever call me Ma'am again or I will chop off that pretty long hair"_

I heard her swallow hard as I got up nodding at her. Heading outside careful to stay hidden in the shadows of the buildings grateful it had warmed up a little, lighting up a joint I exhaled.

" _You know I could arrest you for this right here right?"_

I jumped inside a little as the gruff voice scared me crushing the joint under my foot I shrugged. " _I don't see any reason for you to arrest me, I have nothing illegal on me sir' if you thought you saw something I'd suggest getting those eyes checked"_

" _Why are you creeping in alleys anyway?"_

" _Everyone's got to take a leak right?"_

" _Gross"_

" _I don't need to find anything Erin I can arrests you for selling to my son anytime there's a warrant out for your arrest you know it I know it"_

" _You have no proof I sold him anything"_

" _We have your name"_

" _We have my son's word"_

" _He's a kid he had a bad blow to his brain he's confused, I am not I know what I did when I did it I will have witness back me up your son will look like a liar a drug addict he'll be ruined"_

His hand slammed me against the wall with such force I was taken back, I couldn't breathe for a full minute. So I got to him.

" _Don't ever threaten my kid again you little punk"_

" _I'm the punk? Your the one body slamming a 14 year old girl against the brick wall in a dark alley"_

" _Your 15 Erin"_

I stared at him what was he talking about? Oh wait he was right my birthday passed a few weeks ago. " _Same thing 14 or 15 your still the punk"_

" _No one will care Erin if I crush your wind pipe and leave your dirty corpse to rot in the alley, you street kids are the hidden dark shadows of the allies no one goes looking in the trenches for the fallen, they just leave them to waste away, so I suggest you start_ _to_ _wise up, start listening up I can make you a deal, you work for me, I'll drop the charges"_

" _I just need information someone is targeting kids in this area and the library, their dying I need an insider"_

" _You mean be your rat no thanks Cop, I don't eat cheese so screw off"_

He never saw my foot coming to his groin till it landed smack in the middle starting him so I slipped out of his grip taking off. My stomach screamed at me to stop my lungs cursed at me but I didn't stop I couldn't stop. His rage scared me he had every right to be scared I killed his son, he wanted me dead. He deserved to have my head hanging from his office wall.

He wasn't going to get it though. Finally I fell onto the seats of the train heading away from boystown, I needed to lay low for awhile. The motion of the train lured me to sleep by the time I woke up darkness had settled over the sky. Cursing I got off this night had just gotten worse our building was raided by the cops.

I didn't stop taking off in the opposite direction I must of walked for hours ticked off my main supplies were there. Now I would have to start over. Again. Why was this always happening to me? I brushed back tears would anyone ever watch over me?

By the time I had reached the North Columbus Drive Bridge I was ready to fall over finding my friends wasn't easy not with the size of Grant Park. I made the use of my time though as I passed by tent after tent all filled with families, kids, soldiers who were left to fend for themselves when they returned form service because god forbid our government take care of their own people.

All it took was flashing an 8 ball at one person to have the word spread that I was selling. Soon I had people seeking me out. " _Have you seen a girl with pigtails about this high? Maybe a boy with shaggy brown hair goes by Chameleon?"_

" _Have you seen a blond headed girl about 14 with a vicious cough?"_

" _Yeah their over yonder"_

I knew that meant South so I started heading that way already exhausted the night was warm now but soon it would turn cold. We had no blankets no coats all our stuff was inside that warehouse. My head hurt thinking about it.

" _This fire reminds me of my girl scouting days"_

Taser's comments lured me out of my almost sleep state I had found them less than an hour ago. They had beaten me to the warehouse and took off before they were spotted, I was proud of them. I taught them well.

" _Never knew you were a girl-scout"_

Chameleon and Kevin had started a fire so we wouldn't freeze to death all around Grant park were small fires in between tents. Kids played in small groups kick ball with balls made out of foil and rubber bands, patty cakes, dance parties. Grownups either got high, slept or read the paper.

" _There's a lot you don't know about me Queen"_

If there was ever a truer statement I didn't know what it was holding Matt who giggled as he bounced up and down reaching for the flames, I found myself staring at her wondering who she was before she became Taser. I knew her first name but that was it, I didn't know her city her home life.

Was she a runaway a throwaway? Was she kidnapped? Did she enjoy school hate it? What were her family like? Did they miss her? Were they the reason she left?

" _Uh-uh!"_

Little Matt's cries of frustration made me smile laugh tickling his stomach as he reached for the flames, he wasn't close of course but I grabbed them anyway gently kissing them as I tickled him.

" _Uh-uh baby boy their dangerous, you'll get hurt"_

" _You're really good with kids Queen, someday I can see you making a really great mommy"_

Sierra hit Taser who stared at her confused she never knew I was pregnant so I smiled at Sierra shrugging she didn't mean any harm. " _If I live long enough"_

" _You will Queen out of all of us I see you surviving past this life and making something special out of these struggles, You'll make a difference Queen I know it"_

Was she just talking in a dream state I could see how tired she was or did she have some sort of sick prevention?


	59. Chapter 59

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Hank Voight**

" _Help me please somebody help me!"_

My body sprung into action as I heard the cries racing to the front of the station along with half the squad. Who was this women why was she screaming was she hurt? About half a dozen officers, detectives all stopped seeing a women in her mid thirties standing in the middle of the station crying at the top of her lungs clutching a book-bag covered in blood.

Our Sargent came flying in behind me breathless along with Trudy and Dawson, Olinksy already by my side.

" _Ma'am I am Sargent_ _Lauren McDaniel_ _what's the issue going on you scared half my Squad into cardiac arrest"_

" _They took her someone took my baby!"_

" _Ma'am I need you to calm down talk to us let's go into a room it's a little more private maybe we can get to the bottom of this"_

She was crying non-stop as we lead her into another room while the station resumed life. Trudy grabbed some water bottles and tissues. Shutting the door behind us Trudy sat down on the other side of this distraught women while our Sargent sat on the other.

Handing her some tissues and a water bottle we waited till she calmed down a bit. " _Can you tell us now calmly what's going on?"_

" _It's my daughter she's gone! She went to school yesterday she was suppose to go to the library after wards I haven't seen her since"_

We all exchanged looks she hasn't her since yesterday and she's just reporting her now? She sensed our feelings throwing down her tissue " _I'm a single mother I work two jobs, I worked first shift at the hospital yesterday morning and went straight to my second job cleaning at the YMCA from 6pm to 7am this morning she's always gone when I come home so I didn't think anything of it till the school called today to say she didn't show up"_

" _How old is your daughter Ma'am?"_

 _'She's Eleven"_

Instantly we were on alert if it was an older child we would've of thought runaway but under 12, almost always it's taken as a kidnapping.

" _Okay Ma'am what's you're daughters name?" "I promise you we will find her safe, but we need you to calm down, help us help you"_

" _Her name is Daisy Walker she's 4'6 about 89 pounds, light brown hair blue eyes she's smart my daisy she loves school she's always studying"_

" _Do you know what she was wearing when you saw her last?"_

" _Yeah baggy black jeans she's always dressing like those girls on MTV with baggy clothes a Red shirt that had TLC on it, my son says she dresses like one of those homeless kids but she's not she has a home a safe loving home, she has no reason to runaway please you have to believe me"_

" _Ma'am we do can you tell us who her friends are? Where she likes to hang out?"_

" _Yes I think so my son he can help even more he knows the kids she hangs with"_

" _What's your son's name?" "Do you have any photo's?"_

" _Parker Walker he's 15, he hangs with his friends at Burnham 31st Street Skate Park I know her best friends are Michelle Kasim she lives on 31st Highland drive, Karen Knight she lives in one of those condo's off Lakeshore Drive 3423 I believe"_

" _Okay Ma'am Officer Platt is going to talk to you some more while Officer Voight, Olinksy go pick up your son with your permission"_

" _Yes it's fine of course just bring my baby home please"_

She handed us pictures of both kids my eyes meet Alvin's when I saw who her son was.

" _You heard the lady move boys"_

We didn't wait jumping up grabbing our holsters and jackets we headed out lights, sirens full speed. If I was correct than this was bad really bad.

Jumping out of the car we raced to the park as soon as we got there we spotted his friend the girl with the blue hair, her back was turned towards us I saw him bending down below her his back also to us.

" _Freeze CPD"_

He didn't have a chance to run this time I grabbed him slamming him down on the ground. " _Parker Walker your coming with us"_

" _Parker! Dude your name is Parker Walker that's rich man!"_

" _Shut up Kasey Kasey"_

" _Both of you punks shut-up"_

We dragged him to the car arms behind his back. " _You can't do this I didn't do anything wrong!"_

We let him sweat it out as we drove back blaring the radio by the time we got to the station the kid was sweating shaking mad as hell. " _Parker I think you know this women in that room"_

" _Mom! What the hell are you people heartless why is my mom here?"_

" _Sit down Parker"_

" _Parker don't be rude"_

" _They dragged me out of the park mom acting like I'm some criminal I didn't do anything wrong!"_

" _We know differently Kid"_

He looked around nervously " _Listen you ran from us the other day kid it won't happen now"_

" _You ran from the cops! Why you have nothing to hide"_

" _Or do you Parker?"_

" _Look he said he would hurt me if I told!"_

" _Who? Who would hurt you? My god what did you do Parker?"_

" _Oh my god did this person do you think they are responsible for Daisy's disappearance?"_

" _Daisy's gone? What the hell Mom?"_

" _I think it does I think Parker didn't do as he was told to and I think whoever this person is went after Daisy as a way to get to Parker so Parker it's time to start talking because whoever has her isn't playing around you know it I know it"_

" _Fine his name is Nick I don't know his last name he … he_ _asked me to help him"_

" _Help him with what Parker?"_

" _I didn't know I swear I didn't know what he was doing"_

" _It's okay son we're not after you we want him, now talk to us take a deep breath relax help us help your sister"_

" _He introduced me to this girl her name is Requiem she's his girl you know I mean she's my age but she's …_

" _It's okay son go on"_

" _I help her find these kids young ones 11 sometimes 12 kids that no one will miss, all I do is give her the names, He told me he was just using them to experiment with his Meth, I didn't think he was lying, I just gave her the names she did the rest"_

" _What did you get out of it?"_

He didn't look at us I motioned for his mom to leave with Officer Platt. When they were gone he opened up nervous.

" _Sex /Drugs nothing hardcore just some speed mainly anything to give me a kick and sex lots of sex with Requiem or any girl I wanted"_

" _So why did he turn on you?"_

" _I figured out what they were doing when I saw the news I knew Nicole she was a good girl, always skating in the park she had talent to I gave Requiem her name, she's dead because of me. They all are all those girls"_

" _Son you didn't know"_

" _Does that matter?"_

Alvin and I exchanged looks did it in the grand scheme of things? " _I was going to talk to you, than Nick sent one of his boys after me Charlie he's scary man"_

" _What did Charlie do?"_

" _He said if I talked they'd go after my family"_

" _So you ran?"_

" _I had to I had to keep my family safe it didn't work though did it?"_ I patted his hand honestly I didn't want to lie to him. Part me wanted the father part wanted to believe Daisy would be alright she would be safe.

The other half of me the cop part of me knew the chances were she was already dead.

" _Do you know Charlie's last name?"_

" _It starts with a P..Putguise no Pug yeah Pugliese"_


	60. Chapter 60

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin**

" _Damn Girl you looking Sexy as hell"_

Liar I wanted to shout I was not sexy even in this skirt and tank top I was still gross as a pig in a mud bath. I'd take his compliment though I smiled I turned shaking my ass as his hands slipped on my hips.

" _What's your name sweet thing?"_

" _Queen do you want some or not cause I have plenty of other hunks who are looking to score tonight"_

" _Oh I want some alright"_

" _What'd it be baby?"_

I flashed him my merchandise checking him out he didn't look gay or bi in fact he looked straight which made wonder why was he here? While some straight people came with gay friends it was unusual. He looked too polish was he a U.C my instincts told me to back up so I slowly did.

" _Don't be afraid darling I ain't no cop"_

" _Yeah because most cops would admit to being cops huh?"_

" _True your have brains I like that, brains are sexy almost as sexy as what you have going on here"_

He pulled me close his hands working their way down my hips resting on my ass as he grinded against me I felt his rock hard abs his arms tightening around me. I felt other things too big things.

I started to sweat a little feeling sick to my stomach. " _Relax babe"_

" _I'm not your babe"_

" _Not yet but you will be"_

" _I don't have time for this do you want some candy or no?"_

" _Not the crap you have sweetie, Not when I can get a real high"_ I eyed him which seemed to please him, his hand slipped into mine, he motioned for me to follow him into the bathroom so I did.

I spotted Chameleon he followed without being seen. Just in case there was trouble.

" _Queen meet my friend Annie, Annie this is Queen let's show her what a real high looks like"_

" _Oh I don't use I just sell" "You'll change your mind I promise you after one high you'll never want to be grounded"_

He took off my jacket his touch sent shivers down my spine across my upper body how did he manage to do that? All the guys I've had sex with none of them ever made me feel anything except sick.

I felt him tighten something on my arm as I felt Annie start to massage my neck in back than my shoulders I wanted to stop them, I didn't I don't know why. A sharp prick in my arm had me gasping slowly he pushed it inside my arm, I felt a burning sensation _"Just relax sweetie, I'm going to pull out, don't freak"_ The burning stopped but it became a five alarm blaze of intense desire. " _Squeeze my hand babe"_ Annie is whispering to me I listen I don't know why. He pushed it back in this is what they mean by a rush. It rushes up my arm in tingles. Then it hits. Shit. It is like a mini explosion of pure pleasure. Everything is blissful and beautiful psychologically. I love everything. It is pure joy to be alive, to have a body; briefly that is the only awareness.

I don't even notice that he's pulled my underwear down that he is straddling me on the sink in this dirt bathroom or that he's slipped inside of me, I don't care in fact I think I am screaming in pleasure. I feel a rush of heat intense screaming wild blazing heat of everything beauty pain regret excitement pleasure. I feel a rush all over my body I hear him moaning my name over, over, I think I hear myself moaning back.

Whatever this shit is it's like nothing I've ever had before It's sensual. All my nerves are on fire and just having someone run their fingers along my skin feels delicious. " _Wow, Oh my god oh"_

" _Charlie my name's Charlie I want to hear you say it"_

" _Charlie oh my god Charlie please don't stop oh god!"_

The release of all my nervous all my pain is like fireworks on the fourth of July all shooting out from lower half, I've never felt like this before. I think this is what an orgasm is but I have no one to ask.

My body is shaking when he's done with me I can't stand so he carries me out the back entrance. I can't argue I don't even try I am barely aware of time of location. I feel like I am flying. I never want to land.


	61. Chapter 61

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin**

I don't know how many days pass or where I am during any of them all I know is Charlie my new best friend keeps me supplied with whatever this magic stuff is, Annie keeps me hydrated she kisses me at night she gives me these most amazing massages. At night he takes his turns with us both, I'm pretty out of it so I don't care.

When I finally come through out of this haze it hurts my skin is on fire my stomach is so sick I can't hold back. I start throwing up Annie holds back my hair she rubs my back. Pats me down with a wet cold cloth.

I know I need to get back to my friends my brother yet I don't want to leave Charlie is really sweet his apartment is warm, he has electricity running water. I know it's wrong yet I don't care.

" _Queen how long has it been since you've showered?"_

He doesn't say it to be cruel he's sweet caring the way he caress my skin lets me know he's trying to help me, still I feel the blow I know how nasty I am, I feel the rush of color to my face the tears prick my eyes.

" _Shh no shame I get it I was like you once to, let me help you feel better"_ He leads me into the bathroom where he undresses me kissing my neck slow not like the pigs who pay me to have sex.

He undresses as well as he takes my hand helping me into the shower. He holds me as he washes me kissing me deeply sensually as he scrubs away the dirt the grim. I don't know how long we stay in there the water feels amazing.

He brought me a toothbrush and toothpaste which after four times of brushing I finally taste the mint, my teeth start to look slightly yellow instead of black. I know there will be a price to pay.

When I came out he has a spread of food waiting for me. I'm not real hungry but I try to eat anyway. Afterwards I sit on the couch trying to get an idea of what day it is, what part of town I am in.

I feel the couch shift as he sits next to me " _So Queen I assume it's not your real name"_

" _No it's Erin Lindsay"_

" _Erin nice to meet the real you, your beautiful you know that?"_

" _No"_

" _Well you are, I'm sorry no one has ever told you that before"_

" _What's the deal Charlie? I know none of this is for free"_

" _Your a smart girl Erin I like that"_

" _You've said that before"_

" _So you have good memory"_

" _I have to out here"_

" _Well that's what I want to talk to you about, I have a decent size apartment, how would you like to stay here?"_

" _I have a crew I won't leave them"_

" _Bring them"_

" _Again what's the deal?"_

" _Simple you have skills Erin I saw how many people brought from you even as cheap as that shit was they flocked to you"_

" _I'll give you a place to stay for you, your friends, you guys sell for me exclusively, you have sex with only me"_

" _No sounds too simple"_

" _It is simple Erin look I'll make you a deal, we try it for a month your free to leave if you feel uncomfortable"_

" _I'll think about it"_

" _Fair enough here's my card I except to hear from you soon"_

He let me leave just like that? I had my doubts but I was so tired I didn't care to think. Meeting up with Beats, Chameleon, Teddy I tried to put it our of my mind it was night again as I came up to the club.

" _Someone once said this to me what he doesn't know is that I've already used up my chance to be a child. My parents took that away from me years ago"_

We stood at the corner of Halstead, Broadway the hour was late.

Music was blasting from every club, bar on the block. Both dressed in black skinny jeans, corsets and hoodies. We were freezing just trying to keep warm as we waited for clients.

 _'I once had someone tell me that no one could make us do something we didn't want to, you know back than I believed it, I honestly thought we made our own destinies now I see what a lie it is"_

" _There is no past_ _Sierra_ _, we start each day as a blank slate, no dreaming for tomorrow, no way to be let down, there's only us there's only this"_ I motioned around as a car pulled up Going closer checking things out. When I was sure it was safe I leaned closer but not close enough to be grabbed. They asked for an 8ball I asked for $200, they paid I delivered.

" _We only have now, we only have this moment nothing is destined to happen nothing is promised to us not tomorrow not even tonight, there's only now, here us, we must take our chances we must push for what we want ain't no one gonna give a damn about us ain't no one gonna help us so we gotta help each other"_

Hours passed as we delivered more products. We were outside of Rebeka's club Scandalous which was was bursting with gay men and women at two in the morning. Even the streets were hopping cars blasting music. People dancing drinking laughing, we wound our way through the crowded streets getting stopped by costumers.

J-Lu was just getting off her dancing job in full spirits her weave tonight was huge a bright blue with pink lights strung in her chest covered in rainbow glitter. The skirt was flowery and light showing off her fresh shaved legs. Her face looked like a neon billboard lite up, almost as much as her eyes showing off just how high he was.

Grabbing my hands she spun me around laughing " _Oh my god girl you have to dance there it's awesome!_

" _I can't see myself dancing at a nightclub J"_

" _Girl why not you already whore your tight ass out at least this way you can control who touches you"_

I thought about what she said I should be mad at her, I was just too tired to be mad about it could she see how uncomfortable I staring at the neon blinking sign trying not too look at her. Taser, Kevin, Teddy had come up now.

" _You do it girl I'll do it we do it together"_

" _God that sounds so wrong"_

" _Girl look around our whole lives is wrong"_

" _I tell you what bitch we do this I'll cover you so you can sleep at night"_

The prospect sounded good to me sleep when was the last time I had that? J-Lu placed her head on my shoulder. None of us saw or heard the car pull up till it was too late, Shots rung out followed by screams, bodies pushing bodies.

Blood splattered against walls, poles, soaking the streets and sidewalks where teenagers and young adults only moments before stood laughing joking sexually exploring each other.

I lost my friends until a scream from Taser caught my ears I saw her kneeling by the entrance clutching Beats hand. rushing to her the sight stopped me cold. Blood poured out of her chest, J-Lu had pushed me inside the club behind the bullet proof wall. I saw Kevin charge the car firing he never stood a chance.

" _ **BANG!"**_

Kevin's body dropped his eyes rolling back I covered my ears my heart racing I felt sick.


	62. Chapter 62

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Taser**

" _Get her inside she's shivering she needs heat"_

Chameleon pulled Queen along the side walk as sirens rung out the whole place looked like a war zone, bodies lined the streets, a few fell across the hoods of cars. Blood so much blood. Queen was in a state of shock we had to leave like many of the club attendees who were underage, homeless and carrying illegal substances.

I shoved open the doors to Quilted Unity helping them inside along with a ton of others fleeing from the shooting. Many covered in blood some hurt.

" _Oh my flying Unicorns what the hell happened?"_

Mimi helped Chameleon carry Queen grabbing a corner booth " _Lisa grab blankets, she needs to warm up she's in shock" "Are any of you hurt?"_

Hands went up as I glanced to make sure Queen wasn't hit I started to help treat the ones who were hurt, most had minor injuries grazes or cuts from falling clawing their way out. Mimi and her crew served us hot coffee, tea and soup. Fussing over us fuming about the violence that was plaguing this city.

Once I was sure everyone had been treated I went back to the booth where Queen was just starting to come out of her trance. Now she was angry banging her fist against the table tears welling up. " _He killed my friends! He's going to pay!"_

" _Who Queen who did this?"_

" _Nick he did this because he knows I know he has Requiem"_

" _We need to tell the cops let them deal with this"_

" _No this is my mess I'm gonna handle business fuck the cops, they ain't gonna care about Kevin or Beats, I'm gonna handle these fools myself"_

" _Queen how You're only 15 these dogs run in the big time girl their grown ass men they gonna beat ya and rape ya again, no we tell the cops that Voight dude he'll care cause you care"_

She looked to me as if to say explain " _Girl don't you see the way_ _he_ _stares at you?_ _Your like a daughter to him or some shit"_

" _Listen to her child don't act crazy like your Mama"_

Now Queen looked up to Mimi her eyes digging into Mimi's I didn't know much about Queens past just enough to know her mom was bad news and Queen hated when people compared them.

" _You got brains in that head of yours use them don't go out with all that potential wasted, what have you always said to me since you were a wee child Erin?"_

She handed Queen a cup of tea which she sipped slowly while Chameleon tore some scone apart feeding her. " _I ain't gonna be no statistic" "Okay girl I know you've been out of school for a bit but you ain't stupid what's proper English?"_

She sighed sitting up straighter _"I will not be a Statistic these streets will not claim my name" "That's right honey now what's the way to get out?" "Education Ma'am" "That's right darling now I want you sitting up straight eating that scone. the soup drinking that tea you gonna need energy cause starting tomorrow you all will be coming here I will be teaching you got that?"_

" _I don't want to hear no talk about revenge I understand the pain your feeling Erin"_

She knelled down by Erin taking her hands lifting her chin staring into her eyes. " _When I lost Gavin I wanted to die I wanted to tear everyones head off, why my sweet sweet boy he never did no harm to no one, he was always so helpful so loving so bright he had a bright future so why him?_

My eyes fell on the patch of Quilt along the main wall right in the center was a pink, black patch with the words " **Gavin Scott 1983-1999 this world was never made for one as beautiful as you, remember me as a unicorn"** _"_ _That quilt is all I have left of my boy my beautiful kind boy he had a future and Aids stole it from him. I will not let these streets steal you Erin, so stop talking like a fool and start thinking like a Scholar cause you all will make it out of here alive"_

Would we though? I wanted to believe her, I wanted to have hope for all of us but life has taught me a lot over the past few years mainly that hope died before it ever got to float.

Gavin Scott he had hope he had dreams visions ideas feelings he was real he was loved he loved, now he's gone at only 16. I'd be lucky to see 13.


	63. Chapter 63

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Hank**

 **Late May 2000**

" _ **Body of Eleven Year Old Daisy Walker found floating in the Hudson River Late Thursday Night"**_

The headlines grabbed your attention they made you stop look pay attention. They made you sick, they made you wonder, they made you gasp, they made you wan to read the story behind the headlines. To get to know the little girl who's life was cut too short.

If only for the length of the article they made you give a damn enough to spend the $3,25 for a newspaper. It wasn't enough not for me. Not for my team, certainty not for my boss who was raging throwing things in her office.

It would never be enough for her parents who last last night got the call they had been dreading for over two months. Who had to go to the morgue to identify her body. It would never be enough for her brother who was admitted this morning to an inpatient psychiatric hospital after he tried to take his life, the guilt that boy had to carry would weigh on him for his whole life.

I couldn't take it anymore I needed air, Alvin grabbed his mug joining me " _Where are we off to?" "We're going to see some kids who I think could help"_


	64. Chapter 64

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin**

" _Start with a progressive cord that will help you slowly get into a rhythm"_

Everyday Mimi made my friends and I come to her cafe she wouldn't let us on the streets not since the shooting. I wasn't mad in a way I was relieved she cared she didn't want us to end up like Gavin.

I wanted Taser to have a chance yet I knew I couldn't play school not when Requiem was out there. I had a tip so I was going to act on it. The semi new girl Penny was teaching some of the younger kids how to play guitar.

She saw me at the door just as Mimi did. " _Child where do you think you're going?"_

I was speechless how did I not have a lie prepare? " _Oh wait I didn't think you were going this soon, Sorry Mimi she's showing me where the music store is, I need supplies"_

" _Fine stay together watch her she's slick"_

I mouthed thank you to her she shrugged as we walked slowly along the buildings of the city's shadow. " _So what made you move here?"_

" _I'm from a small town, I always liked Jazz and this is Jazz capital so I thought why not?"_

" _You live here long?"_

" _My whole life"_

" _I'm sorry about your friends it hurts to lose someone you love"_

I swallow against the tide of emotions that her simple comment has brought to my surface. I nodded a thank you. Boarding the train I stare out the window stopping further conversation. Remembering all the times my friends and I sat on this same train laughing, plotting scheming celebrating crying.

I wondered why she sounded so sad? Did she lose someone close to her? How old were they? How did they die? I don't ask it's too personal she didn't say anything else so I knew it must be bad.

So kids were vanishing from the library huh? This sounded like Nick's M.O if Requiem was with him, I knew him well enough to know he had her behind this. Going inside I was careful to not be seen by the staff they weren't exactly my biggest fans.

This place is huge so blending in wasn't hard I passed a few kids I knew slipping them a note with her description on it I got a few head shakes, one nod towards the kids section. I wasn't crazy enough to sell here so I blew them a kiss they knew it was a promise of later.

I saw her before she saw me so I pounced easily now she had no choice but to talk she couldn't run not pregnant. Grabbing her shoulder I held tight prepared for anything expect the cry form Penny.

" _Brooke"_ Requiem's face paled as her eyes rolled back she gasped out " _Haley"_

 **Bang!**

Gunfire rung out I felt blood gush out of my leg as I felt hands pushing me down, I was hit but how bad was it? Was anybody else hit?


	65. Chapter 65

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Peyton**

" _I don't like this Haley's always home by now"_

" _Nathan you have to relax a little she said she was close to closing in on Brooke, she had a name a location she was just waiting to get a hold of Voight"_

" _Why isn't she home than?"_

" _She loves teaching there Nathan maybe she got caught up with a student"_

" _You're too calm Luke"_

" _You're freaking out enough for all of us"_

" _One of us has to freak out our girls are out there one's scared hurt one is doing everything she can to find her she's caught up in a dangerous world, there's been six shootings in that area in the last month"_

" _Sorry if give a damn about Haley's safety maybe if you had cared a little about Brooke none of us would be here"_

" _Enough boys seriously Karen's already in tears, this isn't helping, if you can both pull your ego's out of your asses, I am going to the Library to study"_

" _I can't study I feel sick I am waiting here for my girlfriend to return home"_

" _Fine Nathan Luke go talk to your mom she's upset she's scared"_

" _I was going to go with you Peyton"_

Nathan gave him a disgusted look shooting me one as my face flushed " _No Luke you weren't because we are no more we haven't been anything since Brooke left home, We will never be anything because we Broke Brooke and that is unforgivable"_

Putting my portable CD player on I jogged down the path that was too familiar to me now ever since we moved to this new location. We've been in Chicago since the day we got that call that Brooke was spotted here, we've had to move three times. Karen can't hold down a job anymore her depression has gotten really critical.

I got a job at the Library Haley got a job at a cafe we got a tip from a kid Nathan knew here named Robbie this Cafe was popular amongst homeless teens, he knew Brooke came here because he had gotten a chance to get close to her, before she vanished again.

Haley's seen Brooke there a handful of times, she's hidden every-time not wanting to scare her. She's been trying to get in touch with Voight but he's always out. So she's coming up with a plan to get to her on her own.

As I came close to the Library I saw people fleeing fast screaming Sirens screeched up. Great now what had happened? City life it was not for me not at all. Too much shit happening,

" _Gun!"_

I heard someone shout out as I came up to the steps the people fleeing didn't look hurt I grabbed the side so I didn't get thrown in the rush. Ignore the people fleeing Peyton I ran in I was only into this job a few weeks but I had already made friends I had to know they were okay.

My feet stopped suddenly though when I heard the pop pop the shooting was close, my blood rushed to my throat my head making me dizzy. " _Help!"_ I heard a female shout looking around I spotted the supply closet it was locked, I had the keys, rushing to the sounds of terror. I spotted the girl she my age blood was gushing out of her leg she looked pale.

Without thinking I grabbed her helping her up " _Forget me there's two girls their hurt worse than me, help them, their in there"_

I didn't listen to her instead I pulled her along helping her to the closet grabbing a blanket. Wrapping it around her leg " _Hold it firm I'll get your friends"_

Closing the door I ran back in I didn't hear anymore gunfire but you can never be too careful so I didn't waste time. Spotting the hunched over bodies of two girls one crying in pin, one not moving at all.

Half the lights had been blown out so I didn't see their faces just barely saw enough to grab their arms. " _My name's Peyton I am here to help, can you move?"_

" _Peyton?'_ The girl sounded shocked was she bleeding? _"Yes sweetie, can you move?"_

" _Yes barely my friend she's not moving"_

Her friend was on top of her having taken a bullet to her back. Why did her voice sound so familiar? I didn't have time to think instructing her to go to the closet, as I grabbed her hand helping her up she had trouble standing.

Lifting her friend I exhaled okay maybe I should of listened when Brooke harped on exercising instead of being lazy. I was sure as hell out of shape now. Lifting her friend I heard her moan damn she sounded like someone I knew to what was in that milkshake Nathan brought this morning was it laced with something?

I got her to the closet pulling the doors shut just as I heard the sound of gunfire ring out again.

" _What's you're name sweetie?" "Are you hurt?"_

" _No I'm not hurt….Ow…_

She squeaked out gasping as pain hit her covering her mouth I prayed no one heard that scream.

" _I'm...I'm in Labor"_


	66. Chapter 66

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

 **June 2000**

" _Oh my god!"_ Requiem's screams tore through the closet, I shoved my hand over her mouth just as the girl who had rescued us did, Removing mine I nodded at her we didn't dare put on a light. She was in pain serious pain grabbing her stomach. I was scared we couldn't go to a hospital we couldn't move not with a shooter on the loose.

Just keep calm Erin stay focused I've done this before with Ryann holding her hand. I quietly showed her how to breathe, I don't know where I learned it from the new girl calmly talked to her. " _Think of_ _someone you love what would they_ _say?" Breathe in 1.2..3...than out 1...2...3..._ Her breathing was uneven her face so red, there was so much blood. Requiem let out a shaky breath before replying as she held the new girls left hand her other hand was applying pressure to Penny's wound.

" _Sometimes, it's easy to feel like you're the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated, or unsatisfied, or barely getting by. That feeling is a lie. And if you just hold on, just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find you and make it all okay, because we all need a little help sometimes, someone to help us hear the music in the world, to remind us that it won't always be this way. That someone is out there, and that someone will find you."_

I couldn't see the new girl's face clearly but from what I saw she looked confused startled, I guess it was understandable since we were in a pretty awkward scary position. Her voice softly kept Requiem talking calming her. " _Wise words this person must be important to you" "They were once oh god"_ _"_ _May I ask who he is? Or is he a she?"_

" _He his name is Lucas he was my boyfriend"_

Kneeling with a flashlight I stared up her legs. Requiem was struggling to breathe now, something didn't feel right to me. " _Keep her talking_ _new girl softly though_ _"_

" _He sounds very wise can you tell me anything else about him?" "He's kind well he can be he's loyal he's determined fun sexy he really takes his time to get to know the people in his life. He's really talented at basketball"_

I reached my hands inside her legs " _What are you feeling Requiem?"_

" _Why does e_ _veryone sa_ _y_ _pushing_ _i_ _s the best part,_ _It feels like I have to poop_ ** _._** ** __** _Like_ _I_ _ate 100 hot peppers_ _and I'm trying to pass out a giant_ _Habanero_ _from my vagina"_

She made me laugh as I looked between her legs all I saw was blood. " _This pain won't end oh my god! I am never having sex again!"_

Knowing our lifestyle I smiled sadly even though I gave a little laugh. " _I'm fucking dying oh god get it out!" "_ _New girl_ _calm her down sing to her joke with her tell her some horror story something" "_ _Peyton my name is Peyton"_ Requiem gasped as the girl said her name why I don't know, sure it's unusual but so is Requiem. I slide my hands in between her vagina walls feeling the head crowning. She started telling her some story about her best friends back home how they staged a protest against their middle school for serving boxed mac and cheese.

" _Than the principle Mr. Turner said any students who do not go back into this school this instant will be suspended and my best friend said..._

I'm not sure how long it had even been since her labor started hours I knew I just didn't know how many. _"I want Lucas"_ She was crying now bad but I couldn't reassure her not when I was covered in her blood, my hands gripping the baby as it slide out. " _Is Lucas the baby's dad?" "Yes" "_ _I know this is hard Requiem but what would Lucas say to you when you would give up on something or when you were frustrated?"_

" _He would say truth is still absolute. Believe that. Even when that truth is hard and cold, and more painful than you've ever imagined."_ Peyton interrupted her joining her in her quote/ memory. " _And even when truth is more cruel than any lie." "I'm sorry Requiem I am so sorry please forgive me I never meant to hurt you….._

" _OH GOD!"_ Requiem's scream stopped further conversation Peyton's hand flew to her mouth cutting her off. Footsteps came closer all of us sucked in our breaths as we heard the cock of a gun. _  
_

My heart broke for her though to be alone without the baby's dad he should be here. Not me. She should be in a hospital. My heart was squeezing in fear. Even when I was holding the baby in my hands. Even when he cried, I wiped the blood off his tiny body. used a knife she kept in her ankle to cut the cord.

" _My baby! Is he okay?"_ She whispered hoarsely as Peyton handed me a towel which I wrapped around his body. He was so tiny so precious so small, so fragile yet so beautiful tears filled my eyes. He was innocent pure untouched by the evil in society. I swore I'd do anything to protect him.

" _Requiem!"_ Her panicked voice caught me off guard I saw Requiems eyes roll back as she passed out. My heart sped up. The footsteps coming right by us, I wasn't dying not tonight, not when there was an innocent little life just ready to begin.

" _ **For everything there is a season,  
A time for every activity under heaven.  
A time to be born and a time to die."**_

 **Every second _  
_4 babies are born _  
_2 people die.**

Once Requiem was settled down I knew she had passed out from exhaustion blood loss she was weak but not in danger of dying. I focused on the other girl who Peyton was holding in her arms, she'd been tending to her applying pressure to her wound. I felt for a pulse.


	67. Chapter 67

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

 **June 2000**

" _Oh my god!"_ Requiem's screams tore through the closet, I shoved my hand over her mouth just as the girl who had rescued us did, Removing mine I nodded at her we didn't dare put on a light. She was in pain serious pain grabbing her stomach. I was scared we couldn't go to a hospital we couldn't move not with a shooter on the loose.

Just keep calm Erin stay focused I've done this before with Ryann holding her hand. I quietly showed her how to breathe, I don't know where I learned it from the new girl calmly talked to her. " _Think of_ _someone you love what would they_ _say?" Breathe in 1.2..3...than out 1...2...3..._ Her breathing was uneven her face so red, there was so much blood. Requiem let out a shaky breath before replying as she held the new girls left hand her other hand was applying pressure to Penny's wound.

" _Sometimes, it's easy to feel like you're the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated, or unsatisfied, or barely getting by. That feeling is a lie. And if you just hold on, just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find you and make it all okay, because we all need a little help sometimes, someone to help us hear the music in the world, to remind us that it won't always be this way. That someone is out there, and that someone will find you."_

I couldn't see the new girl's face clearly but from what I saw she looked confused startled, I guess it was understandable since we were in a pretty awkward scary position. Her voice softly kept Requiem talking calming her. " _Wise words this person must be important to you" "They were once oh god"_ _"_ _May I ask who he is? Or is he a she?"_

" _He his name is Lucas he was my boyfriend"_

Kneeling with a flashlight I stared up her legs. Requiem was struggling to breathe now, something didn't feel right to me. " _Keep her talking_ _new girl softly though_ _"_

" _He sounds very wise can you tell me anything else about him?" "He's kind well he can be he's loyal he's determined fun sexy he really takes his time to get to know the people in his life. He's really talented at basketball"_

I reached my hands inside her legs " _What are you feeling Requiem?"_

" _Why does e_ _veryone sa_ _y_ _pushing_ _i_ _s the best part,_ _It feels like I have to poop_ ** _._** ** __** _Like_ _I_ _ate 100 hot peppers_ _and I'm trying to pass out a giant_ _Habanero_ _from my vagina"_

She made me laugh as I looked between her legs all I saw was blood. " _This pain won't end oh my god! I am never having sex again!"_

Knowing our lifestyle I smiled sadly even though I gave a little laugh. " _I'm fucking dying oh god get it out!" "_ _New girl_ _calm her down sing to her joke with her tell her some horror story something" "_ _Peyton my name is Peyton"_ Requiem gasped as the girl said her name why I don't know, sure it's unusual but so is Requiem. I slide my hands in between her vagina walls feeling the head crowning. She started telling her some story about her best friends back home how they staged a protest against their middle school for serving boxed mac and cheese.

" _Than the principle Mr. Turner said any students who do not go back into this school this instant will be suspended and my best friend said..._

I'm not sure how long it had even been since her labor started hours I knew I just didn't know how many. _"I want Lucas"_ She was crying now bad but I couldn't reassure her not when I was covered in her blood, my hands gripping the baby as it slide out. " _Is Lucas the baby's dad?" "Yes" "_ _I know this is hard Requiem but what would Lucas say to you when you would give up on something or when you were frustrated?"_

" _He would say truth is still absolute. Believe that. Even when that truth is hard and cold, and more painful than you've ever imagined."_ Peyton interrupted her joining her in her quote/ memory. " _And even when truth is more cruel than any lie." "I'm sorry Requiem I am so sorry please forgive me I never meant to hurt you….._

" _OH GOD!"_ Requiem's scream stopped further conversation Peyton's hand flew to her mouth cutting her off. Footsteps came closer all of us sucked in our breaths as we heard the cock of a gun. _  
_

My heart broke for her though to be alone without the baby's dad he should be here. Not me. She should be in a hospital. My heart was squeezing in fear. Even when I was holding the baby in my hands. Even when he cried, I wiped the blood off his tiny body. used a knife she kept in her ankle to cut the cord.

" _My baby! Is he okay?"_ She whispered hoarsely as Peyton handed me a towel which I wrapped around his body. He was so tiny so precious so small, so fragile yet so beautiful tears filled my eyes. He was innocent pure untouched by the evil in society. I swore I'd do anything to protect him.

" _Requiem!"_ Her panicked voice caught me off guard I saw Requiems eyes roll back as she passed out. My heart sped up. The footsteps coming right by us, I wasn't dying not tonight, not when there was an innocent little life just ready to begin.

" _ **For everything there is a season,  
A time for every activity under heaven.  
A time to be born and a time to die."**_

 **Every second _  
_4 babies are born _  
_2 people die.**

Once Requiem was settled down I knew she had passed out from exhaustion blood loss she was weak but not in danger of dying. I focused on the other girl who Peyton was holding in her arms, she'd been tending to her applying pressure to her wound. I felt for a pulse.


	68. Chapter 68

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

 **July 2000**

" _BBQ's I remember having them when I still lived at home"_

Requiem's words tore me open she sounded so lungful so sad. We were sitting on a bridge watching as families BBQ'ed in their backyards laughing drinking throwing a football all celebrating Fourth of July. Chameleon was munching on an ice cream cone that some lady had bought him. We had no money for food.

" _What about you Chameleon?"_

" _Oh yeah everyone use to come over, our house was the center of the cul de sac so all the neighbors came over, us kids played Volleyball, soccer football we blasted music, we swam we ate some awesome food"_

Requiem wrapped her arm around my shoulders smiling she pictured what he was saying. " _What about you_ _Queen_ _?"_ She asked me smiling as I looked at her sadly, she was beautiful with her eyes shining bright. " _Never had one, never even had BBQ chicken"_

" _What?"_ She looked at me shocked I shrugged " _Mom was always more concerned with booze and drugs never gave a damn about food" "Oh Hell no girl you have to taste some of this stuff it's sinfully amazing, lets go were going to get you some damn chicken if I have to flash my tits to get some"_

I laughed thinking about that " _What's so funny babes?"_ J-Lu came up winking at me. _"This bitch ain't never had BBQ chicken can you believe this shit?" "Oh honey the breast is the best" "I thought you hated breasts?" "No man I hate pussy not breasts you can suck the most delightful juices out of the most_ _p_ _lain looking breasts" "OH my god stop J-Lu stop!"_ Requiem was laughing so hard she had to hold her stomach so she wouldn't pee.

" _We're going to get her some meat" "I think she's had enough meat these last few days" "Oh my god J-Lu what is with you and talking like a common street hooker?" "Honey there ain't nothing common about me"_

Rolling her eyes Requiem grabbed my hand helping me up we carefully made our way down the steep rocky slope. The steps looked so broken so rotted away the rocks looked safer. It took some time but we managed to get down without too many scraps.

Carefully we walked down the alley's watching each backyard. Most were filled making grabbing food hard. We had to make sure the food was cooked, there was no one around. A few times kids spotted us so we had to run.

Finally we spotted one place the smells were amazing. Requiem placed her hand on her lips to keep me quiet. She carefully crouched low watching till she thought it was clear. Than she bolted over the fence grabbing two chicken's she didn't except the dog. I saw her eyes fill with fear so I raced forward as she bolted a man started screaming at her she threw the chicken's at me. As she jumped on the fence, I bit into the chicken holding them in my mouth reaching for her. She started screaming as the dog bit her leg.

" _Get over here you good for nothing thief!"_

Requiem scrambled to get up the fence but her fear her anxiety got her stumbling she slipped. I yelled dropping the chicken reaching for her. My fingers brushed against hers just as she slipped falling backwards. " _R_ _equiem_ _!" "Run Queen Run!"_ There was no way I was leaving her. I jumped up the fence as the man reached her grabbing her roughly. My feet seemed to have their own anxiety, while my heart knew what I needed to do. My feet didn't want me to do it. My mind wouldn't quit though so I pushed ahead.

Jumping over the fence as the guy's fist connected with her face, his foot with her stomach. His kids screamed in the back-round for him to stop. I heard his wife threating to call the cops. Sometimes our lives are like action movies. I jumped on the guys back biting him on his neck. He yelped throwing me hard as Requiem jumped up blood pouring from her nose. He advanced towards me. His damn dog wouldn't stop barking. I found myself trapped frozen in fear as he kept coming. Waving a baseball bat at me screaming.

" _Get out of here you little whores, we don't want no trouble just go"_ His wife screamed at us as another guy grabbed the man. Requiem grabbed my hand pulling me up. We ran and ran till we were breathless. Collapsing in an alley. She grimaced in pain looking down I saw her leg was bloody. The bite didn't look deep but she was still in pain. I hated seeing her in pain.

" _I'm sorry Erin I really wanted you to have that chicken" "_ _B_ _aby it's okay it's only food I don't care if I ever taste BBQ as long as your safe"_ " _It's not just food Erin it's a part of being a kid, there's something so sweet about being with family, friends eating home cooked food, I just wanted you to have a little normalcy" "_ _I'm not a normal kid R_ _eq_ _, I've accepted it awhile ago, we need to get you checked out"_ Spitting out the blood and dry skin from my mouth I helped her limp to a spot on the wall so she could rest. She was shaken still upset, I hated seeing her like this so I held her close. Breathing in her scent, sweat mixed with cheap perfume, most people would find it revolting to me it was home. I could feel her heart beating so fast it scared me. Tears dropped on my shoulders was she crying? Looking up I reached up brushing off her tears. " _Sweetie it's okay don't cry"_

" _No it's not Queen you do so much for all of us, someone has to look out for you" "I'm fine babe please stop worrying"_ She shock her head leaning in closer our foreheads touching. Her fingers wandered over my face, this feeling of electricity pulsed through me. Her eyes connected with mine.

Before I knew what was happening our lips had connected our arms had wrapped around each others.

Kissing is suppose to make you feel loved protected valued wanted it's suppose to be exciting, Kissing is suppose to be fun, pleasant. I've never had those experiences I've never had a teenage boy kiss me, unless they were paying for it. All I knew about kissing was it makes you know little things about the other person. Like how her hands were nervously running up and down my arms in an attempt to make us both more relaxed. Kissing Requiem felt like taking a breath after being underwater or curling up in bed after the longest day, or just… I don't know, like comfort. I hadn't felt that way since Ryann, she was the only one I ever made love to and didn't feel like a cheap whore, I didn't need drugs with her. I didn't need to numb myself because I wanted to feel every touch every kiss every tightening sensation.

Maybe that's what Requiem, I needed comfort, it's gentle warm even when our clothes came off even as she roughly pushed me on my back. Our mouths pressed together our bodies moving in a synchronized rhythm. We made love but it wasn't for money it wasn't rough or painful. She was amazing skilled I've never had an orgasm sober before not till that night. They say you see fireworks when you find someone truly special I saw them with her. It wasn't just because it was fourth of July and people were shooting them off. It's because with Requiem. I felt like I truly had someone who gave a damn about me rather I lived or died.

I feel like she would cry for me if I died tonight or any night I knew I would break if anything ever happened to her. My fingernails dug into her back as she brought me the most pleasure. Pleasure I've never experienced ever.

She's had it hard the last month and half since given birth I made the new girl take her baby to the hospital along with the injured girl Penny. This kid deserved a chance at life one we both knew none of us could provide for it. Requiem hated it but over time she agreed. She's been hanging with us ever since.

We needed safety though so I agreed to Charlie's plan. I didn't like it but slowly he's changed my life for the better, he's shown me what a real home is like. There's water, electricity. I just have to play by his rules. He treats me like a queen, buys me jewelry takes me to fancy dinners. I sell at the clubs, on his turf he takes the money of course. We're a little family he keeps a roof over our heads, J-Lu had left Blake for good when she found out what he tried to do with Teddy. I thought of my brother often, I had lost track of him months ago which filled me with rage and sadness. I failed him just like I failed all my friends, Ryann, Sierra, Kevin all dead because of me. So when Charlie offered me H to drown away my pain, I didn't think twice. I was sick of feeling.

 **September 2000**

I didn't know then how it would change my life, how fast it would take control, if I had maybe I wouldn't be where I was now.

In a phone booth dizzy sweating sick needing a hit beaten within an inch of my life from a drug deal gone wrong. Raped bleeding unsure where I was. I was sure I was close to death. Pain was racking my stomach.

So this is how death feels alone scary and so cold so damn cold.


	69. Chapter 69

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

 **Early September 2000**

" _What's your god damn problem Erin?"_

" _Me?"_ It was the summer of 1992 I was maybe nine or ten it was sweltering out we had no air of course. I was starving we had no food in the apartment for weeks now. Everyday I had been collecting loose change from the trains, sidewalks, anywhere I could get it. Just to buy the paper so I could look for jobs. Which I would hand to her every morning. She was always high or drunk. Every day it would start a fight normally I'd back down after all she was my mom, I was just a kid. This day however I wasn't backing down.

" _Yes you why are you so damn worked up?"_

" _Because we have no air mom we have no food! No water no soap we have nothing mom!"_

" _Your not even trying to find work all you care about is your dope, your next high!_

" _Your suppose to be the parent! I'm a kid your suppose to provide for me! We have no food mom! I'm starving I'm tired you party every night I can't sleep, your creepy friends touch me, I'm scared shit-less to even try to sleep"_

" _Grow up Erin stop being such a baby if you think your life is so horrible than get the hell out!"_

" _Fine it has to be better than this hell"_

Pain hit me as bright light accused me. A slow moan escaped me as I felt my eyes roll in the back of my head. Where was I? Heavy hands held me down. A deep voice soothed me. " _Relax Erin it's okay I'm here your safe relax"_ My eyes soon adjusted my breathing slowing down from it's over paced race. I knew the voice I wasn't sure from where. " _She's awake"_ Everything hurt but I managed to turn my neck slightly to see Hank Voight sitting by my side. Running a cold cloth over my forehead.

" _Where am I?"_ I croaked out my voice sounded strange even to me. " _"My house Erin" "How did I get here?" "Do you remember anything?"_ I tried as hard as I could but my mind was blank. I was exhausted he ran a soothing hand over my face. " _Relax it's okay"_

How was any of this okay? I was 15 homeless scared hooked on drugs, selling myself to stay alive. Now I was in a strangers house who also happened to be the cops. I couldn't even remember how I got here. So how was this okay?

He didn't answer just lifted my head so I could drink. " _She's skin and bones we need to get food into her"_ Who was he talking to?

I felt cold refreshing liquid poured down my throat. The sensation felt life changing. My moans gave it away. He helped me to sit up more. Every movement hurt bad. I didn't even want to know what I must look like.

" _Erin you need to eat something"_

" _Can't…."_ My stomach hurt so bad I thought I'd hurl if I tried to eat, he wasn't taking no for an answer though. A second figure came into view as he cut up meatloaf for me. Forcing the fork into my mouth the smell was awesome the taste was out of this world. I was shaking so much I couldn't hold the fork so he helped me sitting behind me. Feeding me I knew I should be embarrassed but all I wanted was food. I didn't care how I ended up with it. I ate every last bite, mashed, green beans. It all tasted amazing. I must of fallen asleep again when I woke it was darker now.

He was by my side ruffling my hair which made me jumpy so he stopped. " _This can't go on Erin you need help, your friends are all dying, you see what this life is doing to them, you can't want this to"_

How could I answer? _"I'll make you a deal Erin you help us, I'll help you"_

" _How?" "Become my C.I get us information on how to Bring down Nick I'll get you help, I'll get you into a good home a safe home with an amazing school"_

" _What do you say?"_


	70. Chapter 70

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

" _ah!"_

Requiem's screams tore through the tiny room that us girls share. I never sleep if I'm not high as a kite, I'm coming down which is how I was at that moment when her whole body went from thrashing around in our bed moaning to screaming. I didn't want Charlie to hear so I shoved my hand over her mouth. Her breathing was hard eyes wild as she looked at me. I hated seeing her so freaked out, J-Lu came in as I wrapped my arms around her shoulders.

" _What was it this time?"_

" _He was crying as soon as I reached for him his crib turned into flames"_

Requiem started crying harder so I pulled her to me as Annie came into the room. " _Did I make a mistake Queen? Was it wrong to give him up?"_

" _There's no way to tell sweetie, but there's no way he would have a good life here, look at us"_ I motioned around to this tiny room which was no bigger than a cardboard box, we had a mattress on the floor which was used, beaten up barely able to hold one person never mind Annie, Requiem, J-Lu myself and Matt who was giggling rolling around like a crazed little three year old.

" _I know"_ She sniffled whipping away her tears I pulled her to my lap stroking her hair. " _He's still my son though I carried him for nine months, I just I never even got to hold him"_

J-Lu rubbed her back sitting Indian style on the bed by me.

" _He needs a name babe,_ _we can't keep calling him, "him_ _"_ She nodded but came up empty " _What about_ ** _Phoenix_** _a mythical bird that rose from ashes, inspiring hope or idealism?"_ Annieasked Requiem looked up " _I love it" "So what's his middle name?"_ I held her in my arms she shaking from dehydration, withdrawal, malnutrition. " _Nathan"_

" _Phoenix Nathan"_

" _Scott"_

" _Phoenix Nathan Scott I love it"_

Watching Requiem struggle like she was it made me wonder if any of this would ever be okay?

I always thought I would get through these teenage years by any means necessary and by the time I was 18 life would just magically work out as long as I worked hard, now I wasn't so sure anymore.

Did Voight's offer really offer me a solution or were the risks too high? How was I suppose to do this? Charlie kept everything tight around here. Getting up I creped out to the hall I didn't see Charlie. Unusual he was almost always by us never letting us out of his sight. Light caught my attention Charlie was in a spare room, who was he with though?

I held my breath as I slowly sneaked by the door if he caught me I would be so dead. Laying against the wall I listened hearing his voice. " _Erin and Requiem are the perfect bitches to get us what we need"_

Another voice answered back I knew that voice to how though?

" _Are you sure Charlie? We can't afford any screw ups the cops are closing in on me, I have to be in hiding"_

" _I got you man trust me, as long as you honor our deal"_

Letting out a slow breath I pressed record on the little cassette player Voight had given me. Hoping it would get some useful evidence on it.

" _You remember the deal right?"_

" _Yes Charlie I do I'm not stupid you know"_ The other voice hissed he sounded pissed off I'm sure he didn't like his intelligence being questioned. _"I remember our terms, Erin, Requiem get us the kids we need, you and the girls groom them, train them to be pro's after six months,_ _you chose which ones you want the rest I sell to the highest bidders, I'll post their pictures on my website"_

" _We split the profits 50/50"_

" _Correct don't blow this Nick"_

I felt my chest tighten Nick. Are you kidding me? Requiem had just barely escaped with her life now he was back? Footsteps came closer I pressed stop taking off quietly just getting back to the room seconds before Charlie came in. pretending to be asleep I held the recorder close. Feeling his footsteps getting closer I prayed for the first time in a long time.

Please keep me safe. Please let this plan work..


	71. Chapter 71

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

" _Your doing well Erin I'm proud of you"_

I'm too nervous to answer Officer Voight right now my stomach is in somersaults I swear whatever is in there is competing for the Olympics. He's smiling at me but why? He has to know what a fifthly kid I am.

" _How many of there are you?"_

I keep checking out the door to the dinner were sitting in. I have my hoodie pulled up over my head so no one would know who I was if they came in. They shouldn't be we meet three districts over.

I feel like a rat for doing this but if he can offer me a better life maybe it would be worth it?

" _Right now it's Requiem, J-Lu, Chameleon, Taser, Myself and Matt but he's only three"_

" _There's a child in that house?"_

" _Yes but he's fine, Don't even think of touching him, Matt's all I have left of Ryann, I won't let anyone take him anywhere"_

" _Relax Erin I am not going to touch anyone in that house, as long as you do your part, I promise you everyone will be safe"_

I study his face I haven't believed promises since I was like three the last time someone promised me something was when my mom promised me she would change, she would get better she'd get me back. It took her over a year before she got me back and nothing changed. She was still the same drunken crack addicted whore she always was.

His touch was gentle light yet it still made me jump something he seemed to regret as soon as he did it. " _I'm sorry Erin I should of asked first"_ I shrug as if it's no big deal people touch all the time. I'm the freak who can't handle it, guess I should be use to being the strange one, the one who always disappoints I've been doing it my whole life.

" _Has he given you any time line?"_

" _No Charlie is a pretty fly by the night guy, it'll happen when he's ready, for now I'm suppose to work the club, from 10 till 2. I dance, from 2 till 4 I deal, after that I have no idea"_

" _I don't like this Erin, Your 15 you shouldn't be dancing at some sick night club"_

" _We all have to do what we need to do Officer Voight, I'll be fine"_

" _You can call me Hank you know"_

" _I know Officer Voight I'll be in touch"_

" _I hope so Erin I want you to take this"_ He handed me a cell phone _It's prepaid I've programmed it with my numbers home, cell, Camille's, Officer Olinsky, Dawson and Platt"_

I shoved it quickly in my pocket with the charger looking around nodding as I felt my nerves kick up hurrying off making sure no one watched me.


	72. Chapter 72

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

 **October 2001**

Lies my mother told me should be the title of my book if I ever live long enough to write one. I thought she was gone for good this time than boom she shows up on Charlie's doorsteps, or more specifically in his bed.

I had the pleasure of walking in on this one. The sight of those two having sex in the same bed, he makes love to me well it made me sick. I barely made it into the bathroom before I hurled. I couldn't stay there not that night, I wasn't even sure they had seen me but I didn't wait around, grabbing Matt I took off the club was my safe haven most nights.

Requiem, J-Lu and Annie were already there by the time I arrived at 10:15 late which only pissed me off. " _Queen your late, I don't care how hot you think you are, how much money you make I don't take_ _lateness_ _"_

" _I'm sorry Rebeka"_

" _You better be cause I'm docking your pay"_

" _Please you can't Charlie will kill me"_

" _Maybe you should of thought of that one before you strolled in fifteen minutes late"_

There was no use in arguing I had so little energy to even bother to beside what was I suppose to say sorry I'm late I walked in on my pimp/ Boyfriend screwing my mom? Instead of bothering I rushed into the dressing room handing Matt over to Shannon who takes care of the little kids while were on stage many of the girls working here are teenage moms who have no one to watch their kids, many not even legal in the states. So we started watching out for each other.

Everyone loved Ryann here so they all take turns fighting to watch Matt, which makes it easier for me. J-Lu came off stage just as I stripped down " _Girl you are so late, you better get that ass up there fast before she docks a whole hour"_

J-Lu helped me by doing my makeup as I squeezed my body into a tight leather skirt three times to small for my waist, a sheer see through pink mesh glitter halter top, before I did that though she threw glitter all over my naked body, so when the neon lights hit it my body would be a blinding kaleidoscope of pink, purple, green, red, yellows, orange.

"Show time Queen time to play a role, or am I? It's the question I asked myself every time I stood behind the curtain waiting for the Emcee to give me my cue. Now was the time to shine, the more I dazzled the more I made in tips, the more clients I would get afterwards.

As exhausted as I was it wasn't easy, it was days like this that I followed J-Lu's advice and let the music guide me. Just close your eyes for a second Erin let everything take over you this is a role, your not Erin, your Queen Renegade.

With your long straight black hair, blue eyes, my boobs look fierce, I knew all the guys in front wanted to squeeze them suck them or lick them. My skirt was so tight I couldn't wait to rip it off, black leather with rime-stones lining the bottom no underwear.

Exhale Queen breathe out my cue came as the first three bars passed. Grabbing the pole I waited till the Emcee Black Rose came over the speaker to get everyone pumped " _Ladies and Gentlemen Welcome to_ _Scandalous_ _dancing for you're pleasure on Stage X let's stand up for Miss_ _Queen Renegade._ _She's_ _young, adventurous, sexy and totally independent. She sees life as a big cupcake that's just waiting for a bite. You want a bite? Show her some love!"_

I spun my body tightly around the arabesques my left leg wrapped around it as I went into a back spiral reverse grab. The men starting shouting as I arched my back letting my hair fly. Cheering only got louder when my hands gripped the pole pulling myself up into a Shoulder Mount Inversion spreading my legs. Every Routine I tried to add some simple tricks with some advanced tricks always changing things up my routine was never the same, yet I didn't go over board.

Over time I've learned to master so many moves while putting my own spin on them. Ballerina Sunwheel Spin, Brass Monkey which I always brought a pair of sliver balls with me swinging them, some of the guys went so damn crazy they would jump up on stage, trying to grab them lick them, Security had to jump up to remove them, I never missed a beat of my song though, managing to laugh as they were hauled off.

They weren't here for the dancing anyway everyone who was here was looking for one thing. Pleasure so that's what I was going to give them.

" _ **If I had a highway, I would run for the hills  
If you could find a dry way, I'd forever be still  
But you're giving me a million reasons"**_

Carousel Kick, Carousel Climb I brought out a saddle, a cowboy hat which I always allowed several guys to fight over to remove from my head. The Caterpillar pole pounce seemed to get everyone moving. Moving closer to Requiem I felt her legs up as I laid on the stage on my arched back while she straddled my face moving her body sexy her hands rooming my body.

My head was arched over the edge of the stage as people raced forward to shove dollar bills down our bra's underwear, some just to cop a feel. Arching my back as I went into a front attitude followed by a frog spin with a kiss spin. My hair flew back finally off my sweaty back, I was covered in sweat. A shower wouldn't make me feel any cleaner. I felt sticky, gross, dirty in so many ways. Shaking my ass as I worked the pole mastering moves like half flag invert, Iron X Jade, Carousel, Music Box.

I could feel the excitement the energy of the crowd all cheering screaming for me swaying my hips to the beat. I could feel their hands slapping my ass clawing at my legs. Inside I felt sick being objectified as a sex object nothing more not as a human not as a woman but as a piece of meat.

" _ **I bow down to pray  
I try to make the worse seem better  
Lord, show me the way**_

 _ **To cut through all his worn out leather"**_

I stopped praying a long time ago it was oblivious god didn't give a damn about me. I learned long ago when I was a little kid that if I was going to make it out of this hell, out of this neighborhood, life. I had to learn to depend on myself. I learned to close my eyes listen to my own beat and move my feet. So I had no food on the table so I hadn't eating in days, so my stomach was turning sick from being empty so I was gagging bent over in a cold dirty ally. It could be worse I didn't have Aids I wasn't shot bleeding with no help in sight.

So mom was passed out on another bender leaving me alone at only seven years old wandering the streets well at least she wasn't awake hitting me screaming at me. My eyes connect with one of the club regulars as I spun on the pole left arm extended out back arched showing my perfectly in shape body. I knew he was taking it in. His eyes danced across my flat stomach down my legs, up my legs to parts covered for now.

" _ **Head stuck in a cycle, I look off and I stare  
It's like that I've stopped breathing, but completely aware**_

 _ **'Cause you're giving me a million reasons**_ _ **  
**_ _ **Give me a million reasons**_ _ **  
**_ _ **Givin' me a million reasons"**_

The neon lights by the stage area are blinding at first but when you look out further the club is darker dingier. " _Yeah baby shake that ass damn!"_ I fall to my knees shaking my breasts into the face of the pig who had just yelled that out, now he was sweating and grinning like a little kid. Pumping his fists he was so excited he didn't know where to look between myself or Requiem who had come up to him as she ripped off her top.

" _Work that pole baby"_ Hoots howls filled the room as money was thrown at us shoved into our skirts. The music changed as my hips swayed " _Show me those tits baby"_ The shouts of the 26 year old man in front of me repulsed me yet I still smiled shaking my whole body as he grabbed me " _Take those clothes off bitch I know you like it rough"_ His hands roughly grabbed my ass as he pulled me right to his face, the smell of bourbon, cigar hit me almost making me vomit as his lips were on my skin. I smiled grinding against him laughing giving him a little taste before purring into his ear.

" _You can't handle me tiger you ain't got what it takes to please this kitty"_ Seconds later I was off my knees dancing across the stage. Andy Coleman the 26 year old who had yelled the comment about me liking it rough followed me..

Andy was a club regular I have gotten to know him well in the last few months. He''s taken a liking to me asking for private shows. He lives alone a few blocks down from the club with a golden retriever named Cole, he has a job at the cubs stadium as an accountant.

Andy was the one who likes it rough though, I wished I could avoid him I can't though he's here every night all night, it's unavoidable that he will ask for a private show, he pays generously to so they always grant him as long as he wants. Andy's a big dude weighing around 250 he's not fat he's built, he's tall he works out. He's strong and he's proud of the fact that he measure's at almost 7.12 when he's erect. Al I know is that he hurts.

Tonight was no different well in one way it was he brought a friend with him, his friend was just as big just as drunk as he was Rebeka is smiling as she leads them both over when I come off stage. I know what that smile means she whispers into my ear. " _I'll forgive your lateness Queen if you make me make these gentlemen happy they've paid for_ _close to a million dollars_ _you give them all night, I'll make it worth your while"_

She's my boss I can't argue, I won't win anyway so I smile extending my hands to them as I swing my hips. " _Follow me gentlemen"_

Every private room is built with sound proof walls so no one can hear what goes on inside. Andy loves to role play every time is different that night he wanted to play pirates of course I was the booty.

When he's around I try my hardest to black out everything I think of the happiest places the warmest places the places furthest away from cold Chicago. Places like Aurba a place I hear is always warm with gorgeous blue water that you can see the bottom of the sea.

" _So who's your friend?"_

He smiles at me " _My names is pretty memorable I'm Mr. Wang"_ He grabs my ass pulling me down spreading my legs, " _I promise that you'll remember me"_

Promises why don't adults get it? Promises were made to be broken, I should know every promises that has ever been made to me has broken off a little piece of me each time. It explains why I am so broken.

 **The Next Morning**

" _Get up Erin your going to school"_

I had barley touched my pillow what was she talking about? How much crack had she smoked? I hadn't been to school in over a year why start now? I didn't even bother to open my eyes better to let crazy talk itself to death.

Nope not happening she was on some strong ass shit this time because she grabbed my hair yanking me up. " _Didn't you hear me bitch? I said your going to school"_ Now I was pissed off I had just gotten in less than two hours ago my whole lower region hurt like a blow touch had been set off in it, Andy and Wang had been super rough wanting every position taking turns.

Charlie was standing beside her " _Let her get her bearings Bunny she has been working all night, where's my money Queen?"_ Slowly shaking out my confusion and exhaustion I pull out a wad of cash from my underwear it's soaked which he grunts about than he grins licking it. God he's so gross sometimes, " _Taste Juicy baby I think I need to have a little of that sweet juice before you head off today_ _Bunny go make her something to eat"_

Charlie pulls me into the shower undressing me as he lifts me up spreading my legs around his lower half. My head leans against his chest as I feel him inside of me my breathing fast hard as he kisses my body. I know what he is doing is wrong on so many levels but he's a good man he provides for me. Not to mention he's really handsome.

" _Erin you know money is starting to get tight around here right baby?"_ I can't really answer my chest hurts from how hard he is thrusting inside of me " _Baby I love how I make you speechless so I will assume you understand what I am saying you don't have to answer"_ Thank god cause I can't he keeps talking " _I've done my best to provide for your family but now I need a little help from you"_

" _I've got you enrolled in a good school, you start today I need you to seek out kids, you'll know what to look for, we need more help around here Erin, if I can get more bodies, maybe you can get some time off"_

I don't need him to say anymore I get it suddenly I feel sick but I nod I have to play my part he can't suspect anything or I'm as good as dead. In school I usually try to blend in now I can't.

I'm not sure what Charlie's definition of a good school is, but this ain't it, the walls are decaying, there's graffiti everywhere, kids are chain smoking right in front of the school, teachers aren't doing anything about it.

I caught three couples doing it in three different places. There's not enough books for each student, ten minutes into school there was a fight the police had to break up. My eyes scan every kid in every class this will take time, I don't expect to find kids right away. I have to feel them out. If I had help of course it would be easier.

" _My names is pretty memorable I'm Mr. Wang"_ " _I promise that you'll remember me"_

My feet stay frozen when I enter American Lit there standing at the board is Mr. Wang I can't breathe I can't swallow. " _Erin so that's your real name"_ I feel dizzy the room is closing in, than I take a breath it's perfect.

" _So I guess your good at keeping secrets huh?"_ He smiles pulling me into a closet I have ten minutes before class starts. _"I am but something tells me you are as well?" "I am so why don't we make a deal?"_

" _What kind of deal baby?"_ His hand is in my lower region which has grown wet, why I have no idea. _"You help me find my clients the younger the more innocent the better, I'll give you whatever you want free of charge unless of course you didn't like what you got"_

" _Oh baby you know I loved it, I loved it so much I want more right now"_

" _Class will start soon"_

" _Learn to live dangerously Erin"_

" _So we have a deal?"_

" _We do and I have some of the perfect kids you'll melt over how innocent they look but how wild they are just like you sweet tiger"_

Charlie may kill me for offering myself for free but it's the only way I can get this thing rolling. The faster we move the sooner I can bring him down. The earlier I get free.


	73. Chapter 73

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

" _Erin I know this hasn't been easy on you, you've been a champ though these kids you've sought out they will make us lots of money, which will make all of our lives so much easier"_

Charlie's words still linger in my head as loud as they had when they came out of his mouth last night, when he took me to dinner just the two of us. Afterwards we had walked in the park hand in hand looking like any normal teenage couple.

He kissed me in the moonlight gently sweetly we weren't high we hadn't been drinking we were sober as popped strawberries in my mouth. Cuddling me on the blanket holding me his arms wrapped around my stomach his mouth kissing and sucking on my neck as I giggled.

Someone thought we were so cute they asked us if it was okay to snap a picture which Charlie happily said yes to, the camera was one of those polarized ones so we got to see the picture instantly.

" _I feel like I barely know you though Charlie I mean you know so much about me"_

" _Lets fix that babe"_

" _How? I'm not talking sex Charlie"_

" _I wasn't either Erin I mean I'll take it always but I meant your right you should know more about me besides how hard I am for you right now"_

" _What would you like to know about me?"_

" _How old are you?"_

" _I'm 18 I'm from Lancaster PA my family grew up next to an Amish farm"_

" _What's Amish?"_

" _Amish are people who live a lifestyle called Old Order they don't use electricity, they live off the land they live_ _simple and non-materialistic, with horse-powered vehicles a slow daily pace._ _They call us English or worldly people"_

" _You weren't raised Amish though?"_

" _No but we might as well been my family was poor my dad had a drinking problem he drank away most of our money, so I went to work for the family next to me."_

" _They paid little but they were_ _nice enough"_

" _What about your mom?"_

" _She was weak she was afraid to stand up to my dad he had a bad temper, she spent most of her days popping anti-depression pills which just knocked her out"_

" _Sounds awful Charlie"_

" _It was babe"_ He kissed me strong passionately pushing me down on the blanket. I couldn't stop the gasp as I felt him press against me he was so hard, my nipples reacted to his kisses as he took off my shirt.

" _It made me who I am today though, it made me strong ruthless when I need to be, yet it taught me how to treat a women"_

His hands slide up my skirt as he kissed me stopping any gasps as his fingers slide inside of me. " _Erin you've been so strong I love how you've stood by me babe I can't thank you enough, your more than I deserve your beautiful, strong wise even at 15, you have more wisdom than most grown ass women running this business"_

" _I love you Erin"_ He slide inside of me using the blanket as a cover his mouth fully cemented over mine so I couldn't scream. Wrapping my arms tighter around his neck I slide my legs further apart allowing him better access I was so aroused I wanted him so bad his story broke my heart we were so alike. " _Make love to me Charlie please don't stop"_

" _I won't Erin I'm just so glad you trust me"_

Trust that was a word being thrown around at me so much lately who should I trust though? Voight said I could trust him, Charlie said I could trust him. What has Voight done to earn my trust? He's feed me he's kept me out of jail but is it just till he gets what he wants? How do I know he's for real? I mean he's never hurt me.

Charlie he's done some bad things but for good reasons, he's helped me deal with the pain maybe not in the best ways but it's all we know. He's had a rough life we both have, I thought he was being honest. Than when we got home he told me to wait in his room while he showered.

I started looking for a condom we haven't been using protection which scares me a little. I don't want to get pregnant again. That's when I found the box opening it I figured it was the perfect place to keep condoms except it wasn't condoms I found it was underwear my heart squeezed shut. Grabbing the phone Voight gave me I snapped a picture sending it than earing the photo. There were five of them all little which made me sick. These were kids not teens. They were too young to understand.

" _You did great Erin, now I need you to do something else"_

" _What is it Officer Voight?"_

He slipped me a sandwich " _I have five identical underwear here exchange them for the ones in the box, use these gloves so your fingerprints stay off them"_

" _If I get caught he'll kill me"_

" _You won't Erin your tough I know you can do this your smart stay calm stay focused"_

I wished I had his confidence in my abilities I ate the sandwich my stomach doing flip flops.

" _Charlie and Nick are bad men they need to be brought down"_

" _He's a teenager Officer Voight he's just doing what he had to to make it out"_

" _Teenager Erin how old do you think Charlie is?"_

" _He's 18: I know that's an adult but it's not like that just because your legally old enough to be declared an adult doesn't mean you atomically have all the answers"_

" _Erin he's not 18 he's 26 he's from Detroit he served ten years in federal prison for rape of a minor child"_

" _He was convicted at 18 and sent to jail for ten years he just got out five months ago, now he's up to his same old tricks"_

Voights words hung inside my brain mixed with Charlie's who should I believe? My head was spinning as I walked down the Alley. I was so distracted I didn't see the hand grab me till my face was slammed against the brick wall, a low menacing voice growled in my ears as I felt my skirt shoved up.

" _Talking to the cops Erin not a smart move"_ Nick's voice filled me fear as I felt him force himself inside of me. Screaming didn't help we were hidden in the shadows of the buildings as night came upon us. No one lingered in these alleys after dark.

His fist connected with my face before I could even know what was happening. When I woke up I was on the floor in the apartment naked. Nick was on top of me pain tearing through my whole body. Charlie was watching waiting for his turn which he took whispering in my ears. " _You've been a bad girl Erin I'm disappointed but you'll learn, all bad girls get punished than they apologize and promise to to better"_

Rape..

That's what Hank called it.. Punishment that's what Charlie said it was I was a bad girl bad kids needed to be punished.

What was it really? Did I even know anymore? I laid there not having the energy to fight him anymore. Did it matter anyway?

" _Do You have any dignity left any pride?"_

The question seemed fair enough if it was coming out of any one else's mouth. Not the mouth of a well known drug lord on the corner of 15th and Cherry. I paused before I answered.

Everyday was the same I shoot up just to get numb H was amazing. Than I'd strip for hours usually so high I didn't even know where I was. Afterwards they had a line of clients for me to please. When I was done with them, Charlie, Requiem, Taser and I would please each other. Some nights he wanted to have fun so he'd make me have sex with J-Lu who always felt horrible about it. She was so sensitive about her body that I knew she hated having male gentile she hated using it but she hated hurting me more.

Some night she literately cried begging Charlie to not do this. " _Please I don't want to hurt her, please just leave me alone"_ Charlie would just laugh and push her on top of me she would cry asking why over and over? _"_ _C_ _an't I use a condom at least?" "No I want to hear her scream I want to see it natural"_ I hated seeing her like this. So we helped each other do another shoot of whatever shit he had laying around. It numbed us enough to get through it all.

During the days after school we'd still study at the Library which is where I found the most peace. I would read, write. I could waste all day there, free of Charlie and his demands.

Chameleon was thriving growing quicker each day, however it didn't stop me from worrying. He was almost 14 now, if he didn't get off the streets soon. He'd be lost forever. I was thinking more and more about what Hank had said. " _Kids are resilient they can over come anything with love, support, as long as their alive"_ How much longer could he make it? Boys had it rougher than girls out here soon he'd be too old to be cute anymore. 

Sitting next to me I let my eyes wonder over his body. Smiling I ruffled his hair as I picked up my pen. I stared at Requiem wondering about her family that were here, did they exist or was it a lie he told me?

The library was a great place to look for kids it's where she found most of her victims as I started calling them. I know she hated this lifestyle yet she felt trapped was she though? She had options it sounded like did I owe her the chance to get to know them? Maybe she had no idea they were searching.

I watched as she pointed to a young boy maybe about 13 nodding I felt bad for him he had no idea what was about to happen. She approached him smiling with Chameleon who started talking about video games and baseball noticing his jersey after five minutes they lead him to a bathroom where I met them locking the door.

I learned quickly his name was Steven he was 13 the day he stopped being a kid when I took his virginity. He didn't scream he didn't even try to stop me he's a boy so he thought he was lucky to score. He never felt me slip the needle into his neck he was too high off the fact he was getting laid.

When we brought him home to Charlie I took him into the room laying him on the bed Charlie and Nick were getting ready which gave me five minutes to set up the camera inside the table lamp, grab the panties exchange them and get out.

We went to work afterwards nights when Charlie and Nick were working like this allowed us a few hours free after the club. Even though we had guards watching us we still got to spend some time by ourselves.

We usually went to Quilted Unity Mimi was always glad to see us she didn't serve alcohol to anyone under 21 but didn't stop us from bringing it in either. After the night we had we were drinking just to forget. J-Lu was beyond drunk at one point she grabbed me pulling me into her arms she was really starting to crumble which scared me.

" _I_ _need to tell you something"_

" _You can tell me anything"_

" _I'm positive Erin I have HIV you need to get tested"_

That's the beauty of drugs and the scary reality is when your on them, your not you, they speak for you, think for you, numb you and make you do shit you'd never do sober.

That's why so many of us take them, you don't think about having unprotected sex with two men you've never met or about making out with your girlfriend while they watch and get off. You don't stop of think about the fact that the other girl your having sex with was just diagnosed with HIV, because your too strung out to think or care. Maybe J-Lu did care but it didn't matter in the end because she still had sex with me.

Or as Voight would say she raped me. Pulling her close I kissed her which shocked her I couldn't be mad at her not after what I had just done. I raped a 13 year old boy and probably passed HIV on to him.

So when someone asks me if I have any dignity left any pride? I just look em dead in the eye and laugh. " _If you have to ask than I guess your just as lost as I am"_


	74. Chapter 74

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

" _Erin I know this hasn't been easy on you, you've been a champ though these kids you've sought out they will make us lots of money, which will make all of our lives so much easier"_

Charlie's words still linger in my head as loud as they had when they came out of his mouth last night, when he took me to dinner just the two of us. Afterwards we had walked in the park hand in hand looking like any normal teenage couple.

He kissed me in the moonlight gently sweetly we weren't high we hadn't been drinking we were sober as popped strawberries in my mouth. Cuddling me on the blanket holding me his arms wrapped around my stomach his mouth kissing and sucking on my neck as I giggled.

Someone thought we were so cute they asked us if it was okay to snap a picture which Charlie happily said yes to, the camera was one of those polarized ones so we got to see the picture instantly.

" _I feel like I barely know you though Charlie I mean you know so much about me"_

" _Lets fix that babe"_

" _How? I'm not talking sex Charlie"_

" _I wasn't either Erin I mean I'll take it always but I meant your right you should know more about me besides how hard I am for you right now"_

" _What would you like to know about me?"_

" _How old are you?"_

" _I'm 18 I'm from Lancaster PA my family grew up next to an Amish farm"_

" _What's Amish?"_

" _Amish are people who live a lifestyle called Old Order they don't use electricity, they live off the land they live_ _simple and non-materialistic, with horse-powered vehicles a slow daily pace._ _They call us English or worldly people"_

" _You weren't raised Amish though?"_

" _No but we might as well been my family was poor my dad had a drinking problem he drank away most of our money, so I went to work for the family next to me."_

" _They paid little but they were_ _nice enough"_

" _What about your mom?"_

" _She was weak she was afraid to stand up to my dad he had a bad temper, she spent most of her days popping anti-depression pills which just knocked her out"_

" _Sounds awful Charlie"_

" _It was babe"_ He kissed me strong passionately pushing me down on the blanket. I couldn't stop the gasp as I felt him press against me he was so hard, my nipples reacted to his kisses as he took off my shirt.

" _It made me who I am today though, it made me strong ruthless when I need to be, yet it taught me how to treat a women"_

His hands slide up my skirt as he kissed me stopping any gasps as his fingers slide inside of me. " _Erin you've been so strong I love how you've stood by me babe I can't thank you enough, your more than I deserve your beautiful, strong wise even at 15, you have more wisdom than most grown ass women running this business"_

" _I love you Erin"_ He slide inside of me using the blanket as a cover his mouth fully cemented over mine so I couldn't scream. Wrapping my arms tighter around his neck I slide my legs further apart allowing him better access I was so aroused I wanted him so bad his story broke my heart we were so alike. " _Make love to me Charlie please don't stop"_

" _I won't Erin I'm just so glad you trust me"_

Trust that was a word being thrown around at me so much lately who should I trust though? Voight said I could trust him, Charlie said I could trust him. What has Voight done to earn my trust? He's feed me he's kept me out of jail but is it just till he gets what he wants? How do I know he's for real? I mean he's never hurt me.

Charlie he's done some bad things but for good reasons, he's helped me deal with the pain maybe not in the best ways but it's all we know. He's had a rough life we both have, I thought he was being honest. Than when we got home he told me to wait in his room while he showered.

I started looking for a condom we haven't been using protection which scares me a little. I don't want to get pregnant again. That's when I found the box opening it I figured it was the perfect place to keep condoms except it wasn't condoms I found it was underwear my heart squeezed shut. Grabbing the phone Voight gave me I snapped a picture sending it than earing the photo. There were five of them all little which made me sick. These were kids not teens. They were too young to understand.

" _You did great Erin, now I need you to do something else"_

" _What is it Officer Voight?"_

He slipped me a sandwich " _I have five identical underwear here exchange them for the ones in the box, use these gloves so your fingerprints stay off them"_

" _If I get caught he'll kill me"_

" _You won't Erin your tough I know you can do this your smart stay calm stay focused"_

I wished I had his confidence in my abilities I ate the sandwich my stomach doing flip flops.

" _Charlie and Nick are bad men they need to be brought down"_

" _He's a teenager Officer Voight he's just doing what he had to to make it out"_

" _Teenager Erin how old do you think Charlie is?"_

" _He's 18: I know that's an adult but it's not like that just because your legally old enough to be declared an adult doesn't mean you atomically have all the answers"_

" _Erin he's not 18 he's 26 he's from Detroit he served ten years in federal prison for rape of a minor child"_

" _He was convicted at 18 and sent to jail for ten years he just got out five months ago, now he's up to his same old tricks"_

Voights words hung inside my brain mixed with Charlie's who should I believe? My head was spinning as I walked down the Alley. I was so distracted I didn't see the hand grab me till my face was slammed against the brick wall, a low menacing voice growled in my ears as I felt my skirt shoved up.

" _Talking to the cops Erin not a smart move"_ Nick's voice filled me fear as I felt him force himself inside of me. Screaming didn't help we were hidden in the shadows of the buildings as night came upon us. No one lingered in these alleys after dark.

His fist connected with my face before I could even know what was happening. When I woke up I was on the floor in the apartment naked. Nick was on top of me pain tearing through my whole body. Charlie was watching waiting for his turn which he took whispering in my ears. " _You've been a bad girl Erin I'm disappointed but you'll learn, all bad girls get punished than they apologize and promise to to better"_

Rape..

That's what Hank called it.. Punishment that's what Charlie said it was I was a bad girl bad kids needed to be punished.

What was it really? Did I even know anymore? I laid there not having the energy to fight him anymore. Did it matter anyway?

" _Do You have any dignity left any pride?"_

The question seemed fair enough if it was coming out of any one else's mouth. Not the mouth of a well known drug lord on the corner of 15th and Cherry. I paused before I answered.

Everyday was the same I shoot up just to get numb H was amazing. Than I'd strip for hours usually so high I didn't even know where I was. Afterwards they had a line of clients for me to please. When I was done with them, Charlie, Requiem, Taser and I would please each other. Some nights he wanted to have fun so he'd make me have sex with J-Lu who always felt horrible about it. She was so sensitive about her body that I knew she hated having male gentile she hated using it but she hated hurting me more.

Some night she literately cried begging Charlie to not do this. " _Please I don't want to hurt her, please just leave me alone"_ Charlie would just laugh and push her on top of me she would cry asking why over and over? _"_ _C_ _an't I use a condom at least?" "No I want to hear her scream I want to see it natural"_ I hated seeing her like this. So we helped each other do another shoot of whatever shit he had laying around. It numbed us enough to get through it all.

During the days after school we'd still study at the Library which is where I found the most peace. I would read, write. I could waste all day there, free of Charlie and his demands.

Chameleon was thriving growing quicker each day, however it didn't stop me from worrying. He was almost 14 now, if he didn't get off the streets soon. He'd be lost forever. I was thinking more and more about what Hank had said. " _Kids are resilient they can over come anything with love, support, as long as their alive"_ How much longer could he make it? Boys had it rougher than girls out here soon he'd be too old to be cute anymore. 

Sitting next to me I let my eyes wonder over his body. Smiling I ruffled his hair as I picked up my pen. I stared at Requiem wondering about her family that were here, did they exist or was it a lie he told me?

The library was a great place to look for kids it's where she found most of her victims as I started calling them. I know she hated this lifestyle yet she felt trapped was she though? She had options it sounded like did I owe her the chance to get to know them? Maybe she had no idea they were searching.

I watched as she pointed to a young boy maybe about 13 nodding I felt bad for him he had no idea what was about to happen. She approached him smiling with Chameleon who started talking about video games and baseball noticing his jersey after five minutes they lead him to a bathroom where I met them locking the door.

I learned quickly his name was Steven he was 13 the day he stopped being a kid when I took his virginity. He didn't scream he didn't even try to stop me he's a boy so he thought he was lucky to score. He never felt me slip the needle into his neck he was too high off the fact he was getting laid.

When we brought him home to Charlie I took him into the room laying him on the bed Charlie and Nick were getting ready which gave me five minutes to set up the camera inside the table lamp, grab the panties exchange them and get out.

We went to work afterwards nights when Charlie and Nick were working like this allowed us a few hours free after the club. Even though we had guards watching us we still got to spend some time by ourselves.

We usually went to Quilted Unity Mimi was always glad to see us she didn't serve alcohol to anyone under 21 but didn't stop us from bringing it in either. After the night we had we were drinking just to forget. J-Lu was beyond drunk at one point she grabbed me pulling me into her arms she was really starting to crumble which scared me.

" _I_ _need to tell you something"_

" _You can tell me anything"_

" _I'm positive Erin I have HIV you need to get tested"_

That's the beauty of drugs and the scary reality is when your on them, your not you, they speak for you, think for you, numb you and make you do shit you'd never do sober.

That's why so many of us take them, you don't think about having unprotected sex with two men you've never met or about making out with your girlfriend while they watch and get off. You don't stop of think about the fact that the other girl your having sex with was just diagnosed with HIV, because your too strung out to think or care. Maybe J-Lu did care but it didn't matter in the end because she still had sex with me.

Or as Voight would say she raped me. Pulling her close I kissed her which shocked her I couldn't be mad at her not after what I had just done. I raped a 13 year old boy and probably passed HIV on to him.

So when someone asks me if I have any dignity left any pride? I just look em dead in the eye and laugh. " _If you have to ask than I guess your just as lost as I am"_


	75. Chapter 75

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

" _How stupid are you?"_

Charlie's hand slapped Chameleon across his face harder than he's ever slapped any of us before. Chameleon was backed up against the wall trying to defend himself but Nick held him even as strong as Chameleon is he was no match for Charlie, Nick. My heart was beating hard in my chest. My mom was holding me so I couldn't attack Charlie, Requiem, Taser, J-Lu were all out it was just the five of us.

" _Don't get involved in this Erin it's between them he's the stupid one who let himself get jumped and lost the profits"_

" _He's my friend he was standing up for me when the pig tried to rape me"_

" _Than your just as stupid let the man have his way with you as long as you hold the drugs who gives a shit"_

" _Those of us who enjoy not being raped"_

" _Will teach you Chameleon what happens to little bitches that can't hold their own"_

" _What have I told you about this Chameleon?"_

" _To be smarter and faster"_

" _Were you?"_

He hung his head fighting back tears as blow after blow came at him. " _Take it like a man not a little…._

" _Why don't you try to be a man!"_

Nick's hands wrapped around his neck I saw him getting blue I couldn't take it anymore, kicking my mom in her stomach I charged Nick knocking him against the entertainment center which went crashing. _"Real men don't hit little kids"_

Grabbing Chameleon I ran not stopping as Charlie screamed for me trying to jump over the center. We took off breathing hard running down the hall the steps Charlie chasing us screaming, shoving people out of the way. Somehow we made it just as the buss pulled up to the corner shoving him on I grabbed a handful of dollars out of my coat.

Never say stripping doesn't pay. We rode for a while before I made the choice for him. He was half asleep when we got off the bus so he didn't question why we were at the police station. When we got inside, I almost lost my nerve cops made me want to crawl out of my skin.

" _Erin?"_

I turned to see Officer Platt standing there. Swallowing I nodded " _Is Officer Voight here?"_

" _Yes can I help you?"_

" _No I really need to see him please before I…_

She seemed to get where I was going she ushered us right up stairs. He stood up as he saw us come in coming over to us. " _Erin where have you been? I've been so worried when "I'm sorry I just I ..." "Erin it's okay you don't have to say are you okay?"_

" _I'm fine"_

" _Do you have some new information?"_

" _No"_

" _What can I help you with than?"_

So many questions my head was spinning I was feeling weak. Sighing I asked for a chair which Officer Platt got for me. She handed me a water bottle as well as one for Chameleon.

" _He can't stay here anymore he needs to go home"_

Chameleon jumped up now getting fully why we were here. Anger pulsed through him his fists clenched shut. " _Erin you know I can't do that!"_

" _Yes you can Charlie, your the one out of all of us who can go home what happened to you was not your fault, you were kidnapped you've done everything since escaping out of fear, shame, you can go home have a normal life"_

" _My parents will"_

" _Love you protect you smoother you"_

" _Erin it doesn't work that way"_

" _Sometimes it does kid"_ Hank's voice startled us all he gently took Charlie's hands leading him down again.

" _I've contacted you're parents, Erin asked me to awhile ago, they love you their so relieved that your alive they want you home Charlie"_

Something changed inside of him at that moment. " _Really?"_

" _Yes Charlie we do"_

We were all stunned to see a man and woman come racing in from another room. They held their arms open, Chameleon looked to us than to them. I nodded biting my lip he raced to me hugging me. " _Thank you Queen thank you so much" "Your welcome kid"_ I squeezed his hand.

" _Do me a favor go home and don't ever look back race as far as you can from here" "Erin take care of yourself"_

" _Always"_

I watched as he ran into his parents arms all three of them crying happy tears. I wished I had someone who cared enough about me to be happy enough to see that I was safe. Standing up I felt myself get chocked up.


	76. Chapter 76

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin Lindsay**

" _I can't believe you just gave up your baby like that, I'd never let anyone take my kid"_

Annie's words cut through Requiem's high as she shot her head up glaring at Annie " _You've never been pregnant homeless and afraid so shut up bitch cause you have no idea what it's like"_

" _I do know I am pregnant but I'm smarter than you I found a man better than Charlie he's going to get me out of this hell we're getting married and he's going to raise our baby together, I'd never let my child out of my sight god knows who has your kid"_

" _God knows exactly"_

" _Bitch you crazy"_

" _You're pregnant Annie?"_

She looked down scared quickly glancing around to make sure no one else heard, the apartment was filled now Charlie, Mom were having some wild party all the grownups were drinking, smoking shooting up. J-Lu was laying back smoking a pipe as our three newest editions were curled up in the corner. 12 year old Nicki, 11 year old Amalee, 13 y.o Steven.

" _I am, I'm keeping my baby we're going to have a good life unlike her child who's probably in some dingy foster home the ward of the state where he'll be raped by the time he's five passed on from home to home"_

" _Shut-up you ignorant bitch you ain't got no idea what your talking about, my child's safe"_

" _Dream on you have no idea where your child is"_

" _I do know he's with his dad he's with Luke"_

My heart broke for her she was so high she thought Luke had come for her kid. Pulling her close I held her. " _I'm not crazy Erin that girl who helped us that night her name was Peyton"_

" _I know babe"_

" _No you don't she was the Peyton my Peyton that other girl the one who called me Brooke"_

Penny my mind flashed back to that night yeah how did she know her real name? I hadn't even known it back than.

" _Her name is Haley James she's one of my best friends she was shot helping me, they were in Chicago looking for me now she's dead, I can't go back ever "_ She started crying harder so I held her as it all clicked inside my head what Voight said about her family, why she was so sure her son was safe.

" _I know Peyton and Luke will raise him right I know Karen will be there he's safe, I just can't ever watch him grow up"_

She cried through most of the night till she fell asleep curled up against Taser who had been helping the younger kids get high so it wouldn't hurt as much when Nick came in. Annie was watching the whole scene while rubbing her stomach I got up having to pee badly going to her. I was more worried about her than Requiem right now.

" _Who is this man?"_

" _Where did you meet him?"_

" _His name is Standford he's really sweet Erin we meet at the bar two months ago, he's not from here he's on business, he comes twice a week, I'm leaving with him tomorrow come with us"_

" _I can't you know I can't"_

" _You won't Erin cause your in love with Charlie he's bad news though"_

" _He's confused Annie"_

" _No he's bad news Erin wake up"_

Nick's entrance stopped all conversation I headed to the bathroom but Nick stopped me grinning. " _Where do you think your going?"_

" _Bathroom going to watch me pee to?"_

" _Maybe some other time"_ He slapped my ass as I passed I heard him unzipper as the kids winced. " _Tonight I have other plans let's go Requiem bring me the first dollar sign"_

Closing the door I heard Amalee scream as I sat on the toilet my breathing hard as I thought about what she was going through. Pain burned through my lower half as I emptied myself fighting back the tears. When I wiped I felt my breath catch was that blood?

All night Nick took turns with the kids and with Requiem and I something was going on with my body I felt it, every move was painful so painful my breasts felt tender even when he wasn't on them. I couldn't be pregnant not again.

By the next morning I was so sore I didn't want to get up but I had to when I managed to swing my legs off the mattress which was filled with naked bodies all pressed against one another my legs felt weak and I saw blood dried and fresh pooling down my legs. Along with some other liquid which smelled horrible I knew instantly what had happened.

Color filled my face as J-Lu shock her head " _Oh honey your a hot mess you should stay home today"_

" _I can't I have to go to school, one more kid J-Lu. I am so close than maybe our lives will be easier"_

" _You know that isn't true Erin"_

I smiled slipping into my jeans where was my underwear? Oh well who cares I was freezing so I slipped on a sweater wondering where my bra was. Going out to the living room it was in worse shape grownups passed out bottles broken and thrown everywhere. Needles and blunts all littered the room some of the people were naked. I went through most of them looking for change.

" _Erin sweetie where are you going?"_

My Mom's voice caught my ear as I turned she was stumbling laughing drunk. She needed to freshen up sighing I grabbed her " _You need a shower lets go" "No I like where I am get off of me"_

" _Mom stop you need to sober up"_

" _I am.. ._ Before I knew it she threw up on me I was so grossed out but had no time to clean up no clean clothes so I shoved her off going to the sink grabbing paper towels trying not to gasp at how horrible it smelled.

" _I'm sorry baby"_ she tried to touch my face I shoved her back " _Get off me your disgusting all I want is to go to school"_

Her hand slapped me hard as she shoved me back into the wall my head slammed hard making me dizzy.

" _Your an idiot Erin Charlie isn't sending you to school to learn he's sending you to get girls, your not smart enough to make decent grades so give it up"_

As drunk as she was I was able to push her back but when I did she slipped her bottle crashing into my chest cutting me spilling all her beer onto me. God now I smelled of beer and vomit gross.

I didn't stop I just ran when would this end?

Keeping a low profile I got through the stares the whispers the comments about how gross I was how I smelled, no one dared to touch me of course. It took everything inside me now to cry.

I bit my lip I buried my head in my hands I read anything to keep myself from opening my mouth If I talked I would lose it. I was doing okay till my history teacher pulled me aside. " _Erin your one of my brightest students I know how smart you are I hate to see you throw it away"_

Hope filled me and fear did she suspect? If she did would she call CPS? Would this be a good thing? A bad thing? " _Erin it's okay to admit if you need help?"_

I started to open my mouth if I told though what would happen to me? Would Voight help me or would he be mad I blew his case?

" _If you have a drinking problem there's help"_

I was stunned into silence wait she thought I had a drinking issue? Looking down on my self I guess I could see why she thought so no adult wants to admit that another adult would hurt a child, that they missed the signs.

" _Admit you have a problem Erin I'll get you help but if you stay silent than I have no choice to report you to the police"_

She left me no choice but to admit to her that I had an issue. I never felt so alone or so ashamed as I did in that moment. I wasn't the one who needed help I was the one being hurt and once again no one saw it.


	77. Chapter 77

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Erin**

" _Queen help me!"_

Annie's screams only made my feet pound against the pavement harder my vision was blurry at best given that it was dark and rainy. I saw him though grabbing her head slamming it against the wall with one hand while his other held a gun to her stomach just as I came around the corner, blood so much blood was pouring down her face, her arms, legs her skirt was down to her ankles he threw her against the ground. I couldn't make out his words his accent was too strong, my head was pounding hard as I ran up she was struggling to grab the gun from his hand. He slapped her so hard she lost blacked out.

I was on him in minutes my own gun in hand " _Get off of her you sick piece of shit"_ I didn't see him so much as flinch so I fired hitting him in his leg. His yelp indicted he was hit but it didn't stop him from charging me fast knocking me off balance the barrel of his gun slamming me against my face knocking me down.

He was on top of me before I knew what was happening grinning as he pinned me down pushing up my skirt _"Two for the price of one perfect"_ I struggled to get out from under him but I was powerless.

 **Bang**

Annie shot him twice as he fell on top of me she started to panic " _Oh my god he's dead what do we do. Erin I'm so sorry I honestly thought he was being true, I thought he wanted to start a new life I.._

" _Shh Annie we don't have time it's going to be daylight soon we need to hurry"_

I came up with a plan quickly where to bury the body we moved fast but not fast enough. " _You thought you were slick huh Queen, you should know by now no one puts one past Charlie"_


	78. Chapter 78

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Hank Voight**

" _I have to hand it to Charlie even as sick as the dude is this is a perfect front"_

" _A teen drug rehab meeting vulnerable hurting teens, most of who want to get high, who have no money perfect for their operation."_

Lauren helped me mic up tonight was the night we would take them down for good. Nerves were running high all around. My fight with Camille still ringing in my head from last night.

" _What do you see in her Hank? I see a million teens like her everyday, she can't change, she refuses, she's too caught up in this game"_

" _She's a kid Camille she has a chance"_

" _No Hank she blew her chances the next time she's going down for good, mark my words there will be a next time"_

" _What happened to you Camille? You use to care about these kids"_

" _I do care hank I'm just not blinded by some Disney movie, I live in their reality every day, I see how these gangs, these drugs dealers these pimps get a hold of these kids"_

" _It's not pretty Hank, their too far gone to be saved you know it you see the same shit I do everyday so why her Hank?"_

How could I tell my wife that it wasn't just about saving this girl. That it was something more? That a part of me felt reasonable for how her life had turned out. She had no idea that I knew Barbara for years.

That Barbara Erin's Mom and I had gone to college together that we had been lovers. She had been smart pretty one of the happiest kids I knew, she was shy when we first meet sheltered. I was a football player big strong popular, I brought her into the world of parting booze. I convinced her to take her first drink she had never even had beer at 20 years old.

She had ambition back then she wanted to be a lawyer she was always studying. While I was parting riding the high waves of Football glory. I was on my way to the NFL till that night, we had been partying hard drinking, we'd driven away from the party to a place called Little Rock where most kids went to get high or laid.

I was too drunk too drive yet I was too much of an airhead to say so. So of course the cops caught us. Barbara thought quickly she changed places with me. When we were pulled over the cops gave her a sobriety test which she failed.

She was arrested she was kicked out of college while I got to keep my spot go on to win the national championship. I was drafted by the NFL but my dreams ended when I blew out my knee. Even with physical therapy it was never the same.

We lost contact after that night my parents wanted me to stay away from her they believed she was the bad influence.

Of course being young, cocky and needing their money I went along with it. I heard she started partying harder after her parents kicked her out. Hooking up with a boy from town who was a known drug dealer.

Maybe if I had been a man back then stepped up taken the wrap for what I did, maybe she would've gone on to have a successful career. Maybe Erin's life wouldn't be complete hell.

I didn't though so now I was here watching as her daughter went down the same dangerous road that will kill her mom someday. I'll be dammed if I watch Erin die in these streets.

Camille was still pissed at Erin about Justin's near overdose. Swallowing I tried to find the words to tell her why Erin was so important. I couldn't seem to find them then Justin came running in laughing flying an airplane above his head. He wasn't watching where he was going so he tripped instantly crying. She raced over scooping him up soothing his tears.

" _Because of you Camille"_

She gave me a look like don't even try that move Hank. So I explained. " _Erin has no one Camille. No Mom to soothe her tears, no dad to protect her innocence her dignity her virtual, you have the purist of hearts if this was any other kid you would say they need forgiveness, your mad because she sold to Justin, if you can get past that remember that he is fine, he has learned his lesson because you were there to protect him guide him, scare the shit out of him. If you can warm your heart towards Erin open your arms I honestly believe we can change the course of her life"_

She didn't see it my way we haven't talked since last night but it wasn't going to stop me I had a job to do and if it took my last breath I was getting these girls out alive. Being on the outside I couldn't see what was happening but I heard every word including the call of " _10-13 shots fired at the police send backup_! From Trudy.

In an Instance everything happened so fast Charlie came out holding a gun to Erin's head screaming at us as he dragged her towards a van. " _Get back or she dies!" "Snitches get stitches this bitch ain't gonna make it to no hospital to get stitches"_

" _Take it easy keep your head Hank"_ Lauren whispered as we inched our way through the dark wet streets towards the neon flashing building, I saw fear in Erin's eyes as she stared at me. " _Erin breathe he won't hurt you"_

" _Shut up Voight you have no idea what I will do"_

" _Yes I do Charlie because I know your smart smart enough to know that if you kill a child you will face a death sentence"_

" _Erin trust me I will get you out of here alive"_

Trust was not something Erin gave easily but I kept her eyes locked with mine I kept Charlie talking as Dawson got the jump on him from behind. " _Drop the gun let her go or I blow your brains out of your head, I'll do it I swear"_

Charlie's teeth gritted as he shoved Erin hard I raced to her grabbing her as her body shock in my arms. I felt her grip my arms tightly her chest heaving as she took in what had just happened.

" _Your under arrest you piece of scum"_

Dawson threw Charlie against the car cuffing him as I held Erin close. After a few minutes I pulled her away to kiss her face. " _Lauren" "I got this Hank do what you want just make sure he lives to face charges"_

" _I got this Lauren"_

Grabbing Charlie I dragged him away from the rest of the crowd as his head whipped back to Lauren's. " _This man's crazy you can't let him do this" "He's under me I can let him do what I tell him to do which is what he is doing"_

Shoving Charlie down onto the street of the alleyway I kicked him in his stomach over, over again before pulling him up slamming his face against the wall taking my gun and slamming it over his head. " _If you get out of these Charges Charlie you will leave town and_ _n_ _ever contact Erin again or I promise you won't live to regret it"_

Shots rung out I heard another 10-13 grabbing him I threw him to the cruiser as I took in the scene. Nick had been handcuffed inside the building had now broken free using the cuffs to stab an officer grabbing his gun pointing it at Requiem who was shielding some of the younger kids.

One of our officers driving the van sped up as Requiem shoved the kids into the van fast " _Brooke!"_

Luke's voice broke through the sounds of sirens and gunfire what the hell was he doing here? Brooke paused staring at him her mouth open this kid was going to blow the whole operation.

" _Brooke you need to come home you have nothing to be ashamed of Brooke your son needs you"_

Luke held a small toddler who was looking around confused scared as any kid should be why wasn't this kid using common sense? " _How sweet Brooke your family came to say goodbye"_

" _Say Goodbye"_

 _ **Boom!**_

The gun went off as Luke was hit in his arm the kid went flying Requiem screamed as she raced to her son as more gunfire rang out. The police started firing at Nick and his guards, Erin's scream caught my attention she threw herself over Requiem who was holding her son. Racing to her via car jumping I was one car away when I saw why Erin was screaming to protect her son Requiem took a bullet through her chest.

Erin grabbed the kid as Luke struggled to get up " _No one crosses me and lives"_ Nick aimed the gun at Erin firing several shots I couldn't move fast enough Trudy however did grabbing Erin as both took a bullet just as Dawson fired from the window of a building hitting Nick in his chest.

Clutching Erin's hand as she lay on the gurney her breathing labored face pale eyes starting to fade. My heart felt like it was going to explode she couldn't die she was too young.

" _Let me go Officer Voight please it's better just let me die"_

" _No Erin I won't your going to live you have to there's so much to live for"_

" _No there's only pain please I want to die let me you say you care show me"_


	79. Chapter 79

**Title: No Requiem**

 **P O V: Hank Voight**

 **Song: Disappear**

 **Artist: Dear Evan Hansen**

 **Date: Friday April 28th 2017**

" _ **But if you can somehow keep them thinking of me**_ _ **  
**_ _ **And make me more than an abandoned memory**_ _ **  
**_ _ **That means we matter too**_ _ **  
**_ _ **It means someone will see that you are there"**_

" _She's coding! Get the crash chart someone page Dr. Halstead!"_

My heart was racing so hard my stomach was doing so many somersaults I thought it was going for an Olympic gold medal. Blood I tasted blood Erin's blood, her hands which had only moments ago clenched mine in fear in anger in a desperate will to live. Now my hands were empty just the left over blood still dripping as a reminder. A reminder that my daughter my only child was fighting for her life in this very hospital where I had brought her home from.

My mind slowly flashed back to that day as I sank into a hard plastic chair. I knew the team was close behind me. No one said a word. I could still feel that day over 16 years ago when Erin's hand had let go of mine she was ready to die. I wasn't ready to let her go.

The room still felt as small as it did back than air seemed hard to come by. Now however there was a lot more people the whole CPD was here heads bowed. Hats off in respect whenever an officer is hurt in the line of duty they come out in waves. Even more so when it's the kid of a cop a second generation, in this case a third. Erin never got to know my dad, he would of loved her.

Back than only a handful of people showed up to care if she lived or died no mom no dad, just a few street kids, a few officers who had invested their hearts, time and energy into getting her safe.

Erin had lived back than even though she had wished she hadn't for a long time. She had recovered slowly she had been able to get up out of bed. I wheeled her down the hall so she could hold Brooke's hand as she took her last breath surrounded by Luke, Karen, Peyton, Nathan, Haley, J-Lu and her son.

I glanced up to see Jay pacing his face rigid in fear pain anger. Slowly I got up going over to him. Placing my hand on his shoulder. " _Erin's a fighter Jay she'll pull through"_ A sniffle caught my attention.

Burgess was fighting to hold back tears trying to be a strong, a tough women a police officer. Women have it so much worse in this field, Erin had never made friends easily not since leaving the streets behind. Kim was the first person she leaned on after Annie. J-Lu passed shortly after Requiem. Erin had closed herself off. Till she met Kim, they bonded over shared professions, shared love of Shawn Mendes, Chicago Cubs.

I am not an emotional person not even in my personal life so never professional but sometimes you need to break down barriers. Erin taught me that, so when I went over to hug her. I shocked myself and her, only for a moment before she sank into my arms crying.

Platt came over taking Kim from me wrapping her arms around her shoulders " _Kid lets go for coffee"_

" _Hank do you want anything?"_

Yes I want for my daughter to open her eyes for her to mouth I'll live dad. I want her life to finally have some peace, some order some sense of security. I said none of these things I just smiled shock my head no going to the window to stare out.

Everyday in Every city every town police officers, firefighters, EMT's risk their lives to save to serve to protect on duty and off. So far in 2017 we've already lost almost 100 officers in the USA alone.

Erin my sweet Erin who had worked so hard to over come her past could not be one of them. " _Hank she's out of Surgery she's asking for you"_

I bolted as soon as the words left Maggie's mouth. Jay was on my heals as fast, we passed Platt, Antonio and Burgess who followed us. I didn't have time to stop and tell them to give me privacy. I didn't have the heart they were after all family, they had risked their lives tonight as she had. Some had even risked their lives years to ago to see that she had a life today to risk.

Grabbing her hand I saw her open her eyes slowly her breathing was being made possible by a mask. I hated seeing her attached to the machines. " _Dad?"_ _"_ _I'm here baby" "Help me" "Erin what's wrong?" What do you need help with?" "Help...me..Live…stay with me"_

I leaned down kissing her forehead. _"Always kid always I'm right here till the wheels stop turning"_

 **Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed I was thinking about working on a squeal where Erin adjusts to life at the Voight household. Would anybody be interested?**


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